I promised myself that if I ever made it out of this horrible episode, I would come back and share something positive.

I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, and I recently went through the worst depressive episode of my life.

For three months, we tried medication after medication, and nothing seemed to work. I developed akathisia with every medication we tried, which made everything even more unbearable. After trying around seven different medications, I had completely lost hope. I was suicidal and genuinely couldn’t imagine ever feeling better again.

But then I started lithium, and everything changed!!!
My suicidal thoughts have almost completely disappeared, and for the first time in months, I can genuinely say that I’m happy to be alive. The psychotic symptoms of my illness have also improved tremendously thanks to quetiapine.

I never thought I would feel this good again, especially after everything I’ve been through.
So, if you’re struggling right now, if you’ve tried countless medications and feel like nothing will ever work, please don’t lose hope. Sometimes it takes a long time to find the right treatment, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

I know how hopeless things can feel, and I just wanted to share my experience to remind someone out there that things really can get better.

Good luck to everyone fighting this illness. It absolutely sucks, but there is still hope. ❤️

Is there anyone who’s stopped going to therapy after awhile? I’m kinda tired and bored of it and not wanting to do it anymore.

I haven’t had any attempts or ideations in a very long time, stabilized on a mood stabilizer and antidepressant, and having pretty “normal” days for the most part. I’m starting to dread going every week now, I’ve learned and practice all the coping skills I can do atp. It’s almost feeling like a waste of time.

Any opinions or experiences would be nice from anyone who’s stopped going. Also, how long has it been? Do you just go periodically for check ins? How often is that?

I absolutely HATE being bipolar. I hate feeling this way! I hate the shame, embarrassment, and all the other negative feelings that come with an episode when you realize what you have done. And I am medicated and medication compliant! I still had a really bad episode from Wednesday last week to Tuesday this week. I am STILL in a mixed episode.

I am crying all the time, sleeping 4-6 hours a night, I have so much energy my bones feel like they are vibrating, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, I am either talking too fast or too slow, I feel absolutely miserable.

I almost ruined my 10 year relationship, hell i can't even say 'almost', in actuality I probably did destroy it. Fuck paranoia. I was convinced he was going to break up with me, so I had to do it first. I just KNEW he was cheating. I just KNEW he was going to tear me down and watch me fall apart for his own sick enjoyment. So I had to do it first. Get to it before him. And guys, there was NO REASON for me to feel this way! He even invited me on his trip! I , me, said no. But it got twisted in my head. Hell a lot of our talking and texts I took and twisted.

I am overwhelmed with guilt, shame, and embarrassment. I worried a lot of our friends and scared the crap out of my SO. His fear is what somewhat bought me lucid. All I could think is: What have I done? Why am I ruining my life? I didn't even have a plan. Just pack up what I could, pack the cats and drive. Maybe to my parents for a week, before going wherever. My parents live in an RV. Less than 28 feet. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking.

I just hate this. I hate that its a cycle that it feels hard to break. I hate hurting the people who are close to me. I hate making them worry. I hate not being normal. I hate not having a normal life. I hate that I can't be the partner my SO deserves. I just hate it. And days like today in a stupid mixed episode? I feel so tired and rundown. That I deserve all the hate, the guilt, the shame, and embarrassment.

I was just diagnosed 5 years ago. It was suspected since I was a child/teen, but never officially diagnosed. Looking back, it was so obvious I had bipolar. I wish I could/would have gotten help then. Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have fucked my life up so bad over the years. ALL my relationships have suffered, so has work and home.

I just want it to stop.

Basically, ive been having terrible mood swings, days of feeling terribly angry, depressed and worthless and starting to think that I may have bipolar. What/who made you get checked or how did you come to learn you had bipolar?

after a hiccup with insurance (just a PA issue, all good now), i'm finally officially on vraylar after trying out the samples the dr gave me for 2w. saved me from my roughly tri-monthly manic episode which frankly has been life and job-saving. the only bad thing i've noticed is that i've been eating like a motherfucker.

every time i get the craving to eat when i know i shouldn't be eating (meals won't be skipped, don't worry), i just pop a stick of gum in and it seems to offset the craving. will i have to do this the entire time i'm on this medication? i went through a whole pack the other day just trying not to eat :') how do you guys avoid WG on vraylar?

