r/ftm • • Sep 08 '26

Mod Post Rule Update: Sort of. (AKA we accidentally lost a rule and only just realized it)

228 Upvotes

So to keep transparency, we recently noticed that in our attempts to streamline the rules and make them more easily readable, we accidentally dropped the part about not making follow-up posts.

That was there because we had problems with people either making posts referencing other people's posts instead of just talking to them in their post, or making a new post when their post was removed or locked for either breaking the rules or starting to draw in a lot of drama.

Thankfully you guys have been really great and haven't done anything to make us notice that the rule was lost!
But there will always be some people who will see that a specific rule isn't there and try to argue that they should be allowed to continue a post after it's been locked or removed... So we put it back as it's own rule!

We also added a note about direct links to other subs. This was already something we had set up in automations! We ask that some subs not be directly linked to to avoid both digital self-harm of users (when linking to transphobic, transmed, or 4trans subs) or accusations of brigading.
Unfortunately there are some people who think that even mentioning a subreddit that has been harmful and telling people "Do not go there, it is not safe for people like us" is.... actually saying "go there and harass people" because apparently do not = do and it's not safe = be annoying????

And of course, not only will the user possibly get attacked, vilified, harassed, or reported, but it will end up in our modmail and we will be accused of "encouraging brigading" and they will threaten our entire subreddit. How do we know this will happen? Because it has before.
Thankfully the subreddit is fine, but modteam doesn't want to deal with that again, so we have to be weirdly strict about this, because some people are weird about it!

Finally, just a quick reminder that mod applications are open! We will likely be looking for more mods to add to the team to help avoid mod burnout, so if you are interested, please feel free to apply! You can find the link to the application in the sidebar and in the pinned posts at the top.

-Mod Team


r/ftm • • 25d ago

Recurring Friendship Megathread

9 Upvotes

THIS POST IS FOR TRANS MEN/MASCS ONLY!

GUESTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO POST HERE. PLEASE RESPECT OUR SPACES.

Failure to do so may result in a ban from the sub.

If you're looking to make new friends, here's a great place to start!
Do not include any advertisements to social media or other content type platforms! This is not the purpose of this thread!

Just post a bit about yourself and maybe take a look around to see if anyone else has similar interests!
Or, if you're not good at coming up with things to talk about, here's some questions you can answer:

What do you like to be called?
How old are you?
What country do you live in?
What are some hobbies you have?
List some favorite movies, TV shows, games, or other things:
What do you do for work?
Do you have any cultural or religious ties that are important to you?
Do you have any pets?
What's an interesting fact about you?
What are your transition goals?
Where are you in your transition?

Obviously you don't have to answer everything, but it might be able to guide you in the right direction if you struggle with coming up with facts about yourself on the fly.


r/ftm • • 13h ago

Discussion On trans men not being integrated into (niche) pop culture (like trans women are)

350 Upvotes

3 hours ago someone posted what part of the title of this post says. I could have simply commented, but I wanted to make it more visible so I created this post.

I want to give visibility to a trans man who I've become aware of 2 years ago while doing my bachelor's in music. His name was Billy Tipton, and he was outed after passing away. You can read his story in Wikipedia and I also remember there was an article who mentioned him, but I can't find it right now. Here it also says: "After his death in 1989, paramedics discovered he was assigned female at birth, to the surprise of his friends and family."

Another guy I want to mention is Michael D. Cohen), who I remember from Henry Danger.

I think one thing when it comes to trans men representation in pop culture is also that many of them do not say they are trans, therefore it feels like there's not many of them. I remember when I came out to my mom and she told me: "I see many men who want to become women but I have never seen a woman who wants to become a man" - yeah, that hurt a lot. So I showed her a bunch of trans guys who pass very very well, and she admitted she couldn't tell.

I obviously agree with the title of the post I'm citing. The representation we get is very little, and I myself feel alone under that aspect. This post simply wants to be a reminder that we have always existed (look at Billy) and that we will continue to exist. It surely is sad we don't get representation. Maybe someone from this reddit community will eventually become famous and make us all feel more seen.

