Since most men around the world are more 'take charge' and I am the opposite, would it be appropriate to let my dates know before about what I am into, because it feels like i am hiding something important and let's be frank being compatible is necessary. But at the same time, I feel it's inappropriate to bring up sex immediately because it may sound icky?

I’m in a loving female-led relationship. My partner and I live apart and see each other on weekends. She keeps me in chastity during the week, and I’ve become very accustomed to wearing my cage.
Something interesting has happened. When she removes it, I actually feel physically uncomfortable without it. Not because anything hurts, but because I’ve become so accustomed to the sensation of wearing it that being uncaged now feels strange.
I’m curious whether other men who have worn chastity cages regularly over extended periods have experienced the same thing.
Is this a common experience? Does it feel more psychological or physical to you?

Edit: Hit the post-button before finishing the title… that was supposed to say “Unsure about what my preference is called”

I’ve been trying to understand my erotic patterns, since before I always had issues describing it to others. I think I now have a good grasp on which parts are actually important to me and which aren’t.

Please note that I have no actual experience with this dynamic - I had to work on some trauma for a really long time to be ready for a sexual relationship, so I’m joining the “sub-force“ pretty late even though I’ve had urges for a long time.

I’m highly attracted to independent women pursuing their desires and letting me be part of that pursuit. As in, I want to make her happy, but not influence her will.

Erotically, I specifically like for her wishes to have priority over mine. In moderation, even things I dislike can be a turn-on, if it’s something she’s really into and I can feel her satisfaction with pushing my boundaries.

I like to be sexually defined by my usefulness, being perceived as a tool for her pleasure. I like to be very good and active in bringing her that pleasure - most femdom porn has the sub be far to passive for me to identify with.

I really enjoy, if the dynamic is lived matter-of-factly: Her wishes habe priority and mine do not. She doesn’t need to explain or enforce this. It’s just the order of things. I don’t require a reward or acknowledgement (at least in-scene) for my contribution.

As practices I think I’d enjoy

* Orgasm control (self-explanatory, I think)
* Cuckolding (as a part of her independence and priority, rather than humiliation)
* Objectification (think more sex toy than human furniture)

In a partnership outside of play / sex I like to have an eye-level relationship. With the exception of flirting or some playful teasing I’d like to keep the the kinky stuff in the bedroom.

I’m mostly leaning towards labeling it as a specific kind of service submission, but I’m nor quite sure.

Does anyone have experience with this kind of sexual dynamic? What would you call it and what are possible issues that can arise from living it?

Hola soy nuevo en esto fan de la sumisión desde hace años

(I posted this question in a different subreddit, but I believe that I can get different perspectives here)

I ask this question because I have felt that service subs have to get their satisfaction from serving itself and not need anything in return, and if they want praise or to be taken care of, they would be selfish.

I have been dwelling on what my submission means to me, and for months, I thought that I was service oriented, where my focus would be intentional quality service that improved the quality of life of a Dominant. While service is still something that I want to do, I have been questioning that.

Recently, the idea of becoming a little and taking on a “smaller” role, where I can get taken care of by a Dominant, has been very appealing to me. Along with being taken care of, I want my service orientation to be integrated into this role, where my service would be less of an obligation and more of a voluntary choice with the goal of making them proud. Sort of like a little helper.

The best way to explain such a dynamic would be a relationship between an elementary school teacher and a younger student who wants to help them. The teacher’s role is to guide the student in learning, and the student’s job is to turn in assignments and learn, but some students may want to go above and beyond, which is where my dynamic fits in. It is not the best analogy, and I’m not suggesting that anyone underage will be engaging in a dynamic.

Soy de Galicia 25 virgn solo deseo servir

Hey Femdom family! ❤️

I could really do with some advice, and I’m honestly rather nervous about posting this. 🙈

I’m a male submissive who’s only recently discovered this side of himself, and I’m still learning.
I’ve been getting to know a few different Dommes, hoping to find someone I genuinely click with and feel an emotional connection to.