Coming on here because I really need any advice, words of encouragement, or just straight up honesty. I've been diagnosed Bipolar 2, and I just feel like no matter what I do or what I try, whether it be therapy, medication, meditation, exercise, etc., that nothing ever feels like it's gonna get better in the long run. I don't understand how I'm going to live like this. I just can't imagine being successful in work, having a family, or maintaining a serious relationship, because I don't have a single close relationship in my life right now for one reason or another.

Even when things get better for periods of time, it feels like no matter what I always get back to the same point, like just an endless spiral that feels like it will never ever go away. I just want honesty, or words of advice, and I have truly no one else to talk to about this. Any type of reply or response is deeply appreciated.

Anyone else getting warnings from Reddit for their Posts? My bipolar will have me responding to posts out of the ordinary. Then BLAM you get tagged by Reddit with a warning and then after that account restriction then banned. Anyone else having trouble controlling their posts when they are having mania attacks. I have to write slow and delete so much as I catch myself off the rails.

when I was 20 I had my first episode and my life has been on stand still every time I found the energy to get medicated it would quickly leave me and i lost motivation to even pursue anything better because i didn't believe i really had this im now. 25 and realize i have to be medicated my whole life and im at peace with that. Yesterday i finally got lithium carbonate 300mg to start off with, I had a episode 2 days ago. i took it last night and woke up and feel a difference i could never achieve on my own. My dosage will probably increase overtime but honestly i have hope again and feel more stable I haven't felt like this really since I was 19. I posted on here and said I was gonna get in lithium and finally heal at the being of this year and through all of my episodes and maniac nights, even psychosis i did it! it's possible to heal stop beating yourself up💯

I saw my psychiatrist today and go figures, I'm leaning more of the depressed side of things. Though the meds were toxic for me health wise, we have decided to go back to a combination that still had me capable to deal with school. I've been Amisulpride, Carbamazepine, Lurasidone, Ziprasidone, Fluxoetine, Olanzapine, Quetiapine, Risperidone, Lamotrigine, and Aripiprazole. With Lithium being the only med I haven't tried in the main stream of things. The Amisulpride and Carbamazepine combination was my longest med and I think I was still functional despite still having episodes from time to time. Though in all honesty, I was probably leaning more on the manic side during this time. My oldest sister who is diagnosed said I should probably go back to therapy and ween off of mood stabilisers (take meds for my adhd and to sleep) until exams are over and then see my psychiatrist with a basis of what to try and how how I feel. Any other suggestions?

Anybody else feel completely, utterly misunderstood by everyone around them? I NEVER open up to people about my struggles with mental health, or atleast I don't reveal to them how serious it is or give them more than a self deprecating joke. The last year has been living hell for me. Everyday has been a battle. I tried talking to my boss today and baguely alluded to struggling mentally/ experiencing ""burnout"". He pretty much told me its the name of the game and everyone feels the way I do. It feels like a kick in the stomach. There's just no fucking way that everybody could feel this way. Unless I'm just weaker than everybody around me. Idk. Tough day.

I have been on 150MG of Lamictal & 15MG of Buspirone for about a year. Recently, my manic episodes & intense rage/irritability, dissociation, and overall depression had gotten to the point where I could barely function and it was tough to even get through the day. I am a stay-at-home mom to a toddler and the overstimulation was drowning me. I have tried countless SSRI’s- Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Effexor. All of them caused me severe sexual dysfunction and other issues that I couldn’t really deal with.

My psychiatric nurse practitioner started me on 50MG of Seroquel two weeks ago. My first impressions were holy sh*t, 15 minutes after my dose and I am literally dead to the world. It has improved my sleep quality, but I cannot struggle to wake up that much. I have to be “ready to go” every day at 5:30am with my daughter. There is no time for a slow going wake-up routine. Here is the interesting part…

The first week of Seroquel I was a completely different person. Things no longer bothered me, I was completely unbothered, pleasant, and patient. I was amazed. My husband noticed a vast difference. I thought, finally. After the first week passed, I had a day where I just completely snapped. I basically had a mental breakdown. S*icidal ideations, extreme rage… you get the picture. My husband had to come home from work because I was losing it. It was like a full factory-reset out of nowhere. My psychiatric provider told me I needed to go to a partial-hospitalization program for what I was experiencing, which isn’t an option, unfortunately. Since that day I have been extremely lethargic, irritable, and just insufferable. I could sleep all day, everyday if it were an option.