EDIT: Users in the comments also mentioned some more trans guys!
- Brian Michael Smith on Lone Star 9-1-1!
- Laith Ashley, a model who starred in Taylor Swift's Lavender Haze music video
- Chella Man, a Deaf actor who was in Titans and also directs his own short films which focus on his experiences as an Asian, Deaf trans man.
- Scott Turner Schofield was the first trans man to be nominated for an acting Emmy (I believe he has two noms now).
- Theo Germaine, an actor who was in Netflix's The Politician
- Quinn Christopherson, a musician who won NPR's Tiny Desk competition in 2019
- Chaz Bono
- Michael Dillon

More on this, from a comment:
"If anyone else is looking for more historical or influential trans men and trans mascs, I recommend the instagram account transmascstudies*. It’s been awhile since they’ve posted, but their page has a ton of posts about guys I’m sure most people have never heard of."


r/ftm • • 16h ago

Cis/Transfem Guest Why aren't trans men integrated into (niche) pop culture like trans women are?

530 Upvotes

I've seen many popstars and celebrities say protect the dolls, but it never includes trans men, and there are also many trans female celebrities in the (niche) pop culture world, but never trans men. Why is that? The only trans male celebrity I know is Elliot Page


r/ftm • • 1h ago

Discussion nearly 10 years after my gender marker change, the state of Florida claims it’s invalid.

• Upvotes

I was born in Florida so I have a Florida birth certificate. Back in about 2017, living in Texas, I changed my gender marker legally as well as my name. No problems. Went to court, paid the fees, no biggie. Now nearly 10 years later, I receive a letter from the state of Florida claiming my marker change is classified as an error because it doesn’t state the “facts of birth”. I’m so upset and confused I don’t even know what to say. Like seriously are there not bigger issues to focus on other than a trans person living their life. I’ve just felt deeply icky about this all day.


r/ftm • • 17h ago

Advice given Mechanics, mowing the lawn, other “manly” activities are easy actually

252 Upvotes

I firmly believe cis men have been on a mission to convince the world that the simplest of traditionally masculine tasks are the most difficult things in the world just so they can put them off, look tough or keep them to themselves.

While not everyone in our community experiences this, I was immensely intimidated by learning anything about how to fix a car, starting and maintaining a lawnmower, doing an oil change, all that jazz. And I’m here to tell you that everything they’ve told you about it being difficult or requiring huge amounts of strength is a complete and utter lie.

Fixing a car, lawn mower, whipper-snipper, chainsaw, any of that sort of stuff? It’s just big Lego. I kid you not. It is ridiculously easy to do your own oil changes, clean out a carburettor and check your spark plugs. It only feels difficult because these are words we don’t immediately know the meaning of and have been brought up with the idea that traditionally male tasks are difficult. When in reality, the things I’ve just listed can take less than 10 minutes to do and don’t even require any strength or skill.

If you struggle with not feeling “manly enough” because you don’t know how these things work or even what they are, I strongly encourage you to watch some videos or ask a friend who gets it and see just how easy it is. Seriously, I urge you to dip your toe in and check it out.

There are cis men all around the world who weren’t shown these things growing up or just aren’t interested in them, who struggle with the same intimidation around them that we often do. It’s okay to not know everything, anyone who makes you feel otherwise is a shit teacher and not worth your time.

You CAN service a car, you CAN mow the lawn, you CAN do traditionally masculine activities and you’ll be surprised how easy it is once you learn how.

(Safety first)


r/ftm • • 1h ago

Advice Needed I'm not happy after starting T, worried I've made a mistake

• Upvotes

I did my first testosterone injection a week ago. I'd ordered my supplies and I was impatient to get it over with, but once I administered the shot, I felt nothing at all. Is this normal???

