r/LongDistance • u/Otherwise_Act7006 • 6h ago
i’m lost and confused
hey everyone, it’s my first ever post on reddit and possibly last.
me and my partner, 18m and 19f
so we’ve been dating for a year and couple months, and pretty recently, like a week ago, i noticed myself i’ve been falling into the “i feel numb to them” pit. at first i thought it just stress, its just my anxiety disorder and depression mixed up and getting flared up due to season and that i quit meds like five months ago. but now my thoughts are spiraling more and more to the point where i want to gen unalive myself. like i mean i don’t think it’s physically possible for me to loose every feeling for them in literally week span, yet now i catch myself thinking that i need to just let them go finally. almost every single day they say that they love me or any romantic thing, my thoughts just want to stop them and when i try to say i love you back, even unintentionally, it feels like im faking it.
to be fair, i’ve been feeling extremely derealized and depersonalized for couple of months atp.. and now it gets to the point where i don’t understand what’s going on around me at all.
they’re such a sweetheart, i cherish them dearly just now im so scared and confused i don’t want to hurt them… it feels like the distance just ate every bit of affection that i got for them (had been doing ldr our whole relationship) because every single time i yearned for their touch, they never showed up due to distance… i don’t want to loose them i really don’t and even while writing this post, my anxiety and heavy chest is hurting me so badly.
is there a way to catch feelings back if i did lost them? i can’t lost something that ive built for so long and so passionately, i can’t just wrapped my head around the fact that its even happening..
his words sometimes feels so plastic like im talking to ai bot rather than human.
to be fair again, i don’t feel anything makes me happy anymore, everything is so dull, even my family and one close friend just frustrates me. i don’t see my future and i can’t really imagine what’s gonna happen to me tomorrow.
1
u/AlarmingWill1705 6h ago
first off, please reach out to a professional if you're thinking about hurting yourself, that numbness you're describing is textbook severe depression and it's not just going to pass on its own
you quit your meds five months ago and all this spiraling started after, the connection feels too direct to ignore