Since this community helped me to understand my SMBC journey better and encouraged me to go for it I would like to share my experience and maybe to help a women which is still deciding.

I’ve been dating since I was 17. Besides companionship the goal was to get married and have children. With years of dating nonsense and after two engagements, where the men turned out not to be men I want to have children with. I’ve decided to do this on my own, without the very real possibility of divorce and custody battles. I really didn’t want to traumatize my child with this just so they can say who their father is. Which most men aren’t even worth the title in my book. Plus my friendships are way more companions and emotional connections then any man ever was capable of.

I always knew I was a mother but instead mothering my own child I spend my love on men which made me resentful of their incapacity, selfishness and weaponized incompetence.

I became a mother at 38. Currently my perfect baby is sleeping on me and I still can’t believe how lucky I’m to call myself finally a Mama. And the thought that she will call me Mama soon enough makes me emotional.

Sometimes when my baby is fighting sleep I can’t help myself but to kiss her cute little face and head until she gets tired and falls asleep. After this many years of not having my child earthside with me, sometimes I start to cry when I hear certain songs, memories or just holding this perfection which I created in my arms. It’s the best and deepest love without end.

I’m not saying that the journey is going to be easy. That you will have a crazy easy pregnancy and love every day of it like I did. Giving birth, postpartum and sleep deprivation will be painful and the hardest thing you will ever do. Don’t be fooled, be prepared.

But if you are in doubt or scared and only feel 50% of what I described above you can feel encouraged to go for it. It’s all worth it and your on a good way.

I am an SMC of two daughters. One is 15 and one is 18. The 18 year old recently left home to go to University two hours away. At first it was difficult but I am feeling much better about the transition right now.

However I am just wondering what my future looks like and also I am wondering what life will look like once I live completely alone.

Are there any SMC's with teenagers/young adults out there? If so how did you deal with the empty nest? And also if you decided to start dating again how did that go?

Someone approached me with a potential job opportunity but it would probably require moving to a new, more expensive city. At first I thought, “no way,” but after sleeping on it I’m realizing this would be a life changing amount of money. Like, 7 figures to start money — money that could provide my children with a completely different set of options in life. But it would require me to leave my amazing village: my parents, sibling, and a wonderful chosen family of fellow parents who I truly feel blessed to have. No joke, in an emergency, there are probably two dozen people I could comfortably call to come watch my kid. I know how very lucky I am.

I have some close friends and cousins in the other city, but nothing like this, which took me years to build.

I’m not looking for advice for my specific situation (this is all way way too theoretical at this point) but it got me thinking: how much money would you need to move away from your village?

I am currently pregnant, and also house hunting, a lot of changes at one time yes! I live in a rather big apartment so space and size for me and my baby won't be an issue if I stay where I am for a bit. It is not as if I NEED to get out and buy now, I do want to. But I feel I am putting unneeded pressure on myself to buy now before I have my kid, and if the right home comes I will, sure.

I live in an elevator building in an urban-esque suburb. I also have a dog whom I have to walk. I am curious if any other SMBC had to navigate this and how? I am due in May so I am not worried about cold weather for awhile (phew) but are there tips for rainy days? My dog can wait in the am, and be on my schedule so I am not worrying about rushing her out. Mostly just how the walks are handled in rain, and then later in the snow (I am in the NY tristate area).

Yes, I can get a dog walker and plan to but that does not mean I will not have to take my dog out. I still will need to bring her out, which means bringing my child with me. If I had a house, the door to grass would solve the problem, and I will continue looking but do I need to put that much pressure on RIGHT NOW, or is it working for some of you?

I 26f have been doing a bit of research on the cost of iui in the UK, I'm not going to be going ahead until I'm at least 30 so I'll have a few years to get some proper savings stacked up. However I would like to know how others from the UK went ahead, in terms of how much savings they had when they started, how much did it all cost/is costing you.

I'm estimating that I'll feel comfortable when I have minimum of a year living expenses, bills rent ect and enough for multiple iuis, donor sperm vials, and back up costs if IVF is needed. It's looking to be around 50-60k but I'm worried I'm under estimating.

