For context I’m a teenager with several disorders which has lead me to have extreme paranoia. Recently I found out about a philosophical phenomenon called “solipsism”, solipsism is the belief that your mind is the only thing that exists and other people and environments are an illusion made up by your imagination. The thought of this absolutely terrifies me, as while most philosophers choose to deny it, nobody can disprove it either. I keep trying to convince myself that others around me are real but the thought is lingering in the back of my head constantly. This is causing me extreme stress and anxiety, I even started crying because what if my family wasn’t real and all my relationships were for nothing. I want to tell my parents but they won’t take me seriously, they don’t take things like this seriously. I even stopped using social media as much to ease the stress but nothing is working. I think I’m starting to go in derealisation too, as things around me don’t feel real and I wonder if I’m truly hallucinating half the time. I really don’t know what to do, because I know other people are 99% most likely as conscious as I am but the fact is cannot be disproven makes me uneasy.

Edit: thank you for all the reasonings, it’s helping me feel a lot better, about the professional help. Unfortunately my parents don’t really believe therapists help, so even if i tried to convince for my own benefits of helping myself they wouldn’t proceed with it.

Recently I broke up with my cis girlfriend due to domestic violence I was enduring, especially physical abuse. A few of the reactions I’ve gotten from people hearing this news has been upsetting to me. 

I think it stems from people gripping to this idea that because I am trans and MtF (male to female) that means I’m strong, and stronger than basically any cis woman. It angers me how people judge my physicality based on nothing, like is it true that most people are this uninformed on my biology as a trans person?

For reference I’m a 24F trans woman who has medically transitioned for over 3 years. I’m 172cm (5’7.7”). I was always very skinny, what people would call a “twink” body type at like 130 pounds but I got up to 165 pounds in the last two years during the relationship. I’m not active at all, so all the weight was fat, which kinda just developed the “feminine body” type features I wanted, as I started from basically a skeleton. So I didn’t have like any muscles prior, and even less so after hrt, I have felt how the strength I used to have has been diminished so much. 

My cis ex gf on the other hand is a thin person, she was like 140-150 pounds at over 5’10. She was a figure skater coach so she had defined legs but other than that she looked very thin in arms and everywhere else. Maybe slightly broader shoulders than average but that’s it. 

Our relationship dynamic was always established as me being the “submissive” one, and her being the “dominant” one, both socially and sexually. Which is what we both liked and felt comfortable with. She was much more physically stronger than me, she could pin me down with her weaker or “bad” arm and I would lose the battle, she could overpower me with little effort, which again I loved in our dynamic. It’s just nice when you’re in the submissive role to know that the other person is actually stronger than you and you aren’t just both faking, ya know? 

But then there were arguments where she used that strength against me, she restrained and pinned me to the floor or couch without my consent, with me struggling and yelling trying to get free, and failing. Also times of grabbing and holding my wrists or hair as if they were a leash when she was angry. These were awful experiences and I’m still hurt by them, and by the bruises and marks she left. 

Upon a few close family members hearing about this after the breakup, most of their first reactions was “why didn’t you just overpower her or get up”. They were surprised that she was stronger than me. One of my family members straight up not believing me about the fact that I tried to get up and couldn’t. 

It feels like they didn’t take it as serious or of an issue, it felt dismissed because they wrongly assume in their head she somehow wasn’t a threat to me, when she was the much stronger one in our dynamic. I feel like they treated me like this strictly because I’m trans and the assumptions they put on me for that. 

This really made me think about the other times I experienced these assumptions.

1.  a cis girl who I was friends with trying to educate me on how much weaker it feels for her compared to guys in rock climbing, with her assuming I’m like those mentioned guys and not comparable to her. Even tho she works out, is my height, and has actual visible muscles, I guarantee she is physically stronger than me. I would be on a similar playing field as her if I try building up muscles now with my current biology. 

2.  A few family members, and friends of my mom, assuming I was just wearing a bra to events because I’m trans and want to “look like a woman”, and not actually because I have actual boobs?!? They didn’t know what hrt was and had no idea I had full on c cup breasts. 

3.  My ex gf complaining to her mom about not being able to open the pickle jar, and her mom asking why she didn’t just get me to do it. While in reality we were both at home struggling with the jar for an hour, and again, my ex was much more likely to get it open than me. 

4.  Women friends asking me what shapewear I’m using to give my shape, I don’t use shapewear. And then asking how I was able to get a “woman’s ass”. Ummm probably because my weight is programmed genetically and by the activation of estrogen to go to my hips and other typical female areas? 