For context. My situation is complex because I've been socially 'detransitioned' for half a decade now (I ID'd as a trans man for 2 years as a teen). But I realised that I am actually still trans 1 year ago, and I've been seriously thinking about starting hormones for the last 3 months. So I just bit the bullet ig.

And I thought wow, I've wanted this for a while, I'm gonna be so excited to finally be taking steps to medical transition. But I didn't have any sort of positive reaction post-injection, just "huh, it was really that easy". I've read so many accounts of people on here saying that the world seemed brighter, their brain just felt RIGHT, they had so much energy and happiness after the first T shot. So I'm starting to worry that having a boy body just wasn't "meant to be" for me, or I've done something wrong, idk. Why am I not happy?

Been 6 days now and all I've really felt during the week is stress, about the painful lump at my injection site. I think my energy had increased a tiny bit today which worries me because aren't you supposed to be lethargic the day before your shot, not the other way round? It just contributes more to the fear I have that my body just isn't destined to run on T.

No proper effects have happened obviously since it's week 1 but idk, I feel like a fraud because I haven't had that gut feeling of everything falling into place after my first shot. Is it meant to be this anticlimactic? Or does it mean I rushed into this and I'll regret it?


r/ftm • • 3h ago

Discussion Did anyone pick a new name for more reasons than dysphoria?

15 Upvotes

TW abusive parents.

My new name of course reflects better the gender I live as, but I wanna say I have changed my name to empower myself, and detach myself from my parents. They were abusive and they dont deserve the right to give me my name. On top of that, when i see or hear my birth name, I associate it with my dad screaming it, he is gone now, but the bad memories remain as his legacy. In multiple ways, this name gives me a fresh start. My name reminds me that I am loved and respected by so many people in the life I have built. I am estranged from my family who doesnt accept me, but I dont think they deserve to use the name that I have picked anyway. Peace!


r/ftm • • 21h ago

Advice Needed Real estate agent hung up on me after figuring out I’m trans?

387 Upvotes

Hey I have something to share. So, I’m 13 months on T and I never get misgendered, ever. Over the phone or in-person, everyone sees me as any other young dude, which, granted, I am. I’m 19. Despite me passing, I have yet to legally change my name, so handling legal documents is still awkward for me.

Anyways, I live in a toxic environment with a transphobic mother, and I want out. I’ve been applying to a lot of different apartments under my chosen name, but obviously have to provide proof of income and other stuff like that, which all include my birth name.

So, I applied to this one apartment and heard back pretty damn quickly. I think only an hour or two after I applied I got an email and then I started getting texts and calls from them.

This is how the interaction over the phone went:

Me: Hello?

Asshole: (Cheerfully) Hi, is this ___?

Me: (Thinking, Oh god here we go) Hey. Yeah. That’s me.

Asshole: (Pauses. His voice void of the joy it once held) Uhh, well—okay. Were you the one that applied for one of our apartments?

Me: (Cringing) Yeah, it was me who applied. I just finished filling out the form you sent, actually.

Asshole: (Pauses for a while) Yeah, so I looked over your application and—I’m sorry but, are you really sure you’re ___?

Me: (Wanting to fucking die at this point) Haha, uh, yeah that’s my legal name.

Asshole: (Pauses. Then, mumbles under his breath—something along the lines of, Alright then, if I heard correctly—and swiftly hangs up)

Me: (Jaw on the floor)

Nothing like this has happened to me before. I’ve had people look at me crazy when I told them my birth name, but nothing beyond that. This is the first time I’ve felt directly discriminated against. My morning was full of calls, texts, and emails, but after that call—nothing.

At first I thought it was hilarious. Like, lol that was a funny interaction. But the more I sat with it the more embarrassed and disgusted I feel with myself. I quickly fell into a sort of depression. I know I did nothing wrong. The guy is a fucking dickhead, that is abundantly clear.

