I’m not looking for another conversation that goes nowhere.

I’m looking for one woman who wants something real in all the ways an affair can be real—constant communication, chemistry, anticipation, trust, and a physical connection that makes it damn hard to behave when we’re around each other.

I’m 39, married, 5’10”, athletic, active, and very much an athletic dad-bod kind of guy. I play hockey three times a week, hunt, take care of myself, and have plenty of energy left over.

I’m confident without needing to prove it.

Attentive without being clingy.

Consistent because I actually mean what I say.

And when the door closes and the outside world disappears?

That’s when things get interesting.

I’m attracted to a woman who likes to feel wanted. Someone affectionate, touch-oriented, adventurous, and sexually open. A woman who can be confident in everyday life but enjoys giving up some control with the right man.

I naturally lean dominant, and I love the tension that comes with a submissive woman who trusts me enough to let herself completely relax.

I want the flirting.

The teasing.

The messages that make you smile at your phone when you probably shouldn’t.

The anticipation of seeing each other.

That moment when you’re finally alone and all the tension you’ve been building finally has somewhere to go.

I’m very hands-on, have plenty of stamina, and I’m not interested in rushing through the physical side. I enjoy learning what makes a woman react—and then remembering it.

But sex alone isn’t enough for me.

I want to know what makes you laugh. What gets under your skin. What you’re secretly curious about. What you crave but don’t normally get to ask for.

I want the woman who becomes the person I look forward to hearing from every day.

And then becomes the person I can’t wait to get my hands on.

I’ve been in the AP world before, so I understand the importance of discretion, consistency, communication, and respecting boundaries. This needs to stay private.
I’m looking for something long-term and local to Edmonton. Ideally, we see each other more than once a week when life allows, with plenty of communication between those times.

Age isn’t particularly important to me.

Chemistry is.

If you’re local, discreet, affectionate, sexually adventurous, and have a submissive side that you’re looking for the right man to bring out…

Maybe we should find out if the chemistry is there.
Send me something more interesting than “hey.”

Tell me what you’re looking for.
I’ll take it from there.

Looking to chat with ladies that are in a similar situation as me and maybe take it a step further if we seem like a match.

I've been in a dead bedroom for a while now and the marriage is stagnant.

Looking to chat and hopefully hit it off, provide you that shoulder, tell you how gorgeous you are every morning, and if it's going well, spend a passionate evening on occasion so we are both spent afterwards.

If you think that sounds like you, send me a message or comment and I'll reach out to you.

Good luck to everyone out there!

I really love that easy back and forth where there's genuine connection. Where you can do deep dive into the conversation and it's both fun, and introspective. I miss that. Wit, banter, dry humour is my kryptonite. Conversations that feel forced are not. Sure sexy and fun and let's be honest, kink are also important. But, getting there is half, 3/4, oh hell, 7/10th's of the fun.

I'm professional, I work hard, and have come to the realization that this click/connection is something missing in my life. No, My everyday life is not horrible, nor should your be. But not horrible isn't a huge endorsement is it. I'm active, I have interests, and am not typically watching tv for hours at a time. I'd love it if you were likewise. Interesting is ... interesting.

So, share a piece of you with me. Looking for something ongoing, discreet and meaningful.

Say hello.

I've been a somewhat frequent flyer on this subreddit over the last few years, and I feel like I've always masked to a certain extent—wanting to try to put my best foot forward, come across as affable and charming, etc. I like to generally think (or at least hope) I'm an affable guy to begin with, but being a parent I've come to realize how precious time is and how much time is lost sometimes tip-toeing around the things we want to say, when we could have just asked the other person directly.

So, this time around, I'd like to do things in a way that feels a bit more natural to me. This often looks like me speaking in a more blunt or direct way rather than trying to be suggestive or seductive. It might also look like me asking questions that aren't inherently "sexy", like about our expectations or how we like to communicate.

My friends would probably describe me as introverted, self-aware, left-leaning, and easy-going—maybe a touch stoic. I think I also come across as earnest and maybe a little insecure from my dry and slightly self-deprecating sense of humour, or the fact that I can sometimes ask a lot of questions.

As far as interests go, I'm into fantasy, sci-fi, D&D, board games, video games, anime, tv, podcasts, film, music, reading, writing, photography, travelling, mindfulness and meditation, psychology, and hiking.

Physically, I think I have a bit of a (endearingly?) lame alt-nerdy dad vibe going on. I'm short (5'3") with a dad bod, pierced ears, glasses, a beard, and tattoos.

I admittedly don't know what sort of commitment I'm looking for right now, whether it's something light and casual or something a bit deeper. But I do know that I'm ultimately looking for someone with whom talking feels easy, where we don't have to necessarily justify a weird neurodivergent tangent.

I'm a fairly sexual person and enjoy indulging in secret sexy/impulsive stuff in a way that's domestic, cozy, or even mundane seeming, but conversational compatibility trumps everything else. If you've been known to use "functional" in the same sentence as "cum" or some other equally provocative word, we might be a good match.

So, I wanted to share a little about how my experience has been since making my post.

I am not posting this from the account I made my original post on, so I don't make it obvious to the ones I interacted with.

