Lot to unpack here everyone

I (M38) and my wife (F33) decided to explore swinging and tick of some sex bucket list items earlier this year. She wanted to explore her bisexuality and I wanted a threesome (and other things)....cliche I know.

We did this for a few months, and during this time I really struggled mentally to grasp with my feelings of inadequacy, and unrelenting standards. Ive always struggled with mental health.

I can at times catastrophise and have been seeking out the help of a psychologists over the past few years.

So around May, my wife met a woman at her new place of work and connected with her. They became instant friends and my wife eventually came to me and said she has romantic feelings for this woman and wants to explore that.

Up until this time we had only ever had experiences with others together and in the same room.

I reluctantly obliged, but I love her and we were in a great place and I didn't want her to resent should I have declined - they went away together for a two night getaway.

We later found out that this woman was in an abusive relationship with her partner and we offered to house her if she needed to get away. She accepted.

She moved in. We discussed out relationship and how that would look. We attempted to be a throuple but it was clear she and I did not have a romantic connection.

My mental health continued to decline. I started to get upset at small things, not be appreciative of things my wife did for me, belittle her, undermine her achievements and start to resent her.

I told her multiple times that I wasnt coping with seeing their relationship unfold in our family home but I was trying my best to be okay with it and just outlouding my feelings.

Ive had a few breakdowns and had to seek emergency care for panic attacks.

The most recent one last week I told my wife her was not okay with her having a relationship with someone else in our home and the girlfriend had to go.

The girlfriend has moved out and my wife has asked for some time and space with process.

We have only spoken logistics about the kids and home for a week and have a plan to chat about our relationship in the coming days.

I am in a bad mental health state, and am incredidibly fearful that she wants to leave me.

I dont know what to do.

Hello, y'all.

I want to begin by saying that this isn't a cry for help, although I've certainly made those posts before. Maybe I just want to know how other people have learned to live with themselves when they feel like they've wasted so much of their lives.

I hate myself.

I hate that I'm struggling to find a job. I hate that I had to leave my last job, even though they took advantage of me. I hate that my last relationship ended. I hate that I never got married. I hate that the marriage probably would have been awful for me.

I hate that I've wanted to die since high school. I hate that my desire to not be here has turned me into a burnout. I hate that every ambition I've ever had has been overwhelmed by the fact that I find so much of life exhausting. I hate that I dissociate and daydream most of my days away.

I hate that I have a genetic condition that affects my balance, dexterity, and eyesight. I hate that I feel like even if I find a job, I'll still be unhappy.

I hate myself, and I don't know how to navigate that feeling.

I wish I could have been different. I don't want to die, but I feel like I've never truly been alive.

It all just hurts.

I cant take this stupid bullshit ass class. I understood grad school would be tough but THIS IS FUCKED UP. Like it is fucken insane. I have talked to several people in other programs and NONE of them run it like this. Basically there are these assignments we are given and we have ONE week to master them. One fucking week!

Almost none of my cohorts questions ever get answered and they expect us to teach these assignments to our selves. Then when they give us mocks a majority of us fail it. We fail mocks protocols everything. Anytime we complain to them it’s like “well some people aren’t meant for grad school”. It’s complete horeseshit. Reason why we keep failing is because they keep expecting a mastery level. So it’s not like we do bad on them but if it’s not a 90% FAIL. Then we keep failing over stupid shit. Each time I have failed these mocks it’s because of something I wasn’t taught why? BECAUSE IM TEACHING MYSELF.

I just feel so worthless and defeated. Like nothing I do matters because I’m just a failure.

my boyfriend is absolutely amazing, and i love him so much. i only want whats best for him. recentl, things have been very hard for him, and i dont know how to help him.

i have told him that, if h says that hes going yo kill himself, and actually mean it, i will call 911, and tell them. i know he probably doesnt want me to, i myself dont want to, but i will if he really means it. i wont budge on that, no matter what. but i dont know how else to help him, and i really want to be able to help. the problem is that were teenagers, and obviously we dont live together. i see him during school and after school most days, and call him daily, and i know that j can help him when im with him, but i dont know what to do when im not with him.

anything will help. i just want him to be safe, but im not sure how to do so.