5.  My own family doctor scaring me with the diagnoses of anemia. Later casually mentioning “yeah yoir abnormal, your blood levels are in female ranges”. With my other doctor for trans medical issues having to contact her and inform her that YEAH YOUR BLOOD LEVELS BECOME FEMALE TYPICAL WITH FEMALE HORMONES. 

Like are these just cherry picked ignorant examples or do the majority of people not know hrt changes like your entire body and how it develops your sex? Do most people know trans people basically go through another puberty, developing sex characteristics, and can sometimes be comparable physically in strength and body to their cis counterparts? Or do most people actually think every single trans woman that exists = 6’2 completely biologically male (phenotypically) who just likes wearing dresses and wigs? Like do they even know hrt exists? 

I know there are tall and large trans women, young and old, and every trans person is valid regardless of any medical intervention or physical aspects. But I feel like that kind of archetype is what is assumed for all of us, which just isn’t right to do. I feel like this is one of the main reasons for ignorance in talking about trans people in sports, with people not knowing regulations with hrt existed or what some trans bodies can look like. We aren’t seen as individuals, we are seen as a single stereotype. 

I don’t know if it’s as bad as I’ve felt or experience but are most people this uninformed on trans people, what we go through, and just on biology in general? 

Hi everyone,
I’m a girl gamer, and I need to shed light on a massive issue with the Xbox Looking For Group (LFG) system and automated bans.
I play a lot of Fortnite. Over the years, I've had to quit the game for long stretches of time for one simple reason: whenever I make an LFG post, random men join my party and act absolutely disgusting. (Not all men) When I tell them to leave and remove them, they report me for random violations. Even men I don't invite will spam my LFG posts and report them out of spite, even though I've never broken a single guideline.
The worst I have ever done in a lobby is some mild cursing, yet I get hit with constant temporary suspensions. Because the suspensions are relatively short, they are unappealable. When you try to reach an actual person at Xbox or Microsoft support to explain what is happening, you are completely gatekept by an AI. It is ridiculous. A few years ago, I actually had to quit Fortnite for two full years because I was running out of enforcement "streaks" and was terrified of losing my entire account permanently just because people wouldn't stop.
I recently started playing again about a month ago, and it's already happening all over again. Men are spamming my LFG posts with messages saying "reported" simply because I didn't invite them. Just today, mid-game, I was hit with another notification.
Being a girl gamer is already difficult enough, but constantly getting suspended for things I didn't do because of upset men is exhausting. Microsoft and Xbox would rather rely on a broken AI reporting system than put an actual human in front of you who can understand the nuance of targeted harassment.
I’ve pulled all-nighters for this game, especially lately trying to collect the new sprites, and now I can't even enjoy it with my friends. I'm not posting this expecting Microsoft to magically fix it for me today, but to shed light on a toxic loophole that I know so many other women are going through. Something needs to change. I want to be blunt in no way am I trying to target men or any of that stuff. I’ve had my post taken down already when trying to post it somewhere else this is simply to share my story and make awareness. This isn’t me trying to make anybody sound bad or look bad. I want to clarify this. This is simply me venting about things that have been going on for quite a while and I’ve noticed as a girl gamer and that are affecting me and I’m sure it’s affecting quite a few so I just wanted to spread some awareness and share my personal story.

he offered to go ob a walk on the trails by the park/rec that me and him would play vb at and agreed. i thought “oh that seems nice. great way to clear my head and just talk to someone.” as we’re walking he keeps putting his arm around my shoulder, but i lwk dont care at first cuz like we’re just talking n shit. then we get to this little area where the trail stops and like we can see water so we stop to take photos, then he like makes a joke or sum shi about like how nody would here me, on some killer type shit, then he fake chokes me from behind but like i can literally feel his dick on my ass, like hes doing ts on purpose? and he doesnt again and i try to walk away. then we go to another area, like a dock on a lake, and i walk to the railing to look at the water, he comed up hebind me, grabs my neck and kisses it,???.? then we’re walking, talking, he grabs my hand and my arms already feel like jelly so i cant di anything except try to walk faster, he pulls me back and starts like kissing my cheek, making his way to my lips??? he literally tries to kiss me bro. im already scared asf so i try to tell him i gotta go home but he doesnt stop,?? he keeps kissing ne i literally cant feel my armms my knees feel weak and his hand is around my thoart while hes jissing my cheek telling me i dont hae to go home yet, he keeps putting his hands on my wasit and like o swear he was tryin gto grab my ass. i literally just wanted to go home at that point like i couldnt stand behind out with him anymore

an i stupid? i didnt want aby of that but i didnt do anything to stop it either. my arms felt like noodles and thinking about it makes that feeling come back i feel so weak loke i couldnt do anything and o told myself that if something loke that were to happen to me ( which i never thought it would) i would have a plan or something like i would stabd up formyself and set a boundary or soemthing but i couldnt i just kept saying i needed to home.