I’m 38F, single, and honestly having a really difficult time emotionally lately. I’m hoping to find other women who understand what this feels like because I don’t really have anyone in my personal life who does.
I’ve spent the last decade building a life. I have a successful career, I’ve worked hard to become financially independent, and I’ve put a lot of effort into personal growth. But here I am at 38, still single and without children, watching what feels like everyone around me living the life I’ve always wanted.
I know people mean well when they say things like, “You never know where you’ll be in a year,” or “It’ll happen when you least expect it.” But I heard those same things at 28. Now I’m 38, and the things I wanted most still haven’t happened.
I’m exhausted by the idea that every disappointment is supposed to be a lesson, or that if I just keep working on myself, eventually I’ll be rewarded with love and a family.
I’m also tired of doing everything alone. I can travel alone, support myself, and build a life independently. I’ve proven that. But I don’t want to do everything alone forever.
I want someone to witness my life. Someone to share the ordinary days with, build memories with, and grow old beside. And I desperately want the chance to be a mother.
I’m in therapy and trying to navigate these feelings, but lately the grief and fear have become overwhelming. At 38, I also feel the very real pressure of time when it comes to having biological children.
I’m considering my options for motherhood, including potentially pursuing it on my own, but I’m also grieving the possibility that my life might not unfold the way I’ve always imagined.
I think what I’m looking for most is community.
Are there other women here who have experienced this? How do you cope with the uncertainty without becoming consumed by it? How do you keep building a life when you’re afraid the things you want most might never happen?
I’m not really looking for another “everything happens for a reason.” I’d just really like to hear from people who genuinely understand.

Filtering on ethnic origin and genetic carrier status to exclude the conditions I'm positive for leaves me with <3 options across 4 cryobanks. Guess I didn't need to worry about whether the donor would have similar features to me, a specific educational level, or other criteria that I see people deciding on :/

Ethnic origin was the real funnel. There just aren't that many with my background. Sigh.

Going to share my experience here as the thawing of the eggs forum seems to remove a lot of related posts so sharing my experience hoping it might help other women. I will add to this post when I go back for the other appointments to not clog up space on here. This also helps me as a guide to remember my notes!

Background: I froze 30 eggs over 5 cycles in my mid to late 30s (pandemic days) at a clinic in Mexico by the CA/Mexico border. I live in Los Angeles so while it's a crazy long day for me, it's doable. I'm 41 now...Assuming I hopefully get pregnant in January I will be 42. If a bit later, 43. As a potential SMBC, I am only wanting 1 child, but like the idea of keeping some eggs or embryos on ice later (won't be devastated if don't). My clinic is very old school despite the doctors and nurses being all young. My doctor who is also the director couldn't be older than her early 40s. They will not do virtual consultations or phone consultations which is extremely frustrating. They also don't want you to do outside lab work for monitoring. Despite this, I continued to go because it's a reputable clinic, always busy, and the prices were reasonable. Was originally going to go through CNY years ago, but it was at the beginning of the pandemic and I was on a wait list (forgot how long but I believe I was told it might take anywhere from 3-6 months). Researched different clinics throughout the US, Mexico, and Spain and ultimately decided on Vida in Tijuana. I wanted a "one stop shop" kind of clinic which Vida is as everything is done in house. The clinics I liked in Spain were all willing to write me a travel approval letter for medical purposes with why I needed to be in Spain during the travel ban, but I decided not to proceed with going there. I realized it might take more than 1 cycle so I didn't want to be gone for that along (the loneliness would have gotten to me tbh) also Spain has some weird rules regarding donor sperm or they did at the time which was really off-putting. The clinics I liked in Mexico were in resort areas so I knew I would have to fly back and forth so I had started to look into Tijuana. At the time there were not that many reproductive clinics in TJ that had information online. I had my first consult with Vida largely due to the doctor/director corresponding to me right away via Facebook message (though she stopped doing that after I became a patient...). Anyway Vida was always transparent about pricing and sold the medication there. It just made things easier for me and eliminate less chance of surprise which I liked. There's a lot of women that are ride of die for this clinic while my experience is mixed. Not great, not bad, but just pros and cons. Will be happy once I have a confirmed pregnancy and birth (G-d willing...I know no guarantees).