Long story here but I’m stressing very hard right now. The buildup might seem unrelated here but I swear it will make sense. I was talking to this to this girl so I thought I was for about a month. I thought we had such a connection and we did like everything we did was similar and it seemed perfect. It got a to a point where she trusted me enough for her to say she has had it really rough last few years and that she has bad anxiety that leads her to have body dysmorphia and sometimes not eat. I took all this info in and we talked about it for a bit she felt comfy and everything. But fast forward turns out she was Acatully talking to a guy who she really liked and I was devastated. So stopped talking for a week or two but today she texted out of the blue, “I need help I’m scared” and she sends me a whole video on how this is the most anxiety she’s ever had and past week she hasn’t eaten anything except dinner and she doesn’t eat because she’s scared she’ll just puke it all out form her anxiety. She said she’s too scared to tell her parents or anybody because they’ll send her to the doctors or hospital. This is when I couldn’t take it anymore, I knew a man who once tried to commit from body images and writing him a letter saying how thankful I was he was still here was something I couldn’t do again. So I found her sister on instagram messaged her what’s been going on and just asked her to find a way to help her. Now this girl immediately finds out what I did after her parents talk to her and sister calls her and gets very upset for betraying her since she only wanted to talk to me about it. I told her the story about the guy and how I couldn’t bear seeing her in this state. This didn’t change her agenda whatsoever and she is still very upset and feels a loss of trust. I don’t know what to do I feel wrong after doing it and feel like a piece of shit doing so, please reply if you have anything to comment on

Thanks in advance!

I (30F) feel like I am utterly lost. I worked hard in school, graduated with a Bachelors in Computer Science, worked for a bit, got burnt out and took a long career break, moved halfway across the world, pursued another degree, worked as a Product Designer for a bit and am again, unemployed. I will be moving back to my home country soon, and the market for Product Designers is extremely competitive. A part of me has always wanted to pursue a career in science communication but I am afraid of restarting again, because of the fear of being judged or failing.

The career part is an aspect of it. I have wanted to live a purposeful life forever, but somehow, my self-esteem issues, fear to take risks and mental health issues held me back. I dealt with severe anxiety and depression for decades, before finally getting a diagnosis for OCD this year. In hindsight, I can see how it stopped me from living a normal life and frankly the treatment I now receive seems life-changing. Its only now that I see just how much I avoided facing in my life. Several failed relationships, complicated family dynamics and unstable housing also featured in the past few years of my life - simply put, I am overwhelmed.

How do I restart? I would like to rebuild my life to do good and be good. I have some skills which I would like to use for a meaningful cause. Is it too late to rebuild my life?

Thank you once again for your time!

I'm 18 and was diagnosed with moderate-to-severe depression by a therapist. I'm not in treatment right now, and I'm not asking for a diagnosis or for medical advice.

For months I've been numb and disconnected from everything. The part I don't know how to handle is the freezing: when tension builds — usually after friction at home — I go blank, sometimes sitting in a corner for about ten minutes, and I can't make myself move. The only thing that has ever gotten me moving is hurting myself, and each time it takes more.

On Oct 12 I stopped just before I hit myself and cried, for the first time in a long time. I've had two suicide attempts this year. I'm not in crisis right now — I'm asking people who know this freezing how they actually get through it.