What the hell is going on? I am so tired of feeling this way. I long to be stable, normal, and happy. Especially for my family, whom I love dearly, and they need me.

Thoughts? Thank you, everyone.

Problem with finding true love.

I have lived with bipolar disorder since I was 18—essentially my entire adult life—and it has been with me ever since I started dating and entering into relationships. I am 26 and half now.

My disease is untreated.

Every time I meet new men, they aren’t interested in me as a potential long-term partner; there’s always an ex they’re obsessed with, or some other "better" woman.

Why does this keep happening?

Is it because of my appearance?

I am a slim woman with an average-looking face (I’m not beautiful; I have an average face).

Does not having a pretty face mean I’m doomed to be alone for the rest of my life?

I feel like no one has ever truly loved me. At best, they just want to use my body for a while, or they treat me like a free therapist—crying to me about their exes.

I’m tired by it.

I don’t understand—what am I doing wrong?

My bipolar primarily manifests as dysphoric mania or mixed states, alternating with depression. Happy mania is quite rare for me.

Why am I so unlucky in love?

Is my face to blame—do men only want pretty girls?

On dating sites, I exclusively choose "average" men because my self-esteem is low, yet even they treat me poorly.

I try to avoid making prolonged eye contact with people; when I’m depressed, I feel like they’re judging my ugliness. When I’m in a manic state, I don’t want to scare them, as my gaze can be quite intense.

Do you also struggle to find luck in love, or is there something wrong with me?

I have bipolar 1 and I am curious about the new olanzapine injection. The old one had a 3 hour waiting period due to post injection delirium/sedation syndrome which sort of took the convenience of having an injection away. The new one doesn’t have the same problem. Would you consider trying it, especially if you’ve had severe mania or psychosis? I’m also curious about the side effects and how it compares to other antipsychotic injections. What are your thoughts?

I used to take the shot but I’ve been exploring not taking it the past few months with guidance.

The issue is I’m very emotional the week leading up to my period, but I am feeling overall maybe more level the other weeks off the birth control.