I am hoping to get pregnant in January so I went for my appointment yesterday on the 3rd day of my period. I didn't know if I had to go during my period or not (the doctors are bad about returning emails and I sent 3 of them within the last 2 months with no response). When I called the receptionist just said come in November but she wasn't sure if I would have to be on my period or not. I'm trying to avoid extra appointments if possible due to work, the drive, and gas prices. I called out sick at work and came on my period just to play it safe.

At the clinic I gave my doctor the recent day 3 labs I had done last month (covered with my insurance) along with my genetic lab work which they didn't want, and my STD tests which are required. My doctors in the US didn't test my LH for whatever reason. She gave me an ultrasound (had one last month here in LA). I don't have that many follicles which I figured and she found no cysts or anything concerning. Also had a consultation where I asked questions:

What kind of sperm would I need to get?

ICSI washed

Can I remove the sperm for the container and put it in a Yeti with dry ice (on the clinic's FB page women all reported doing this going across the border)?

No. I was surprised by that since the women in the group all did the Yeti thing. Doctor said I would need to drive across the border myself or pay for a car service. When I asked if the clinic has a driver they recommend she said no and just to ask on the FB group (clinics here are very informal).

Can you tell me more about PGT testing?

To my surprise, my doctor (again also the director of the clinic) is against PGT testing for women who froze their eggs. I was a bit confused with what she said due to information overload. Something to do with thawing, freezing, and than thawing again and that it could potentially damage the embryos making them not usable. I told her I definitely would rather do it than not do it due to wanting to avoid the risk of failed transfers, miscarriages, and do rule out any possible abnormalities (I know PGT testing is something some women do and some women are against, personal decision). I also ideally would like to know the gender if I am fortunate enough to get more than 1 viable embryos. She understood and said we could thaw 15 and make embryos with those and test, and keep the other 15 frozen if I don't get embryos with the first 15. I agreed with this as it was what I would have liked to have done anyway if offered. PGT testing at the clinic costs around 10,000 Mexican pesos/$550 USD. HRC in Encino quoted me $2,400. Just interesting seeing the price difference.

How many embryos will I likely get from 15 eggs from when I thawed?

She said 4 but stupid me didn't ask if those would be viable embryos. I get the vibe (could be wrong) she recommends to just transfer whatever embryos you have unless you have a history of miscarriage (I've never been pregnant before but I also never was trying to get pregnant).

Will I have to get a hysteroscopy? I'm scared of this which is why I asked.

Yes. She said some women there do pay extra for sedation which is I will do. She said she has an excellent transfer rate due to requiring the hysteroscopy and that you could have viable embryos with them not "sticking" because you did not get the hysteroscopy. I will be going back in December getting this done. Price with sedation is 20,000 Mexican pesos/$1,080 USD. I believe this would be covered with my insurance if I did this via referral but they I don't think include sedation so I'm definitely going to get it done in Mexico. If I had done IVF with my insurance in the US, they wanted me to do the HSG with no sedation (to start anyway...possible it would have led to getting a hysteroscopy). I'm going to just get it done in Mexico since I want to be sedated.

How many appointments after today would I need to come in and when would I need to come in from today?

3 more appointments (assuming only 1 transfer is needed)

Appointment 2: Call when I get my period in December and then within 2 weeks of my period they will do the hysteroscopy and I can drop off sperm in this visit.

Appointment 3: They will checking the lining of my uterus in January approximately 10 days after my period

Appointment 4: Transfer

Doctor did not recommend to take any vitamins or supplements and did not write me a prescription for anything as of this time. I likely would have been okay not taking off and just going in November (could have just paid out of pocket to have gotten LH tested in LA but I was there so just did it) but I wanted to play it safe to prevent possible delays. I do wish I had clarification on more time line things but I was overwhelmed. I know adding on PGT testing takes more time and I do wonder when I have appointment 3 if it's just a general ultrasound like from yesterday.

Reason why I am hoping for a January pregnancy (G-d willing...) and not December is just strategic planning having to do with my job and traveling plans I have at the end of December. If neither was the case, I would have tried for a December pregnancy.

Feel free to ask questions or if you have any advice, share. Thanks for reading.

Hi! I’ve been with my partner for 7 years but as we’re getting close to an engagement we’re realizing we’re on different timelines for children. He wants to be WAY more advanced in his career before having kids, whereas I’m already financially stable and I have plenty of time and support from my family. Plus whereas he sees children as responsibilities he cannot handle in the near future, I truly love kids and I find fulfillment in caring for others.

