FTM here...

Ive had terrible experiences at hospitals. i get his fear.

And Im absolutely afraid of giving birth... im also afraid of something going wrong and not having resources right there and ready.. i care more about babys health than my comfort. So hospital sounds like an easy choice to me. Despite my fear of them..

We have a birth center nearby which we toured and seemed nice. I was open to the idea.. but im scared if something were to happen they would not be fully prepared.

Transporting during seems terrible. Extra stress, and when touring they said about 30% of patients get transported to local hospital I am thinking of any way...

Hes so against hospitals and is worried they will just treat us like a number..

How do I decide? I cant find any other discussions on the woman leaning more towards hospital....

Commiserate with me: I’m 40+ weeks pregnant and had guests plan a visit a while back anticipating to meet the baby. No baby yet, but they still came and now expect to be entertained. In addition they extended their stay in hopes to still meet the baby. 🫠

My son was born last week at 37 weeks due to severe gestational hypertension. He spent the first week of his life in the NICU on a ventilator then a cpap and while it was the scariest week of my life, I have both of my beautiful rainbow babies under one roof now and we are adjusting to life as a family of four.

DH and I started trying a few months ago. I was hoping to be pregnant by this month, just in time for a family wedding on his side we were supposed to attend. To our surprise and delight, my younger sister in law (also married in) turned up pregnant. Everyone knew immediately as she was showing.

I am struggling because I was hoping I would turn up pregnant like she did at this event. Nobody mentioned it because they didn’t want to overshadow the wedding. But nonetheless, it still makes me think it could’ve been me. Everyone around me is having kids. And not to mention younger siblings than me and DH are too! I know it’s not a race, but it still caught me off guard.

Today I overhear DH on the phone with his mother. I hear him give four separate noncommittal answers about us having kids, ending with “Well we can’t just place an order at the store for one.”

Later he shared with me his mother asked if I knew her other daughter in law was pregnant and how I felt about it. He said I knew and I was fine. She then asked when we were having kids, consider I had finished school and was working now. He quickly said, “I wanted her to finish school and achieve her goals before having children.” To which she started lecturing him on the benefits of being young and having children. He then said, “I don’t know, pray for us.” To which MIL said “Prayers only work if you want them.” To which he ended with the store line written above.

I am so put off by this. I know she was talking to her son but it feels so intrusive. What are we supposed to say? It was us who were hoping to show up pregnant? We’re finally ready? I am so annoyed she even thought to ask her son this. Am I overreacting? Now I’m terrified they’ll ask me and I’ll snap at them.

Not to mention everyone in my life is pregnant. One of my only good friends, the Bookclub I was attending is on hiatus because of everyone getting pregnant. It truly feels like it’s just me left out. It sucks because I was planning to get pregnant this year and it just hasn’t happened yet.

I am filled with regret about waiting and letting my husband convince me I should get a better job first for my own mental satisfaction of having a career. I am also highly annoyed his mother seems to be inherently blaming ME for us not having kids by listing out my plans. DH says the last time she asked for kids we gave her these reasons so maybe that’s why she’s following up in particular about me. To that I say- why ask at all? It’s so personal. Be encouraging and that is more than enough. But why so pushy??

Any advice on this is appreciated.

Hi there! My husband (30M) and I (29F) just started TTC back in August. Coming up on month #3, I'm seeking some advice on how you timed sex during your fertile window when it actually worked.

I don't have many friends who have had babies of their own to ask, so I figured this community would be a good place to source a variety of experiences. My OBGYN gave the classic guidance of every day to every other day (though no more than once every 24 hours). My therapist told me an interesting anecdote that when she was TTC, it worked on her fifth cycle when she only had sex the day of ovulation, not at all before.

I'd love to know what "finally" worked for you or if you did anything different after trying for multiple cycles. My working theory is that we move to strictly every other day instead of trying to hit every 24-36 hours.

I will also say that everything seems healthy for both of us, though my husband is on SSRIs. He did an at-home sperm test earlier in the summer, and everything was copacetic. Thank you so much in advance!

So a while ago I posted a couple variations of birth plans, got a lot of feedback. Links below--

https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/TiW8dzzBUN

And anyways, I figured at this point why not just update with how it actually went! The tldr is -- not at all like I planned, but ultimately I understood what was happening, had no joint complications, and I have a healthy baby girl.