is this even SA? or am i jumping the gun

So I (25m) am incredibly lonely, don’t enjoy typical things like bars, and hate meeting new people. I was able to cope for the past few years and think I didn’t need an intimate relationship because I either lived with friends or family. I recently moved to another town as my first job and was coming home to an empty apartment. A girl in a similar situation started a month after me and we instantly hit it off.

We have similar personality traits and were talking for hours on end during work and really kind of went really fast in the friends department. I then fell hard to where conversations were high pressure because I liked her so much. I think I was both attracted to her and what she could finally mean for finally having a relationship.

I eventually asked her and she said she “wasn’t in a good spot to date”. I reassured her that I still wanted to be friends I think this was partially true and partially me not accepting the truth that she wasn’t interested.

For the next month, she pulled away hard, not ever seeking me out and not putting effort into continuing conversations. I have had a lot of issues when I got rejected in the past with digging too hard or asking again or massive paragraph romantic confessions, so I decided I was going to shelter her and preserve the friendship so I just swallowed all of my feelings and continued to try to be a friend to her.

Through this, I saw her constantly texting and talking with another coworker (this was a few weeks after I asked). He even asked me if she was single/dating someone else, so I knew something was up. All the while I either refused to accept the rejection or was desperately trying to get the friendship back to where it was so I just swallowed everything and remained stable.

After that month, she finally started warming up to me again and we became friends again. We even started a friend group with another married couple (one of them is a coworker) and that’s now my main social circle in town. All of this was happening while I still was very attracted and probably holding on to a sliver of hope that someday we could date. We also genuinely became closer friends who just know each other even though there’s some uncomfortable or weird walls around a lot of stuff.

One day she said she wanted to help me with some work so I pushed back my schedule to accommodate her. She left 5 minutes in because she got bored. I tried to confront her about it and nearly broke down in tears because I didn’t want to lose her again. She then invited me to lunch which was our first solo hangout since I had asked but it was to get a toy for that coworker she was possibly talking to.

At dinner one day with the married couple, I saw that she wasn’t texting the coworker anymore and instead saw a heart emoji next to a nickname. The married coworker also asked her who she was texting and she got super embarrassed and I knew she had to be dating someone now. I instantly got a massive tightening in the stomach almost causing me to throw up and couldn’t sleep well for a few days. It passed and we became even closer, with her even bringing back a lot of her flirtier interactions.

A few weeks later, this week, the married coworker finally noticed the heart she’s texting and asked her and she admitted she was dating the coworker for 2 months (starting about a month after the rejection). We were at a work conference so I put all my efforts into masking how I truly felt about this to seem like I was supportive and happy for her. But it’s broken down since I’ve returned and the nausea is happening every night, crying, and depression and it’s becoming near impossible to mask at work anymore.

Now I am completely lost because I genuinely am friends with her and am happy for her buried underneath all the stress and trauma, but I am insanely jealous of everything including her, him, and the dating experience that she’s getting to live right now. I also care alot about this friend group and they’re becoming my rock in this city, but they now keep wanting to talk about her new relationship and it’s becoming harder and harder to manage my feelings.

It’s been about 3 months total since the rejection and me and her haven’t even mentioned it. I love this friend group but I’m getting really worried it’s not sustainable as it is with me suppressing everything and pretending to be just happy for her. I also don’t want to ruin it with my baggage. This sucks.

TL;DR: Haven’t dated and became obsessed with a coworker and the idea she represents. Masked so much that she’s now a massive part of my main friend group and it’s very uncomfortable to hear them talk about dating all the time.

With the amount of initiatives, things I've seen on social media, and general effort I've seen from our society, I'd rather people just outright denounce their support if they don't actually see me as woman . If you have an issue with who I am, say it instead of dancing around a thin veil of "allyship". If you're supposedly supportive, but still see me as a man, fucking say it. If you want me to detransition, then fucking say it. Don't lie to me.

