Hello,

This is my first post here and I just want to share my feelings as I don't really have anyone to share my feelings with. I am sorry.

I lived with my grandmother, father and mother. My mother was a working mother and started working when I was just 2 months old. My grandmother used to take care of me and honestly she was a really great caregiver.

When I was about 5 years old, I started noticing the neglect of my mother. One day I asked her, "Mumma, did you not want me to be born?" She was shocked that I asked her, but she didn't answer either. I asked repeatedly that day, desperate for validation that I was wanted, but apparently it might have irritated her so she snapped and said, "Yes, I didn't want you.". My little heart was so broken but of course I didn't ask or say anything further. What was the point anyway?

After this incident, I started eating less and less. My grandmother cared of course, she used to give me all the options and I always used to pick the option that was easiest for my grandmother. For example, between a sandwich and a banana, I would always choose banana because it was just peeling. Sometimes I would plainly refuse if she was tired. Of course I was hungry. Of course I wanted something. But I didn't want to bother anyone. Sometimes I would just hear my stay like that for hours or just drink lots of water. Sometimes I wouldn't drink water as well because I didn't want to "finish the resources". Child's logic.

My grandmother used to report this to my mother, hoping that she would make some food for me or prepare some snacks beforehand, thinking I don't like food made by her (grandmother). And out of hunger for my mother's love, whatever my mother used to cook for me, say instant noodles or French Toast, I used to eat happily. I thought since she is making food for me, she must love me, maybe she wants me now. As an adult, i don't know how true it is.

Fast forward a few years, as a teen, I was bullied in school. Nobody wanted to eat with me or sit with me, and I couldn't really eat alone. This made me skip lunches as well. My breakfast used to be a glass of milk, coming back from school, another glass of milk or instant noodles, and then dinner I used to force small amounts of food or, again a glass of milk. This kept going on for years. Of course I was hungry, sad, emotional, and confused. But nobody to understand or share. I wasn't very expressive of my emotions either. When I was 14, my mother died of cancer.

My grandmother, who already was my primary mother figure by then, took over the kitchen completely. For the next 6 years, I still used to eat comparatively less, but now I started eating better to show my appreciation to her efforts. She was happy.

Then, I started earning well. Due to staying home for almost 4 years due to the pandemic, I started enjoying food which I never did before. Now I started eating heartily, double of what I ate earlier. Food became my comfort and really I started having 3-4 meals in a day. Some homemade, mostly junk. And then, in 2023, my grandmother died.

The worst phase of my life. By this point, people already started making fun of my body, weight and my looks. I was at the lowest point of my life. Struggling with food and my emotions. There was too much stress and everything was overwhelming. A year later, I left my home, and started living alone.

It's been 3 years now. I still struggle with food a lot. Sometimes, food is all I think about. While having breakfast, I think about what I should have for lunch and so. Yes, now I have started movement, 10k steps, gym and deficit. But I struggle with consistency. I feel like I can never be pretty again. If I have to be pretty, I need to lose weight, that's what I think. I feel like I should end my life sometimes. Because I can't do one thing right in life. I feel like a burden. Like a joke. I feel so unloved. I am so sorry for looking like an attention seeker, but really I am just expressing what I've wanted to express for a long time.

I’m 20F, and over the past couple of years, I’ve really struggled with my mental health. I’m posting because I’m trying to understand why I feel and react the way I do and whether anyone else has experienced something similar.
Last year, I lost my boyfriend to suicide. There was a lot of guilt, anger and confusion surrounding his death, I’ve been going to therapy, including EMDR, to work through the trauma, but I feel like there are so many layers to my mental health

I’ve always been quite an anxious person and tend to avoid conflict, overthink situations and worry about how other people perceive me. I often seek reassurance in relationships and can become really anxious when someone’s behaviour towards me changes, even slightly. I sometimes interpret things as rejection, even when there might be a perfectly reasonable explanation.

After my bf died I spent so much money on my appearance thinking that it would make me feel better but it hasn’t and I’m out of ideas.