I haven’t committed to anyone or agreed to an exclusive D/s dynamic.

But here’s what’s worrying me… Is it normal and acceptable to talk to multiple Dommes while finding the right connection?

Part of me feels guilty, almost as though I’m being unfair to them, even though I’m genuinely trying to find someone compatible rather than rushing into my first D/s relationship.

I want my first experience with a Domme to be built on trust, communication, mutual respect and a genuine connection.

I’d really appreciate hearing perspectives from both Dommes and submissives.

Thank you in advance! ❤️

I'm a newer poster to reddit not so new to the femdomming.....

OKAY maybe I am a little bit....

But even so, we have tried sounding, and it's something he absolutely loves....

But I occasionally go in at the wrong angle or what we are trying to use should not be used...

Does anyone have a place to get good quality rods? Any tips on how I should do things so it doesn't hurt him? Are there any lubricants to use that won't burn inside?

I’ve been seeing someone (a sub) for the past three months and we have gotten close. I found out early on he was a sub and I was happy to explore the ideas of femdom with him even though I was vanilla (but have done kinks in the past). He has expressively stately he values me and that I was someone he never met before.

He has shared much of his past with me including his mistreatments by several women. Sometimes I hear his stories and wonder why he would allowed himself to treated poorly. I am the opposite of that being that I give him attention and care.

He’s recently had to go overseas and given our time apart, I offered that I would like to join. He had previously told me he would love for someone to go with him on his trips. Unfortunately, he changed his mind and said it would be difficult as it would interrupt his and he would feel awful that he wouldn’t have time for me.

I was upset and told him things that implied I was under appreciated and have since gone silent. I used to hear him tell me that his exes were hot yet they never did anything for him but he would pursue them. My words were that I was hotter than his exes and I did this and that, yet he didn’t love me.

Was I right or wrong ? He also hasn’t reached out since but the last thing he asked was that he wanted to see me before his trip.

Does this automatically make me a dom? Can pegging be submissive on the side of the giver? I don’t want to be inherently dominant, but if that’s what it means then I suppose I could 😞

So I (23F) am dating a younger guy who’s very much a sub. I’ve mostly been submissive with previous guys but I’m actually a switch and ngl I’m really enjoying being the dom for once lmao

He’s told me stuff like “my body your choice” and that he likes being taken advantage of. He’s also straight up told me multiple times (sober and in person) that he’d like me to “rape him” as part of a cnc fantasy

For context, he’s into being slapped, choking, calling me mommy, being called a “good boy”, spitting in his mouth and generally just being used and having someone else take control

He’s not exclusively a sub either. Sometimes he switches and takes charge, and other times we just have regular passionate sex, like missionary, doggy, saying “I love you” to each other and all that cute stuff lol. So it’s not like our entire sex life revolves around kink

And before anyone comes for me, I’m obviously 100% against actual rape. We’re talking about consensual fantasies between two adults. We have a safeword, communicate about boundaries and sometimes use rope too. I’m pretty good at reading his body language, but obvs I know that doesn’t replace consent

ANYWAY my issue is that I genuinely have no clue how to surprise him 😭

Like I love being on top, telling him what to do, teasing him and being in charge, but I feel like there’s SO much more to explore and I don’t really know where to start

So to the sub guys and people into cnc:
- What actually turns you on about it? The loss of control? Being wanted so badly that your partner takes charge? The element of surprise?
- What kind of scenarios do you fantasise about?
- Do you prefer a dom who’s more teasing and playful or more strict and demanding?
- How do you make things feel spontaneous while still respecting previously agreed boundaries?
- And to the experienced doms, where tf do you get your ideas from?? 😭

Obviously I’d discuss hard limits and what we’re both comfortable with beforehand. I’m not trying to genuinely violate anyone’s consent, I just wanna understand this kink better and get more creative with him

Basically I’m a switch who accidentally discovered she LOVES being called mommy and now I need some inspiration lol
Any advice, especially from sub guys into cnc, would be appreciated!