I was quite lonely in high school. I got bullied quite a bit when i was younger and as a defense mechanism, i just withdrew into myself for my teen years. People who went to high school knew a grand total of five facts about me and that's it. In my freshman year of college, I really made a giant effort to be outgoing and authentically myself. I had loads of friends that I'd hang out with 24/7. For the first time in forever, I was happy with my social life. My friends would tell me how i meant the world to them, trauma dump and say that they couldn't imagine their lives without me.

Now its sophmore year and talking to them feels like pulling teeth. They put in so much fucking effort to exclude me, talk over me, run away from conversation the second they get the chance. For the sake of brevity, I wont go into detail but god its excessive. I only have one real friend in college and although I'm beyond lucky to have her, I just really miss my friend group.

I've lost sleep over it - thinking of just how i might have fucked anyone over but I keep drawing a blank. I cant keep living like this. We stayed in eachothers houses, met eachothers families, went out every weekend and now I can't get a few words in without being made feel like some creep.

Me and my dad share the same name so he often will jokingly call me daddy. It’s been his nickname for me since I was a child. I get how it might’ve been considered cute then, but I’m 20 years old and it’s honestly pretty embarrassing. I used to dislike it even in middle school, but didn’t say anything because I felt too embarrassed.

It really gets me when he does it in public. My memory is kind of crappy, but he usually calls me by my other nickname when we’re at home. He sometimes will say “daddy” but not as much as my other nickname. He also shouts it which just adds to the embarrassment.

I just hate the weird looks I get. For starters, Im an adult now so people get the wrong impression almost immediately, and we don’t really look alike. I take after my mom and I don’t know where I got my height from, so I’m taller than him. I just feel like that adds fire to the flame.

I want to get him to stop, but I feel like I’d be hurting his feelings. I thought he’d drop it once I hit 18, but I was so wrong.

So I’ve lived with my grandparents since I was in middle school, and I am now a junior in college and about to turn 21 in a few days. Ever since my grandmother died, it’s been just the two of us in the house. Obviously it’s sucked because she’s gone and it’s weird and not the same, even after so much time has passed. Towards the last year of her life, I took over a majority of dishes and laundry and such, and was happy to do so because he spent most of his time taking care of her.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him dearly and he’s taught me so much and has always supported me. But goddamn the man does not clean up after himself and it has always been an issue since I was little. My main gripe is that he constantly leaves piles of dirty dishes in the sink and on the counters. I’m not joking when I say he dirties like 10 or so dishes per day, despite most of his meals being frozen ones that don’t need to be plated (they come in a plastic plate thing). And on the occasion he “washes” them by hand, when I go to put them away they are always covered in a dried greasy layer of grime. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve had to re wash dishes in the rack because they were all dirty.

I will wash the dishes and legit come home from class after 3 or so hours to see the sink full of plates and bowls and dirty pans on the stove. I came home once from a week long trip with my friends and had to scrub fucking mold out of my sink. I am genuinely astounded that he’s capable of dirtying so many dishes in such a short amount of time. We have a dishwasher but he never helps me unloads it. He’ll just pick clean dishes from it while piling dirty dishes on the counters until there is nothing clean left.

You may be thinking “Why don’t you just suck it up and wash them to have clean dishes?” And so I answer, I barely have any free time. Between school and work, I kid you not that over a week or two he will dirty all of the fucking dishes in the house. I cannot clean them faster than the rate he dirties them. I alter between cycles of constantly washing his dishes and cycles of only doing dishes that I dirty and letting him deal with his mess. But I always end up trying to keep up with the rate he dirties them because I get so sick of not having clean cookware to make myself food.

I think the thing that pisses me off the most is that he is able bodied and fully capable of washing his damn dishes. He is also retired and sits at home all day, where he does some freelance writing and such. He has copious amounts of free time, a majority of which is spent at home in his office. Most of his plates are barely even dirty, having had only a sandwich on them. But every single time he just rinses it with water and piles dishes with food still on them on top, making them all disgusting. Like how hard is it to take 10 fucking seconds to wash and rinse your plate that has a few drops of mustard on it?

Yes I have talked to him about it. No he does not listen to me. He’s even gotten mad at me telling me I don’t always clean my dishes too, despite me always doing so because I can’t stand dirty dishes just sitting out. He’s said that his system of rinsing and piling them everywhere waiting to go into the dishwasher is just fine. It’s definitely not. I am on the verge of begging my boyfriend’s mom to let me move in with them and pay her rent because I’m so tired of it.