I guess I don’t feel wholly like a man despite me passing because I still lack certain things. I hate that I have to expose myself while on the hunt for getting out of an already shitty environment. I hate that me being trans will affect certain aspects of my life until it’s completely hidden from anyone’s view. I hate that I feel like I’m stuck until my name change is finalized, which can take months, and I’m desperate to leave my current home.

I know not everyone is going to be as shitty as that guy was, but now I’m scared for what other interactions may be like on this apartment hunt.

I want to hide again for the first time in a while.

I’m going on Friday, in two days, to court to request the name change. I won’t let this one interaction hinder my progress, but I won’t lie it’s fucking me up a little bit.


r/ftm • • 3h ago

Advice Needed People more and more dismissive of feelings since passing

11 Upvotes

It sucks. It hurts a lot. I am an individual who struggles a lot. I have bpd. It sucks really bad to have my feelings dismissed just because I look like a guy now. Its all I wanted, I feel more comfortable in my skin now being on t for a year and a half. But I hate that other queer people would hate me or dismiss my feelings just because of how I look and sound.

I feel a lack of support from the queer community, but I don't fit in with cishet guys either. It feels so isolating


r/ftm • • 1d ago

Relationships Trans bf cheated on me and got pregnant

1.2k Upvotes

This might be the worst shit I’ve ever went through in my entire life. I still can’t believe it happened 😭.

He’s my ex now btw, I’m not stupid.

I’m a binary trans man. So is he. We were T4T, together for 4 fucking years, we lived together, and I genuinely thought this was someone I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I’ve always been very clear that I don’t want children. I don’t want to be a dad, I don’t want to adopt, I don’t want anything to do with ts. And pregnancy specifically is a huge trigger for me. Like the idea of being pregnant myself makes me want to rip my uterus out. My ex knew that better than almost anybody. We’d had multiple conversations about it, including how uncomfortable I was with people constantly bringing up trans men’s reproductive anatomy like that’s the most amazing thing about us. But he always wanted kids. He tried multiple times to persuade me on my decision, saying he would carry it for us because he isn’t dysphoric about it, just ignoring the fact that I said multiple times I didn’t want any regardless of who carries it. At a certain point, I told him straight up we can break up if he’s so adamant on having kids. He finally agreed on having none and stfu about it. So I thought everything was fine and that we finally understood each other.

Then he started acting weird a while ago. Like always being busy after work, supposedly helping friends move, giving people rides, or staying out late. It was always some new fucking excuse. Then he started asking me a shit ton of questions about my schedule, even though he already knew it and that I usually hung out with my friends on weekends. Then he started getting weird about his phone, like it was always facedown or glued to his hand. And his location would randomly stop updating, so he’d blame his battery or the app. I always told my friends that I’m pretty easy to cheat on because I don’t go through phones, I don’t check your location 24/7, I don’t care about flirting with friends or anything like that. But it was hard to not notice the shit he was doing.

I asked him multiple times if something was wrong, and every time he acted like I was being the weird ass one. But I’m not fucking stupid so I asked if he was cheating. He got mad at me for asking so I dropped it. Looking back, I feel like a fucking idiot.

A few weeks later he tells me we need to talk. I thought maybe he wanted to break up. We’d been arguing more, barely spending time together, and I was honestly getting tired of feeling like an inconvenience in my own relationship. Instead, he told me he was pregnant.

I thought he was fucking with me so I laughed. Like maybe I was tripping or something. Apparently he’d already found out weeks ago and had been keeping it from me while trying to figure out what he wanted to do. He wanted to keep it.

He started crying, talking about being scared, and how he’d never planned this. Said he understood if I was angry but that he still loved me and didn’t want to lose what we had.

I’m still sitting there in shock that not only did he cheat on me, but he also got pregnant.

After that I crashed out. Asked who it was, how long it had been happening, whether he’d brought them to our apartment, blah blah blah. He barely answered any of my questions and I got angrier. And then he told me he wanted us to stay together. So… he wanted us to work it out while he was pregnant with another man’s baby?