I'd say my post got a pretty good response. People took the time to read it, reach out, and start conversations, so I'd say it did what I hoped it would. And the conversations themselves started off really well. Some banter, a few jokes, a bit of flirting, conversations genuinely flowing and that feeling that there might actually be a connection worth exploring.

And then, at some point, came the question about background/ethnicity..........

I'm brown skinned, and not a white or fair skinned guy. On a few occasions, once that became clear, the conversations just seemed to come to a stop.... No more replies, and in some cases, I found myself blocked........ 😥

I can already imagine someone wondering whether this is simply a case of someone not being particularly attractive and looking for something else to blame. Fair thought and question, I suppose! For what it's worth, I look after myself, I'm in great shape(soccer player physique), have a full head of hair, a good smile, and tend to get told I look younger than I actually am. I'd say I clean up pretty well.

Now, I know this is Reddit/internet, and nobody owes anyone a conversation or an explanation. We all have our preferences, and attraction is a very personal thing. I'm not expecting everyone to be attracted to me, and I don't think anyone should feel obligated to give someone a chance.

But I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting a little or bother or hurt me. Especially when the conversation had been going so well up until that point.

It got me thinking about how we approach attraction in these spaces. I completely understand having a type or knowing what you're drawn to. We all have things we find attractive. But personally, I've never really approached getting to know someone with a checklist of physical attributes.

Of course, physical attraction matters. But I've also found that the more you get to know someone, the more ATTRACTIVE they can become. Their humour, the way they think, their personality, the ease of conversation, their nature, and just how they make you feel. Those things can go a long way in building attraction.

And I guess it also made me wonder, along with good looks..... what about being attracted to someone who's educated, kind, articulate, funny, smart, easygoing, physically active, takes good care of himself, and has his life together? Someone you can have a great conversation with, laugh with, share experiences with, and genuinely enjoy being around.

I'm not saying those things should automatically make someone attractive to everyone. But surely they're worth something when you're looking to build a connection with someone?

I know that for many of us, being on here is about finding something that's missing from our lives. Maybe it's the excitement, the attention, the chemistry, or simply having someone who makes you feel seen and appreciated. And I get that we all have an idea of what that person might look like.

I'm just curious how much that picture matters, and whether we're sometimes ruling out the possibility of a connection before we've really had a chance to discover what might be there.

And just to be clear, this isn't a dig at my fair-skinned brothers, nor is it a criticism of anyone's preferences I conversated with. Everyone is entitled to what they're attracted to. I'm simply sharing something I've experienced and reflecting on it.

For those of you who've been on here looking for a connection, how much does background, ethnicity or skin colour factor into your initial attraction? Is it something that rules someone out for you from the beginning, or can a good conversation and genuine chemistry change your perspective?

Would genuinely love to hear different experiences and perspectives. Not looking to argue or change anyone's mind. Just curious about how others see it.

Amongst the sea of M4F, there is me.

Let’s get to the chase. I’ve done this before, so I know what I am looking for. Don’t be offended if I don’t respond to your DM… I am very picky. And I should be.

Me: I could or could not be your type so I won’t claim attractiveness. I am married and a mom. I am also educated and a FT professional. I stay active, and I enjoy watching sports. I love cooking and baking.

You: Must also be married and a dad. Must also be educated and a professional. Must also love staying active and watching sports. I’m keeping an eye out for someone who takes care of himself in the gym and is easy on the eyes. I know you’re out there.

I’m here for a good time and you might not like this, but it’s not always about sex. If it is always about sex for you, then no need to respond. I’m thinking maybe casual coffee, lunches, on top of an occasional private time. I’m a very busy person day in day out and I don’t need any pressure.

Now it’s your turn. Let’s see who’s out there.

29F, Black, Southern Ontario.

I’m married and was talking to someone for a little while, but I can’t really tell if they’re trying to stop talking to me or what because they wont just be upfront about it🙄 but anyways! Im not here to complain about that!

What I liked about talking to someone was really just having that connection and having somebody to talk to throughout the day. I like getting to know people, random conversations, checking in, joking around, all of that. I can literally talk about anything, so if you’re someone who doesn’t really like to talk or gives dry one word answers, or expect me to carry conversations, probably keep it moving

I’m not necessarily looking for anything sexual either. If it gets there naturally, it gets there, but that’s definitely not the only reason I’m here.

As far as whether I want someone single or attached… honestly, I don’t even know. I feel like I could make an argument for both. I have a husband and a toddler, so my life can definitely be busy, but my job is pretty chill and I have a lot of downtime during the day and weekends to actually talk (that should be an indicator to how my personal life is going 😅). So Im open to all I guess. I’m also not looking to change my situation, and I’m not expecting anyone else to change theirs.

I guess ideally I’m looking for someone around 30s to early 40s, but I’m not super strict about age if we vibe.

And I mean… it is kinda crazy how married/attached people be wanting to have their cake and eat it too to an extent 😂 but reddit is here for those special cases lol

If we actually get along and things go well, I’d be open to meeting up eventually too. But let’s see if we can hold a conversation first lol.

So yeah… if you’re bored too, like talking, and aren’t completely boring yourself, feel free to message me. But please say a little bit more than “hey how are you”, Id love a little glimpse into any potential new friends 😉