I feel things incredibly intensely, and when something upsets me it’s very overwhelming. Sometimes I react emotionally and then feel embarrassed, guilty or confused about why I reacted so strongly.
I also struggle with being alone, particularly at night. After the loss, I found myself relying heavily on other people for comfort and struggled to sleep by myself.
Alcohol can make my emotions significantly worse. I’ve had situations where I’ve become extremely distressed while drinking and behaved in ways that genuinely concern me afterward like taking lots of pills out of their packet and then crying to my friend and being very embaressed about it the next day. I’ve never felt that I actually wanted to die, but there have been moments where I’ve desperately wanted everything I was feeling to stop.

Another issue is that I’m constantly exhausted. I can sleep 8–9 hours a night and still need a two-hour nap during the day. I often feel like I need 12 hours of sleep to feel properly rested, and this has been going on for years.

From the outside I think I seem like a pretty happy outgoing person. I go to university, work, exercise, have friends and maintain relationships. I feel like I’m constantly battling my own thoughts and emotions.
I’m currently taking fluoxetine and attending therapy, but I still feel like I don’t fully understand what’s happening in my head.
I sometimes wonder how much of what I’m experiencing is related to trauma and grief, how much is anxiety, and whether there could be something else contributing to my emotional difficulties.
I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar issues, particularly with emotional regulation, relationship anxiety, grief or feeling completely overwhelmed by emotions.

It’s my birthday today (woo) and I’m having a rough day, a bit rougher than usual so instead of continuing to write all of my grievances in a journal like I normally do, I decided to write in a way that will hopefully help me be more proactive in my journey to wanting to stick around. (hopefully others can gain something from this post as well)

If you look at some of these steps and relate I’d appreciate any feedback on other steps you could recommend to me. Also if you have any other subreddit recommendations that may be able to assist in this, that would be great. I really hope at least 1 person can feel seen by reading this.

These aren’t intended to be intimidating things to tackle all at once, that’s why I wrote them down like steps (not in order) so that I’m not stuck in a vicious cycle of dread.

A bit about myself: Late 20s, a bit on the spectrum - high functioning and high masking, since the age of 13 I’ve seen multiple psychologists and psychiatrists. Always had substance abuse issues which I’ve used as a coping mechanism. Started drinking before school and it blew out of proportion. Tried my luck with half a dozen SSRI’s and SNRI’s. This is me trying to fight back and show myself it doesn’t have to be this way forever.

-Stop intellectualising everything. Get rid of this ego of self importance. When I intellectualise I’m taking my feelings and dealing with them in my head which doesn’t allow me to emotionally work through them for a solution.

-Regulate my emotions. Too often on the brink of a panic attack or mental breakdown. It’s so easy to destroy and kind of reputation as a normal human and become “that one guy who went crazy that one time”

-Stop living like a pig. This place is worse than a heroin den minus the sheet and baked beans or whatever he had in that scene from Trainspotting.

-Try to be less selfish and make time for people I love.
Learn to show my love to them. Just because I feel it and I think about it doesn’t mean they are aware. Do better.

-Get into the world and stop self isolating, you’ve gone down a steep hill these past 6 months and it isn’t the first time. Learn to make connection with people again.

-Figure out how to give yourself a break. The world isn’t going to end because of that one thing but it will be a bad day if that is all you let yourself think about.

-Do something you’re passionate about but haven’t had the motivation or drive to do before. -Art in all forms, paint, draw, read, dance, laugh, appreciate beautiful things.

-Self worth. Try to realise that you belong in this world just like everyone else, they aren’t all out to get you. Most of what you worry about is a reflection of your self worth.

