Hi,

I am an only child and I am getting into a pretty serious relationship with my boyfriend. He has quite a big family of two younger siblings and his two parents. I am also a child of divorce so my relationship with my parents are quite seperate and it's never a "ask your mom" or "ask your dad" kind of dynamic. I've always struggled with dating and interacting with my partner's family but I am having a much harder time with my current boyfriend. His family is quite family orientated and often exclude me (mostly his dad) because of our differences in culture.

Has anyone else had this issue and if they did how did you get comfortable with another family?

I am an adult who is an only child. I don’t have any family near me other than my mom. We have a strained relationship because of her long term partner. I set a boundary that I do not want to see or be around him after realizing that growing up around/with him I noticed many things he would do, that I didn’t appreciate or find respectful to me or my mom. It really affected my childhood and how I am today. He has said and done inappropriate things through the years as well. I do not feel comfortable around him. I have given him multiple chances growing up and as an adult which he always blew. I don’t trust him, I don’t like him, I resent him. I feel like he is controlling my mom and influencing her decisions. Since I set my boundary and made it clear that I just want a relationship with my mother and want nothing to do with him it has been hard to see her even though she lives close to the city I’m in. Now she is going to be moving across the world. I already feel alone as I don’t have family here and the family that is around the world I am not close with. My grandma passed away from dementia and Alzheimer’s years ago, that was really hard to see and deal with since my grandparents moved to Hawaii when I was young. I don’t have many memories of her and I hate that I couldn’t see or help her when her health went down hill. I’m afraid this is going to happen to my mom. I know she is an adult and will make her own decisions. I just feel alone, I have no sibling or family here. Knowing that I won’t be able to go see her as easily is scaring me. I want to visit but I don’t have a passport and made it clear I won’t be interested in seeing her partner if I visit. I don’t want her to feel so far away and she already feels so far away. Is it normal for feeling this way and feeling resentment about the situation? How do I feel better about this, how do I not feel so alone? How do I not worry?

I’m 19f I turn 20 soon and I fail to have connections with people, I’m not sure if it stems from being an only child or it just happened. I especially lost the ability to connect when I was 17. Since 17 I’ve felt pretty empty if I can say…but yeah I’ve always felt this way, I’ve had a hard time connecting with people in general.

My mom always told me I loved my friends so much when I was younger we’d even argue about it because I always put them first because I have no siblings, but tbh I’ve never felt a connection, like that platonic love everyone posts or talks about, yeah I can laugh and vibe with people, hell we’ll bond like crazy but it never really sticks and that’s a bit scary, because it makes me feel really alone, I mean I know I’m alone but it makes me feel even more alone.

I know the saying “you just haven’t find your people” I believe I have, I have a beautiful friend group but I don’t understand why I can’t just love them the way I’m supposed to, I’m not a bad friend and I’m always there when they need me etc but I feel like a robot when it comes to platonic relationships, which makes me sad a little. Idk if I’m chasing a feeling that doesn’t exist and over romanticising it or something.
Does anyone else feel this way?

For anyone here who’s settled a parent’s estate without siblings, how did you manage it alongside a full time job? I’m an only child and live in another state, so I can’t just stop by the house whenever something needs attention. I’ve already hired a probate attorney and I thought they would take care of most of this. They’re handling the legal side but I’m still doing much more than I expected. When I ask about something, I usually get instructions on what I need to do rather than someone taking it over. I understand that might be what I hired them for but it hasn’t helped much with the workload. The house is my biggest concern now that I’m back home. Taking time off for the funeral was one thing but I can’t keep making the trip whenever something needs to be dealt with in person. There’s no sibling nearby who can go instead. I need help getting things done, not just understanding what needs doing. What would you have handed over sooner?

I (18) never minded being an only until this past year. I don’t think I’d mind so much if I had a more “normal” life but My parents have an age gap and my father is elderly.

My friends are talking about college and meanwhile I’m worried about who’s going to take care of him, how my mom is going to do alone, what if I need to come home quickly because of a health scare or inevitably his funeral, how I’m going to help her when he dies while being a student / early in career , ect.

Being an only child makes it so much worse. They have no practice with a child leaving the nest, and as soon as I do, it will be lonely and I don’t know what theyll do with themselves. They’re both retired and don’t particularly like each other.

I feel parents who have siblings still have those other kids, they retain a sense of purpose and it probably eases the shock of no longer being 24/7 responsible for someone they’ve taken care of for approx 2 decades when the eldest / first moves out.