I literally left our apartment before I did something bad. I’d rather not go to prison over something that fucking stupid.

Top 5 most embarrassing shit that’s ever happened to me, but I hope you guys enjoy my horror story 😭. Never dating T4T again

This is an old edit from hours ago btw. Took out the parts where I said I don’t understand trans men getting pregnant and that no one should be having kids right now so the original story and truth stays up. Not posting for attention and clout, just the truth.


r/ftm • • 18h ago

Celebratory Lost “virginity” NSFW

93 Upvotes

Cw: sex talk

My wife and I have been married 3 years. Together for 5. I completed my phallo surgeries last year but we have been unable to have penetrative sex due to my size (too big).

After many attempts and getting advice from other guys, a couple months of pelvic floor therapy for her, we were finally able to make it work.

It seems like a very small thing to some. But being unable to be intimate in that way has been a stressor of mine.

Just wanted to share with some people who might get it. Or might have concerns that it’s unattainable because we’re trans.


r/ftm • • 16h ago

Discussion I realized I do have bottom dysphoria, it's just different than I imagined NSFW

57 Upvotes

!Please don't read if you have bad dysphoria, I don't want to trigger anything in anyone else!

I always thought I don't really care about what's down there, moreso about the breast area and appearing masc in general. But I did suddenly come to the realization that I would actually love to have intercouse with a penis. The more I transition the worse this feeling gets. I do remember vaguely thinking about having a penis as a teenager when having sex with girls, which used to confuse me because I didn't even know about trans people (it was a very different time). I kind of always felt like something was missing because of it. I don't like penetration myself, but I realized I would really love to be the one doing it :(

I know there are obviously strap-ons, but the problem is that the ones that are supposed to give both pleasure are always about being penetrative for both. I have absolutely no interest in that so it would just be a "one-way" dildo. Though the idea of thrusting with that is somewhat hot in itself I guess..? I don't know, never tried it because for some reason I feel embarassed talking about it. I would love some stimulation but I haven't found any stimulating strap-ons that aren't about penetration for both

The more I read about how people describe PIV from the perspective of having a penis the more it feels like something I vaguely recognize (?) but also makes me frustrated because I'm not able to emulate that. This fcking sucks man


r/ftm • • 10h ago

Advice Needed Binders and hypermobility.

18 Upvotes

Hi, My 17 yr old son has asked for a binder. A few years ago he tried one, but he couldn't cope with the sensations. He's autistic with a lot of sensory challenges. But he feels ready to try again, so we're doing all the measurements, etc., but something just occurred to me. He's hypermobile, has not been diagnosed with POTS but he has all the symptoms. I'm not asking for medical advice of course, but if anyone here is hypermobile or has POTS, is there anything you can share about your experience with a binder that you'd say differs from those you know who wear a binder and are not hypermobile? Hopefully, there's nothing that stands out. But if it's something I need to be thinking about and discussing with him, I need to know.


r/ftm • • 1d ago

Relationships Girlfriend wants me to be cis man, what to do?

547 Upvotes

Both of us are still really young [19] and I don't want to break up with her.

I'm a transgender man and she's a cisgender woman. When we first started dating she was identifying as bisexual and was really accepting of the fact that I'm openingly transgender. With time this has changed, and she is now straight but can only date trans men as well as she does not like the fact that I'm open about being transgender.

She says that I don't know how scary it is to be transgender, how in danger I am all the time. The thing is, I've been outted since I was 13 so I know how scary it is. It's why I'm so open with it because I know that a lot of transphobia stems from fear of the unknown.

I love her so so so much but she wants me to go stealth for all my life. She doesn't want anyone to know I'm transgender at all. It's stressful for me since I know I want to help with my community, and she's against it.

I take a lot of pride in myself and the things I've had to endure because I'm transgender. I'm worried that she's becoming really conservative too on top of it all.


r/ftm • • 5h ago

Advice Needed Concerned about bigot brother.

6 Upvotes

18:52:43 / 19:09:31 15/10/2026 - So yesterday...