I’m a woman who was recently given the opportunity to explore being a Domme to another woman who already has a male Dom.

I’m actually meeting both of them tomorrow, and she and I have our first date planned for next week.

Here’s where I need some advice: I’m completely new to being a Domme, and while I’m excited about exploring this dynamic, I have no idea where to start!

I want to establish a sense of confidence, authority, and control when we’re together, both on dates and during intimate encounters. I want her to feel comfortable submitting to me, but I also want everything to feel natural rather than forced.

For those of you who have experience with female-led D/s dynamics, how did you get started? How do you establish your presence as a Domme, especially when you’re new? What should I discuss with her and her existing Dom before we begin?

Any advice for a beginner would be greatly appreciated!

Hello! So I'm a man (26) and recently I started a relationship with an amazing girl (22), thanks to this relationship I started thinking more and more about FLR as it seems this relationship will kinda be that, but only slightly. I'm her first boyfriend, so she doesn't have any experince in relationships, she's naturally more dominant leaning person, while I recently realized that I'm more naturally submissive leaning person.

So I have a few questions for mostly ladies that like FLR lifestyle:

1. Ladies, what are in your opinions the best ways to show respect and love to a dominant leaning girlfriend?
2. What are specific things that you want your boys to do?
3. What are specific things that you hate when your boys do? I would like to know which things I should avoid
4. If I tease my gf does it make me less of a sub boy in her eyes?
5. What other advices would you give to a boy like that that wants to bring happiness and pleasure to his Mistress?
6. Would you recommand FLR lifestyle to others? If yes why? If no why? I would love to hear your arguments

I wanted to share an experience with HFO I had!

I am a lifestyler domme, I'm also poly, and have been gathering subs here and there across the LA area over the past 3 years. One (NB) sub I've been seeing for over a year now and it took us over a year to even have penetrative sex because I enjoyed teasing and torturing so much it was barely on my mind. I'm sure there's an experience as a sub when you find someone who is just so GOOD at being a dom/me, I feel like I've had that experience with this sub. They're just really good at subbing - almost built for it. Shorter than me (omg loooveee thattt), effeminate, willing to dress up for me, and overall a very chill person (not common with subs!!). Reactivity is important to me too; like when someone is able to react vocally to what I'm doing. It makes me bounce off their energy and I get into a domme-space.

Recently I was laying on top of them, just kind of yapping into their ear (I loooove using my voice, it's my best weapon hehe) and instead of describing scenarios like I usually do I started describing feelings. I wanted them to feel relaxed, so I incorporated a little of what I knew about mindfulness techniques and body grounding to just describe a nice, warm feeling moving throughout their body. Slowly I started realizing they were entering what I could only describe as a trance state (body more relaxed but responding to prompts) and I figured they might just be a very suggestive person, so my goal became to suggest them into a state of being relaxed or released. I guess they took it literally and ended up orgasming underneath me, clothed, without either of us moving.

This was the first time that had ever happened to them. They were pretty new to subbing when we met. This was quite the experience for me, it's like, electric. To feel so completely in control of someone that they could be brought to orgasm by just my voice is a surge of power, and I feel like this is rare and special? I have never had any expectation of this from any sub I've seen, in fact I've thought it would be kind of overdoing it if I legitimately expected that from anyone's body.

