I’ve always had this curiosity about the Duggar’s. I’m a millennial, and when their show first aired I was in high school. I liked it even back then.
I think for me the attraction was that they were so close knit, appeared to be so pure, and had guiding values. So different from how I grew up. With a more isolated family system and lots of fighting, drugs, etc.
I still like to follow them on YouTube and find myself still curious.
Has anyone else felt similar?
I know about the two things with the brothers. It’s Terrible what happened and I’m not overlooking that. It’s the other aspects of large family, mission, and guidance that I loved so much. And I love that the father was so involved in the courtship. Growing up with a dad that didn’t care what I did, I find the guidance interesting.

They moralize my medical need for MTF gender affirming surgery lying to me that God wouldn’t want me to have it which contradicts “With God, anything is possible”, demanding spiritual benchmarks a.k.a. moving the goalposts before "allowing" surgeries disguising it as “care” or “concern”, but they’re just being architects to my suffering. They even have the nerve to say I’m selfish when they’re manipulating me using shame to control me by saying I’m selfish because I’m not doing what they want me to do: be a straight or gay cisgender male when I’ve known since I was 4 (exactly 3 decades ago btw) that I’ve always been a girl wrongfully assigned male at my birth.. Those kinds of religious people are narcissistic!

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how we cope with the overwhelming amount of suffering in the world—war, poverty, systemic injustice—and I’m struggling with how easily our coping mechanisms turn into complacency.

When the world gets heavy, our natural instinct is to retreat. We listen to uplifting music that tells us our own happiness is all that matters, or we consume media that lets us forget. But lately, I’ve noticed a deeper, more institutionalized version of this escape: hiding behind spirituality and faith.

It is incredibly common to hear people handle global tragedy by saying, "It’s in God’s hands," or "I surrender it to the universe." While surrender can be a beautiful tool for personal anxiety, it becomes dangerous when it is used to justify inaction.

When we say "everything happens for a reason" to comfort ourselves about someone else's ongoing trauma, we are essentially using faith as an emotional shield. We surrender our own agency and power to effect real change, outsourcing our moral responsibility to a higher power so we can go back to enjoying our lives guilt-free.

But whatever your worldview, culture, or conditioning, pain is a universal currency. We don’t have to agree on the meaning of life or the existence of a higher power to agree on what hurts. Minimizing suffering for others is the lowest common denominator of human decency.

If spirituality or faith is used to build a wall between us and the pain of the world, it isn’t true peace—it’s spiritual bypassing. True peace shouldn’t be a hiding spot to keep us safe from reality; it should be an anchor that gives us the strength to step into the storm and help.

Comfort is a necessary place to refuel, but it’s a dangerous place to live. If our coping mechanisms make us numb to the pain of others, our personal peace is built on an illusion. How do we balance the absolute necessity of protecting our mental health with our shared human duty to actually look at, and minimize, the suffering around us?

As I’ve been trying to get closer to god. I feel like I’m losing enjoyment in the things I love most and it got to the point where I have a hard time enjoying my own writing. I write fictional stories and characters with different types of sexualities and etc.

When I’m getting closer to god I don’t want to lose that part of myself. I love writing things but it feels like it’s wrong to enjoy that now?

Any advice?

hi guys, sorry if this is post is a bit of a mess. I almost dont really know what im asking or how it can even be answered. but I feel like i need to talk to someone about this and i dont know who.

im a gay Christian. about 2 years ago I became Christian and it was the best decision of my life. obviously I was quickly made aware of biblical interpretations suggesting that being gay is wrong. I thought i was okay with accepting that these interpretations were simply wrong, outdated, mistrannslated and misinterpreted. I also always felt strongly that, surely, God wouldnt make me gay just to punish me for it, that just doesn't make any sense.

what i cant get over is the anxiety and guilt i feel every time I think about it. I dont know why and I dont how how to resolve it. it adds up in my head at the very least - that im gay because I was made this way, but then why do my emotions seem to contradict my beliefs?

and ive felt this for a long time, and I keep pushing the feeling down. but am I wrong for doing that? is there something that im missing or something more that I need to understand? I feel I live by God in every way that I can. so what's happening with this?

and I ask for advice specifically from people apart of the lgbtq community, as i know ill find more understanding from people who have experienced what I have. how do I fix this, how do I get rid of these feelings? how have you guys learned to cope with it all?