-Leave the substances alone. You’ve been trying to convince yourself that you have a handle on it but you are lying to yourself. Don’t give yourself excuses and think you can just have a couple beers, you don’t have any self control and those two innocent drinks open Pandora’s box

English is not my native language so I'm sorry if there are grammar mistakes. In the last 2 years I find myself thinking about my failures constantly. I constantly have dreams of suicide. The thing is I can't forgive myself for my mistakes and passed opportunities and I can't continue to live with them. In each passing minute I find myself thinking about those mistakes and I can't have even one minute without feeling ashamed, anxious, worried, and regretful.
I was an ambitious kid and had dreams that I could become a doctor and study abroad. I was really good at my lessons, but I couldn't keep up when I turned 13. Since then I've dealt with body dysmorphia and major depression. I've tried several psychiatrists, therapists, and antidepressants. Despite that, I still held onto my dream of studying for the Italian medicine exam. Even thinking of it made me cry. That's how much I wanted it.
The year I graduated, a huge earthquake happened in my area and we lived in our car for two weeks. I couldn't study. I took a gap year and I didn't fucking study again because of severe anxiety and crying almost every night. Then my parents put their saved earnings (40,000 euros) for me to go study in Italy for a year and take the exam. But while I was there, my father was rushed to the hospital with a heart emergency. I stopped everything and had daily panic attacks. I knew I had a huge opportunity and I couldn't mess it up, but I fucking messed it up. I couldn't pass the exam for a public school and my parents can't afford a private one.
My body dysmorphia and depression got worse, along with constant comparisons. This year I tried again, but I couldn't bear the stress and the guilt of wasting my parents' money. And now I failed the exam again. What a waste of life.
Now I'm 21, not knowing what's next and HOW TO LIVE WITH MY REGRETS. I had big opportunities and I wasted each of them. Now each day, I can't find a reason to wake up. I lost my ambitions, goals, and self-confidence. I see my past classmates in Rome drinking wine while I just look at them behind the screen in my bed. It hurts more when I know I could've easily been there. I don't even know how I will live with these regrets or have the strength to continue. It feels like I'm a waste of space, and I dont even have courage to kill myself

Hi everyone! Hope everyone's doing well. I'm F, in my twenties. Some things that happened when I was very little still bother me. I remember being very lonely as a child. My parents were strict and wouldn't let me go outside or have a group of friends. At school no one would talk to me either. Being home was stressful as well. Both of my parents would scream and shout at me and also hit me, and I wasn't good at academics either. When I was little, I remember being naked in front of people, a relative kissing me, and someone catching me masturbating as a kid. I also witnessed a car accident at a young age; that day I refused to eat, and my mom beat me up for that. I changed schools and went to boarding; there I became good at academics and achieved a lot, but I couldn't keep any relationships for more than a year. Cut to now at uni, I get bullied a lot for being ugly. I also lost my dad to suicide. I haven't achieved much within these 4 years; I had a job, and there I was bullied for my looks as well. A homeless person would harass me for 4 months. I've tried therapy, but it didn't work, and medications didn't work either. People don't want to be my friends; the only people I've dated left me after 4 months. I'm now addicted to fillers. I really want to get plastic surgery done. If I look at someone, most of the time they roll their eyes or make a face of disgust. Someone did tell me once that I was weird and it felt like I was talking to myself. I really need help.

*By ugly I mean my face is asymmetrical, but my esthetician did tell me aesthetically there are no problems with my jaw, just my nose*

I feel so guilty for being mentally ill and in a relationship.We are on a break now, mostly because we just grew apart a bit but she also told me it's hard for her to communicate because she knows I'll take it to heart.I hate thinking about the times she found out I hurt myself or the times I'd say insicure bullshit apologizing for being so emotional and sad.I feel so bad for forcing her to communicate everything to me knowing it would hurt both of us.I love like a monster and it scares me.I wish I didn't love at all.I wish I never met people as kind and loving as her.

