Bf says I taste bad…

[u/Kazen1Kura]

So for context me and my bf have been dating for a year. Normally I am super self conscious about receiving anything oral and always deny it. But my bf will insist and do it anyway. A few times he’s brought up about how I taste bad like piss.

Now I am someone who loves hygiene and body care, it’s like therapy for me. When he says this I try to take it into consideration and be extra clean but I just can’t see where he’s coming from. I have a wash for down there, i mostly eat clean whole foods, and i take pre/probiotics.

This time it hurt my feelings because before we did it I took an everything shower and felt so clean and pretty now all of a sudden he’s saying I tasted like pee. He doesn’t say it in a mean way. I made a joke about him not eating me like that when he was eating icecream and he went “I mean…the last two times it tasted like piss. I don’t know if you’re cleaning it. Clean it babe.” But i do? I’m not sure what to do i’m petrified of getting head now, I never want do it again. He’s apologizing profusely and saying he’ll never say it again but jeez now i’m scared.

He’s also done this by saying my breath stinks and my tongue is too white. I’ve never gotten butt hurt over this but I just don’t understand because I brush my teeth, floss, and have a tongue scrapper. Yes, my breath smells after eating fragrant foods or waking up in the morning or when i’m dehydrated. But his breath smells terrible too i’ve just never went up to him and said it.

I guess I just want advice is this normal? Should I be more receptive? I already have an intensive body care plan, what else can I do? He doesn’t even do half of what I do. He literally had 1 native body wash he used with his hands until I met him and changed his regimen so why is he so judgmental?

Dinner: Poke burrito with ramune soda!

**EDIT: So I use her fantasy box sensitive probiotic+ I use a wash because I work out a lot and I feel like it leaves so much sweat to use water. Should I try ditching the wash for a while and see?

[u/KiloJools]

This is one of the many, MANY times I am peeved that people use "vagina" or "pussy" or whatever to mean "the entire area" and aren't exact in their language. The inside of the vagina doesn't need to be washed. The labia majora and mons pubis should be washed with gentle soap (I just use sensitive-skin facial wash and it's perfect), and it depends on the person what of the labia minora should be washed - since we all have very different anatomy it's not one size fits all. Too much washing can irritate some and too little can do the same for others. Sometimes the clitoral hood area or certain folds of the labia minora can get build up that may need gentle soap to dislodge. This shit should not be so scary to talk about with exact language.

I'm not frustrated at you, of course; I know I sound a bit crabby. I'm just frustrated in general that we end up not even knowing how to clean our own bodies because we don't even get taught the correct details about our own anatomy.

[u/Brokestemkid → u/KiloJools]

I appreciate this comment because people can definitely be soooo vague when talking about this. Especially on places like tiktok or whatever where they'll just be like "Use this on your 🐱 for X results!!!" And its like...which part tho 😭 i have a better understanding now and I dont rely on feminine hygiene tips BUT when I was trying to learn it was definitely super confusing. Like I wish more sources used the ACTUAL anatomical terms instead of all the euphemisms "Wash your kitty with this!" "Put this on your cat!" "This will have you smelling great down there!" Shit felt like everyone was speaking in some sort of code that everyone understood but me 😭

[u/SherbetLemon0815 → u/Brokestemkid]

I think a lot of it is rooted in purity culture. We tell women their genitals are gross and need special washes to be acceptable but then we don't use the correct anatomical terms or explain what goes where. So many women, including myself, still don't fully understand our bodies and feel a lot of shame in asking. I am always thankful for posts and subs like these that help answer those questions.

[u/KiloJools → u/Brokestemkid]

Seriously! And I think in those cases where they're trying to sell you something, the vague euphemism-laden language is by design, to insinuate shame and confusion. If you don't know what is what about what, but you know that you don't want to smell bad "down there" in that great big question mark area that's too shameful to name, you'll buy stuff just to be sure!

[u/Mundane-Meeting2739 → u/KiloJools]

This. I took that bad advice for a while before I realized it was bad advice. I use a lye soap for everything now that is made locally but before that I used a hypoallergenic dove beauty bar and it was great

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[u/CostWest8752 → u/KiloJools]

Yes, you can definitely tell how education of our bodies has really declined over the generations

[u/RareJellyfish4716 → u/KiloJools]

You shouldn't ever put soap on your clit or any of the inner parts... Only the labia majora, especially if you don't remove hair, since it holds onto smell. I've never in my life used any type of soap near the inner parts and guys always tell me they're surprised that I never smell, because they're used to women smelling at least sometimes.. and no, I'm not putting them down or trying to make myself sound better, it's just that important. You don't need soap to wash the "smegma" away. You shouldn't even have that kind of buildup if you clean yourself with water regularly.. even a baby wipe now and then is much better than using soap. All kinds of intimate soaps are just propaganda to make you buy shit you don't need because you're scared of smelling bad, which you most likely will if you use soaps. Not everyone, there's always exceptions to every rule, but most people. You literally just need warm water and your fingers to gently pull the hood back and wash it gently with another finger. That's it. Your body will thank you and you won't feel smelly.

[u/TheFutureIsCertain → u/RareJellyfish4716]

Why are you putting smegma in quotation marks like it’s some sort of imaginary problem? It’s a normal part of human physiology. For both men and women.

Some people have very little, like you, some moderate amounts, and others a lot. It varies between people, depending on factors such as genetics, environment and hormonal profile.

Just like some people have oily skin and others have dry skin.

Would you say that because you don’t need to use a facial cleanser, nobody else needs one either?
Is facial cleanser propaganda too?

(I low-key sometimes think it is because I don’t use it, but I know others do, so maybe not...)

[u/infinitecatparty → u/KiloJools]

The original comment didn’t specify, the second comment specified vulva, and I said pussy which I think is fine because is anyone actually trying to reach inside of their vaginal canal and wash it? So yes, the entire area. Surely not, though douching used to be more common, though that was specified as douching typically, not washing. Yes agreed that we should all be able to talk in specific terms when needed but I still think pussy or cunt is fine in some instances as well. I do find it concerning when people don’t know or feel they can’t use anything besides infantilized terms for genitalia though, for either gender. You don’t sound crabby, I think you have a valid point in general, it’s just that she did specify vulva in this case. Perhaps you were replying to a different comment than hers, reddit chains get really convoluted sometimes

[u/KiloJools → u/infinitecatparty]

I was mostly reacting to the complete lack of overall clarity and multiple different assumptions from various commenters all over this post, and the actual person I was replying to I was actually agreeing with, but I had started to get so frustrated with the rest of the replies I was worried it was coming out in my wording.

Thing is, people were not even sure if OP was saying she was using a douche or if she was using a cleanser on her vulva, or which parts of the vulva. Some people, even one supposed RN, are still claiming super loudly that you can't use soap/cleansers anywhere "on your vagina" which is just bonkers.

I feel like I need to get a diagram out. Like, most people shouldn't use soap here on the vestibule, *aggressive metal finger pointer tapping here where the urethra is* some people may need cleanser on the labia minora, especially where it meets the vestibule and around the clitoral hood, *aggressive tapping intensifies* pretty much everyone needs some kind of cleanser on the labia majora *more frantic tapping on the diagram* ...

I just can't with the "who's on first" shit in general 😂

[u/infinitecatparty → u/KiloJools]

Yeah this post is a mess, jesus christ. I thought it was common sense to assume when we all say “washing” we are discussing “washing” not douching, not discussing any internal cavities whatsoever, but perhaps I put too much faith in others 😂 common sense ain’t so common as they say