I already came out to my mum and youngest (gay) brother like a month and a half ago. My other brother I have reservations about in general, but seems the opposite of me and my youngest, who are both totally woke and also not cishet.

I'm the only gender non-conforming/trans person in this household, so it's a bit new for them, I guess, even though I've always been at least a tomboy growing up.

Recently, before I got (consensually) outed to him, he had a weird reaction to my brother also recently telling him he was gay. By... saying that HE wasn't gay for some reason, like some kind of Andrew Tate wannabe? Lmao. Funny.

He also said a week or so ago he basically (in his own words) doesn't think gay people (specifically men, always, always gay men) should adopt because they might 'indoctrinate' them into being gay or something, using that exact word. He seemed less upset by the idea of Christian parents having children and doing so with religion, than that, despite not being religious himself.

---

So, basically, I have such a relationship with him where I can barely say anything without needing to justify myself for even mundane reasons of doing mundane things. I don't really talk to him unless I have to, anymore. I couldn't come out to my mum or close brother with explicit words, so how do I do it with him even in person? So... I got my brother and mum to tell him.

I don't know what she said exactly, but something about the real reason I was asking how much her sharps bin takes to empty from the Council (UK), and he asked why. I locked up at the time and said I was just curious before they told him.

But according to Mum, he actually didn't say much... unlike what he normally has to say about trans women in sports, etc. Though he did say something about me possibly 'not being sure' despite literally not acting like a girl my whole life, not getting mad when people used to ask if I was a girl or boy when I was super young, and cutting my hair, and mostly wearing guy clothing. Despite thinking about this for a full eight years or so.

Anyway, he said something about 'not letting HIS daughter do that', as if by implication, I'm just a woman trying to become a man. He always has opinions on every 'ism' that doesn't involve him. It pisses me off. Women, black people (he uses all manner of slurs without care, even though I tell him not to), neurodivergence, other POC, LGBTQ+, you name it. He already called me a 'creature' in an argument before this ever even happened to begin with.

---

I want to know what to do to avoid conflict, because I'm doing it DI-Y until I get on NHS (probably Nottingham), and don't want to have him start harassing or bullying or saying nasty shit to me or about trans people to me - something he never did before and hasn't so far, luckily - because I'm deciding to go through with hormone therapy. He hasn't actually said anything to me about it since two days ago or so, I think, maybe? Which is weird. He always has something to say.


r/ftm • • 11m ago

Medical T shot hurt real bad this time

• Upvotes

My subq shot hurt really bad this time. It hurt when inserting and as I was injecting. It felt like a vaccine. Has anyone else experienced this? & what was it?

Also I want to hear where fellow subq guys inject & how that goes for you. I do the side of my thigh but idk if I should continue in that spot since it hurt really bad today


r/ftm • • 16m ago

Celebratory Officially Starting Testosterone!!

• Upvotes

IM FINALLY GOING ON T!!!! I just had my first HRT appointment at planned parenthood and they prescribed me subQ injection testosterone! Yes i’m afraid of needles but the good part is I live with a diabetic sister in law and my mom works in a lab in a hospital so i’m all good.

Going through planned parenthood was so so easy, the only hard part was waiting like three weeks for the appointment since I wanted my mom to come with me and she needed a day off and a day where I didn’t have any classes. Now I have to wait again for my prescription to be ready but i’m SO EXCITED OMG.

I’ve been waiting for the day I turn 18 since middle school so I could officially go on T and the wait was absolutely worth it. I know my ass isn’t gonna shut up about this for a good three months. I also know I will be difficult to shut up once my voice drops. I’m so excited to do those like tiktok testosterone monthly voice checks. I’ve been watching them for so long wishing that was me AND NOW IT’S FINALLY GONNA BE ME.