So I’ve never made a post like this in my life on here, and I don’t even know if this is a good place to ask but here I go. so my uncle is around 34 or a bit older. he’s currently living with me, my mother, and elderly grandmother. earlier this year he started showing signs of some mental issues. I believe he got ahold of bad drugs and has entered drug induced psychosis. he was sent to a psych ward for literally only the holding period and came back. well since then it has been an awful decline. he is in such a deep psychosis I am now to the point where I fear for my family and his own life. he walks around constantly, unable to sit still, sometimes talks to himself and swings at things that aren’t there. he even attacked a long term friend when I was not around. he used to be a very talkative person who joked a lot and now he does not even speak much. I am so fearful for him and my family, and more than anything I still feel awful for him because he is seriously trapped in his mind. I’ve tried to call 911 before to have them take him to the ward again but they say it’s his word against mine. I’m never able to gather video proof because it seems he stops when I record. what can I possibly do? what can I do to get this man admitted against his will and get some help?

I finished My country's equivalent of highschool two years ago. (Or 1?? I Don't remember atp)

Moved to a city to go to university (which I struggled to do because I didn't even know what career to choose).

Studied for less than 3 months and tried to kms because I realized how terribly uneducated and unskillful I am and then went back to My hometown.

Worked with My dad for the rest of the year. Basically living the same day everyday for that time.

I've been back "" studying"" in the city again since April. Which basically devolved into me not doing shIt while lying to My parents. I can't even go out of My apartment and I just sit on My couch, not sleeping, eating Bad and doing nothing but watching yt, and sometimes reading.

basically:

_I can study, I'm too dumb and I have no discipline or motivación

_If I go back to My Town, I'm going to be miserable, working in a farm for basically the rest of My life.

_I have no skills, no interests, no skills, not even the will to do something.

_People tell me I'm sooo Smart and capable but I've never done a single thing in My life

_School never requiere effort

_I Haven't been good at a single sport I have practiced

_I Don't have a single thing that interests me or makes me happy apart from "watching videos" or "music" (basically just distractions, not really an Activity)

_Im 19 and I don't have a single thing to show for it. Everyone has a hobby, a thing they're good at. Or at least something they like doing and they study for it, or at least do it daily. I have nothing, I'm a hollow Shell with (I guess) a personality.

I'm not Smart or passionate to study. If I go back to the farm (which I don't disslike, but I can't imagine doing without going postal)

I barely have like 2-3 Friends.

This is mostly a rant I guess but In really interested to see what people think about My statement.

A person should have to meet characteristics to be that, a "person" and I Don't think I have most of these. Being alive doesn't mean You're living. Not waiting to keep going is okay in some cases, and I feel that in my case is justified to just end it.

I have not attended school for the past few weeks and i'm failing all of my classes (I usually have all 'A's). Any pressure or mention of school idk like freaks me out and I like panic.

I love school; I know I need to go to school, but i just... can't... I feel like a whole disappointment and, well, my parents try to help, but even small steps, what they see as encouragement just stresses me out more.

I don't know why I haven't been going to school. Maybe its a feeling of vulnerability, maybe its my crippling depression, maybe its anxiety about SOMETHING, maybe its my executive dysfuncion, maybe its just my inability to leave the house, i don't know.

I really need help, but all help so far has caused more harm than good. Please try to help. Thank you

1 (18 M) have a brother, 1 really despise him and wish he didn't exist. I live with a brother who is completely careless and rough with his surroundings. Because he has zero spatial awareness, l've developed intense anxiety that his recklessness is going to cause a severe physical injury (like leaving something sharp or dangerous in shared spaces like the bathroom or around the house).
It's gotten to the point where I'm constantly on high alert, exhausted, and trapped in a mental loop of checking and worrying about everything I touch. I know this hyper-vigilance is exhausting me and messing with my head, but I don't know how to turn off the fear and stop sabotaging my own peace of mind.
How do I break this cycle and stop living in constant terror in my own home? Any advice from people who deal with severe health/injury anxiety or difficult living situations would be really appreciated.

I am thinking of ending my life but i am scared to leave the people I love, on the other hand i simply do not see any future for me: no friends, no family, a pointless IT job that I hate, and a girlfriend who will leave me soon because who would like to live with somebody this depressed? What is the point of continuing this life?