I’m a trans girl who’s a teen and I’ve always knew that I was a girl from when I was 2, but tried to live as a Christian boy, feminine boy, and a trans girl. When I lived as a Christian boy it felt ”unnatural“ and being in a role that isn’t me and I had the pressure to act as a boy instead of myself and I got mental health issues from it. Then I tried living as a Christian trans girl and now I don’t have any pressure to change myself and feel the most honest and happiest I’ve ever been with God. But my mental health has been getting worse because I’ve been asking if we could start medical care for a long time and still my dad is saying no. My dad has seen my mental health getting worse and it’s obvious, but he says it’s all because of my wish of hormones that‘s made my mental health worse so we wouldn’t get it. He also doesn’t support trans anymore and thinks it could be a sin because he’s seen my mental health getting worse “after I became trans” even though I always was, but couldn’t because he used to be an anti-trabs and against trans Christians. He only believes I have gender dysphoria and I’m choosing to be trans and when I’m “reborn on Christ” my identity would change.

So I’m trying to do things that could help my situation and he doesn’t accept progressive Christian books at all so it’s hard to find stuff. The first part I did find; therapy sessions with Dr. Mark Yarhouse for my dad to learn to accept my identity and see me a girl, but Dr. Mark also doesn’t support medical care.

What are some books or resources that can help to be my next step that’s traditional Christian but also does support trans medical care?

Just a question

I'm a gay Christian in my early 30s, and I'm in a committed relationship with a man. For years I assumed I'd have to pick between him and God, so I'm posting for anyone who's still stuck in that spot.

What changed things was reading the passages I'd been handed for myself. Leviticus is a holiness code that sits right next to rules about shellfish and mixed fabrics. Romans 1 is about idolatry. Sodom was a mob trying to rape strangers. None of them describe two men who love each other and keep a promise. Jesus spoke about a lot of things, and He never said anything against us. Paul even calls forbidding people to marry a false teaching (1 Timothy 4:3).

What people add on top is a rule of lifelong aloneness, and then they call it faithfulness. That rule isn't in the text.

My life now is ordinary. We cook, we pray, we go to church, and we argue over the dishes. My faith is stronger than when I was hiding from God, because I stopped believing He was angry at me for something I never chose.

Where I'm still curious is how you all handle this with family or churches that don't see it the way we do. What's worked for you?

I wrote about what Christians get wrong on this here: https://alextoughtakes.substack.com/p/what-christians-get-wrong-about-being

Hello all,

I have OCD. And despite not being religious my OCD has had and currently has religious themes. At 13 the thought "I sell my soul to Satan" popped into my head, i even said it out loud i do not know why. The next 2 years I spent riddled with guilt and fear. I did a prayer every night cause if I did not I would go to hell, or my mom would die, or my dad would be injured. Eventually my theme moved on having a brain tumor. And well that was that. I explored a lot at that time but mainly about how to avoid hell but simultaneously also doubted the existence of it.

Lately, my religious themes are back. Another terrifying "i am going to hell, i am evil, i need to find my faith" i have spent hours looking up religious videos, its the first thing I think about and the last each day. Its eating into my life. I have found a secular therapist and that will start soon. I have started to genuinely pray. I will say it brings me some solace although i will admit I sometimes wonder who is listening. But I struggle with some things. I guess i have questions for God and I look up relevant verses but everyone has a different interpretation. My biggest struggles are with hell.

I struggle to believe as that would mean my Jewish uncle who was one of the most considerate and kind people out there, who lit up a room, is burning for eternity. I struggle to believe that my friends who are gay or even myself who is Bi, will go to hell for who I am or they are.

I struggle with sex as a sin? I know, classic, but why. Why not make us all Demisexual if having sex was only to be in one pair for life. And how do you get married without knowing about someone first. Marriage is a commitment and should be life long but you need to explore first its not something you should do with the first girl you or guy you meet.

I struggle with Revelation. When you learn the context and how it is likely about Rome and the persecution faced then it makes sense. While certainly an allegory for today, Christians are one of the largest faiths out there I do not see the end times happening anytime soon and it does seem like a revenge fantasy.

I do believe there is a higher power that is good. And i also believe every positive has a negative and there are evil forces. I am kind of a paranormal guy so NDEs, ghosts, UFOs, it kind of interests me. But I struggle to accept the Christian perspective fully. I just want to see the thoughts of the community here, if thats ok. You guys seem welcoming and well, i have questions.

Hello everyone 👋 I’m looking for some advice/perspectives. I’m exploring returning to some kind of Christianity (I grew up Church of England, no religious trauma or anything but just drifted away as a teenager and now feel pulled to return) but I’m struggling with finding a church.