And then I worry, when my mom gets older how it’s completely on me to take care of her. It feels like I have no room to fail and have so much pressure to succeed because if I don’t it’s not just me who goes down but her too.

My friends and family all have siblings and young parents so they don’t really understand or relate to what I’m feeling right now. I was wondering if anyone here has advice or suggestions for coping with the impending doom feeling of taking care of parents or for easing the transition when moving out for the first time?

Due to recent mental health/relationship issues, I’ve (31F) realized and have had to accept that I need to come out to my parents in order to start healing move forward with my life for both myself and my partner.

The problem: my parents are very right wing conservatives and do not support the 2SLGBTQIA+ in any capacity. Nothing new, but I’ve been so dependent on my parents that the fear of losing them and them removing me from their lives has actively stopped me from taking charge of my life and live authentically. I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD (my parents don’t believe it cause they don’t believe in mental health issues to an extent) and I’m beginning to question if it’s more than that, as I struggle a lot with anxiety, depression, mood swings, physical pain, and constant brain fog and disassociation. Now that it’s impacted my relationship and my mental health, I need to push through the fear and get it done.

The 2 main reasons why I haven’t come out are finances and my belongings. My parents have a history of throwing out things of mine that they don’t like, and I’m afraid that they’re going to toss all my things; all my childhood toys, clothes, shoes, and other personal items into either the garbage or donation before I have the chance to get them. As for my financial situation, I’m currently $18k in credit card debt and have been relying on my parents to help out, such as paying my rent 3 times a year, paying for my transit pass, etc.
I have accepted the fact that I’ll lose access to these things but I’ve been making the effort to get my money situated so I’m not overly stressed. I’d love to have these debts just cleared up so I’m not living on edge all the time, but I’d rather deal with financial stress than continue to live a double life.

My current plan: my partner, roommate, and I rent a car, plan a day when everyone (ourselves and my parents) are home so I can get everything out and bring back to my place where I keep it in the garage. Sounds easy enough, but my parents love to ask questions and the last time I brought up taking all my things, they seemed weird about it, like it wasn’t something they’d ever thought I’d ask.

Where I’m looking for advice: Any ideas on how I can talk to my parents about getting my belongings without being suspicious, how I can sit down with them and have the uncomfortable conversation regarding my sexuality, and any suggestions on dealing with the aftermath if things go south. I’m not close to my extended family but I was wondering if I should reach out to my uncle (my dad’s second oldest brother) and wife who I trust with very serious information, as they’re both the most level headed of my extended family and have already agreed with being my emergency contact if something happens to my parents.

I’ve accepted that things might go really badly, that it might turn into a shitshow and my parents disown me. As much as it pains me to think this way as I’m their only kid and don’t want to be shut out, I can’t keep living like this. I’m burnt out, mentally exhausted, physically struggling at my job, and causing turmoil in my relationship. Any advice, big or small is helpful, thank you for reading

I don't mean this is an unwelcoming place or anything. Just I'm guessing parents of oc's aren't the core audience.

Just wondering if it's cool to comment, maybe the odd post but probably not.

It's cool either way I'm just trying to understand the sub better.

It's a burden I am used to but it's terrifying. I always wondered, what if my mother has an emergency and I'm busy or don't have my phone on me? we don't have any relatives close to our city. It's even worse because I have OCD and all kind of horrible, intrusive thoughts. Even leaving the house for 15 minutes and noticing I forgot my phone makes me scared. I don't know what I'll do when my parents become elderly. Does this happen to anyone else?

I hated the loneliness of being an only child as a kid, but I figured it would get better once I was an adult. I didn't fully understand how different our lives were even after childhood.

Because I'm an only child and my parents had me older than most parents, I have to deal with trying to look out for them as they age and deal with more and more health problems. At the same time, I'm looking into a future where after they're gone I have no close family left.

I don't know if I'm cut out to be a parent, but I'd like to have some relationship with the next generation. I think I'd be a wonderful uncle. But the only way I can do that is if I get married and my spouse has a sibling(s) with kids. And even then, I'd just be the guy who married into it, not watching someone I grew up with be a parent and supporting them. If someone has a sibling with kids they can have that role. The fun of watching a family member grow up without as much of the responsibility.

Let's say I do have kids. A lot of times if multiple siblings have kids and they live close they watch each other's kids to give each other a break. And even if they have kids and their siblings don't, they have someone who can baby sit.

I have to worry about managing my parents with no support and I feel like I'd have less support than most if I have kids. And if I feel like the smart move is to just have one for financial and capacity reasons, I'd like to at least give that kid close cousins (like I didn't get) so they could get some of that experience of growing up with close family even without siblings. But I can't offer that either.