I love him, but I’m starting to realize that I don’t need to have a husband as a prerequisite of having a baby. I was essentially raised by a single mother, and I LOVE her so much and we have such a close relationship.

I would like to start a family in 3-4 years regardless of what happens to our relationship. Honestly, I am open to adoption, IVF, or asking someone I know to be a donor because I’m just at the beginning of my research phase. But if you’ve been through this, what are some challenges or unexpected benefits of being a single mom by choice? My mom became a single mom out of necessity so I feel like her experience is a little different.

I’m having my first IUI attempt next month with donor sperm! 26 yo, no known fertility issues. Super excited about moving forward after a failed ICI attempt this past July.
Obviously this is something I’ve given a ton of thought to, but the doctor I met with needed “convincing” (and I quote) that I had thought things through. He also asked multiple times if I was a “homosexual” and referred to the donor as the “dad”. He also mentioned being a single mother would make me less desirable 😂
Otherwise, he seems experienced and knowledgeable, but I don’t love his verbiage.

TW: Miscarriage/vent

I had my first FET on 9/14 with a euploid 4AA embryo. I was over the moon excited to get a positive pregnancy test but then my first beta came and it was lower than expected, I was stuck in beta hell. Nevertheless, I did have a pretty steady rise so I thought I might be okay. I had an ultrasound last Thursday and a gestational sac was visualized but it was smaller than they'd like, I also had a flicker of a heart beat that was hard to see. My clinic was still pessimistic but I was telling myself I was still really early and had time for things to catch up.

I had a tripped planned to Disneyland this weekend and thought it would be a nice distraction. I avoided all the rides with expectant mother warnings and had a great time.

Then Sunday while I was at the hotel, I had a feeling like a water balloon popped out of me and had so much blood/clots come out for the next 12 hours. Had to deal with it through the plane ride home. My frantic googling had me think that maybe it was just a sch or something that would still make everything okay.

Then I had a blood test yesterday, and my hCG has dropped by half. That was my sure fire sign that this was a miscarriage. I was hoping that I had passed it all Sunday. I took today off and went to the doctor and I had not passed the gestational sac. My obgyn was great and talked me through my options and I decided to do a D&C because I didn't want to wait or take something to pass it at home.

The procedure wasn't as terrible as I thought it might be. I've had 3 hysteroscopies without anethesia so I'm use to a lot and it wasn't as bad as any of those. The nurse held my hand and we talked about Disneyland rides.

Still, now I'm home and very much alone. I have friends and family that have been supportive with their words and gestures of course and I am grateful for that. I don't want to fall apart but I know my body is emotionally and physically exhausted. I tried to eat dinner and immediately threw it up.

I know it will take some time but I do want to try again. I have 9 embryos remaining so I am lucky in that regard. I have a phone appointment with my clinic next week and am trying to prepare as many questions/things to try as I can find with my research.

Still, I hate that I have to fall apart in the meantime. I don't want to but I can't help it. I'm also stopping hormones and keep having uncontrollable fits of ugly crying. I know they say expect to take 3 embryos to get 1 live birth, I'm 36 so I have time to keep trying but I'm really struggling with the emotions now. I also have a limited amount of leave left and I know I have to be back on soon for my job (elementary school teacher).

What were your recovery tips after this kind of loss? I have a lot of friends/family that have been through similar early miscarriages and went on to have healthy pregnancies so I know it can happen and I want to be optimistic, I'm just sad. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow luckily. I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I'm also so scared of this continuing to happen.

Does anyone have a recommendation for a baby memory book that’s good for single mums? I want to get one, but don’t want “first hike with Daddy” kinds of pages.

I’ve been happily pregnant for almost 8 months now! I’m 41, and this has been on my mind for 6 years. I attended my first SMBC workshop in January 2020!

The pregnancy has gone well and all of my fears about judgment turned out to be false. My somewhat traditional family, here and abroad, has been super positive and joyful about the news. My mom turned around SO FAST! She’s already obsessed with my future daughter 🥹 Colleagues have been more than supportive, even the random ones.