Oggi, dopo più di un mese, sono tornata dalla psicologa.
Premessa: a maggio ho iniziato un percorso di psicoterapia con Resilient + aripiprazolo. L’ho seguito per circa due mesi. Da una parte mi ha aiutata tantissimo: riuscivo ad alzarmi dal letto, a prendermi cura di me, a tenere in ordine casa e ad andare al lavoro. Dall’altra, però, mi ha attutito quella parte di me che mi faceva sentire viva: il senso dell’umorismo, la voglia di parlare, la creatività e la spontaneità. Per questo motivo ho interrotto.
Oggi non stavo particolarmente bene di umore, forse già solo all’idea di dover andare. Per me il colloquio è uno sfogo, ma è anche molto stancante emotivamente.
Arrivata lì mi ha chiesto come stessi dopo l’interruzione delle medicine. Le ho raccontato le cose positive e i piccoli traguardi che sto raggiungendo, poi siamo passate a ciò che mi pesa di più: la famiglia.
La mia situazione familiare è molto complessa e dolorosa. Mio padre mi ha abbandonata da piccola e mi ha lasciata con una madre bipolare, con cui ho vissuto in modo molto pesante fino ai 15 anni. Poi sono andata a vivere con i familiari materni mentre mia madre era rinchiusa in ospedale dopo un TSO.
Oggi, dopo essermi sfogata di cose passate che mi fanno ancora male, le psicologhe mi hanno detto che c’è stato un deterioramento dell’umore. Io ho pianto per tutto il tempo, perché parlare di certe cose è un carico emotivo enorme. Mi hanno mandata dalla psichiatra (una nuova, diversa dalla mia precedente), che mi ha fatto raccontare di nuovo tutto e mi ha detto di ricominciare con il Resilient.
La mia domanda è: perché?
In questo momento sono senza lavoro, con due datori di lavoro che mi devono mesi di stipendio. Non posso vedere i miei nipoti (figli di mio fratello) perché lui non vuole che io stia nella sua vita, nonostante il bambino più grande mi cerchi e mi voglia bene. A me li nega, mentre li porta regolarmente dal resto della famiglia, compresi i miei zii. Tra questi c’è colui che ha abusato di me quando ero ragazzina. Sembra tutto surreale. Due anni fa aspettavo un bambino che ho perso al quarto mese: quella perdita mi ha destabilizzata completamente, ho chiuso con il mio ex e sono entrata in una depressione forte.
Dopo tutti questi eventi traumatici che continuano a essere presenti, mi sembra ovvio stare male. Provo una rabbia e un senso di ingiustizia fortissimi, che a volte mi annientano. Fino a qualche mese fa avevo pensieri suicidi intensi; adesso sono più attenuati e, quando arrivano, cerco di allontanarli.
Il punto è che non credo di avere la stessa patologia di mia madre. Ho chiesto agli psicologi se potesse trattarsi di PTSD, di una forma di depressione, di bipolarismo o di qualcos’altro, e se si potesse lavorare su questo senso di angoscia senza medicinali. Loro insistono sullo stabilizzatore dell’umore. In realtà piango quasi solo quando vado da loro, perché lì posso raccontare le cose senza sentirmi in colpa e senza far male a qualcuno che è coinvolto in quelle situazioni. Con gli amici non ne parlo più: quando l’ho fatto non riuscivano a capirmi, hanno vite più lineari, famiglie presenti, e non riescono a immaginare certe dinamiche, e quando è capitato di raccontargli degli eventi sono stati male.
Lo psicologo da cui andavo prima mi aveva detto che non era depressione e che non avevo patologie come il bipolarismo. Quelli attuali del CSM dicono che “non c’è bisogno di un’etichetta”. La come? Mi stai prescrivendo dei farmaci, ma per cosa? Perché ti ho raccontato degli episodi che sono orribili e ho pianto? Wow che cosa strana?!
Quello che mi fa stare peggio è vedere che è la mia famiglia che ha problemi seri: persone molto concentrate su soldi e reputazione. Per questo mia zia continua a stare con chi mi ha abusata, e mio fratello porta i figli (compresa una bambina) da quell’uomo, perché ci sono regali, soldi e feste di famiglia. A me sembra tutto assurdo. Io sono quella che soffre per i traumi che mi hanno fatto subire… e la “malata” sarei io?
Non so più cosa pensare né cosa fare. A volte mi viene solo voglia di fare le valigie e andarmene lontano da questa realtà e sparire per sempre.
Vorrei capire da voi: secondo voi ha senso riprendere i farmaci in una situazione del genere? Sono veramente io il problema di me stessa? Sono confusa e molto avvilita.

I'm not diagnosed with adhd or autism (perhaps I would be if I was assessed and that's why I feel this way, but also perhaps not).

I think I have a lot of symptoms but not necessarily any of the qualifying criteria.

For example I have some sensory issues, only eat about 3 different meals at a time and its always beige shit, I can't hold eye contact, sometimes I wonder if some of my actions are me stimming, I'm very easily distracted, struggle massively with executive dysfunction, and I'm incredibly forgetful and chatty.

Like I don't think there's enough symptoms to diagnose me (?) and I'm not looking for a diagnosis at all, but there certainly is some overlap and so I was wondering if that could be because of the bipolar?

I'm realizing (especially through therapy) that being kind and compassionate toward myself is the best way for me to get through having bipolar. Of course I need to take my medication, exercise, eat well, sleep well, and fulfill my grad school/work responsibilities. But I feel if we're not kind to ourselves throughout the process, it'll be so much harder to live with it. Yes, it's not easy, and sometimes I wish I didn't have it when I have depressed moods, but learning to love all of myself I'm finding is super important.

What helps me practice self-kindness is writing down a few kind notes about myself, and reading them to myself each day. Some sample kind notes I have:

"You are beautiful inside and out."

"You're very fun to be around!"

"You're an intelligent person always learning and growing, and being curious about the world!"

"You've got tremendous talent, and you have what it takes [I'm a musician]!"

"You are badass and resilient."

Not saying this works for everyone. We're all different, but I hope you can find positive ways of coping with this. We're awesome just the way we are, and I hope we can all realize this. Hope you all have a wonderful day. :)

Exhaustion after stopping lithium... how long does chronic fatigue last? At what point does it completely go away? Is it possible for it to persist for a lifetime? How can drugs as harmful to one’s health as Quilonorm—which can so massively destroy a person’s life—even be sold in the first place?

ive been really down in the dumps recently and its been affecting my academic performance so bad how do i manage this

Is this a thing?