I know some siblings aren't close and all that, but all my friends I know that have siblings seem to support each other. It just feels like at every stage of life those of us who are only children who grew up in poor, unsupportive environments get screwed over and over again. If I don't have kids I miss out even more than most people who don't have kids but have siblings do, and if I do have kids it's likely going to be more challenging in multiple ways.

So my mom is always having some sort of health crisis, it’s literally one thing after another, years of this. Right now the past couple years it’s been her back. She has definitely insinuated to me that I one day need to be her sole caregiver and expects me to do what she did with her mom, and basically treat her as a full-time job when she’s old.

This morning I got in my truck and the check engine light was on and it was vibrating so hard that I could barely drive it. I adore my truck, and it’s been through so much with me. That’s why in the text message I said what I did (referring to my car as she). My mom immediately
Retorted to this response. It’s just so freaking exhausting being the only one to take the brunt of our parents. It’s a constant weight on me knowing what she expects of me one day. I can’t even have one minute to myself to be stressed out about my vehicle without her making it about herself and reminding me that she needs to be taken care of also.

Is anybody else in this position and or does anybody else feel this way? It’s very isolating and lonely and I love to hear any responses. I do overall enjoy being an only child but it’s times like these when I’d love to have a sibling to text about this kind of stuff to.

I’ve always been close with my parents and especially close with my mom, but after my dad passed away from cancer a few years ago our relationship has changed.

I’m a 29F and my mom is F62 and I live far away from home now so she has to visit during holidays and vice versa. I’ve found in the past few years she can make comments making fun of me in public or to my boyfriend about being incompetent or wrong. At first it was funny, like “I wouldn’t trust you to cook the dinner tonight” for things I’m clearly not good at or like to do. But it’s grown to little things I say, she will call out and say “hmm I’m not sure about that” or question it as fact.

She never does this to my partner or other people. I recently asked her to stop and it caused a huge fight where she said I’m always correcting things she says and she can never be right with me. It was such a bad fight we didn’t really speak for the next 4 days while she stayed in my home.

For those only children out there, it’s really hard to feel like you don’t have any family to vent to when things like this happen. My partner is wonderful but he has a big family and it’s hard to relate when the only person you have left has evolved and changed their personality so much where you feel you’re talking to a different person.

Any advice to help mend things or feel less alone would be helpful.

Hi I'm in college 2nd year, and supposed to be 4th graduating but I stopped for 2years to work and personal reasons (mainly cuz of money) and now I'm living alone, in a bed space while studying.... Currently don't have a job cuz of the school schedule and my mom don't have work, so you can say I'm slowing burning on my wits as she always rant that she still have debts and no money while I won't say anything cuz if I do say I have none too she'll cry all day long and rant how I'm too much of a daughter not thinking of her situation abroad (OFW).

I applied to tons of scholarship even the owwa one but no response yet, I have high grades no failures even if I haven't been focusing on my school these days cuz of feeling lack to do so?? I mean tbh rn in my wallet there's less than ₱50 and I've been applying to different jobs like bakeries, convinience stores, even housekeeping in the red hotel, but once they learn I'm at school they'll immediately make excuses.

Why is it hard to live? Like sometimes I wish I have someone to depend on cuz I'm also a child, but been emotionally abused since then..... Like when I said I'll stop my education to work cuz I can't do it anymore (financially even if I want) my mom will just cry and said your aunt will help you just message her etc... but it's too much 🥹 she's just my aunt and monthly she'll pay for my dorm and tf, for food I barely even scrap things.....

It's tiring to be an only child of a solo parent with no income....

The worst part about being an only child is that you're conditioned to be alone.

Even if you find a loving relationship, you'll never be as comfortable with them as you are with yourself. You're used to space, privacy, isolation, etc. That's the environment in which you've learned to be comfortable. It feels like a social battery that, once depleted, requires you to seek time away from others.

Being raised in a single-parent household only makes matters worse. In my case, I have no father. My mother is the only person in my immediate family. I saw no relationship modelled in the house growing up. Furthermore, the idea of two people loving each other and having a child was never instilled in me because I'm donor-conceived. My mother did it herself, which I (and other donor-conceived people) believe does something damaging to one's psyche.

I can figure out most things in life with enough research and effort but relationships feel completely alien to me. I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend. My friends and their girlfriends can't understand why I don't have one. I know love is the one thing that cannot be rationalized or intellectualized because it's based on emotion. I'm finding it difficult to build that part of myself and increasingly wondering whether my prior conditions predetermined this part of my life.