If you've dealt with this: what helped you get unstuck without hurting yourself? Even small practical things.

im sorry if this Is sloppy I just made an account because I’m struggling. I am 18years old and live what most say is probably an above good life. but I find myself feeling numb no matter what I do and the only time I feel anything is when I see someone else smile. so I give and give whether it’s time or money I give away everything to make others happy. but I puts me into a spiral and i feel myself taking on others issues. this is my first time say thing this to another person because normally I feel like a burden to deal with. aswell as in the past I was turned down or denied that about how I was feeling. although my parents and siblings are amazing and kind to me but even with me being the youngest I heard from my parents talk about how my brother and sister were mad that I was treated unfairly and this caused me to turn away from talking. I don’t know if this is normal but it just sucks. in the past I found myself close to suicide but I have come to terms that suicide is just to much work lol. Not in a sad way but I know it won’t do any good but I still feel like my chest is being squeezed to death and I just struggle to feel as-well as understand what I feel when I do. I’m not expecting to have understanding with this post but honestly any tips would be great even if it just help ease what I feel a little bit. thank you if you read this.

I got cancer three years ago. I'm not gonna act like I was a good kid. I wasn't bad. I was careless. I'm afraid I'm going to die..

Sounds dumb we all are.

I'm 30. I'm gonna die. Life is good. The ache I felt over lost though. My only regret is they have to bury me and I don't know how to tell them.

Ok so I’m 14F I have and older brother who’s 22 and my mum and my dad my family treat me like I’m a problem all the time because through out my intire life my dad was never there for me he’s threatened me hit me and the constantly is bitching about my outfits to the point where I don’t feel safe in my house on my own with him I’ve been struggling with my mental health for a while and my mum knows this but now I feel like she thinks I’m a problem cuz of it it it’s not my fault I’ve been bullied my entire life and because of that and my dad makeing my life hell I’ve stoped talking to him because he never talked to me other then to make fun of me so and I keep snapping and getting mad at people because everybody is pissing me off rn idk why and my family aren’t helping cuz they know and my mum knows what makes me snap ( witch is people going why do you not talk anymore why are you so ugly now etc ) and she normally gets people to avoid this but now my dad had starting going “ why do you hate me “ “ why do you not talk to your daddy anymore “ and my mum just sits there and then tells me to stop overreacting and they tell everyone I know my friends my family my teachers and my school counsellor that I’m a bad daughter and I need to calm down and im overreacting but it’s like just cuz he gave a shitty apology and then continued to go exactly like how he was after a week I’m soupost to just take back the 14 years of sadness is SO annoying it feel like I’m going crazy and they get mad at me because I slap my mum when I get overwhelmed and really angry but that’s exactly what my brother done when he was 14 except he was stronger then me but they only ever get mad at me is so infuriating it makes me feel so crazy and weird for not taking like what do I do cuz I can’t just forgive me and if I tell him to try and fix our relationship he will just threaten and then hit me I hate everything I genuinely think it would be better if my mum was a single mum sometimes what do I do [ don’t sugarcoat it ]

there something off with my head , and i wanna off my self lik ebryday, most days i have this battile on my head of finding ressons to carry on. i getting real sick of being menalty off . someone please end my sufferring .

I don't know if this is the right place to ask for help. It's just that I am suffering from depression and, worst of all, phone addiction. I don't have the guts to ask for help from someone I know. I will ask for help from a therapist, but for some personal reasons, I can't go immediately. I just need someone with whom I can be honest and someone who can push me. It isn't necessarily required to be a professional.

Hi people, I want to share something personal and ask for some advice.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year, and lately, she’s been telling me that she isn’t happy with her life at all. She’s started smoking weed every day, and I’m genuinely worried about her mental health and well-being.
I love her deeply, and all I want is for her to be healthy and happy. But whenever I try to talk to her about it, she shuts me out and doesn’t seem willing to listen. She’s also been having suicidal thoughts, which makes the whole situation even more frightening for me.
She wants to get married and have children someday, but now she feels like she’s run out of time and that those dreams are no longer possible. She seems to have given up on the future she once wanted, and I don’t know how to help her see things differently.
I’ve even tried encouraging her to see a therapist, but she refuses.
I’m honestly lost. I don’t want to control her or force her to do anything. I just want to support her, help her get through whatever she’s struggling with, and see her find happiness again.
For those of you who have experienced something similar, either personally or with someone you love, how did you handle it? How do you help someone who is clearly struggling but refuses to accept help?
I love her, and I don’t want to give up on her. But I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.
Any advice would mean a lot to me.