Ultimately, I think writing out a birth plan (and getting feedback) helped me understand all the options and their risks/benefits and engage with that in a way I wouldn't have otherwise. So no regrets. Hopefully this is helpful for anyone else who has accessibility concerns or has EDS. Ultimately, it's all so individual so do your own research and talk to your doctors.

A couple weeks ago, my water broke as I was getting up for the day. Reported to the hospital a couple hours later (as my OB had told me to do) and they verified that yes, water was totally broken but my contractions were very spaced out and not strong. If my water hasn't broken, I wouldn't have realized I was in labor as I thought it was just my uterus being irritable.

Nurse met with me and discussed my birth plan, put on a wireless/beltless monitor, saline lock, set up nitrous oxide etc and called for an in person interpreter. Nobody gave me a hard time about interpreters at all and they were available 24/7 until baby and I were discharged a couple days later, even though I told them I was only really concerned about the labor. Very happy and interpreters did fantastic. Hardest part with interpreters was figuring out where they should stand to be out of the way of the medical staff and equipment but that i could still see them.

They gave it some time and then said we needed things to start progressing so did a double Foley balloon. I wanted to try without pitocin because I felt it would lead to an epidural and wanted to try and avoid that due to concerns about my joints. Unfortunately, while the Foley helped with dilation, I still wasn't contracting enough so pitocin it was.

I got to about the 5cm dilation mark when my contractions became very very strong and the idea of 5 more cm felt impossible. Nurse was fantastic in advocating because she knew I was worried about both CRNAs and about epidurals at all, so she had them come down for a consultation. The CRNA was able to answer a lot of my questions and put me at ease. I have POTS but hadn't put it down on the birth plan because I didn't think it was relevant, but apparently it was very relevant to the epidural. I was very very glad for the interpreters at this point because I could not have had a real conversation and given informed consent without them with the level of pain I was in. I could no longer speak... But was able to sign!

I was also very worried about not being able to feel anything and getting injured... It turned out not to matter because I ended up needing pretty much the maximum dose possible to get any sort of relief and could still feel when I was having contractions the whole time, was fully aware of my legs, etc.

Epidural did tank my BP which caused baby become distressed and they ended up putting a fetal monitoring probe in. This made any sort of position changes or movement very difficult. Also started throwing up violently any time I changed positions. She finally stabilized and I was suddenly at 9cm... And stalled again because of the pitocin being stopped... But they gave me some more time and soon I was at 10cm. I started getting concerned that my epidural was wearing off too because contractions were hurting again (although not severely) but it was time.

Pushed for about 45min before baby was in distress again and needed to come out that very minute and they wanted to do an episotomy and vacuum. I was really glad the doctor was able to explain what was going on to me via the interpreter, it would have been too much people and too much going on otherwise. The NICU team showed up which freaked me out as there was suddenly what felt like a million people in the room. My husband told me later that he heard someone call for an OR and that if the episotomy hadn't worked, it would have been an emergency C-section . Ultimately, I said if you can avoid it, great, but I'm trusting you to do whatever you need to do to get her out safely. But they did the episotomy and several pushes later, baby was born!

She's absolutely perfect. Ultimately, while a lot of the specifics of my birth plan went out the window, I had accessibility, I felt supported by my nurses and I felt that everything that happened was because they felt it was the safest way forward. And because I researched so much, I felt confident in those decisions even if I had wanted otherwise. All is well in my world.

For any hard of hearing / deaf mamas -- it didn't really occur to me that id want interpreters after the labor, but there are a LOT of random people (checking my vitals, checking baby's, records people, hearing screening people, etc) who show up during the first night / first day while you're half asleep and they're usually wearing masks and having interpreters helped significantly with communication.

Hi everyone. My husband and I had a MMC at 8 weeks with a D&C. Waited a cycle, then got pregnant. Turned out to be chemical. Devastated.

Wondering if anyone has stories of having a healthy pregnancy post MMC and chemical? I'm trying to decide if we should try again right away (which is what I'd prefer) or if it's better to have another cycle? And in general, just looking for hope.