I worry that I will never be fully comfortable in a relationship because I'm more comfortable alone.

Have any of you who are only children, went no contact with a toxic parent and they ended up passing away or getting sick?

What was that like for you?

I am almost 30 years old, I moved out my mother’s house at 18. Ever since then I’ve been away from my hometown for almost 10 years. I moved away when I joined the military..

Before I left, I lived with my mother who is VERY toxic but I didn’t think much of it then because I figured since I was a teenager I was like every other teen who wanted to get out of the house at 18..

Fast forward to now.. we still keep in touch. However, my mother is still toxic and set in her ways. I’ll set boundaries, she’ll “respect” them for a week or two and then she’s back to her old ways. She’s disrespectful and takes me for granted as her child.. as far as my father goes, we have a relationship, he’s actively in my life BUT I noticed he only talks to me when he’s lonely and doesn’t have anyone else talk too.. and once he does I hardly hear from him.

My main point of writing this is because my biggest fear is to completely cut my parents off (mainly my mother) I’ve tolerated her for so long that I’m to the point where I want to set a firm boundary especially since she told me on a voicemail that “she knows how “this” goes (me going no contact/ distancing myself) and I’ll just talk to her again in 3-6 months” because she said that, I’m tempted to cut her off completely because like I said previously she clearly takes me for granted..

but I’m worried that the second I make my mind up and decided to cut her off, she’ll get sick or pass way.

I want a relationship with mother, clearly but she’s just so damn toxic, and disrespectful. I no longer have the patience.

I’m not close to my other family members because they’re just as toxic and ignorant as she is so I already know that if I went no contact for good, I’d be the “bad guy”

Its a very long story but i (35F) have lived far away for almost 10 years now. My mom has accepted it and I have a healthy relationship with her. My father, on the other hand (who is also addicted to his phone) is relentless with texting me. He also seems envious of the fact that I live where I do, without him (ive encouraged my parents to move here but thats an entire other story), and he honestly seems to take issue with the fact that im happy with my own life that is vastly different from his/what he envisioned for me. Its just hard because ive been close with my dad my whole life but as he got older our relationship changed.

"Hey"

"Good morning"

"Hey"

"You at the gym again lol"

"You there"

This is just a very tiny example, all sent within 30 mins of each other.

I hate to complain but its just a lot. I needed to get this out there and see if anyone can relate.

TIA

Edit: there is a LOT more context to this post but I wanted to keep it as brief as possible. I hope that makes sense.

because I live in bad environment in religious Muslim country without human rights for minorities, I need a brother more than other people.

sometimes I imagine a man as my brother

he is from Europe and he is neither Youtuber nor social media personality but sometimes I see him appearing in the videos of his organization and sometimes he says encouragements

when I watch his video I feel better, I imagine my life would be better if I had a brother like him, someone I complain to and I would hug when I feel upset

He even made me want to learn his language.

I’m a college student and an only child, and lately I’ve been wondering if anyone else feels like they have less independence because of overprotective or overbearing parents.

My parents care about me, and I understand that a lot of their concerns come from wanting to protect me. However, sometimes it feels like they have a hard time letting me grow up and experience life on my own.

I feel like I have to explain or justify a lot of my decisions, especially when it comes to my social life, going out with friends, or doing things independently. Sometimes, even when I want to make my own choices, I feel guilty because I know my parents might disagree or worry about me.

One thing that makes it difficult is seeing other college students who seem to have more freedom to make their own decisions without having to think about how their parents will react. I want to be able to make memories, spend time with friends, and have a normal college experience without feeling like I’m doing something wrong for wanting independence.

I also wonder if being an only child plays a role in this. When you're the only kid, does all the attention and concern sometimes turn into overprotection? Do parents have a harder time letting go because you're their only child?

I love my family, and I’m not trying to paint my parents as bad people. I just want to feel like I'm becoming my own person and learning how to navigate life without feeling like I constantly need permission or approval.

For those who grew up as only children with overprotective parents, did you struggle with independence in college? How did you get your parents to understand that growing up doesn't mean you love them any less?

https://theonion.com/cool-dad-raising-daughter-on-media-that-will-put-her-en-1819572981/

I’m curious if any other only daughters experienced this growing up. Did you find that your interests, especially TV shows, movies, music, and hobbies, were largely shaped by whatever your dad liked?

For example, if Dad liked a particular show, that’s what everyone watched. There wasn’t much encouragement to explore different interests or develop your own preferences. Like wrestling, Star Trek, weird Al, etc.