It feels like problem after problem stacking on top of each other. I am still in high school and I have barely even started my life but I am so tired. I do struggle with depression, although it feels like it is getting worse. I can’t continue therapy because of shitty insurance and the costs being more than my parents are willing to pay. I missed my PSAT today over an argument with my dad, adding more fees I need to pay for. I have over 500 dollars in school fees that my parents refuse to pay for to graduate. I’m looking everywhere for a job and trying different methods to somehow conjure up the money to pay for everything. I am not doing well in school either. I feel like I have just gotten my life back together after feeling behind for most of my teenage years just for it to fall back apart all over again. I feel like such a failure. I don’t know what to do anymore and how to keep going forward.

hey, i've been having a pretty rough time lately and could really use someone to talk to.

i have ADHD and i've been struggling with depression too. lately, a lot of things have been piling up, especially figuring out treatment, the cost of medication, and the financial side of everything. i'm already having a hard time functioning, and now i'm stressing about how much it all costs and feeling guilty about needing help.

there's been a lot going on, especially today, and i think i just need to talk to someone about what's been happening and get some of it out of my head. i'm exhausted and overwhelmed, and sometimes it feels like i'm stuck in a loop of trying to get better while worrying about everything that's involved in getting better.

i might overshare, so just the head up. sometimes i'd appreciate advice or another perspective, but sometimes i might just need someone to listen without trying to fix everything.

if you're willing to listen and have a genuine conversation, feel free to DM me. i'd really appreciate having someone to talk to privately, even if it's just for a little while.

thanks for reading

Hiii I am Priyanka now I am in very worst situation

I don't know what the purpose of living

And I don't want to share the stuff by wasting ur time

How u keep track again after n number of failure

I’m 22 and honestly don’t even know where to start. I’ve been feeling seriously depressed lately, and I feel like I’m reaching a point where I don’t know how much more I can take. I’ve been having thoughts about ending my life, and I feel like I need somewhere to get everything off my chest because I don’t know who else to talk to.
I feel like no matter how hard I try, I’m never good enough for anyone, especially my daughter’s mum.
I work as many shifts as I possibly can to try and provide for my family. I’m not rich, and I never claimed to be, but I’m trying my hardest to make sure we have what we need. Yet it feels like everything I do is overlooked, and all I ever hear is that it’s not enough.
When I’m at work, I get messages constantly about the baby crying or screaming and how she doesn’t know what to do. I understand that looking after a baby is hard, and I’m not saying she doesn’t struggle, but I’m trying to work and earn money for our family. I feel like I’m being made to feel guilty for not being there while I’m literally out working to provide for us.
Last year, we took my 17-year-old brother in because he couldn’t be released from prison without somewhere to live. My house was the only option available, and my daughter’s mum was completely on board with him staying with us at the time. My brother contributes towards things, but now it feels like it’s become another reason for arguments.
We’ve since moved to Nottingham into a house that costs more than double what my old flat cost. I’ve had to find a completely new job, and I’ve only just started working there, so naturally, the money has been slow coming in during my first week. I’m trying to get back on my feet financially, but instead of feeling like we’re a team, I feel like I’m constantly being criticised for not being able to afford everything immediately.
I don’t understand what else I’m supposed to do. I’m working as many shifts as I can, trying to sort my life out, trying to help my family, and trying to be a good dad. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m genuinely trying.
Then there’s our relationship. Two years ago, she cheated on me, and ever since then, things have never felt the same. I don’t think I’ve ever properly got over it. Something changed in me after that, and I’ve struggled to feel secure, loved or wanted in the relationship ever since.
Now we argue about things like me liking other girls’ pictures or having other girls on my social media. I’m not saying I’m perfect or that I always handle everything the right way, but it’s difficult feeling like I’m constantly being questioned when I don’t even feel loved in my own relationship.
Sometimes I find myself looking for attention or affection elsewhere because I feel like I’m not getting it at home. I know that’s something I need to think about honestly, but I wish people could understand that there’s a reason I’m feeling so emotionally disconnected. I don’t want to feel unwanted by the person I’m supposed to be building a life with.
The worst part is that we have a daughter together. I love my little girl more than anything, and she’s one of the biggest reasons I keep pushing myself to work hard and keep going.
But I’m scared.
I’m scared that if I leave the relationship, her mum might stop me from seeing my daughter. I’m scared of losing the chance to watch her grow up, be there for her milestones and be the dad she deserves. I feel trapped between staying in a relationship that is making me miserable and leaving a situation where I might lose precious time with my own child.
I don’t want my daughter growing up around constant arguments, but I also don’t want to become a dad who barely gets to see his little girl.
I feel like I’m carrying so much pressure on my shoulders. I’m expected to provide, work, pay bills, help my family, deal with relationship problems and somehow keep myself mentally okay through all of it.
But who looks after me?
Who notices that I’m struggling? Who asks if I’m okay? Who sees that I’m trying my hardest, even when I’m falling short financially? I feel like everyone sees what I’m not doing enough of, but nobody sees how hard I’m trying.
I’m exhausted. I feel unwanted, unappreciated and like I’m failing at life, even though I’m genuinely trying to do the right things.
Some days my head gets so dark that I have thoughts about ending my life. I’m not saying that to get attention. I’m saying it because I’m struggling more than I let people see, and I don’t know how to deal with everything anymore.
I don’t want to feel like this. I want to be happy again. I want to feel loved, appreciated and like the effort I put into my life actually means something. I want to be a good dad and give my daughter the best life I can, but I also want to feel like I’m allowed to struggle sometimes without being made to feel like a failure.
Has anyone else been in a situation where they feel trapped in a relationship because they’re terrified of losing access to their child? How did you deal with it? How do you know when it’s time to walk away, especially when a child is involved?
I could really do with hearing from people who have been through something similar, because right now I feel completely lost and I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