Lately I've realised that I don't have problem in initiating convos with strangers. I apparently come across as confident and outgoing to them. The problem comes when I am supposed to delve deeper from the superficial interaction that I just had (one could say, from an acquaintance towards friendship).

Lets say this 15 day course I've takem up. The first 2 days, I was relatively social. But right from the 3rd day something switched off. I just sit on my seat, wait for the class to start, read during the breaks and leave.

Its been 7 days now and mostly everybody has formed friendships. A couple of people even invited me to their group, and while I did join them during the break for a day, I realised the cafeteria is way too crowded and I cant hear them and anyways I dont eat the food over there (I eat a protein bar while walking in the empty corridor, and I dont mind that, really).

The only time I interact is when I help others with their work or seek their help.

I think I fear opening up to people, what if I realise I dont like them but now we're closer than what we were and Ive got no way out. Or they turn out to be snakes who dont mean to be my friends at all or worse, I end up losing myself and act in a way contrary to myself to accomodate (These have been my prior experiences)

I dont know if this is normal or not, the only fear I have is am I missing out on something? Is whatever Im doing wrong?

I can always try to initiate convos with those people Ive already acquainted myself with, but it takes so much of energy to push myself and the reasons that I just listed above, prevent me from doing the same.

Are there any alternative hotlines to 988 that have no rights to notify the police when a caller tells the operator something?

Is it also considered bad to ring for example Samaritans UK or Befrienders France if you live in the USA, just to avoid 988?

My previous attempt failed and I’m actually concerned if it will even work. I’m almost there it’s a no brainer decision for me and there’s nothing else that’s left to stop me except my girlfriend. Ash is amazing, she’s lovely and i’m in love with her. One thing though i don’t think i’m the main character here, and just like my previous exes who never considered anything serious with me this will end up in the same scenario and only i will take the blame for myself and my actions. My family might struggle for a longer period after i’m gone but they will move on. I can say that everyone will move on and it’s going to be okay. My best friend harish will prolly chug down 5 extra beers but ig he will lead a good life. I should’ve ended my life long ago if only those pills did the job when i was in LA. I wish i figured out the problem but i’m done. My body is giving up and my eyes are dead, people are starting to notice that something is wrong with me. What do i tell? That i’m going to die? What will my students think of me? All the people that look upto me like im their hero? I thought one person would fix me but she proved me wrong. Nobody can fix me nor heal me. I’m done for good. Please i want to live,i need hope and i need help cause i got a lot of dreams.

I just wanna have the ability to lie to myself and convince myself that my terrible life is where I belong, accept that I’ll never improve, and learn to be happy as a lazy, porn addicted, rude, lonely, dipshit. The only reason I’m still alive is because I’m too afraid to kill myself. And since my parents, my friends, my ex-boyfriend (with whom I recently broke up with,) and my therapist haven’t helped at all, and since I can’t help myself, the only thing that I could do is convince myself that this is the dream life.

It helps me talk it out cuz I struggle to identify my own shit.

I work an extremely taxing and stressful job. I’m starting to cry every day I work, I feel like I’m in survival mode 24/7, I’m permanently exhausted no matter how much or little I sleep, though sometimes I’m sleeping a lot (like 22 hours of sleep in a 26 hour time span), no interest or energy to do anything, even getting food and talking is taxing, I likely shouldn’t have driven today with how exhausted I was.

Please help me identify as best you can if you are able to.

So I've been having these headaches since April of this year. Whenever im feeling slightly stressed out or thinking about stressful situations (which is all the time), I experience a constant aching in my head that lasts all day. This may be due to my experience with depression (I didn't stop experiencing depressive symptoms until August of this year), and my sensitivity to literally any form of stress, sometimes if it's from being productive. I take propranolol which is a beta blocker that I have to take every single day. Otherwise, the headaches get worse. I've been taking this medicine consistently to treat my physical symptoms of anxiety, but somehow, they're not doing a lot for me. Do I need to see a doctor for this, or is there something else I can do?