Of course I predictably became addicted to this and have been experimenting with what I can only classify as hypnosis with them. Describing what their body should feel like, commanding them to drop deeper, noticing how their body is reacting so I know where to move their consciousness at any time. I have since done a lot of research on responsible hypno practices and I'm surprised at how naturally I picked up the correct boundaries around hypnosis. Keeping the other person's autonomy present, and always staying in a warm, uplifting, positive presence (yes even if I'm describing them living in a vacuum bed for me to tease for all eternity!!) that doesn't install any personality changes outside of a session. I've either become extremely good at it or they've become very good at receiving it. I know that it's partially me, my voice, my descriptions, but I have to hand it to this person, they are just good at the act of subbing. It's a very difficult task to ask someone to hand over that level of vulnerability to me, and to be able to unlock this level of control with someone is a highly cooperative task. It's given me so much more appreciation for the act of subbing; it can be so bodily and I know that should I ever be in a sub role, I sure as hell couldn't be suggestible enough to have a HFO. lol.

Anyone else had any unexpectedly suggestible subs? I would love to do this more with my client-facing relationships even if it doesn't lead to HFOs, just because I love experimenting with people. It's so nice to unlock something alongside of someone, like you both realize you can do something new. ❤️

Hey there everyone, I've been pretty actively looking for a partner to get into a femdom dynamic with. Well, actively in the sense that frequently post and respond to contact ads on both fet and reddit, shoutout to the r/femdompersonals team for their hard work, and that I put myself out there at munches. I haven't found my person yet, however I've had good experiences and made some friends in my local kink scene so I've already won in a way. But recently I came across an ad I was really enamoured by due to its sophistication and responded. I got a reply back and we started a chat and I was very excited by the possibilities. However a couple messages in I realized something, this person was using AI to respond to me. The respones were too targeted, too repetitive in certain terms and had a sense of sychophancy to them. I feel sort of heart broken right now, not only because I got excited over nothing but also because I feel like such an idiot for not recongnizing it immediately. It feels violating in a way I have a hard time describing. How has your experience been when encountering AI in a personals based or other sort of context?

Sub here My Mistress (wife) wants to be able to tease me with a remote-controlled prostate massager while we're out and about.

I've currently got the Lovense Edge 2, and while it feels amazing when it's actually in the right position, but it constantly moves around or falls out, which is frustrating.

Recently I tried a cheap butt plug from Amazon, stays in perfectly, So I'm thinking a plug style toy might be a much better option for me.

I've been eyeing up the Lovense Ridge as the shape looks like it might stay in place better than the Edge 2, but I'm unsure.

Does anyone have any recommendations for a good remote controlled prostate or anal toy that actually stays put?

I'd particularly love to hear from anyone who's tried both the Edge 2 and the Ridge, or has had similar problems with toys slipping out.

Hello, everyone!

I've been exploring my identity as a Domme for the past couple of months, and honestly, there's something I've noticed that I'd love to hear your thoughts on.

A lot of subs, especially those looking for a slave dynamic, initially approach me with plenty of eagerness and enthusiasm. However, when it comes to following through on tasks, their actions often don't match their words. Suddenly, there are excuses, delays, or even complete ghosting.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder whether some of them are genuinely interested in the dynamic or simply trying to get close to a Domme in the hope of receiving nudes or other intimate content. I haven't shared anything like that, and I have no intention of rushing into it.

So, I'd love to hear from both experienced Dommes and subs:

- Is this kind of behaviour common? Have you experienced this pattern of initial enthusiasm followed by excuses, inconsistency, or ghosting?

- How much patience and leeway do you give a sub? I understand that real life happens, and I'm not expecting someone to be available 24/7. However, I do believe there's a difference between genuine circumstances and a repeated lack of effort or commitment.

- How do you protect your privacy online? I'm still figuring out my boundaries, and honestly, I'm not comfortable exposing myself online, especially given how unpredictable people can be. Believe me, if exploring this dynamic offline were currently an option for me, I'd much rather do that. For now, though, online is what I have to work with.

I'm still relatively new to all of this, so I'm not claiming to know everything. I'm simply trying to learn how to recognise genuine interest, set reasonable expectations, and protect myself without becoming unnecessarily distrustful.

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing about your experiences, advice, and even mistakes you've learned from. Both Dommes' and subs' perspectives are welcome.