At 16 weeks, I started an awesome new job that has fantastic benefits…that take effect December 1st. My OB group has been so wonderful throughout my pregnancy. Every doctor I’ve seen, nurse who’s guided me, even the front desk has been patient and helpful. As soon as I found out that my new benefits would take so long to kick in, I let everyone know, and was told again and again there would be no problem… until the billing department called and told me they wouldn’t be seeing me as a patient anymore since I would have a gap in coverage. To spare the long winded details of a week long back and forth of phone tag, arguments, a letter of concern I had to send to the medical advisor (for the disgusting treatment and words from a Karen in billing), and ultimate runaround of useless direction from many mouths, I’ve ended here—

I will not be seeing any doctors after my out of pocket anatomy scan next week until December 1st, when I can then book an appointment with the same OB group I’d been seeing.

I’ve assessed all of my options after speaking to every professional possible; Kobra will run me about $3k (that I don’t have) at best, I don’t qualify for Medicaid or state programs, the clinics near me are booked or refusing care as there’s no pertinent testing to be done between the last week of October and December 1st, and it’s looking like I will just have to remain without care until I have my coverage.

The group that I’ve seen for more of my pregnancy is the ONLY OB group that I was able to get in with since I recently moved states.. seriously, I’d called 9 different places taking new patients (any within 30 miles), and only got this hook up from a referral I begged for from a nurse friends doctor. I take my blood pressure daily, I monitor my fetal movements, I’m taking my prenatals and good care of myself..

My main concern is assessing results from my anatomy scan. I have google, I have friends in the medical field (who are trying hard to assist), but I’m a first time momma who’s suffered loss before. I’m a positive person and I feel resilient, but I’m still… nervous. I want decent care and a healthy baby. Health care in this country is fucking sinful and greedy and boils my blood.. and.. I have support and can advocate for myself, not to mention the layers of privilege (friends in the field, benefits to soon come, a stable job, loving partner and I’m a white English native).. Im in a constant loop of anger, self pity, and then self resentment because I know how many women are in worse circumstances in this shitty system.

Sorry to be all over the place in this. I’m just looking for words from other women- whatever they are.

Hi queens. In the absolute trenches of first trimester nausea. Watching TV or being on my phone gives me nausea, pretty much anything with screens, including my Kindle.

I’m only 8 weeks. Does anyone have activity recommendations (besides sleeping) to pass the time over the next few weeks that might not induce queasiness for me? Needs to be a couch/lazy girl activity. TIA!

My baby is 7 weeks old tomorrow and we have our first hospital visit for an ultrasound to see if he might have pyloric stenosis. He hasn’t been gaining much weight for 3 weeks now and would have spit up after every feed with formula, be overly demanding to breastfeed, and would be fussy to the point of crying fits.
It’s rough couple of days and I thought we were starting to turn a corner with the late nights 😞 I’m just hoping that we figure out what’s going on so we know where to go next.

Hi mums to be! I’m three weeks pp and wanted to share my c-section journey for those of you who are struggling with choosing your type of delivery.

I’m an incredibly anxious person, especially surrounding anything medical. As birth came closer and closer, I started to feel incredibly scared and worried about how I would deliver my little one.

Deep down, I always felt I’d like a c-section as my anxiety worsens when I feel I have little control. However, whenever I shared my preference with others I felt judged and was constantly questioned. Why would you want to do that? Just give natural birth a go, you can do it, I did it! Don’t do that, it’s major surgery and the recovery will be awful. Every time I’d hear these words I’d just want to cry because it felt like I was crazy even considering it. Might I add that most people with this opinion have never had a planned c-section themselves. These opinions swayed my decision, and in the end it was suggested that I wait until 41 weeks for the section and try delivering naturally. Good advice from my midwife really, but I am incredibly grateful that my baby did not decide to show up earlier and I was granted the birth that I believe was better for me.

The section itself was quick, smooth and I felt next to nothing. Yes, the experience is a little strange and of course there are moments in your recovery that might be difficult. But there is no easy way to deliver a baby into this world. I think the recovery was actually easier than I expected. The first couple of days you can’t really do much but I was never really in lots of pain. But maybe I am a lucky one? Just make sure you look after yourself and keep on top of pain meds if it is something you chose or have to do.