Question: for those who went through planned parenthood (in america) and have medical insurance, how long did it take for your prescription to be ready? I’ve seen on the website it says 1-2 weeks but i’ve seen people say it’s been ready a couple days after their first appointment.


r/ftm • • 1d ago

Discussion Get out and Vote NSFW

247 Upvotes

Mods i understand if this is not allowed but i wanted to post** (had to mark as NSFW because reddit thinks I am talking about sex as in intercourse)

Hi everyone, just wanted to come on this app really quick and remind those of you who reside in the United States to get out and vote. I was doing my ballot last night and saw a proposition that was pretty upsetting to me. I live in the state of Arizona and the proposition was Prop. 318. Essentially a prop saying that if you say yes, then trans people have to use facilities that align with their assigned birth. I have been on T for almost 4 years (two weeks short) and I know damn well problems would occur if I had to use the lady facilities, like godforbid the lockerroom. Furthermore, LesbianLifts is a gym content creator who recently made a post about it on Instagram showing how it also hurts cisgender girls. Please get out and vote like your life depends on it. We cannot allow these politicians to make a mockery of us trans folk. This is also another case of their ignorance towards us trans guys/mascs.

Before anyone comes at me, i am well aware that some states have already implemented this into a law and others have worse laws against trans folk

Here is what proposition 318 in the state of arizona says:

"Required all schools and athletic associations to designate athletic teams as male, female, or coded based on the biological sec of the athletes as defined at birth; prohibits these entities from authorizing use of private spaces not designated for a person's sex"

"a YES vote shall have the effect of: requiring private schools, public schools, and athletic associations to designated every athletic team as male, female, or coed/mixed based on sex and to prevent males from joining female teams; existing law imposes this requirement only on public schools and those competing against them; prohibiting schools and athletic associations from authorizing anyone to use private spaces (such as restrooms) not designated for that individual's sex; defining "sex" as an individual's biological statis as male or female as recorded at birth on an original birth certificate; and authorizing athletes to sue schools and athletic associations that knowingly violate this law"

"A NO vote shall have the effect of maintaining the current laws relating to student athletics"

This is outright blatant transphobia and I don't know why they're so worried about the wrong population instead of the obvious one


r/ftm • • 2h ago

Advice Needed A cis guy likes my boyfriend , help?

3 Upvotes

(both17)

My boyfriend is getting crushed on by his friend and playfully flirted with. I restrained myself in saying something like to stop being friends with him because I want him to have autonomy and a choice in his own life. They’re not very close so I don’t know why he’s keeping him around with his shown apparent interest.

BF just said of course he doesn’t feel that way but hasn’t told him that he has a boyfriend or that he’s taken or try to detour him by putting him down plainly and setting boundaries.

I’m not sure that BF directly even told the guy he doesn’t like him and that non-action can be interpreted as playing hard to get signaling interest. Like he was asking him out to prom playfully saying he’d pay and BF said he wasn’t going instead of ‘I don’t like you’ or ‘I have a boyfriend.’ I told him if he impedes on his boundaries and makes him uncomfortable then he should be firm about them. That to do what he’s comfortable with doing.

This is his friend that’s continuously trying to shoot his shot in ways that are even recognizable to the outside as pursuing, as the teacher had even teased the friend and pointed out their apparent ‘closeness’ due to his behaviors of being a lingering stain.

Playfully making sexual jokes like ‘why don’t you help me stand at attention’ or ‘make me do this’ and talk to him all class period, teasing him, which under other circumstances is fine but this guy likes him. I’m autistic so I felt physically sick in hearing this and BF’s other friend told him to not tell me this, they all with the context knew something was wrong.

We’re long distance, 4 hours away from one another and this guy is right there, and cis. I’m on hrt but am not as attractive as I was due to the face bloating+acne i’m suffering through right now. I’m unsure what he looks like exactly but he already has many advantages over me. I asked my boyfriend how tall he was and he said very tall.

Am I overreacting? My boyfriend is trans as well but I can’t help but think he’d prefer a cis guy over me, especially one he sees everyday.