I'm 22F, I used to physically SH but I'm more off and on with that now. Since I was maybe 12ish I replaced the habit mostly with purposely seeking out violent misogynistic content online to sort of egg myself on. It honestly kind of started with a morbid curiosity about these communities but now I find it kind of addicting.

I ofc have thought about ways to stop myself from doing this, but then I see the same rhetoric in my life offline so like what's the point lol? This is just how the world is. I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems which is why I'm posting this lol.

I make like less than 600 per paycheck so no therapy for me :(

Im 18, 19 before the end of the year, but I haven’t really done anything with my life.

I have two friend, they live in different countries though. One I talk to on a regular basis but now that she has a boyfriend, shes been speaking to me less and this guy sucks, but that’s not super relevant here.

The last time I had local friends was when I was 10. I was homeschooled since then due to mental issues, and I’ve been pretty much isolated since. My anxiety has improved a lot since last year, but I feel so bad becsuse I’m not really doing anything with my life.

I see pictures of the kids i used to be friends with going on vacation, having relationship, lots of friends, going out, etc, just living life and I feel so jealous, like I’m wasting my youth. All I do with my days is cry and draw, maybe watch a show/film, play video games, walk my dog.

I had a summer job but it’s autumn here now so that’s not happening anymore.

I don’t know where to go from here, I don’t live in a city, i live on a tiny island, so it’s a lot harder for me to meet people. I know I need to do something or else I’m gonna end up committing suicide, maybe it’s dramatic, but I am so miserable.
I might get into college at the end of January if they have space, but I don’t even know if I’ll get in.
I thought about doing volunteer travel, I do have money saved up. Id need a valid passport and I have never solo travelled, never travelled since I was 10, but it could be fun?
i Just feel so awful. I know my circumstances aren’t the worst at all, but I just feel so alone and so hopeless. I’ve gone through worse but I’ve never felt worse in my life than now.

I weigh 287lbs and I'm only 18, I've always been fat, my parents hate to cook so we almost always had fast food. I've always been excluded at school, always struggled with gym class, I barely have any friends. I struggle to find new clothes, I struggle with tying my shoes, I struggle with walking for too long. I just wish I was fucking normal, no boy looks at me, no one thinks I'm pretty because I'm so huge.

Posting this on Reddit cuz I can't say that to ppl ik irl because they all say "you're not fat, you're beautiful" no I'm fucking obese, ik it's stupid but I just wish someone would find me attractive

I’ve been married almost 10 years now, platonic marriage, he’s bipolar+BPD and I have autism+ADHD and we’re both diagnosed.

I work on myself through medications and therapy and he goes about life like he is the center of our universe, we live with his parents!

The last 10 years, I did everything right, had a career, managed a home, took care of my husband and my in-laws, took care of my family, only to sit here at 11:59 PM in my bathroom, crying about how I NEED a break, and how I wish I had help.

I also had a major surgery recently and have another one coming soon, and through all this, I worked very hard and I am now feeling so pissed off that I got laid off! What did I work on my hospital bed for? Less than 24 hours out of surgery?

Another thing I recently discovered is all the loans my husband took out in my name, which I had no idea I was paying for too. That’s a story for another day.

10 years is a horribly long time to be tested for by the universe, by God, by whatever higher power is out there. And there is no one by my side, no one coming to my rescue, no one else to even share all this with because I learnt that people don’t care really when they ask if you’re okay, they are just being polite.

Finally seeing everyone’s real side somehow makes me realize how much resentment I have towards them, be it friends, family members and my own husband. My in-laws, mom and husband want me to get a higher paying job so that I financially don’t become their burden but honestly when I did well, I literally took care of every single one of them. My cardiologist told them that one week before my heart surgery and about 4-6 weeks after, I need to rest medically as the heart recovers. My husband told him that we can’t take the financial hit if she doesn’t work. And that broke my heart.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but tonight, I want to get this off my chest and sleep, sleep a restful night’s worth of sleep. Tomorrow, I stop wallowing, make my website go live and find that new job before 9th of December.

I just made the most trashy dinner, and it was wonderful.

So I have been sick to my stomach for a few days. I haven’t been able to really keep anything down. Tonight, I made a dinner that should be absolutely disgusting, but it was amazing and I’m laying here not feeling nauseous for the first time in three days. Here is my abomination:

One potato. Wash and then rub salt on the skin. Wrap in a paper towel and soak. Put on a plate and steam in the microwave until soft. While you are doing that, make a box of velveeta shells and cheese. Once the potato is done, smash open, put butter, salt, pepper, Parmesan cheese (I also added Kinds garlic brown butter mix) and ranch dressing. Take the shells and cheese and top the potato.