Looking back, it was definitely the best choice for me and my husband- we are quite sensitive people! If there were any complications giving birth naturally I think we would have struggled immensely. If you are someone like me and is stuck between choices (whatever choice that may be) please trust your instinct and go with what feels best for you. Only you know what’s best for you and your future family. Good luck mums to be and enjoy the most incredible new job when it finally comes- motherhood! ❤️

Since being pregnant, my left outer thigh has had numbness or a burning sensation. It doesn't happen all the time, but pretty consistently. I messaged my OB about it and she said it probably isn't pregnancy related, but I don't know if I believe her because it's never happened before being pregnant. Just wanted to see if this happens to anyone else.

I didn’t really bought any maternity clothing as I didn’t have a big bump. I recently bought some stretchable trousers. But the thing is, all my trousers now are either too tight or too loose. When it finally fits it’s too long because I’m buying a bigger size.

I didn’t like having trousers over my belly as it didn’t feel comfortable.

In the summer I just wear summer dresses but what do people wear in the winter? Thank you!!!!!

I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm really not. It's just me (32) and my husband (38). Both of my parents have passed away and I've estranged myself from all my extended family (due to very valid reasons) with the exception of my aunt & cousin who live 800 miles away. My husband's mother married a convicted child-rapist (and hid/lied about it) so we've estranged ourselves from his entire family since then. We moved 600 miles away from home 5 years ago and have lost pretty much all of our friends.

We both have jobs that we mingle with our co-workers, but that's about it. I am also the only female at my job so not a ton to relate on.

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I am overwhelmed with how much emphasis is being put on my loneliness. I have only the internet to turn to and that's terrifying. We haven't shared the news but it just brings me sadness to think about sharing the news, because I don't think there's anyone in our life that really cares? I don't even know if there's anyone to announce anything to except work, for work-related reasons.

It's making me really miss my parents BAD. They were amazing and taken too soon. If I could just have them back, I'd feel no loneliness at all! I find myself getting sad about no baby shower, but I know I'd be so happy even if it were just my mom and I going to brunch or something. No one to reveal the gender to. No one is going to be waiting to meet the baby. My one aunt is going through so much herself right now, I don't want to add anything more to her plate.

I'm so sad for this future baby to come into the world and not be "surrounded" by massive amounts of love.

The good news is I've got one hell of a partner to help navigate this, but even that feels very hopeless right now :(

Has anyone gone through pregnancy alone and made it out alive? Anything you'd do differently? I feel like "building a community" is out of the question at this point, especially when we we're planning to move out of the state within the next year (this was planned before pregnancy ever happened lol)

Hey y’all. I know this is so not an important issue but I’m so upset. 🥲 Long before having kids was on my radar, I always knew I wanted to wait until birth to find out the gender of any babies I have. This is my first pregnancy, I genuinely have no preference and I was so extremely excited to have my husband be the one to announce the gender at birth. This pregnancy has been pretty rough so far and the motivation of the surprise has really been keeping me going.

From day 1 at our midwives office we made it clear we didn’t want to know the gender, and they told us many times that they don’t even write it down so it won’t even be in our chart. Sounds great, no chance of a slip up. We had our NIPT test ordered without gender, no issues there.

Fast forward to our anatomy scan yesterday, the sonographer kept assuring us that the gender wouldn’t be written down, she’d be the only one to know, and kept telling us when to look away during the scan. That all went great. About 30 minutes after the scan, they uploaded some results to my portal and I assumed it would be safe to look because they told me so many times that they wouldn’t write down the gender. I don’t have another appointment with the midwives for a couple more weeks, so of course I went to look just to make sure everything else was healthy and normal. And right at the bottom, as part of the Notes section, the gender was in the middle of all the info they wrote down.

I’m just really upset that the 1 thing I wanted so badly out of this pregnancy (aside from a healthy baby) got ruined. Obviously I’m not upset about the result, but I am upset about how I found out by myself at work, I didn’t even get a fun way to find out. And I feel like there’s no benefit of the doubt here, it’s not like the sonographer accidentally slipped and said a pronoun and then corrected themselves or played it off, it’s just blatantly written in my chart. And then I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have even looked at the chart, but they told me at every appointment and reiterated during the scan that they don’t write it down, so why was it even written down in the first place?