Hi,
I don't really know how to write this. You would never tell my story if you look at me at the office or if you talk to me, but I'm really heartbroken. I moved out of my home country 2 months ago to rebuilt a life, I'm alone and I always have so much time to think (don't know if it is positive or not), but I don't know if these things will ever go away to be honest. Some nights I'm just heartbroken and I think about how humanity is fucked up.
I discovered that my father was a ped0 6 years ago, when I was already in my 20s. It's crazy because he is also a buddhist, loves to do charity. I don't know if he ever slept with a child, but I have found 2/3 different diaries in which he was talking about having sex with 12 years old Tunisian children for money and guess who always used to go on vacation in Tunisia? my family, with my father. He also had a diary in which he stalked a 14 years old boy, he was a neighbor. He used to write hours and dates of their "casual" meetings and also looked at his home window. Keep in mind that my father is very old, so he cannot do anything physical. He was also in many different relationships with 20/30 years old guys that he would meet online. He had a specific type: poor, desperate immigrants who would do everything for him. He also had many many many hard disks full of young people images. A nightmare. My father also destroyed my family's financial stability and now my house is my bank's house, because of debts he created. I know, it's crazy. Seems like a movie. I wish it was but it's not.
He also did horrible things to my mom, he used to take pics of her intimate parts when she was sleeping and he would send them to people he met online.
I told everything to my siblings and to my mom. What's crazy? My mom forgave him. She never sued him. I prepared houndreds of prints of screenshots that I have found, but she burned them. At one point, only to have those screenshots of the horrible things that he was doing, I became obsessed with controlling him. I copied his whatsapp on my phone (I'm kinda good with technology), but I became addicted, I have so many traumas about what he was writing.
He had multiple telegram / Facebook / instagram accounts.
I tried to talk to him and forgive because I thought he would change, then I beat him, and now he is blocked everywhere. My mom still lives with him, I think at the end she is a victim but she's also protecting him as a pervert, something that I will never forgive her for.
My relatives are fucked up too. Other "interesting" stories.
Now that you know the ""whole"" story, or the main parts, please tell me how can I go on with my life. I tried with therapy, but I just cannot afford it anymore and to be honest, it's always so hard to start telling this story to somebody new. It's just something that I don't want to do now.
The point is that I have so much rage inside of me. Nobody would never say so, I'm always smiling, I'm always so kind, people say that I'm vert sweet, but I feel dead inside, I feel empty. I don't want to forgive. I want that my father suffers as I'm suffering for something that I didn't do. I was the victim and I'm suffering. He is the p3rvert and has a prepared meal everyday by my mum. instead, I had to leave home and build my life because I was scared that he would do weird stuff to me and I used to sleep with the door locked when I was living with them.
I'm not suicidal, I don't do drugs, but i'm just devastated and I don't think it will ever go away, after 6 years and moving out of my home country. It's the same.

First post ever. I am a 22 almost 23 year old female and I feel like l've failed in life. When I was young I had so many dreams and aspirations for my life now I feel like I've flushed it down the toilet.

This has probably been the worst vear of my life. Around March a viral video of me was posted and I was made a meme and a mockery by Strangers and people I know. I didn't think it could get worst... Boy was I wrong...

A couple months later I was drunk and confused and walked passed a till point with items in my hand, the manager of the store recorded a video of me getting arrested and circulated it around the area, thankfully that didn't go on social media, however now I feel like a night of drunken stupor has completely ruined my chances of getting a job.

Fast forward to now, I'm sitting on my couch contemplating what I should do. What can I even do?

I'm graduating in December and I wish I could feel happier but, I can't... I've been trying to find a job for 2 years now and unfortunately I've been unsuccessful. I feel like I've ruined my chances. I feel like I've failed my family and my self... I wish I could change the past but I can't... just want to feel like I am someone. I can't even support my self and I feel like shit because of it. I just need some stability in my life and maybe that will make me feel whole.

I genuinely don't know how to go on... I've tried so hard but I feel stuck, I am so upset at my self and my actions I don't how to move forward.