I don’t know what demon possessed me to do this, but this is the best I have felt in three days.

​

I wish I didn't care about it like I do. I wish I could live my life and enjoy everything else that life has to offer. And sometimes, I can. My depression is far from only being caused by my virginity, if anything it's probably the other way around. My depression is to a big part the reason for my virginity.

But still, the fact that I'm a virgin is there at the back of my mind. And when I'm laying in bed, alone, with nothing but the thoughts in my head. Hugging my pillow, it can come out. This deep sigh, the empty stare into the wall, and just wondering why not me. What's so wrong about me. What's so horrible about being with me. I've never bought into all the manosphere nonsense, or the hypergamy nonsense or any of that.

But the question remains, why not me. My friends and coworkers manage to find love. But not me. The average age for losing your virginity where I live is in your teens, and I'm 26. I've managed to move out of my parents place twice, I've gotten a masters degree, I've gotten a job, I've made friends. All in the span of a decade, during which I've tried to find someone.

And I just fail. Over and over and over again. And to me the reason that my virginity is getting to me is not because I'm lacking the sex itself, many will suggest just getting an escort but that won't change anything (looking past the huge issue of sex trafficking, but that's a whole other topic...) because what really hurts about all of this, is that it's not about the sex. It's about being chosen. It's about being able to say "she wanted to have sex with me". Because going through life, knowing that no woman has thought that about me, hurts. It makes me feel so undesirable.

And I wish it didn't. I wish I didn't tie part of my self worth to this. That my happiness wasn't tied to this. But I've tried for years to ignore it. Supress the feelings. Address them head on in therapy. Distract myself. Do other stuff. I've gained confidence in a lot of ways, but this remains the same. And I just want it to end.

When I (23ftM) was 17, I was home alone with my mother’s oldest son (27M) who I don’t view as a brother any longer. He was high off his mind (I don’t know on what), but was acting weird and making comments about wanting to end his life. I was sitting on the couch, and he sat next to me closely. I froze when it started and to this day, I haven’t been able to verbalize exactly what he did even in therapy. I’ve only ever been able to mention it by sugar-coating it, and only my therapist and my girlfriend know.

Recently, I decided to go no contact with him as I genuinely cannot continue having him in my life. He is a very self-centered and narcissistic person who genuinely never does anything for anyone out of the kindness of his heart, but expects to be treated like that by everyone. My mom found out my middle brother (25M) and I don’t talk to the eldest anymore, and she began saying to me that I should “wait until I am older so I can really see how important family is.”

She continued guilting me, saying things about how he isn’t “that bad,” and that she doesn’t understand why I would exaggerate so much and not talk to him. I realize she doesn’t know this key information, but I just know my mother would not respond to this well. She hasn’t exactly responded well in the past when I have undergone traumatic events.

I’m standing my ground regardless of what she says, because at the end of the day, I need to have my own back. It’s a bummer that she is reacting this way, but I suppose the lesser evil between this and telling her the truth, especially knowing she will not respond positively :/

That’s it… I’m lonely. I’ve been married for almost 17 years and have a 14 year old teen. People are in my house but I don’t feel like a priority to anyone and that results in feeling lonely and depressed. I would give almost anything just to feel like a priority to someone… anyone. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and ADHD many years ago and I’m in therapy, on meds and stable but nothing makes me feel less lonely. Sometimes I feel like if I just disappeared no one would even notice and if they did notice they wouldn’t be impacted by it. I just wanted to scream into the void because I can’t talk to anyone around me about it. Thanks for listening.

For a long time, I never considered myself a victim of rape. I’ve heard and related to certain parts of stories of survivors, but never considered myself to be one as well. I never thought I was “too good” or “above that” by any means. I was having an internal battle with myself with the voice of my attacker playing the role of my self-oppression. I made up countless excuses for him, “maybe he didn’t know it was rape”, “maybe somehow i made it look like i consented”, “I never actually say the word no.”, “I was sleeping with people already, so he might have thought it was okay”, “I was friendly to him earlier that night”. Now I know that none of this makes it okay, but let’s play with the idea that he didn’t know it was rape.

Maybe he didn't know it was rape when I was 16 and he was over 18.
Maybe he didn’t know it was rape when he saw me heavily intoxicated earlier that night.
Maybe he didn’t know it was rape when he was guilt-tripping me into letting him come to my house.
Maybe he didn’t know it was rape when he followed me into my bed after I said I was going to sleep because I was too drunk.
Maybe he didn’t know if it was rape when he had to manoeuvre my limp body into a position where he could force his penis inside of me.
Maybe he didn’t know it was rape because he didn’t see me pass out during it, or maybe he didn’t hear me mumbling unintelligible sentences.