I like the traditional hymns etc (I’m not after anything really modern), but I also want something progressive that allows room for doubt and uncertainty. Extra complication: I’d like to take my family with me, which includes an 8 year old, who won’t be quite so keen on sitting through a long service/sermon.

Any suggestions? Anyone else struggling to find a church that fits?

On my journey to knowing god on my own terms, there’s been a problem. I have a hard time accepting that I’ve liked the same gender and possibly still do now. As a kid I grew up in an anti-lgbtq household and it’s a miracle I didn’t turn out like my parents. (Not necessarily saying their bad but how they treat others who aren’t straight or are just different in general really grinds my gears) For example, I have a trans uncle who doesn’t come around often due to my family thinking being trans isn’t okay.

Things switched up when I was 11 years old and I got my first girls crush. I was horrified, thinking “how could I?” “It’s not what god wants!” “I can’t date her!” So I said I couldn’t, and I honestly never got over that. I did whatever I could to stay straight. I dated someone older than me and the sad fact was that my parents didn’t care as long as I was straight. If I was anything other they’d hate me, especially my mother.

As I got older I found more friends, friends who didn’t judge me because of what my heart felt. And it’s great, I just wish I was so confident like them. That i could show love to myself like I do to them.

I want to accept myself, but I have this all or nothing thinking. in my brain it’s like I have to be one or the other. My heart is big and is full of love and I don’t want to contain it.

i need help.

I was meditating sister and brother in Christ on 1 Samuel 20:5 There are moments in life when wisdom calls us to step back from the table — to slip away from the noise, the pressure, and the expectations of others, in order to find clarity in a quieter place. David's request to Jonathan was not cowardice; it was discernment. He recognized that something was wrong in his circumstances, and rather than pretend everything was fine, he chose to seek shelter and truth before making his next move. How often do we stay seated at tables that are draining us, out of obligation or fear of what others might think, when God may be inviting us to step away and rest in His presence? Like David hiding in the field, sometimes our greatest act of faith is creating space to hear clearly — away from the demands that cloud our judgment. Trust that stepping back to seek God's wisdom is never a retreat; it is preparation for the next step He has planned for you.

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing okay.

I am almost 22, and when I was 14 I was diagnosed with severe OCD. I honestly had some rough teenage years. I had to drop out of high school and then out of college because my obsessions were pretty bad. It got to the point where I was spending 24/7 obsessively researching things about the Bible and theology, and I almost went fully psychotic. Thankfully, I am in a much better place now, and I'm even just a few months away from finishing college.

Lately, I’ve been thinking extensively about the topic of sex in Christianity. Because of my past obsessive research, I have a cognitive leaning towards progressive theology and a view of the Bible as non-inerrant. Because of that, I feel like I lean towards a more sex-positive viewpoint.

At the same time, I deeply respect tradition, and I am terrified of committing a sin. I understand that marriage is holy, and I know that sex is a powerful, vulnerable bond between two people. But I’m also a young guy who wants to experience sex and connection (I have had sex in the past).

My struggle is this: because of my OCD, I know that I will never have an absolute, 100% certain answer that satisfies my brain. There will always be a "what if tradition is right and I'm sinning?" fear in the back of my head.

This brings me to Romans 14:23: "But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin."

How should someone navigate such a difficult question when certainty is practically impossible for them? Does this verse mean we must have 100% certainty and zero doubts before we make a move? Or is there room in the Christian walk for "figuring it out along the way" and trusting God's grace in the gray areas, rather than waiting until we are completely sure we are doing the right thing?

I honestly have no one to talk about these type of things. I feel like everyone will give me different answers depending on their denomination and even political leaning and I feel honestly lost and confused.

What resources do you recommend for someone looking to dip their toes. A socialist, Agnostic here who does believe in a divine being and who is interested in the teachins of Jesus but is also looking to not embrace something that would turn my back on my LGBT friends. I also just don't feel, and I know this is heretical, that anyone can say what path to God is right. I know Jews and Muslims. I worked with a kid from Lebanon. One of the gentelist and pure souls I have met.

Baptized Catholic. One year of Catechism that did not take. No disrespect just 2nd Grade me hated leaving school to go to school to learn something I did not fully comprehend. Pre-school me did do Catholic pre-school the nuns were not fans. I just wanted to play with the trucks and the blocks. My first ADHD challenge with schoolingnI guess.

Also, and this is a side note trying to quit porn. Started before from an ethical standpoint but man hard to do especially a long time coping mechanism. Figured I would toss this in as well.

Thanks!