Bf says I taste bad…

[u/Kazen1Kura]

So for context me and my bf have been dating for a year. Normally I am super self conscious about receiving anything oral and always deny it. But my bf will insist and do it anyway. A few times he’s brought up about how I taste bad like piss.

Now I am someone who loves hygiene and body care, it’s like therapy for me. When he says this I try to take it into consideration and be extra clean but I just can’t see where he’s coming from. I have a wash for down there, i mostly eat clean whole foods, and i take pre/probiotics.

This time it hurt my feelings because before we did it I took an everything shower and felt so clean and pretty now all of a sudden he’s saying I tasted like pee. He doesn’t say it in a mean way. I made a joke about him not eating me like that when he was eating icecream and he went “I mean…the last two times it tasted like piss. I don’t know if you’re cleaning it. Clean it babe.” But i do? I’m not sure what to do i’m petrified of getting head now, I never want do it again. He’s apologizing profusely and saying he’ll never say it again but jeez now i’m scared.

He’s also done this by saying my breath stinks and my tongue is too white. I’ve never gotten butt hurt over this but I just don’t understand because I brush my teeth, floss, and have a tongue scrapper. Yes, my breath smells after eating fragrant foods or waking up in the morning or when i’m dehydrated. But his breath smells terrible too i’ve just never went up to him and said it.

I guess I just want advice is this normal? Should I be more receptive? I already have an intensive body care plan, what else can I do? He doesn’t even do half of what I do. He literally had 1 native body wash he used with his hands until I met him and changed his regimen so why is he so judgmental?

Dinner: Poke burrito with ramune soda!

**EDIT: So I use her fantasy box sensitive probiotic+ I use a wash because I work out a lot and I feel like it leaves so much sweat to use water. Should I try ditching the wash for a while and see?

[u/Extra_Examination706]

This reminds me of a story I read where a woman was dating a man who told her every morning without fail that she stunk, even though she bathed religiously and always wore deodorant. Her hygiene routine kept getting more and more extreme (i.e. bathing at least twice a day, even if she didn’t work out) until she finally snapped and told him that he should date someone who doesn’t stink and she was done.

He panicked of course and it was revealed he was doing that because his father taught him that he needed to neg his partner to lower her self esteem until it was so low that she couldn’t believe anyone else would ever want her and she’d therefore stay with him forever so she wouldn’t be alone.

Not saying that’s what your boyfriend is doing but.. the similarities are striking and concerning. Even if he has genuine concerns about how you taste / smell (which I doubt), there’s a right way to bring it up- that is, in a way that isn’t mean or hurts your feelings, but he’s choosing to be an ass about it.

[u/ceciliabee → u/Extra_Examination706]

This is exactly where my mind went too