Im not going to reveal my age or any names in this story, as I do not feel comfortable. I live in a household that screams, mocks, and is restrictive. I've recently started spiraling back into my depression. My parents yell nonstop, screaming at us, yelling about what would happen if we dont listen. My mom is always angry for one reason or another, even if it's no one's fault. It always gets brought onto us, whether it be the bills, her mental state, etc. My father (not bio) only cares for my mom, he wouldn't even care if we dropped dead. He always makes sarcastic comments about people, including myself, and they are always really inappropriate. I once got upset for not being able to go to the movies with my bf (now ex) because his dad was there and not his mom. My father made comments about how in his days people used to Frick in back alleyways. Mom made a comment about never trusting Father's how they could grape you, and you would end up dead somewhere. I cried so hard that night. This is only a surface level of what they do. I sometimes think that if I just disappear (end), then maybe they would care that they would actually pay attention to me. Advice.?

My mental health is disgustingly awful right now.

Whenever Im on summer break which lasts around 3 months here in Europe my brain gets all fucked.

One random night in August 2 years ago i had this thought " what if my mom is dead in the hallway?" that led me to have many thoughts about death until the end of summer break every single night that year. They made me anxious asf. Like I was sweating, shaking, my heart felt like it was exploding every single night and I was terrified of walking around my house at night. Hell, I was terrified of saying good night to my mom, because I was scared of finding a corpse in her place.

When school started this fear dimmed because I had school to distract me and help me if something ever went wrong.

One year ago around august again the same thing happened. And again it went away with the start of the new school year.

Now, this august i developed a new fear "what if my brain gets so loud i wont ever be able to think properly again and love my family? What if all this noise takes the place of my emotions? What if i never get to think about something again except for the fact that i cant think? What if I never get to live again?"

This fear is so much worse because its present at all times and ruins everything. I cant even seek comfort in my family because everytime Im around them I feel like an impostor. Sometimes i feel crazy, like i wont be able to speak again because my brain is just broken. I havent been able to have a conversation with anyone in 2 months where i didnt have a lot of background noise saying i wont be able to focus and be present.

Am I doomed? No one has this bro. There is no cure.

Hello im a freshman in high school and ever since school started i have felt worse than i have ever felt before. I get bullied a lot kids call me things like dumb the f slur and much much more. I have little to no friends anymore because i found out my old ones didn't like me thinking i was annoying or dumb, so they didn't keep in contact and the ones i have rn I feel like they never want to do things with me and just ignore me it makes me so sad man. I wouldn't say im depressed just really sad in a fast moment of time and i dont know what to do. I have my family but I don't want them to be sad because of me and I don't want to put that stuff on to them . And one last thing i feel like a idoit a lot im in sped classes and doing stuff other kids did back in 7th grade(they dont let me forget that. I feel like i will never be anything in life and will end up as a fallier. I also feel so much madder when doing things i like (playing fighting games etc.) like me getting really mad and i dont know what to do about any of this. I dont know if i will find anyone here but im just lost rn.

Vent to me, tell me your stories, let me know if you need advice or just support. Use me like some people use AI; talk to a stranger for the freedom of not being judged.

We can also talk about anything else if that's what you need.

Con: I have periods of time i cant answer, but if you message me its urgent I'll do my absolute best to find the time.

Just here to try to provide the support I didn't get myself.

Familiar with ADHD, ASD, hEds, burnout, psychological abuse, sexual abuse and unfortunately lots more.

Please no trolls, just trying to be a person people can turn to if they need.

I’ve never posted this much on Reddit in my entire life and I think that’s a symptom in itself, but I’m genuinely struggling, and this is the only place I can think of to turn to right now.
I’m going to try my best to explain what’s happening, but one of the scariest parts of this is that I don’t even trust myself to explain it accurately anymore.

(I might delete this idk yet)

I’m experiencing SEVERE brain fog, and I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point mentally.

I’ve had a lot of arguments and issues with my parents over the years, and things have gotten significantly worse recently. I feel like I’m questioning my own reality to the point that I genuinely don’t trust myself anymore.

