If you're not one of medic's enemies, he'll at least make sure you're "ok". You'll probably be missing a few organs, or will have gained some, but you'll be alright
More like chaos gods. Fabius doesn't believe in chaos. He thinks it's utter bullshit. Because of that chaos has a hard time getting into him and his work.
I mean the chaos gods are everything but almighty. You probably wouldnāt think that something like that is divine. Bile straight up denies their existence I think
Emperor knew chaos gods existed, that's why he propagated the Imperial Truth and banned use of sorcery. Bile just says "naah, not true" and just ignores them.
One time Fabius managed to be so himself he caught the attention of Slannesh itself, who proceded to freeze time and manifest itself to him to kinda sorta give him a compliment which is something pretty much no mere material being ever gets.
Fabius in the face of one of 4 demonic gods managed to look it in the eye and say basically āfuck you you aināt realā
I like to think that because bile isnāt really motivated by battle or conquest as such he occasionally decides itās just less hassle to open up a general practice to pay his labs rent
Honest to God, I'm trusting the Medic over everyone else here. He's a mad scientist sure, but he's got no reason to experiment on me. Probably getting paid handsomely to work on me, so I doubt he'll botch it. Plus. He has mediguns. I doubt any damage I sustained will be permanent. The others? Shit, it's a gamble.
The Medic doesn't NEED a reason to experiment on you! Don't you remember the random man who woke up with his skeleton missing, and the doctor was never heard from again?
Yeah I mean you donāt get to simultaneously move among chaos marines that otherwise kinda hate each other while managing to piss everyone off in his special way without having a solid professional reputation.
Something as āsimpleā as mere cancer heād probably be like pffffffft get in this vat for a bit and youāll be out by the end of the day, honestly I donāt get how you convinced me to handle something so trivial
True but he would 100% be the type of "i also gave you giga strenght and steel muscles but you will feel some agony for the rest of your life that is 10 years really but you can achieve so much more than in your measly life otherwise" u know?
There is one other issue: Fabius Bile doesn't do "ordinary" he'll put a bolter round in you, if you are lucky, for wasting his time on something your average Medicae could take care of.
If he is in the room, there is something he wants.
Oh heāll absolutely experiment on you. Youāll be cured fo cancer heāll probably just replace your liver with a baboon fetus or something (and somehow that works better)
I mean... Yeah, you'll definitely get cured of cancer. Whether you'll survive treatment is a better question. Hope you're not interesting enough to engender... experimentation.
That depends if it's more interesting to keep you alive for further experimentation or if you're boring enough that we move to dissection without bother to keep you alive.
Oh, they can make you survive it no problem. The big question is whether you're interesting enough to keep experimenting on or if they just decide to call it a day and dissect you, or stop keeping you alive after the Vivisection.
I'm not sure, Fabius SHOULD win but The Medic genuinely terrifies me.
Edit: actually, I take that back, from what tiny bit I know of Orochimaru and Naruto and Bleach as a whole, Orochimaru and the guy from bleach probably dunk him.
Idk the other two but Medic and Fabulous Bill are at least really good at their jobs when they want to be. Cioccolata is only a doctor because it makes it easier to torture old people.
The guy on the left isnāt a doctor heās a mad scientist. 50/50 chance whether or not he actually tries to help you but if he does itās going to be an experiment that will either save you or ruin your life. Middle green hair is a jojos character who purposely used the wrong amount of anesthesia so his patient would wake up mid surgery. And the guy on the right is similar to the first except itās closer to 100% that he just fucks with you instead of helping
Wtf is Jojo about? I watched until stands came in. I enjoyed the martial arts more than Pokemon-esque style. But anesthesia cutting fits in how? Does the doctor have a stand fighting the patient's stand who is trying to step the doctor or something? Is the doctor secretly Dio? Like that's just so weird and low-stakes for everyone but the patient.
The anesthesia bit is part of his backstory so the reader knows "this dude is a psycho", his actual Stand power rapidly grows flesh-eating mold on anything lower in elevation than he is, with the mold's growth and effects progressing faster the lower the victims are compared to him.
Being a lunatic, he naturally opts to fight the protagonists by flying a helicopter above the city of Rome.
heās one of the villains from vento aureo, heās a surgeon that works for the Evil Italian Mob (compared to the main characters, who are the Good Mob). heās also a pervert who keeps a guy in a gimp suit and feeds him sugar cubes. heās in it for the love of the game because his stand ability actually just spreads an extremely dangerous mold.
pretty much as soon as they turned to stands it went off the rails. even as soon as part 3 youāre asking yourself why does this guy need to be like this and the answer is probably araki thought itād be funny/cool/weird. vento aureo also has a guy whose stand allows him to gather information on a womanās blood type, horoscope, and preferred sex positions to see what kind of homunculus these traits would make and if it suits the stand users needs sheās forcefully impregnated and then āgives birthā to the homunculus after it rapidly develops. you know how it is with spaghetti.
Orochimaru: I gave you sound cannons in your arms!
Poor Soul: OMG Thanks, I'll win every fight now!
Orochimaru: No, your arms will violently explode and I'm going to use you as a sacrifice for a spell. I don't even need to use you specifically, I just am. You know what, get your GF, she's going in too.