Thank you! 🖤

so i (22f lesbian) am very submissive and usually stick to mommy domme and gentle femdom but recently like the past few months i’ve had this fantasy that is driving me feral.

the best way i can describe is like an mistress/empress/sovereign who cant admit she likes being pampered and served (me) and her favorite palace maid/eunuch who adores their sovereign and absolutely loves pampering her rotten and serving her and has her absolutely wrapped around their finger and doms her into the floorboards, even domming her into using her power over them and domming them ( if that makes any sense?). the part that confuses me is that technically speaking the sovereign has all the power and the attendant would absolutely love to follow her orders should she ever give them however in practicality the attendant has all the power, knows that their sovereign will never tell them no and knows exactly how to make their sovereign do whatever they want. something that is important is that in the bedroom the attendant basically does whatever they want like punishing the sovereign for incorrect manners, praise and rewards for actually exercising her power like being forced to order the attendant to do things or being forced to dom the attendant in bedroom, other dom things like controlling the sovereign orgasms and whatnot; all under the guise of “serving and guiding” the sovereign, kinda like “domme training” for lack of a better term. i dont think i explained it well at all and i still feel like i missing a huge part of it but its been driving me crazy!

i got the idea from from the various cases of shadow rulers throughout history! several times in imperial chinese history eunuchs/empresses/imperial concubines have gotten the emperor(s) wrapped around their fingers and basically got run the empire.

im leaning towards me being the sub in the scenario but something about having the power but not being able to use because i cant be assertive drives me feral, like i could just tell them to do something and they’d do it if i spoke up but they know i cant so that and absolutely revel in it. another thing is that i dont know if this is even a dynamic thats possible or if its just a delulu pipe dream to think about at night?

also sorry about any typos or formatting mistakes, my laptop died died and im on mobile :(

I want to check if someone feels the same and your input on that matter.

I'm transsexual and as such I've experienced mostly shit of cis men even to a degree that it required therapy to accept that I was abused and could heal.

I'm in a relationship with a rather lovely man who empowers me to play as Sadist with others. Frankly, most men are sorted out fast and I'm currently not sexually attracted to any submissive man.

I've noticed that there's an interest in men who I repulse by the way how they behave, the kind of fetishisation of minorities they display or similar. Some are into heavy CBT and scat which would match how I feel about most cis men due to my history.

I still would've the duty of care and make sure that even high risk plays are performed as safe as they could be.

Does someone has similar impulses? I feel rather bad for it as my screening requirements for traditional attractive subs got otherwise high.

I [m33] am a sub by nature and would love to be dominated by my wife [f30]. She’s very much in charge of the relation, like i do the dishes, run groceries, clean the house and bathrooms, book dates for us, while she has the final say in things like finances, moving across states, and other decisions like that.

Id love to introduce this sub/dom dynamic to her in the bedroom too but I’m worried about her reaction. We both grew up in households where sex talk and conversations like that were taboo, to the point where kissing scenes on tv meant changing whatever I was watching.
Shes a very soft quiet person, a few times when she was away and we were sexting, i told her id love it if she spit in my mouth, but nothing ever happens when shes here. I’ve heard her laugh with her friends about how some men like to such toes and being pegged and i feel like she might see me differently if she knew what i liked?

I get in my head a lot about this but i truly am starting to not enjoy our vanilla sex. It’s becoming repetitive and boring.

Please help me initiate this conversation with her.

TLDR: need advice on having my wife dominate me, she is not into it from conversations I heard her have with friends. Vanilla sex is getting boring to me.

TL:DR at bottom.

For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with trapping myself. As if a pendulum swinging from my respectful but mildly (perhaps understated) defiant personality, I have always gotten a thrill from the risk. Adrenaline coursed through me not knowing whether I would truly be trapped or could somehow pull off an escape with spiritual admiration from the great Harry Houdini. The excitement of the escape; the excitement of not knowing; and the excitement of the following potential humiliation if found were all factors that charged this urge.

