Seeing her laugh

Is a celestial event

Her presence pure joy

That feels heaven sent

Having her close

To touch hold and kiss

Is the shooting star

That granted my wish

Her body I cherish

I would free of her pains

As the truth of my truth

And healed in summer rains

We break from the clamor

To be alone to be at peace

For the night is our parlor

Where the clamor may cease

The night sky it watches

Blessing two into one

In her soul I see riches

White and gold as the sun

Your light is softening my heart

For we are all rainbows

We walk shyly by the river

I feel the earth move and the sky too

While the stars beckon

I wonder if you hear their songs

The whispers in the wind

Like I do

But if you hear none of those things

I don't care

You are loving.

You are kind.

Incarnated anew with pale flesh- the platonic idea of woman. True is that word to both form and spirit. I know, you know, and thee know the thousand natural triumphs your flesh is heir to. One knows that victory of 3 pillow cushions neatly stacked. You know there are hundreds of ways to compare you. I could say your love is like the sea crashing upon the shores of my tepid and forever receding heart. I could compare your affections to the generous and wanton and pregnable longing of the sun. But such metaphors are tricks of language and bear little resemblance to who you are.
You know, I know, and thee know that you’re the backdrop of my life at the burning peak of each morning to the snuffing out of the last light of day. You mutilate me and torture me and then you put me back together better off than you found me. I am your thrall, your dog, your lamenting shaman. I say quiet prayers along your shores. The horrible and wonderful tempest or temptress befall my starkly opposed senses and erode away at the foundations. Greater things await, murmurs of chthonic forces I invite to invade my mind until my mouth foams with anticipatory ardor and my wandering eyes, yet  again, search for yours in the deep. A mass once proud in its world would turn to mud in an instant to join you in yours. To be a part of you, I would let myself be destroyed or at least changed until I am unrecognizable to anyone. You stir my composure with your chaotic forces. A rosy oasis envelops me as I am fed everything from this rare pink-haired nymph with freckles speckled like black stars over a celestial canvas.
I bathe in the glow of your presence every evening. I refract, distort and drag in your light and exhale more darkness. Your ancient, Persian light fills the void of my coal, Nordic cave. This mind reminiscent of Jotunheim melted and burned. You have made me feel every emotion known to humankind. The basis of all my experience, the agony, anguish, and jubilation of my existence.
I fade slowly in your absence. You steal the breath from my lungs through laughter, through rage, through passion, through and through until I am hollow beyond your midst. Like a fire in my breath destroys every doubt. In your eyes, I see a soul of purple and velvet. Your colorful specter bleeds over and embraces me and in that moment of your embrace I felt truly cared for. I felt truly adored by the gods.

^{'Hate' a word i used to love.}

^.

^{spilling water,}

^{ripping papers,}

^{yelling out the same words i thought i'd meant}

^{"I hate you"}

^{something i'd thought to never repent}

^.

^{words said in anger}

^{in rage,}

^{with a little child's unknowing brain}

^{.
never thought I'd see the day}

^{those words shatter my embrace,}

^.

^{'Hate' a word others thought strong.}

^{'Hate a word I'd use for every wrong.}

^.

^{'Hate" a word I use to love.}

I used to create until my hands ached.

Music rehearsals until my fingers went numb from aiming for perfection,

Painting until my eyes would burn and my wrists would get weak,

Sketched until the fumes of my alcohol ink markers burned their way into my brain.

I would sit at the piano in the front of my home and let the notes find their way out of my mind,

down through my arms,

Out the tips of my fingers,

until they decided we were finished.

I used to spend every spare moment of every spare minute trying to understand how I felt.

Who I was,

Where I would go.

I thought Music would heal me.

I thought art would bring vitality.

I thought putting pieces of myself on paper would make me feel real.

Sometimes it would.

One day I stopped believing it would.

I stopped wanting to create little tokens of my soul to look back at on a rainy day.

Instead of hours spent aiming for perfection of my art,

There are now only hours spent typing out reports,

For eyes who never want to read them.

Hours of wondering if this email found them well,

Or if my message came off too strong.

If my hands start to ache it is no longer out of a want for them to do so.

If my paint brushes find their way into my grasp it is only briefly.

Artistry became a waste of my dwindling energy,

My resources depleted,

My emotions no longer demanding to be understood.

I remember sitting in my backyard on sunny fall afternoons,

Trying to teach myself how to strum a ukulele,

As I absorbed the energy beaming down from the heavens.

The warmth radiated through the sleeves of my orange wool sweater as I would curve my fingers into seemingly impossible shapes,

Hoping if I just tried harder the notes would find their way out of my mind and into the air like they always did so many times before.

Now the notes in my mind are muffled and muted,

The air not as welcoming to their sound.

My contribution to this world was once rooted in my belief that art is essential to being.

That life revolved around the beauty we put into existence.