Last week I had a high level meeting with a VP at work and for the first time was confronted with insensitive comments. He mentioned “we talk about it jokingly, how in 2 or 3 years you’ll break”. I said wait, you joke about me?! He said yeah, that I’ll need someone to help me.

He’s so high up on the food chain that I didn’t have a lot of power to say anything. I just left with a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt like saying “actually I don’t believe in the nuclear family model, and this is not a temporary feeling but a profound belief”, but he’s a 50-something man… what would he get from that?

What annoys me is that I felt like I prepared all the responses possible for this scenario but when it happened, I was blindsided! It’s also not great to find out that your boss expects you to “fail”? What the hell! Anyways, I can’t wait to leave on maternity!

So, I am 39, divorced, and I always thought I would have a beautiful, loving family by this age.

My life turned out a little harder than I expected. I am beautiful, tall, independent, have lived in several countries, and am very resourceful. I have had many disappointments in my dating life and came to the conclusion that men simply do not add value to my life. Generally, they have just added anxiety, control, and emotional and physical labor that I don't need. I am not saying that there are no good or useful men out there, but I am done looking. I have officially given up on finding a good one.

I have always wanted to have kids, and given the time restraints, I have decided to undergo an IUI procedure with my best friend. I am going to have a baby with my best friend. He is not perfect, but our relationship is healthier than any romantic relationship I have ever had. I know it is not a traditional way, but I have thought about it extensively and believe it is the healthiest way for me to have a family. I could have used a anonymous sperm donor, but I really want my baby to have a dad and a grand family whom I love!

Would you take this route? Do you think it is crazy?

I’m so impatient to get this started. I just want to start my first cycle of IUI already!

But I gotta work to get all the requirements out of the way with my clinic. I’m not even allowed to purchase donor sperm vials until these things are done.

So far I’ve done all the bloodwork and ultrasounds, and when my genetic screening came with that I carry three diseases they required I also do a genetic consultation.
That was $150 for about 15 minutes of consulting about something I was already pretty comfortable with after reading my results. But I get that maybe a lot of the people undergoing this might not have the same understanding of genetics as I do. I’m pretty comfortable in my knowledge of recessive genes and how traits are inherited, and am so not concerned by my carrier status.

Another hurdle I have right now is the mental health or social worker consultation the clinic requires I have. I have good access to therapy through my work benefits so I went to them first, but now it’s getting that consult note back to the clinic that’s becoming an issue.
I might have to schedule a separate consult out of network just so I can get someone who has worked with my clinic and knows the process. That would be $450 out of pocket for a consult I already did with another therapist, but in my head it would be worth it just to get past this step of the process.

Then there’s my insurance. It covers a lot, and I’m pretty happy with that. But I emailed them two weeks ago to ask for clarification on some wording and they have not gotten back to me yet.
They cover 3 cycles of fertility treatments, and I just need to know two things;
1st, if that is 3 cycles each or total for the different treatments
2nd, if they require I start with IUI or if I could if I wanted, move onto IVF right away.

Lastly, my weight. On my first consult the doctor told me I needed to lose 20lbs. I’m making great progress on that actually, and am down 16lbs after making some significant adjustments to my diet and routine. I feel like my body is as ready for this as I am.

Someday when I get through this, I’m sure I won’t remember much about how much I wanted this part to just go by faster.

Hi all! Hopefully this is far away, but I'm living very happily together with grandma. We both had kids older in life, so statistically my daughter would be 16 or 17 when she passes. Lately I've been fussing and wondering about how it will impact my daughter. I'm worried it will be as devastating as losing a parent at a young age since Grandma lives with us and is such an important part of her family. They have a great relationship and both are thriving with each other currently, but one of my friends lost her dad at the age and it impacted her terribly for a decade. Anyone been through this? Any advice? I'm contemplating if I should work harder to try to move closer to her aunt and uncle who are in s HCOL area.

I am 29 years old and getting ready for my first IUI! I am using frozen sperm and my practitioner is having me do a natural cycle without any medication. I have regular periods and use a period tracking app. This cycle, I have started ovulation tracking with LH strips and a basal thermometer. I have also been taking a prenatal vitamin to help give me a good start.