I don’t remember when he left, or when it was over, falling asleep, or even what month it took place, but I do remember the way he held my legs apart, and the way he put his hand over my mouth because he knew my parents were home.
For a long time, I never said he raped me, but when I told my friends the story they told me it was rape. I was my rapist’s biggest defender, always disagreeing when people said it was rape, always saying it was my fault. I took shit for years because I was scared of messing up the life of the well-liked, star athlete, from a small town in California who had a big bright future ahead of him.
I got death threats from his friends. I was the girl that made him cheat on his loving girlfriend. I was a whore. I wanted it.
I did not want it. I was only 16.
And I am a victim.

I’ll keep this brief because i’ve been mulling over this situation that happened at the beginning of july
this year. I (24f) stopped being friends with my friend group because of therapy speak (along with a whole slew of other things).

I saw this pattern in problems with other people that this friend group interacted with, and when they ostracized my partner out of the group as well. Any confronting text or conversation to talk about what happened was met with sterile therapy speak and almost corporate HR problem management.

This friend group attached hard hitting labels of abusive, cruel, gaslighting and manipulation to many actions that i felt were just miscommunication at its finest.

This all came to a head when after months of balancing this friend group separate from my relationship, they texted me upset that my partner unfollowed them on instagram. (this was after they ousted them from the friend group because of a rough patch my partner and i were having🙄) This friend group ganged up on me with unrealistic expectations of bridging the gaps in communication between them and my partner.

When my partner found me crying because none of the friends were taking into consideration what I was saying, they took matters into their own hands and contacted them. Essentially texting them a big Fuck You.

They called them abusive and cruel, telling me how a soulmate would never talk to my closest friends in that way.

I ghosted all of them after weeks of silence from them, and the only time i was texted was to receive a sterile therapy-speak message on my partner and I’s anniversary.

Safe to say my relationship is doing great, my life is fulfilling, my mind is so calm.

Good Riddance.

Just to let you all know, this guy has not sent me any more messages for months now but i’m still thinking about. I hate that i let this guy get in my head.

For background, i was doing livestream on social media. I was bored and wanted to be productive. Being able to put myself out there helped me focus on my work and make friends. Overall it was a pretty great experience. I’ve made friends that i still talk to on a daily basis.

I’m not doing anything crazy btw. All i do is sit while i do my hobbies. There were some creeps of course and i’d just blocked them or they wouldn’t come the next time. But there was this one guy who kept coming to my live.

I’m a a woman from a slightly conservative country where women are expected to cover up. It’s not a mandatory requirement but you might get looks if you show off too much. They also tend to hate “liberal views”. Which they have translated to speaking in english and having westernized views as bad.

I don’t cover my hair and speak english sometimes and this really made him upset. Other than my hair, I dress more on the modest side, just oversize shirts/sweaters and long pants. He would come to my lives and say i’m bringing shame to my parents. I unfortunately got angry by this because he brought family into this.

This was when he started getting more and more rampant. I realized this guy was just a troll and he kept making more accounts to harass me during my livestream which i responded too. At one point, i realized this guy just wanted me to respond to him and i ended my livestream.

This made him very happy and he sent me DMs on how pleased he was that i was scared of him. This was from a different account which i blocked immediately. He sent me another message with another account afterwards.

I hated that i let him win and continued my livestream where he still came and harassed me. But i had a friend blocked him on my behalf as a moderator. He tried to make more and more accounts to respond but after realising he kept getting blocked, he must’ve lost steam. During the one month of this whole thing, he had made seven accounts.

I haven’t heard from him since. I still tried to report him to the social media platform and also the official cyber bullying department my country has but it didn’t do much. All his accounts are still there.

He’s not bothering me anymore and that’s good. But despite all of this happening months before, I still think about him from time to time and I hate myself for it. I still kept the evidence of all his harassing messages and accounts hoping it could be useful someday. A part of me wish i knew who this guy was and why he was so insistent on treating me like this.