As you can see from the title I don’t want to think like this so please don’t judge me

Hello I am 17 and most nights I am brought to tears over this it’s like any time I see a video of a girl doing something sexual with someone I just get the horrible feeling inside me it’s so hard to explain it’s like a mix of anger disappointment anxiety and jealousy and I’m over come with the deep feeling of trying to understand why she did it wether it’s sending nudes to guys having one night stands I just feel like I need to understand or whenever I see a guy receiving attention from a girl it makes me feel so horrible inside I cry every night over this idk why it might be because I’ve just never experienced that or what but seeing videos like that just make me feel horrible and it doesn’t help that I’m always trying to understand why they did what they did like I feel like if I know why they sent someone this or did this to someone I would feel okay with it it’s just horrible and then it leads to resentment I start to hate women and the men who get with them and I would give anything in the world to not feel like this like even when my friends talk about thing they do with girls I just feel horrible about it I have to tell my friends to not talk about that stuff around me it’s like it’s the worst like I just don’t get why they do the stuff they do it just logically makes no sense like having one night stands and doing stuff like that just doesn’t benefit women there feeding into the men’s desire and giving them what they want I feel like this is jealousy and hopelessness combined I just want to not think about it or think like this at all looking back I have worded this horribly but it’s hard to explain.

I’m 22F I have 20 reasons to end my life. Among them is the fact that I have suffered from domestic violence since I was three years old.
My mother cheats on my father in front of me, and every time she goes to meet her boyfriend, he sexually abuses me. I was just a child.
My uncle and my maternal uncle sexually abused me.
I failed in my studies.
I have no friends.
My mother hates me, and my father never seems to care that I even exist.
I am not beautiful.
I haven’t been able to find a job, and now I am suffering mentally, financially, and physically because depression has worn my body down.
The only thing I can see ahead of me is death, but I am afraid of the pain, and I am also afraid of what happens after death
Please be kind because I’m very sensitive I just need some ways..

