Context of this meme: Earlier this year, I went to see a movie. When my dad picked me up, I tried to tell him all about it. Then he gave me the silent treatment. He said that he was doing it because I yelled at someone earlier that day after they violated my boundaries. He said that if he talked with me about the movie, it would "enable" what I did and "teach me that this behavior is okay"

I was thinking about how when I was a teenager it seemed like I would get so many prolonged stares or suggestive comments from older men. It hit me that I hadn’t been experiencing that as much…….but then it occurred to me why. When those men looked at me they didn’t see an awkward child learning to navigate the world, they saw an easy target. Now that I’ve grown up some and have learned how to carry myself with a “don’t fuck with me” attitude in public (keys in hand, hard RBF, adopting a masculine tone when talking to men) they no longer see me as easy prey.

y'all are getting comfort? y'all have those horrible feelings actually be relieved when they appear?

must be nice

i miss the nice substances so much cause they're the only things that got me through those years, especially after my friend died so I had literally nothing else for comfort or to make me feel better when everything was awful

but if it is like the bad stuff, then those experiences are some of the worst feelings in the world and I don't think I could survive doing it again. especially now with still no comforts or good feelings :T

(plus the kinda fear that if it Does work then maybe that means it was my fault for being so messed up this whole time and my brain is too sick to be able to trust myself cause i'm still the problem and have to let others fix me and re-train me to be a real/better person. just like when i was a kid all over again)

ughhh life is hard