Im visiting psychiatrist tomorrow.

It got worse during last 7-10 days. Depression started 3 weeks ago.

Edit:

I think im going manic. Suddenly i again have the urge to laugh out loud at 3am WITH NO REASON in bed and im holding it in. I cannot sleep. Im tired but not extremely sleepy. Idk what is going on with me.

I went for my lithium and kidney testing today, and my kidney functioning is way down. I also have a higher lithium level, indicating that my kidneys aren't clearing it as efficiently.

I am so frustrated. I finally got a medication regimen that works for me and things are going wrong already.

So here's something that has bothered me ever since I was forced into the hospital for baselessly claiming that I would be the man who would save the world. (I still claim it's aspirational and therefore unfalsifiable until true and therefore not delusional, but anyway...)

Many wealthy and successful people claim (and I've witnessed that behavior in my own parents) that they got to where they were at by working 22 hours a day for weeks on end.

It's claimed that bipolar is as much a sleep disorder as anything and I can understand why and I personally think that it's pretty obvious that there are people in positions of way too much power that seem to regularly engage in behavior that could be construed as manic.

I guess my question is... do you think bipolar (and other serious mental disorders that operate similarly) are massively undiagnosed?

How do you measure sanity in an insane world?

My depression has lasted for 2 months now. 3 weeks ago I quit my lithium due to hopelesness, not caring anymore about anything and just wishing for mania. I'm still down, hopeless, apathetic and very often have suicidal thoughts and feel like I can't live for much longer. Visioning the place and just having lights out permanently feels more and more comfortable the more I have these thoughts and apathy and hopelessness. However at least one good thing is that my energy has become a tiny bit better--for the first month I was almost bedridden.

Lately I have become paranoid and feel like the universe and every stranger knows that I want to kill myself and in indirect ways try to control me and observe me secretely. I know these aren't real, but this experience *feels* real although intellectually I know it doesn't make much sense. For instance, I'm taking a walk and feel like people are blocking the way to change my path in order to stop me and me not being able to find out something. Or cars driving by to observe me and make sure I don't run away and dissapear from somewhere where they can't find me. My neighbours seem suspicious etc. and my family members birthday is being postponed by a week, when I'm trying to at least stay alive for that, so in a way the postponing feels like a "sign" to stop me from ending it, I don't know. Sounds stupid. I also have started to believe that no one really cares about me or if they do they don't like me and I'm only now realizing it for the first time, I also feel strongly about the times I was bullied as younger but then became "close friends" with many of them. They seem to care but I feel like there's no way they actually like me. My mom and sister are the most important in my life, and my mom has always been there for me. Again this makes me think that they might care but why would they ever like me? In a way it could be better for them if I was dead, after the initial possible shock. This caring/liking thing doesn't reallymake sense when I look at it objectively from another persons's view and logic but at the same time it does make sense, it's hard to explain. My mind keeps fighting against these thoughts and suicide often--do it, not yet, do it, don't etc. One more thing not really having to do with suicide, I drink a lot of coke zero cans, and have been leaving them on my table. I feel like my neighbour can see the cans due to them being next to my window and mistake them for beer cans. They could think I'm an alcoholic and inform my landlord and possibly kick me out of the apartment, so I at least cleaned the mess of the cans, except there is more now again. Either way these are a couple examples of my multiple different "odd" thoughts or instances.

I haven't talked about any of this or my suicidal thoughts except here on reddit. I said I know intellectually these thoughts/experiences don't make much sense, and in general I feel apathetic to the point that if I commit suicide everything will disappear and it's all over instead of thinking it will take me to another place or release my soul or whatever.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a nurse for 5 dang years. They are free appointments in my country and I'm very grateful for that, but I have had enough. I'm treatment-resistant bipolar 1 and ar this point I don't care what I have or that I "need to take medication". I don't care anymore to take lithium since I don't know if it even works. Feels like none of the meds have ever worked, except maybe high dose seroquel xr, but I was a zombie and have always quit it as well because of the side-effects and I couldn't live like that either. If I die, I die. It's just, maybe the reason I'm making this post is to unpack my frustrations, confusion, hoplessness and most importantly the dissapointment in myself that I won't be able to live the way I wanted, or if I will be able to even live at all. 5 years of treatment, 8 years of suffering. I kept trying, but nothing works in the end. Fuck man.