I have bipolar 1. I mainly deal with Mania but once in a blue moon Depression comes to drag me to the depths of hell. I also have adhd. People with adhd struggle with change. Bp1 also struggles with change. Having both means I REALLY struggle with change. Well. On September 1st, I lived with my bf of 5 years, split rent. We had 3 dogs and 2 cats together. I had a paid off car and a job i loved. We had some guitars. My meds were balanced. I hadn’t encountered a new trauma in over a year. Shit was rocky but yk it was comfortable it was normal. Today, October 15th, my house was robbed. The guitars are gone. I live with my tweaker brother, 1 dog and 2 cats. I have a new car a huge payment. I pay full rent. Im freshly off a 5150 and newly traumatized. My job hates me and im starting to hate it back. 1 month. All it took was one fucking month for god to flip me upside down and shake me for my fucking pocket change. I had a “rebound “ as he likes to call himself but of course i fucked that up too. Hes 22 years older than me anyways so what does he care. I have so much shit going on that i need to straighten out and navigate. I can’t barely organize it here. My brain is turning into mush from all damn drugs the doctors put me on. So much for “do no harm.” From adderall to ritalin to vyvanse to concerta to focalin back to vyvanse. Quelbree strattera guanfacine. wellbutrin. Abilify, depakote, trileptal, vraylar, seroquel, kolonopin, buspar, propranolol, trazodone. You name it ive fucking tried it it all made me retarded. Im at the point where i’m completely lost. I’ve given up on my safety if it means i can just be fucking held and coddled. I wish i was a kid. you remember that 16 wishes movie with debbie ryan? where when she finally gets her ultimate wish, to be treated like an adult, she hates it and wants to go back to being a kid? me. thats me. im a 16 year old stuck in a 22 year old body and i want to go back. so if you’re in norcal and feel like being a white knight, please come save me. my inbox is open. i give up. goodnight.

Hey everyone im 18M and im new here. Unfortunately a lot has happened to me recently and im truly struggling and in need of some sort of advice that may potentially help my views.

So the first issue is, not too long ago i went through a extremely rough patch, i was arguing with parents all the time because i didnt feel seen, heard or respected. Leading to me having to leave home and go live with my girlfriend for quite some time. As a lot of people do, i had a job which was keeping me going, giving me free time away from home and earning me money to keep myself distracted. Unfortunately my boss was going through a rough patch in his life and ended up taking a long break from work meaning i missed out on a lot which also gave me an issue with other stuff that i wont go into details about. Eventually leading to me losing my job and losing all of my money.

Not long after this me and my girlfriend went through an extremely rough patch where we would argue all the time and that also lead to us breaking up, but if u read the first half then u will know i live with her, meaning i now have nowhere to go at this stage. I then spent about a month or two sofa surfing between aunties, uncles and friends but ofc nothing felt the same, all my feelings just seemed to go downhill because my girlfriend was my first love and my first for everything, by everything i mean EVERYTHING even my first holiday, we were together 4 years. So all of this really put me down and i lost a lot of motivation, struggling to do anything, i stopped seeing friends as often, i didnt feel like clubbing or socialising.

Eventually after all these struggles i knew i had no other choice, i bit my tongue, held my words and apologised to my parents and ended up moving in with them again. Not long after this i got into a bit fight with an uncle which truly wasnt my fault but i felt disgusted. Not one person there defended me, not the family or the family friends; about 15 people in total. I had been attacked in my own home, left with cuts, bruises and scratches on my chest. I defended myself and thats when everyone decided to step in and separate us. I then was told i am no longer welcome in my home and then disassociated myself from them because no 18 year old deserves to be disrespected and feel unwelcome in his own home. I patrolled the streets with tears in my eyes for the rest of that day, praying someone would provide me with a place to rest for the night, luckily i got a hold of my ex and her parents were extremely nice, giving me somewhere to stay and i ended up living with them. Me and her got back together and it was all going great, id attempted to go see my parents one last time and everyone was getting drunk and i ended up getting into another fight with a family friend, with the same exact scenario happening and i know it doesnt seem believable but genuinely neither times where my fault i just defended myself. Once again i left in tears, upset, disappointed and disgusted by how they made me feel, so i blocked them all and went back to my girlfriend.