I’m only 19, and I’m already noticing what feels like the early signs of balding. I used to have really thick, dense hair, but lately, I can feel it getting thinner, and it doesn’t feel the way it used to. It genuinely upsets me because I’ve always been insecure about my appearance. My hair has always been the one thing that makes me feel attractive, the one thing that gives me confidence in how I look. I’m scared that if I lose it, I’ll lose the one thing that makes me feel good about myself. I know it might sound superficial to some people, but this really hurts me more than I can explain. I’m not ready to lose something that has always made me feel a little better about myself, especially when I’ve spent so much of my life struggling with the way I look.

This was nothing short of a crazy happening, the company offered points through their reward program, and one day I discovered the points didn’t consume….i was like no way, and I used them to get a meal that day, and they were still Fkn there!!

I never would have imagined I can face such a livid(edit: surreal I mean) situation, but I was crazy broke and my gosh I needed that food so bad, this became my go to place every 2-3 days for at least a year…yes you would think this is something that would have been fixed in a few weeks or months..nope it lasted for at least a year, I ATE A LOT. I have no idea how this never tripped any alert or anything, I went to one specific store only just incase it had anything to do with the luck, the staff there got used to me they never questioned anything, and I still have the food app account even today, I am grateful for getting through that year due to this and have zero regrets.

I'm kind of embarrassed to post this, but it keeps me up at night sometimes.

We met (online) in 2012, and were good friends for a long time. We briefly dated for a year in 2017, and then in 2022 we went no contact. I miss him and it still hurts, I felt like he understood me better than anyone else ever has. I know it was my fault, I honestly was not the best person during those years, especially when we dated. I wish I could go back and change things, I wish I wasn't such a bitch, I wish we never dated. My life isn't going so well either, I'm jobless with health issues and agoraphobia. I feel like this is the universe giving me what I deserve. I regret that we never had the chance to meet in person. Sometimes, I dream that we met in person, and finally get to hug. I wake up either shaking, depressed, or both. I really wish we could reconnect, I really miss our friendship, but he probably hates me (understandably) now.

I have never told any friends, family members, or peers how I'm truly doing in life. I just need to spit all of this out because I have nobody to trust.

I've had a very rough life since childhood. Been in and out therapy, psychiatric hospitals and such. I won't get into all of that, but basically im 18 now and I still fuck myself over every day. Why? I have no clue. I think the feeling of being hopeless and exhausted has been associated with safety in my head. I want to feel like that because its the only thing ive known.

So I sabotaged therapy, quit going, flush my pills down the toilet, overwork myself like 50+ hours a week, burn myself with cigarettes, literally pull my hair out, get into toxic relationships all because I fucking like it and its driving me insane. When my family notices or asks what the hell is wrong, I tell them im doing amazing, everything is good and I feel so giddy inside lying to them. I like having no comfort??

Relationships are awful for me. Every guy feels boring and exhausting to be around. They wanna treat me well, take me out, flex their money. I should enjoy that but it just disgusts me. I want to be yelled at and beaten. I dont fucking know why.

I dont even know how to explain to shit, long story short I hate my life and I want I deserve nothing good. Help what the hell is wrong with me? For once in my life im reaching out for comfort.

Whenever I (16m) am home I am constantly bored and I cannot focus at all. When I try to do something, I lose focus after a few minutes and get distracted by something. I also start doing other things randomly, such as aimlessly walking back and forth, throwing and catching random small objects, or brushing my teeth. Whenever I try to do my hobbies (gaming, writing, and drawing) I usually cannot focus for long and I begin to do something. I will do one, lose focus, start another, and then lose focus. I used to focus okay with music, but now listening to music whilst doing something just distracts me even more.

I barely talk to my parents, and they usually don’t seem to want to talk to me. If they do, I always feel like they’re talking to me like I’m stupid or I have done something wrong. I don’t know if they do this deliberately. I have learnt from the past that I shouldn’t talk to them about my issues or anything, even though I thought they would understand since they have both experienced their own hardships.

No one I know lives anywhere near me - old school friends, other family members, college friends - and I barely talk to them. I still think about a guy I used to have a crush on a while ago, but we haven’t spoken for a long time. I thought I moved on. I spend much of my time waiting for someone to message me. There are no interesting places to me. There’s only a few shops and that’s it. I want to go for walks so I can explore the area and get some proper exercise, but I know my parents won’t let me.

Until I find another job, I only leave the house to go to college, which is three days a week. I can actually speak to others and be more focused.

I briefly saw a counsellor earlier in the year due to other issues, but counselling didn’t help me. I have no known mental health disorders or illnesses, and I don’t really want a diagnosis at this age and I don’t want medication. I try to eat healthily and get good sleep, but there isn’t much healthy food in my house and I hate sleeping.