Anyways, trying to make the best of it now. My husband and I are going to go on a cruise next week and I plan to bring a gift to tell him with, since he actually really wanted to know the gender and was compromising with me not wanting to find out. We’ll still probably keep it a surprise for friends and family, although it’s a little embarrassing having to admit we found out when I was so excited to tell everyone we weren’t finding out. Hopefully next pregnancy we can avoid the surprise being spoiled lol.

I’m 39 weeks 1 day today, and I have an OB appointment this afternoon. She offered me an optional cervical check and membrane sweep to “get things moving” if I wanted.

From my understanding this either works well for people, or doesn’t at all. And that your body has to be somewhat ready for labor already, and this is supposed to push you into it.

I’m a FTM, I have no idea what I’m doing, so any advice is helpful. I’m not high risk and have not had any pregnancy complications with the baby if that helps as well.

EDIT: I’ve felt on and off signs that my body has been preparing for labor for some time now. Lots of period-like cramping, a lot of pelvic pressure. Baby feels a lot lower. But I have no idea if I’m even dilated or not rn

I am at the end of my list of safe foods. EVERYTHING sounds disgusting but I’m always starving!!! What do I eat?! I’m at 11 weeks, when does this end?!!?

Found out I was pregnant almost 2 weeks ago now, we actively tried for this and we had been talking about it for ages with excitement.

Now I’m pregnant I am suffering from horrendous anxiety. Struggling to sleep and feel constantly panicked that we’ve made a mistake. I have a big fear of being pregnant, birth, needles etc which doesn’t help.

Something I never considered before (due to just wanting this!) was how my life would change, and I think it’s just hit me like a tonne of bricks and I’m petrified I’m going to regret my decision or feel awful forever. Is this a normal thing? I can’t switch off from worrying about our lives changing so much once the baby is here.

Trying to decide between a travel system or buying an all-in-one car seat and separate stroller.

Travel system:

Pros- convenience of moving car seat easily into stroller, can be used through toddler years

Cons- only works for infant car seat, will need to buy additional car seats as baby grows

Car seat & stroller:

Pros- one car seat for all growth stages, could get a more lightweight or double stroller option (thinking of future siblings)

Cons- lacks convenience of travel system, stroller is a larger piece of gear to haul around

Is the travel system convenience worth the hassle and cost of having to upgrade car seats eventually? We are looking at spending no more than $400-500 regardless of what route we choose, so looking at budget friendly brands like Graco.

Can someone give me concrete details? I'm tired of hearing "you'll never sleep again, my 5 yo woke me up just last night!"

I realized going into this that sleep would be challenging. And I know that everything depends on the baby too.

But is it like, 30 minutes of sleep at a time for 3 hours total, or realistically what is it? How long do the bad sleep phases last? Am I still going to be able to function or be interested in things I'm interested in now? And I'm self employed, is that going to go entirely out the window, or when can I expect to go back to working? How much time am I actually going to have to do things, and when does that change?

Surely being woken up by a 5 yo is totally different than with a newborn??

People have been so negative, but so vague about WHAT is negative. A lot of parents don't seem to like being a parent at all, or talk endlessly about how miserable they were when they had a new baby. I try to avoid these people but it's hard when I see them regularly. The nicer ones are telling me it's the hardest thing they've ever done, but rewarding, or that it's brutally difficult but that it helps you to grow. What does that mean? What exactly is hard? What is rewarding?? These people are freaking me out to the point of tears.

- A 33w pregnant lady who was already anxious about parenthood before people starting telling her how awful it is

Hi there! I'm a 36 year old FTM, 11 weeks. My OBGYN wants me to choose between the midwife team and the doctor team at my next appointment. Whichever I choose, I'll cycle through that team for all of my following appointments so I can meet everyone.

I feel like I don't fully understand the difference! A friend of mine chose the midwife team at the same practice and had a great experience, and I've heard from a few others that they loved their midwives. However, they all had some degree of a holistic approach to birth (including one who did a water birth!). I'm planning on getting an epidural and any medical intervention recommended to me 😅 I'll be giving birth at a great hospital that I really trust. I'm also worried about being a little higher risk due to my age.

I'd love to hear from everyone, especially if you've seen both a doctor and a midwife!