Well fast forward to 4 days ago now my girlfriend broke up with me, she said she didnt love me anymore which was extremely frustrating. Her friend had recently became single and she is honestly the worst influence on everyone around her and unfortunately my girlfriend does not like to be judged, therefore she follows like a sheep. Its just sad because we got back together and i put in all the effort i could, i put my blood, sweat and tears into that relationship because i have lost everything and everyone else thinking maybe i can build at least one thing back up. But no, it all crumbled. And now im living with an auntie but i truly feel useless. Its nearly Christmas time so the job market is horrible and i cant find one anywhere, i have no motivation to do anything anymore and i just feel like i have nothing left. Im fighting and fighting but in all honesty, ive got a lot to bare and such a young age and im very close to letting go of this ledge thats keeping me up.

I’m 36. I posted previously about struggling after my relationship of nine years ended, but things have become considerably worse.

**I’ve now had a community mental health team assessment.** It went reasonably well, and they said they would contact me by phone or letter, but gave no timeframe. I’m waiting without knowing when I’ll hear anything or what support might follow.

This goes much deeper than the breakup. My stepdad abused me as a child, and my mum allowed it to happen. I was beaten and told to stay out of the way because nobody wanted to see me, that nobody loved or cared about me and nobody ever would. I was called a “waste of skin.” I first remember wanting to die when I was eight.

My stepdad later died in an accident. Then my mum died—I found her dead one morning. Over the years, the other important family figures in my life have died too.

**My partner was with me through all those losses. Now she’s gone as well.** I’ve lost the person who shared that history with me and was there while my family disappeared.

My brother is my only real family support, but he lives around two and a half hours away. He has a happy, settled life: very few working hours for great pay, an expensive home, regular holidays, outings, love and enjoyment. The contrast with my life hurts. We speak, but I still have no friends, no local support network and nowhere I feel I can go and belong.

My ex was my best friend. We spoke throughout every day and shared the same humour, interests and routines. Despite the relationship’s problems, I expected us to spend our lives together. After she left, there were months of hope about reconciliation before it finally ended.

Nearly a year later, I still cannot adjust to nobody waiting for me, asking when I’ll be home or what we’re having for tea. Everything feeds into the old feeling that people die or leave and that there must be something fundamentally wrong with me.

I have a current partner, but when I’m with her, I wish she were my ex. I can’t settle or enjoy being there. The humour, conversation and connection all get compared with what I lost. She hasn’t done anything wrong, and I feel guilty, but being in another relationship hasn’t stopped me feeling desperately alone.

The rumination is relentless: memories, guilt, regret and endless questions about what I could have done differently. It starts when I wake up. Nightmares and panic attacks mean sleep isn’t much of an escape either.

I’m using work to avoid home. This week I’ve been leaving at 05:30 and not getting back before 21:30. Finishing earlier doesn’t feel like a relief—the longer I’m alone in the house, the worse my thoughts become and the less safe I feel. I stay away at weekends for the same reason.

**The house needs cleaning, decorating and other work, but I struggle to tolerate being there long enough to do it. Moving isn’t an option: I’m stuck there until at least 2030.** I can’t afford paid help. My one day off is supposed to contain shopping, housework, unfinished renovations and enough rest to survive another working week. I don’t have a social no life.

I barely eat, my hygiene and self-care have deteriorated, and I feel exhausted from simply being conscious.

**My suicidal thoughts have become more serious. Today I’ve been unsure I can keep myself safe when I get home.** Things have worsened since the assessment.

Has anyone experienced this combination of
childhood abuse, repeated bereavement, relationship loss and isolation? What support actually helped when you were barely functioning?