Where once there was desire to understand emotion,

Now is only the desire to stifle it.

I wrote this last month - just a bit of silliness. Also, first post here. Hi! 😄

Cheese Louise

Louise was a cheesemaker,
but the neighbors, out of touch,
thought she was too much
of a people-please-maker.

They thought her cheese too chewy.
What a load of hooey,
because she learned her Kraft in
Rapa Nui.

No, she never curd
for thoughts whispurred
by the people upsturrs—
she thought they were absurd.

They called her “Cheese Louise”—
they said her cheese caused a fetid breeze.
Their words lingered and galled her.

No, her blood didn’t curdle
as she got in her girdle.
She did the best she could
’cause she knew her cheese
was good.

Her poor husband Barry
(an apothecary)
was quite precise,
but the day they got married
he came home with head lice.

(It’s important to know:
Barry was quite hairy and—oh!
Sweet Mary!—
found dairy very scary.)

Louise was nice,
she fed their children rice.
They dreamed of South Bend,
where they hoped to transcend.

Set in her wheys,
She found a shop for a song
Barry said she belonged;
For him, she did no wrong.

Louise got back to the grind
and checked in on the rind,
she poured in the rennet—
(’cause, you see, her last name’s Bennett.)

Louise’s cheese was pungent,
but it made a fine unguent,
good for scrapes, minor burns,
and overindulgence.

Your feedback is appreciated

This is not autobiographical (though I've considered under these circumstances and wouldn't judge anyone who gave in). I like to start discussion/thought. Does doing this once taint one's work forever?

As far as I know only a dead heart in my chest would stop it from beating for you.
When I confess my love to you, our souls coalesce.
And for that I'd settle for no less than us.
Like thrush songbird's in flight,
we fly together, day through night.
Creating pink lurid streaks when we cut through the clouds.
What fun to have begun a life with you if its even but for a moment like a solvent;
and if it were to dissolve and dissipate,
today or tomorrow.
I'd feel no sorrow,
for we could could create such beauty in life's bustle and rush.
Like thrush songbirds we'll fly and chase.
So high, with faith in each other.
Forever as I loved you, Semper fi.

Will you kiss me in my coffin?
When my body’s cold and void of life.
Caress my face and hold me tight?
Would you stare away, proclaim I don’t look like me,or perhaps bask in my peaceful beauty?

There are two things
together
that set a man free.
The first
is the attempt
to be all that he can,
the second
is the knowledge
that it still won’t be enough.

The human mind is a fungus. Our ideas are the spores of the self, and our words carry them into the world like the wind.

With vigor come the tart dashes smeared over skyflock

Bathed under the loving embrace of our sun’s arms

And before so,

I may have seen into the distant beyond, what I so desperately crave,

And always have craved.

Weren’t you just one of them, the skyflock?

Pink in the face

Prancing around as the wind sways

And I could have sworn I’ll dance with you, too, regardless which melody you’ll sway to

So long as it’s you.

And that laugh, the giggle, lighthearted enough for me to touch

Is it really so easy for it to come out?

With our heads down, and faces close,

I could have sworn you’ll tease me about it, and I’ll ask you to reiterate,

And I could have sworn you’ll change your statement, and I’ll just laugh and keep my wants to myself

So long as it’s you.

Then on the way home, draped beneath the starshine,

I remember it well — how can I forget?

Even as bits and pieces of my memory may fade when I arose —

How can I forget the softness

Of your hands, as I held onto them, and as they held onto mine,

Of your smile as they slipped from mine, and as you strode away and made me wait for you, deep into the night,

Of my “father’s” gaze as he complimented you for who you are

And who you are will never be erased from my mind.

Simple ideals, I possess:

Before the most carnal aspects surge at all

I could have sworn I’d vowed to make you the happiest you could be

And, me?

All that mattered, in this present moment,

Was that, if even for a couple of hours,

Those which felt like mere minutes,

I got to belong to you in the realm of paradise.

The quiet was heavy, the cycle the same
I’d leave just to crawl right back into the flame.

I missed that cold numbness, the safety of gray,
Until I found reasons to keep you away.
I found someone new who’s just cool as can be,
Who writes me her verses and looks over at me.

She’s steady and genuine, making things bright,
A whole different world in the middle of sight.
I came back tonight just to bid you adieu,
To tell you I’m done and I’m making it through.

There's someone ahead with a genuine smile,
A whole life to build and a long happy while.
So goodbye to the loop and the comfort of blue...
Except... there’s no her. It was always just you.

I dressed up my flaws in the shape of a spark,
Just to see if you'd care while I stayed in the dark.

You drew me into you

The moment you entered that room,

Tall and standoffish.

My world stopped,

Those sunrays against you,

Like a movie in slow motion.

I searched for a ring,

When none was found on your left hand,

I watered my budding attraction.