I’m not sure if I give enough to keep him interested in solely me. I know i’ve been a good partner so far but love is often times a novelty. His biggest fear in a relationship is falling out of love which is a big stressor. It makes me need to do more to secure his attraction.I can do everything else unconditionally, but controlling something internal is very difficult.

When people even hint at being attracted to me it disgusts me massively, I immediately walk away to not entertain it at all regardless of who the individual is. He’s my first love, as I was aromantic never having any romantic attraction before I met him.

I told him before I’d be uncomfortable if someone were to crush on him.

Any advice?


r/ftm • • 7h ago

Vents go in r/ftmventing (And i don't read things!) Dysphoria is so weird

5 Upvotes

Dysphoria is so weird. I can see now when I reflect on my past that I indeed felt dysphoria before realizing. During exploring it was weird and I went back and forth if I really felt dysphoria and the more I paid attention and reflected the more I felt dysphoria as well as I have tried multiple times to repress which also made it worse. Certain things I thought of as neutral later was found to be definitive dysphoria especially with helping with other aspects of discomfort. It’s like a constant thinking, questioning and finding something out about oneself and ones experiences and it’s like it goes back and forth like pingpong between the specific areas. Sometimes I’m scared it’s fake but it’s not, it doesn’t go away, and this is a very documented experience of dysphoria. It’s very normal and common for it but the brain ghosts still ghost around


r/ftm • • 9h ago

Advice Needed Dual citizen gender marker change, how did you deal with differences?

9 Upvotes

I'm a dual citizen, Austria and Spain, with both having a relatively easy way to change my gender and name. This should pose little issue but here we are. I would like to remove my marker or change it to X, this should be possible in Austria but is not possible in Spain as of now. I would just change it to M in Spain but I don't want the military to assume I changed it to X just to avoid service (edit: Military or civil service is mandatory for men over 18 here). Considering my mental health history and that I am being medicated for my ADHD they wouldn't want me anyway (also the reasons they didn't want my cis brother) so this is not really about that.

I haven't changed my marker yet, mostly out of laziness, it has not been a bother to me in my daily life up until recently. In Austria changing it is a bit more annoying because I require some documents from a psychiatrist that would take a while to get so I have just not bothered. Unfortunately it has become increasingly annoying in university contexts because they won't let me add a second name for display purposes. I recently changed to a bigger faculty where I cannot possibly expect most of the profs and lecturers to know me as I could previously.

My dad says that it's unlikely anyone would ever check my IDs to compare them. He's likely right so I will probably just change it to X or remove it in Austria and change it to M in Spain but I wanted to know how others with dual citizenship have dealt with it?


r/ftm • • 14h ago

Advice Needed ftm and liking men NSFW

21 Upvotes

i’ve seen plenty of people talk abt this and how it’s okay but i genuinely can’t over the shame?? like as a girl i so adamantly liked women but now as a man i like both men and women idk. i have such a huge crush on this guy and it weirds ME out. but if i imagine dating him or having sex with him then im a little appalled. when i watch porn and stuff i only get off imaging myself as the guy, i just can’t imagine having sex with a guy. am i just that excited to be friends with him or what💀💀


r/ftm • • 2h ago

Advice Needed Pityriasis rosea and tape?

2 Upvotes

This might be oddly specific, but has anyone had pityriasis rosea (a type of non contagious skin rash that is self limiting and lasts 6-8 weeks, affecting mainly the torso) and if so, how long did you wait to start taping again? I’ve stopped because I’ve been concerned of damaging inflamed skin during removal, and binding instead for now.


r/ftm • • 2h ago

Discussion Any fellow cyclists?!

2 Upvotes

Trans guy living in Portland, OR. I have started doing more races this year, a few endurance gravel races but more cyclocross. Not seriously racing, just for fun. Trying to find other trans guys in Portland or the PNW in general to create an informal “team”. Racing against men for the first time was super intimidating and yeah I just wish that I had more trans camaraderie.

Anyone interested?!