Background

I imagine many of us have shared that first experience of bondage directed by the elusive "blanket burrito." My first experience was rolling around in a quilt; though, it was less of a burrito and more of a dumpling considering the army roll I performed the maneuver with. I remember being trapped, thrashing like a wild animal from the lack of oxygen. I did manage to roll myself out of it eventually, but I was drenched in sweat and breathing hard. The exhilaration of that moment stuck with me. Had it not been so hot in that self-induced trap, I probably would've enjoyed it more. Nonetheless, this is where I started.

My interests have escalated over the years. Having been exposed to BDSM through family and the internet, I made due with the tools I had. Sheets, spare rope, bungee cords, duct tape, and whatever else I could get my hands on. It became my first true hyper-fixation. I would spend HOURS a night -- 10pm to 6am or later, trying different ties and researching all I could. Mind you, I am not traditionally a night owl, yet time ceased to exist in this bliss. I read stories online, both real and fantasy, that continued to peak my curiosity. When I realized there were women that liked to tie up guys... my mind was blown. I did not realize at the time, however, how much this would influence my sexual and romantic preferences.

Sub Frenzy

Now, much later in life, I still have not found a partner to fill both that sexual and romantic void. For the women that did make it into my life, it was unfortunately only one or the other when, inevitably, the mixed intentions were not compatible. These have been followed by periods of singlehood and lack of fulfillment that I have desperately tried to fill on my own. I have tried to find a partner, but I felt unwelcome by the kink community in my area. I continue to search online, but it is painfully slow and takes an immense amount of effort to get any engagement.

As I've refined my own desires, there have been times where I have taken risks maybe I shouldn't have. Sometimes it's throwing padlock keys away because I don't feel trapped enough, cinched rope above the elbows, overnight long bondage with no clear escape, and other long uncomfortable positions that are near impossible to escape and by all means physically demanding. I keep telling myself it's dangerous, but also the desire is so strong that I don't know what to do! I end up lying in bed for hours, just planning and thinking and fantasizing... and eventually, I get exhausted of throwing coins into the wishing well and none of those wishes coming true. So, I become the well and throw myself down it, too.

Just this past month, I've probably spent 10 or more days where I was in some form of strict bondage for more than 6 hours in that day. That doesn't include all of the other shorter less strict positions. The good news is that I've figured out that I can squeeze my hands through my wrist cuffs with enough time and leverage, and I've used rope to break off some of the smaller padlock when I've had to. I have a timer lock box I throw the keys in. It's all really dangerous, I know, but it's the only thing that puts me into my submissive space on my own.

I feel like everything is continuing to escalate, and while I really enjoy it, the risk increases, as well. I realize I am placing myself into dangerous positions, but I can't think of any alternatives that keep up with what I want and need.

TL:DR

I have a strong urge for bondage. It has been escalating and I've started putting myself into longer, more physically demanding and dangerous holds on my own. I have no partner and I am struggling with reconciling what to do. I feel like I'm ignoring my needs and not getting satisfaction when I know I can be released on my own, so I put myself into precarious positions. I am looking for the advice of subs and dommes that may be able to relate to having escalating needs with difficulty fulfilling them.

I fantasize locking up powerful public figures. There is something hot about watching sexually frustrated powerful men.

I want to lock up former prime minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau. His face looks soft and he seems to be popular with ladies.

I am an older male just getting into femdom. I would like to have opinions on pubic hair. Should submissive males pubic hair be trimmed or be completely removed

I'm a domme in a toxic relationship with a submissive man. I made a post about it before. I can't leave right now sadly. I'm physically safe so nothing will happen. I wanted to know if there were any complimentary support groups for this kind of thing outside the typical support given to any abused vanilla partners? There's something about having a toxic sub that is wrecking me in a specific way that people in these conventional support groups may not understand. I'm struggling with the paradox of having a man who wants me to dominate him but outside the bedroom he's really mean to me.