Has anyone taken any of her courses and found them helpful? I'm contemplating joining one but since they are on the pricier side I'd like to get some feedback first. For those who don't know her; she's a Canadian therapist that specialises in how to heal from emotionally immature parents.

I grew up the scapegoated child of severely mentally ill narcissists. I've spent a lot of time in therapy understanding that I was scapegoated, and learning how to start trusting my own judgments again. But, every now and then I find myself accidentally slipping back into this response. I'm still in touch with one family member, and she manages to trigger me right back into that role without effort.

I guess my question is: how long does it take? How many times of coming back to myself before I feel like I have integrated that they are the problem and not me? Because right now I go through these cycles of feeling stuck and having clarity, and even though the cycles get longer and less intense, I guess I had kind of hoped that understanding that I am not the problem would stop me feeling that way ever again.

I'm not surrounded by friends. I'm not surrounded by family. I most certainly don't have any money and I'm not drowning in gifts either. But I'm happy. I don't know why I'm happy but I am. It's weird, right?

I haven’t spoken to my dad in over a year, and it’s been about three months since I last spoke to my mom.
There must have been a sudden drop in temperature in Beijing last night. Before going to bed, I made a point of checking every window, making sure they were all shut so the cold wind wouldn’t sneak in like it did last time. But I still woke up shivering, again and again, throughout the night.
I wrapped my thin summer comforter tightly around myself, curled up in bed, and had a dream.
In the dream, I’d bought some plants and left them on the balcony. I asked my parents to water them for me, and then, almost as an afterthought, I said, “I think it’s time to switch to the Big Bread.”
Big Bread is what I call my thick, soft, fluffy winter comforter.
I felt so safe saying those words. I knew they would remember. I knew that by the time I came home, they would have changed the comforter for me.

和爸爸断开联系已经一年多，和妈妈断联三个月左右。昨夜应该是北京大降温，我特意在睡前检查关上了每扇窗户，防止像上次那样让冷风溜进屋，但还是在夜里睡觉时一次次被冻醒。
我将夏天用的薄被紧紧的裹住自己的身体，蜷缩在床上做了一个梦。
梦中我买了一些植物，放在阳台上拜托他们帮我浇水，然后顺嘴说了一句：“我想把被子换成大面包了。”大面包是我给冬天专用的那床厚实松软的被子起的名字。我说这句话的时候是那么安心，我知道他们一定会记住，等梦中的我回来时帮我换上。

About a week ago, I posted this: Been on the Fence About Having My Dad in My Life for Almost a Decade, Am I Overreacting?

Well, I'm doing it. After almost 10 years of being on the fence, and a year of being relatively low contact, I'm going no contact with my father.

I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing, but the distress he causes me is unsustainable. And this day has been coming for a long time. Last weekend I wiped my old Facebook in a panic (after he liked a post I made) and created a new one under a different name (the surname I intend to switch to legally). There have been a lot of conversations, with my counsellor, my girlfriend, and now my brother. The last conversation was the most thorough. We spoke for quite a few hours today, about what our childhood was like, how such has impacted us, what I'm doing and why, and how he's likely to be impacted (my brother, that is). It was a very very good conversation. I may not know exactly what I'm doing, but I know I've got a brother that supports me 100%, just as I support him 100%. That helps me to feel a little less terrified.