If anybody has any tips or advice for me, I’d appreciate it! I want to do everything I can to help boost my chances. ☺️

After my retrieval I woke up singing Destiny Child’s Independent Woman. I’m waiting to schedule my FET, and starting to think - what are the best songs to play on my way to/from my transfer? I thought this could be fun to do together.

The last five years I’ve been ready to have a kid, but I haven’t been with the right person. I froze my eggs a year ago. When I froze my eggs I think I got 14 and they said that my numbers and my health was very good in that regard. I just ended a relationship. I was with someone for six months who has a kid and it just wasn’t perfect so I decided it wasn’t right. My parents they have a lot of money and I know I would be supported by them as I just make a Teacher salary and I would want to takeoff some time to have the baby, but I’m wondering if I should just go ahead and do it. My concern is that I do meet someone and four months eight months a year and then we wanna have a kid together, but I guess that could happen regardless of this happening so I’m just wondering, should I make moves and pursue artificial insemination or should I keep waiting for my dream partner? Well having a child prevent me from meeting that person I am super outgoing and I do so many communion oriented things it all seems to make sense. I’m just worried in a few days. I’m gonna chicken out, because I go through these days where I’m like yes I can do it. I can be a single mom. It’s gonna be so much better than having split custody or a father. That’s hard to work with and then some days. I’m just like maybe I should keep waiting if I can’t find a partner maybe I don’t deserve a family another ridiculous things that might occasionally say to myself. Haha thanks for hearing me!!

31F here and boyfriend 31M as well. Almost one year living together and almost 15 as a couple.

Every day that passes I get more and more sick of waiting for my bf to say yes. I can’t stop envisioning myself pregnant or as a mom. It’s constantly on my mind and I feel like I’m stuck in a never-ending cycle. I just want to be a mother so badly and I’m tired of putting that dream on hold.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll give him until January to make up his mind. If he’s still on the fence by then, I’ll pursue IVF on my own.

I love him but I don’t want to keep waiting indefinitely for something that means so much to me…

Any thoughts?

ETA: Since a few people have brought this up, we’re both Spanish and we started dating when we were 16. The housing situation in Spain is awful (check the news), and it’s very common for people to move out of their parents’ homes in their late 20s or even early 30s. So please don’t assume that only living together for a year after 15 years as a couple means he has commitment issues. We also don’t want to get married, and we’re already registered as domestic partners. Neither of those things is an issue in our relationship. The issue here is that I want to start trying for a baby and he isn’t fully ready yet. He does want children and has told me that explicitly, but again, I’m sick of waiting.

So I had my intial fertility consult today. It went well. Doctor said he was scheduling me this Friday to get bloodwork and ultrasound done. I got scheduled. Then I get a message to call and let them know when I get my period so they can do baseline testing.

During my consult, I told doctor that my last period was September 12 and have not gotten one in October yet. So I’m confused. Do I go on Friday or am I supposed to wait until I get my period.? I plan on calling tomorrow when office opens, but just thought I’d ask here.

I have a 9-month-old daughter whose dad I’m separated from. She currently lives with me full-time, and I’m planning my future with the assumption that I’ll be parenting on my own long-term.

I’ve always hoped to have two children, and having a second has always been important to me. Given my circumstances, I’ve started thinking about the possibility of having another baby in 3–4 years using a sperm donor rather than waiting for another partner.

I know I’m still in the early days of motherhood, and my feelings may change over the next few years! I’m not making any decisions right now, but I’d like to start preparing financially and practically in case this is something I decide to pursue.

For those who have had a second baby on their own, what would you recommend doing now to prepare? I’d especially love to hear about finances, support systems, managing a newborn with an older child, and anything you wish you’d known about using a sperm donor.

Did anyone start buying clothes and baby items before getting pregnant? I’ve decided that I’m going to start the process early next year, just got out of a 2 year relationship, not trying to spend anymore years looking for the right one and waste some good years being an active mom.

I’ve bought baby clothes, mostly things on sale, I have gender neutral newborn and 0-3 outfits, I’ve bought cloth diapers as that’s what I’m planning on using. Does this make it easier or harder on you? Some days I look at the stuff and find hope for what’s to come and sometimes I look at the stuff and cry because I don’t have that baby yet and I’ve been dreaming about it since I was 12. Sorry this kind of turned into a vent lol. I just don’t have anyone else who would understand trying to be a single mom