If you’ve been through the UK mental health system, how did you get an urgent response when you deteriorated while waiting after an assessment? I need meaningful help and connection, and I don’t know how to get from here to a life I can tolerate.

With the Christmas period fast approaching I have ZERO intention of being here for it

so basically im so indecisive and sometimes i feel like im so narcissistic and attention seeker and i mean I'm so weird idk what am I doing and what should i do what i shouldnt its quit complicated i mean I'm complicated, I do cry alot i mean I cry for even silly reason silly stuffs even though i know i shouldn't be crying but i still cry like a baby. I'm always sad I mean always it's so weird that I'm so confused oversensitive and I mean I'm so stupid and dumb that I cry over mini things

i hold things emotions to mee too much and never let my thoughts out quickly neither I share my problem with anyone. i mean for example on my bf's birthday i had an idea that his friends i mean his hostelmates would be there , and initially i was like really really really excited and I've planned so many surprises for him (we're in ldr) I've I've waiting for days on his birthday i wish him at 12 and i kept on type paassage for him and he picked my call at 1 am and i started sobbing and crying like a baby and i wished him ahd then he started asking me what happened and i told him nothing you weren'treplying (ik like in boys they are beat each other on birthdays so i meann) i mean I had an idea about his situation still I was crying and crying and cried that whole day and i was sorry i mean i shouldn't have cried i ruined his birthday, even though he thinks that its alright but my behavior is fs not normal

and then i get extremely sad for no reason , I just get sad and i cry andd ppl find this childish i mean idk what to say . and to my bf I've apologised for many times that i cried now im crying because i cried on his birthday and ruined it (and according to him that was okay i nwver spoiled his birthday)

and suddenly i asked him after a day like am I getting boring or are you losing interest sort of and its stupidity because ik he loves me but he's a little non chalant so he doesn't over express and I don't want to force him I just want him to be as he is

so he replied a plain no to those and idk why at that moment i just started crying and i was like youre lying and i just make drama out of nowheree

basically somethings hurt me and i never express those instead of expressing all I I is cry and if i express that I say like im sorry for feeling bad about that

im self aware but its kinda weird i mean idk idek what to do

probably I havent explain what im talking about or whatever so clearly😭

i just blow up over small things nd start cryingg and I never ever try to show anger instead of being angry I cry,

for eg if imma gonna tell him that you did that that that I sound attacking but its never my intentipn to attack , and whatever he do nothing wrong i mean its just me who overthink overanalyze over conclude overcry

what to do im just ruining everything by everything i mean everything

and all the time I'm just sad im just sad rarely happy or enthusiastic

and even I cry whrn i get happyy over I feel lovedd

i mean tbh its hard to tolerate mee but still

im too emotional person like for eg if he asks me how was my day i start crying he tells me that he loves me then again I cry

im so sorry for my this behaviour

idk how to explain this to himm

its so so so weirddd

and qll i do talk about is I mean ppl do talk practical stuff but all i do is emotional wmotional stuff im senti all the time

and ik he finds it weird and idk what to talk normally

all i do ask question by mysekf answer by myself comclude by myself and sometimes I feel like im so burden on him

am I having symptoms of something?

Don't know who i am nd wat im doing w my life anymore

I f33l lyk i juss k33p on slowly dyin and i don't really h@t3 it.

I'm juuss scared of wat i myt b3com3. If it'll align w who i am spiritually nd my values but fk th!$ $h!!! I know nobody cares nd i juss wanna ov3rdos3 nd fkn f!3 al∅n3 in my room. I m!$$$ my little brothers nd my family. But most of all ! F33l lyk !v3 l3t 3m down. My fr!3ndz don't gaf nd have th3!r 0wn b.s goin on. It's tim3 i d!3d in 0rd3r to b3c0m3 wat I'm m3@nt to b3..... Spiritual suicide......3go suicide. T!m3 to mov3 4ward 3v3n if the nearest sh0rtcUt is thru h3ll