I work as a server at a Chili’s in California, and today I had an interaction with a customer that genuinely made my week.
A gentleman came in to dine alone, and right away, he seemed like a really cool guy. When I first approached him, I asked where he was from because I initially assumed he was South Indian based on his appearance. To my surprise, he told me he was from Sri Lanka, specifically Colombo, and that he was Sinhalese.
He seemed surprised that I knew about the Sinhalese and Tamil communities, so he asked me how I was familiar with them. I explained that I was Tamil myself and originally from Chennai, India. Interestingly enough, he wasn’t familiar with Chennai!
I knew about Colombo because, last year, I had spent a considerable amount of time reading about the Sri Lankan Civil War, the ethnic tensions between the Sinhalese and Tamil communities, and the horrific atrocities committed during the conflict. I had learned about the immense suffering endured by Tamil civilians, as well as the violence and suffering experienced by Sinhalese civilians and other communities.
But I’m not writing this post to discuss the war or the politics surrounding it.
I’m writing because of what happened afterward.
After finishing his meal and paying his bill, this gentleman waited approximately ten minutes while I was busy attending to my other tables. He could have simply walked out, as most customers understandably do. Instead, he waited until I was available, just so he could shake my hand and personally say goodbye.
It was such a small gesture, but it genuinely meant the world to me.
I had been having a particularly difficult week, and this was honestly one of the kindest gestures a stranger has shown me in a long time. He had absolutely no obligation to wait for me, yet he chose to do so.
I don’t share this story because I take pride in being part of some symbolic moment of unity between two communities with a historically complicated relationship. Nor do I believe that one positive interaction somehow erases the suffering or discrimination that people have experienced.
I’ve spoken with Sri Lankan Tamils who have shared their experiences of prejudice and mistreatment by Sinhalese individuals. Those experiences are real and shouldn’t be dismissed.
But today’s interaction reminded me of something equally important: hatred and prejudice are often learned, but they do not have to define how we treat one another.
We weren’t trying to reconcile historical grievances or make some grand statement about ethnic unity. He probably grew up amidst both the fourth and the fifth phase of the war(where hundreds of thousands of Tamil died in months). We were simply two people from different backgrounds having a pleasant conversation.
Sometimes, that’s all it takes to remind us of our shared humanity.
A little respect, curiosity, and kindness can go a long way toward helping us see the person beyond the differences.
I doubt this gentleman realizes how much his small gesture meant to me, but I sincerely hope he’s doing well, wherever he is.
And to my Tamils from India… I understand you might feel a certain way towards Sinhalese people because of the atrocities your brothers and sisters in Sri Lanka had faced. But remember… Embrace the humanity before the politics.

As time goes on, it seems more and more of the online hate is encroaching into the real world.

It's important to realize that people in the diaspora with a similiar mentality as communities like this or r/thebronzemovement, who could have seen this type of incident (and honestly worse ones) from a mile away from the massive surge of hate online a couple years ago are very much a significant minority.

Too many Indians in the US think their high paying white collar job or successful business that lets them live in a "nice" neighborhood is going to keep them safe, and they can go to the temple every week, go to family/friend functions and dance events, and festivals, thinking everything will be just fine.

It needs to become the norm amongst Indian Americans that a lot of us have targets on our backs, and unfortunately places of worship or large gatherings such as weddings or other parties will be a prime target for these white supremacists whose goal is to harm many Indians as possible. It also imperative because Desi's, especially those raised in the west, are arguably the most vunerable to become self hating. We need to come together and realize we still have a lot of work to do and build as a community here in this country to empower each other, improve our personal lives, and to increase our safety.