I’m wondering whether this is common in only-child families, particularly with daughters, or whether it’s more about family dynamics and having a dominant parent.

Did you eventually develop your own interests as you got older, or do you still find yourself gravitating toward whatever your dad enjoys?

Just curious if anyone else can relate!

As the title says, has anyone felt this or witnessed behaviours to suggest so?

Thanks in advance.

I am 17M and the only child of my parents, born nearly two decades after their marriage.

People often say being an only child is a blessing, and maybe it is in some ways, but definitely not in all ways. You carry all family burdens alone with no sibling to share the load or even talk to is incredibly isolating.

Being late-born is the scariest part. My parents are already in their mid-50s. My father works almost half of a day at his shop just to survive. It is exhausting to watch my peers live a chill life while I struggle. I feel immense guilt. If I help with household chores, my intermediate studies suffer. If I study, I feel like a bad son.

I want to pursue a BSCS. In my city, we only have a small campus of SIBA but here opportunities are extremely limited and campus is mostly filled with local female students whose families don't want to send them out of the city. For growth, Karachi is the main hub of opportunities, and I know I have to move there for my career.

But when I move to Karachi, who will take care of my parents? I also have a permanent visual disability (monocular vision), Despite this, I want to be successful to give my parents the life they truly deserve. My ultimate dream is to go abroad and work in top-tier tech companies like Google or Microsoft.

We can't even rely on relatives. In this cruel world, even your own family doesn't look at each other without seeing some benefit.

I need real, practical advice from people who have been in my shoes:

To all the only children out there, what advice do you have to make my life much easier? What are the struggles or challenges (maybe hidden ones) that I might face down?

My long-term plan is to go abroad for a Master’s degree to transition into a global tech company. But if I go abroad alone, what happens to my elderly parents back home? If I somehow manage to take them with me, how will I handle the pressure? Will I focus on my Master's studies, my career skills, or taking care of them in a completely new country? This entire situation feels like it’s going to be absolute hell for my mental health. Has any only-child gone through this?

Honestly, I feel completely stuck and paralyzed. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt every single day watching my father work 11 hours at the shop and my mother handle the house. I want to step up and help them with daily chores right now, but whenever I do, it messes up my studies and prep for 12th grade. Tbh, I just want them to rest, and I want to rest too. I am so tired of this cycle. It hurts deeply to see my peers living a chill, fun life while my parents and I are constantly struggling just to survive. How do you balance helping your struggling parents right now without completely destroying the grades/studies you need to rescue them in the future?

Please give me actionable suggestions on how to manage and take care of my parents while building my future in tech. How do I do this without completely exhausting myself, destroying my mental health, or burning out to the point where I end up accomplishing nothing at all?

\- TY to anyone who reads this and shares their advice :) ❤️

I’m 38F, an only child, and I think my parents have stolen years of my life.

Every time I tried to move away and build my own life, something happened that pulled me back. Family business problems, my dad having a mistress and my mom threatening suicide, or some other crisis that somehow became my responsibility.

I’ve spent my entire life putting them first, acting like their personal butler and sacrificing my own plans. I also live in a very corrupt country where getting a job in your field often requires political connections, so my career has suffered while years passed in unstable jobs and low salaries.

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. We’ve only now managed to buy a house, partly because I inherited half of it and because I’m pregnant. Unfortunately, it’s right next to my parents. Until we renovate it, we’ll live upstairs at my partner’s parents’ house with our baby.

Recently, my controlling mother told me it was sad that we were our age and still hadn’t sorted out our lives, unlike people much younger than us. I finally snapped and told her she was a main reason why.

She also seems to assume she’ll organize a celebration for the baby and invite her own friends. When I told her my partner, the baby’s father, would organize it, she genuinely couldn’t understand why it should be him and not her. This is the same woman who laughed when I told her I was engaged, then spat at me and called me a peasant when I said we would be living at my partner’s parents’ house.

After 35 years of verbal and physical abuse and control, she has been acting like a better mother lately. But I can’t just forget everything because she occasionally behaves nicely.

I’m terrified of living next door to them. Yet I still feel responsible for them, guilty when I put myself first, and trapped in this dynamic. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a kind of Stockholm syndrome.

I’m about to become a mother myself, and I desperately want to break this cycle. Sometimes I think the easiest solution would be to find a good job abroad and move my little family there. I feel like I need actual physical distance from my parents to finally feel like my own person and live a life that belongs to me.

Has anyone else felt this way? Did moving far away actually help you break free?