hey!
so i started spravato about a year ago. only got halfway through the round of treatment before life circumstances meant i could no longer attend spravato sessions and i had to stop (even though it was very helpful!) in that time period, the psychiatrist who was prescribing me the spravato left the practice, so i can no longer go to the clinic i used to go to for spravato.
fast forward to now where i find a new psychiatrist, who im completely unable to get a hold of outside of our appointment times. shes nice and understanding, and said that their inpatient clinic (the only mental institution in our city) does spravato. i was nervous about it being in the same building that you get thrown into for a mental health crisis but i figure ok ill try it, i want to get better.
first day i get there, the first people i see are a police officer, a nurse and a patient being escorted by them. i already dont feel safe. they have a huge no weapons policy (understandable) yet theres a cop walking around with a gun and taser??? no one seemed to pay it any mind. like this was 100% normal. i brought my driver in because at the old clinic you needed to be signed in and signed out. the new clinic just kind of laughed and looked at me like i was crazy and said "oh no you can just come back and leave when youre done" ??????
then the worst part was i was put in a room with multiple chairs, i started to cry (its been a horrible last 2 years) and asked if this was a group session. i didnt even know spravato could be in a group setting. the nurse tried to comfort me but you can 100% fully see and hear everyone, the "dividers" are barely existent. we didnt all start treatment at the same time, and the nurse and patients were arriving and leaving the whole session.
they were all nice people, but were snoring/moaning loudly and it just didnt feel right. i like to meditate during my session and revisit my tramua and try to reprocess it. i literally cannot do that with someone eating popcorn right in front of me. this was the first time ive ever left a spravato treatment feeling worse and now i dont know if i should come back. they scheduled me tomorrow without even asking, and im worried they wont let me cancel (they wouldnt the last time, and you have to call to cancel, the online feature is disabled).
i cant go back to the old clinic because i dont have a psych there. (unfortunately there are a lot of issues with the clinic itself) i found a new clinic that DOES have private rooms, that may be able to get me in (for general psych reasons) monday/tuesday... but its an hour away, and doubles as a weight loss clinic (which im only now realizing is the same one that had a data breach with my information, and im not even a client there...?) i am plus size and dont want to be made to feel ashamed of my weight, so now im worried about this clinic too.
i just dont know what to do. i want to go back to my original provider but shes long since gone. i really liked their setup and i trusted their nurse, but now i cant go back there. do i just give up on spravato? nothing else has helped the way it has, but im not willing to go in a group setting and have a "bad trip" or be with dangerous people that then sets me back even further than i already have been :(