I don’t trust my own memories, I don’t trust my own interpretation of conversations, and I don’t trust myself to know whether I’m being rude, having an attitude, or saying something wrong when I genuinely don’t hear or perceive it that way myself.

I feel like my parents have convinced me that I’m crazy. And I don’t mean that in a dramatic, throw-the-word-around kind of way. I mean that I’m genuinely questioning my own ability to understand what’s happening around me. I’m questioning memories from my own life because I’m being told that things happened differently than how I remember them. I’m questioning conversations because I’m being told I said things or had an attitude that I genuinely didn’t recognize in myself.

I’m not saying I’m incapable of being wrong. I know I can be wrong, I know I can hurt people’s feelings without meaning to, and I’m willing to take accountability when I mess up. But I’ve gotten to the point where I genuinely cannot tell the difference between being wrong, being misunderstood, and being told I’m wrong about something I experienced differently.
And there’s another part of this that genuinely scares the fuck out of me.

For the last couple of years, I’ve considered myself a forgetful person, especially when it comes to remembering what people say. I’ve hated quoting people because I can never feel completely confident that I remember a conversation correctly. I’ve always thought that maybe my memory is just bad, and I’ve learned to question myself because of it.

But now I’m genuinely sitting here wondering if I actually have a problem with my memory or if I’ve been made to question myself so consistently that I’ve convinced myself I’m a forgetful person.
I don’t know if I’m genuinely remembering things incorrectly, if I’m being told things happened differently than they did, or if there’s something else going on entirely.

I GENUINELY DON’T KNOW ANYMORE.

Maybe I’m not actually missing social cues. Maybe my parents have convinced me that I don’t know how to read a room or pick up on social cues, and I’ve carried that belief with me into every other interaction I have.
That’s what is terrifying about this. I don’t feel like I have a solid foundation to stand on anymore. I feel like I could be convinced of almost anything right now because I don’t even know what to trust.

If my roommate walked into my room right now and asked me why the fuck I was talking to a banana instead of my phone, I genuinely feel like I’d have to stop and look at my phone to make sure it was actually a phone and not a banana.
I know that’s an extreme example, but it’s the best way I can explain how little I trust my own perception right now. I feel like I have to question things that should be completely obvious to me.
If I woke up tomorrow and found out that the last two weeks had all been a dream, I genuinely don’t think I’d be surprised.

That’s how detached from my own life I feel right now. It’s like I’m going through the motions of existing, but I don’t feel grounded in my own reality anymore. I feel disconnected from everything, including myself, and I don’t know how to get back to feeling like a person who can trust her own mind.

I’ve reached a breaking point. I don’t know how to keep having these conversations, how to keep defending my intentions, or how to keep trying to figure out what’s wrong when I don’t even trust myself to know what happened anymore.
I feel like I’m losing my grip on myself, and I’m fucking terrified.

I don’t know what to believe, what to trust, or how to move forward from here.

I’m not saying I know why this is happening, because I DON’T. That’s the whole point. I’m so far past being able to confidently explain what’s wrong that I’m questioning whether I can even accurately explain what’s happening to me in the first place.

I’m not trying to diagnose myself or my parents. I genuinely don’t know what’s happening, and that’s why I’m asking.

Has anyone experienced anything similar?
Have you ever reached a point where you’ve questioned your memories, your personality, your ability to read people, or even your own perception after prolonged conflict with family?
Has anyone experienced severe brain fog, feeling detached from their own life, or feeling like everything is dreamlike during a period of intense stress?
If you’ve experienced something similar, what helped you? Did you eventually figure out what was happening? How did you learn to trust yourself again?

I’m looking for honest perspectives, advice, and especially people who might understand what this feels like. I’m not asking anyone to automatically take my side or tell me my parents are terrible people. I just want to hear from people who have been through something similar or who might have some insight into what could be happening.

I’m genuinely not doing okay, and I don’t know what else to do right now.