The one on the left is the whole WWII Japanese armyās bioweapons program in one person, only a āgoodā guy by the most technical definition of āworking for themā.
The green haired oneās a Jojo character so take your wildest guess and x1000. The last one is, AFAIK, a body surfer.
Guy probably was trying to cut medical costs, and went to the TF2 Medic.
Who then posted the X-Rays in group chat.
Still leaves questions as to what kind of "cancer" brings all them bois to the yard, cause being "cured" is the LEAST of your worries with that lineup.
Oh. This IS apocalyptic cancer then. Medic got interested.
The guy who surgically attached souls to himself to fool the devil. The guy who gave patients a baboon uterus.
Thought MY cancer...
Was interesting enough to pique the interest of notable medical practitioners who cheat death because they need or want too. One of which preformed surgery on himself mid fist fight.
Forget about me being tortured to death, my soul may be in danger from the illness. I'll take the hellfires of their tests, cuz I don't think oblivion is an option anymore.
Yeah, l feel that in this lineup Fabius has the potential to be the worst but he might also be the one most likely to actually try to cure your cancer. The others is like, you will be experimented on, and still have cancer.
Ironically, heās kind of the most reasonable actor in the room. I feel like the chance of healing you, but only if he doesnāt decide to put a duck up your arse or something
The pale one with a purple cord is Orochimaru from Naruto, the ninja Eipstein who kidnapped and tortured children to experiment with (all with the clan chief's approval btw).
The green haired one is Cioccolata from Jojo's bizarre adventure, he'd torture old people with unanesthesized surgery for sadistic fun and wasn't caught because they were already dying either way, he joined the mafia and committed a massacre through Rome using moss.
By far, Medic tf2 is the least likely one from grafting your spine nerve to your colon for funsies.
I mean the dude has a reputation as being one of the most evil members of Soul Society, and that he is simply too useful to not put down like the rabid dog he is.
Like, everyone else is scared of him for damn good reasons, but his inventions are otherwise indespensible and his healing ability is second only to his ability to torture people.
Guy in the power armor is from Warhammer 40k, Fabious Bile. He's batshit insane and part of his medical knowledge was learnt from the BDSM elves (Drukhari). He also has super cancer and avoids dying by cloning himself.
And the leftmost guy is Capt.Mayuri from Bleach, he is just like Fabious Bile, but he is insane, but he works with the "good guys", but hes insane, he is not a goodguy, but he is insane, but sometimes he does goodguys stuff, but he is insane, also he has a cloned waifu, but he is insane, also he is more of a scientist, but did I mention the insanity?
On the left is Mayuri from Bleach. Mad scientist and all around bastard, genocided and entire race of people just so he could research them and that's on the lesser end of his bastardness.
Big guy in the back is Fabius Bile from Warhammer 40k. I don't know very much about him just that he's part of the Emperor's Children, a legion of space marines who fell to the chaos god of sensuous excess and he's been trying really hard to "improve" on space marines and humanity in general but he keeps scrapping his creations because they're not good enough.
I will say that the Quincies were retconned to be a bunch of total lunatics who worshipped a guy hell bent on destroying the universe and recreating it in his image after Mayuri bragged about killing them all, so its like if a WWII US Soldier bragged about getting to slaughter Nazis by the millions.
They diagnosed you with everything, BUT your also cured of everything with a little extra on the top. So technically this is a positive so long as they get the green haired punk Cioccolata out of the room
The one with green hair on Medic's left is Ciocolatta from JoJo's Bizzare Adventure: Golden Wind. A sadistic mtfker who used his medical knowledge to torture people.
In his youth, he volunteered at a nursing home and would whisper messed up stuff to the elderly, causing them to comitt suicide.
Later, when he worked for the Mafia, he sliced 2 people in bits and preserved their bodies in formalin, all while filming everything.
Next to Ciocolatta is Orochimaru from Naruto. His shit list is too long to cover here. Just know, he's messed up.
On Medic's right is Mayuri Kurotsuchi from Bleach, another messed up mfker who, like Orochimaru, justifies all his acts as "science".
I feel like fabulous bill is ironically not the worst guy there. If heās there to help you, he probably just will. I mean your baseline human youāre not that interesting.
Unless itās doing the HH in that case, Jesus Christ, youāre fucked
Medic commit several errors just in his introduction video, including leaving live pidgeon inside Scout's chest cavity. He get by only with miraculous tech of medgun.
Mayuri may be a psycho but he was absolutely goated during the TYBW.Ā
I love that the main reason why he's allowed to be a captain is because it prevents him from being an enemy to Soul Society and he's unironically pretty loyal as long as he can do his experiments.Ā
I feel like Mayuri doesn't quite fit the list. He's the kind of guy who'd do anything to find a cure for something and then kill the patient afterwards because he cared about the cure not the patient.
I believe hes called Mayuri from bleach, dont know much about him outside he apparently injected a dude with a drug cocktail that highteneded their sense to the point seconds felt like they took centuries and then stabbed him through the heart so his hightened senses would suffer a greater and more agonizingly slow death
He also made people burn their children alive, more or less for shits and giggles, turned his own soldiers into unwitting suicide bombers, and is allegedly one of the good guys. He's not quite a drukari heamulculus but not too far off.
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u/Anisiiru 1d ago
TFW Fabius fucking Bile is the most ethical doctor in the room.