And nipped it in the bud as quickly as I could,

When I learned your heart was for another.

How could I compete with that beautiful flower.

When you helped me with that bowling ball,

And at that hotel room, when you wanted a small talk,

I pined, and re-lived them in the halls of my mind.

When someone said you're not just a handsome face,

You turned to me embarrassed and coy.

I wish I could have said, "Why, yes, of course!"

When you took a jab at my friend,

You stopped yourself when you noticed me,

I'm glad you did but that still made me a little pissed.

When you didn't hold out that elevator door,

I mean you didn't have to rub it in my face.

I've always known my place.

Those moments, mere sliver of time

Unimportant and fleeting to you,

But delightful for me,

even if you didnt see me like I did you.

I wondered, If I wasn't so nervous,

had indulged you in a conversation over that

fake chicken skin, or how that view looked from

that hotel room

Would that have made any difference?

For how could this wallflower interest

A taken and striking man like you?

Granted they aren't my first ever poems but writing seems to help in a strange way. I have no one else to share these with at the moment so wondering what you guys think. They have titles to separate them. Sorry if they are kind of dumb and there's a lot of them. And I stress that this isn't exactly a hobby for me so don't go full critic on me please.

Inevitable

Try and try to convince myself

That it was worth the pain

No matter the hazard or problem

That I could endure the rain

Truth closed in like a chokehold

Stealing away my air

I thought myself too bold

Found a lesson there

Despite all the love I felt

So true and potent

It couldn't bring me respite

From the fact love was not enough

Passion

I sat upon that bench

With a friend long gone

A love I didn't expect found me

And played me, on and on

No not true. It wasn't just a game

So pure, so intense

Is it always the same?

Holding one another close

Your soothing caresse

Passed trail and tribulation

Always each others best

But in time the poison seeped

Then congealed and now rests

Leaving with it a hollow

A hole in my chest

Perhaps I shouldn't wallow

It wasn't all bad

But due to it's beauty

I cannot help but be sad

Why must it be so?

That we can't be together

My decision I know

But that doesn't make it better

I hope you at least understand

That your eyes would have stopped

What I had to say in that letter

What my heart would have blocked

Shame

It clicked so fast

With full fury and passion

Your doe green eyes

Your care and compassion

Your strength and your will

Unlocked something in me

They said it was misplaced

That you were too much but no my dear

I was blessed

For us to kiss and make love

For me to lay on your chest

My baby girl, my little monkey

So many nicknames

So many good days

Yet now I am hollow

My love found and razed

But all of that love

Is still completely the same

I never felt so before

I am sure not again

The one most hurtful thing

Is there is no one to blame

The walls closed in

And much to my shame

I left you my sweet

Because you drive me insane

Thanks for reading :)

I will cry again tonight,

Longing the highs, longing the flight,

Of this sensation forever light,

Of that dream that you ignite.

You pulled my wings brutally,

But in your eyes I could see,

You had long left the sea,

Of our once shared alchemy.

I hit the ground and thought,

That it couldn't have been for naught,

That it was meant to be brought,

Once again to life and soar.

But for the longing of those sweet summer nights,

You told me the blaze could never ignite,

That you faked its spark and its light.

I will cry again tonight...

I lost my soul in a stripclub.

I walked in with a lie,

The smell of wine and cheap perfume,

Then you caught my eye.

You met my gaze and smiled like this.

Two shots at the bar,

You knew I couldn't resist,

Have I gone too far.

It's always chaos on nights like this.

I was looking for a high,

To replace the love I missed,

Affection I can buy.

I knew the sun would burn me.

I knew the wings would fail.

I knew that every beautiful thing

comes with the chance of hell.

But God, the sky was endless.

And God, the view was worth it.

For a moment, I was weightless.

For a moment, I was perfect.

I could have stayed upon the ground,

kept my feet where they belonged.

Lived a life that kept me safe,

never right, but never wrong.

But I had seen what waited there.

I'd felt the wind against my skin.

And if the price of touching heaven

was the fall that followed it

Then let me fall.

Let the ocean take me.

Let the feathers scatter wide.

Let the world say I was foolish

for believing I could fly.

At least I wasn't watching

from the safety of the shore.

I want to know a little bit

about a lot of things.

How the stars got there.

Why the ocean moves.

How to fix a broken engine.

How to cook a proper steak.

I want to learn guitar

and get a little better

every year.

I want to fish new rivers,

get lost in new cities,

read books that change my mind

and meet people who piss me off

in interesting ways.

I want to know enough

to ask better questions.

And I want to be old

and still have things

I don’t understand.

There’s something depressing

about the idea

that one day you might decide

you’ve seen enough.

The world is enormous.

There’s too much to learn,

too much to see,

too many roads

I haven’t driven down.

I don’t need to be great

at everything.

I’d just like to be around

for as much of it as I can.