Hey y’all. I know this is so not an important issue but I’m so upset. 🥲 Long before having kids was on my radar, I always knew I wanted to wait until birth to find out the gender of any babies I have. This is my first pregnancy, I genuinely have no preference and I was so extremely excited to have my husband be the one to announce the gender at birth. This pregnancy has been pretty rough so far and the motivation of the surprise has really been keeping me going.

From day 1 at our midwives office we made it clear we didn’t want to know the gender, and they told us many times that they don’t even write it down so it won’t even be in our chart. Sounds great, no chance of a slip up. We had our NIPT test ordered without gender, no issues there.

Fast forward to our anatomy scan yesterday, the sonographer kept assuring us that the gender wouldn’t be written down, she’d be the only one to know, and kept telling us when to look away during the scan. That all went great. About 30 minutes after the scan, they uploaded some results to my portal and I assumed it would be safe to look because they told me so many times that they wouldn’t write down the gender. I don’t have another appointment with the midwives for a couple more weeks, so of course I went to look just to make sure everything else was healthy and normal. And right at the bottom, as part of the Notes section, the gender was in the middle of all the info they wrote down.

I’m just really upset that the 1 thing I wanted so badly out of this pregnancy (aside from a healthy baby) got ruined. Obviously I’m not upset about the result, but I am upset about how I found out by myself at work, I didn’t even get a fun way to find out. And I feel like there’s no benefit of the doubt here, it’s not like the sonographer accidentally slipped and said a pronoun and then corrected themselves or played it off, it’s just blatantly written in my chart. And then I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have even looked at the chart, but they told me at every appointment and reiterated during the scan that they don’t write it down, so why was it even written down in the first place?

Anyways, trying to make the best of it now. My husband and I are going to go on a cruise next week and I plan to bring a gift to tell him with, since he actually really wanted to know the gender and was compromising with me not wanting to find out. We’ll still probably keep it a surprise for friends and family, although it’s a little embarrassing having to admit we found out when I was so excited to tell everyone we weren’t finding out. Hopefully next pregnancy we can avoid the surprise being spoiled lol.

Hey guys! So, I’m new here and it is going to be mostly me venting about an exeperience I’m having.
Just for context, I am the mother of a 19-month-old girl, whom I raise together with my husband. We don’t have—and have never had—any outside help with our baby. I am a stay-at-home mom, and my husband works outside the home. His job offers some flexibility, but I handle the majority of the childcare. Our family life isn’t exactly a bed of roses; I experienced postpartum depression and felt completely lost during those first few months. Sometimes I lose my patience with my poor little girl, and I often feel lost—it’s certainly not all perfect. But the thing is, I absolutely love every bit of it. When I talk to friends or observe the general tone of conversations about motherhood online, I can’t understand why people speak so negatively about being a mother. I don’t think my situation is particularly easy or difficult; I feel like a fairly typical mom with a very typical little girl. Yet, I truly don’t grasp this entirely negative discourse surrounding mothers and motherhood. Could it be a "left-wing" thing? I don’t mean to get too political, but most of my friends happen to be on the political left—could that be it? I don’t know. Do any other mothers share this experience? I’d love to hear your thoughts—does anyone else get the impression that the negative narrative about motherhood is completely at odds with the reality, which is, frankly, magnificent? I honestly can’t imagine anything better than being my little girl’s mom—and mind you, I never imagined I’d ever stop working to take care of my family! Can anyone relate? Thank you for your time! I hope you’re all doing well! 🤍

I have been pregnant 6 times with 3 healthy babies. Every time I am pregnant I get a faint positive by 10 DPO. Currently trying for a 4th and tested this morning (10 dpo) and it’s negative on a wondfo strip. Temperatures are still above cover line.

My leutal phase seems sort of short. Always around 11-12 days.

I am annoyed that I even tested. I assume I will get my period tomorrow.

When do you usually test?

DH and I started trying a few months ago. I was hoping to be pregnant by this month, just in time for a family wedding on his side we were supposed to attend. To our surprise and delight, my younger sister in law (also married in) turned up pregnant. Everyone knew immediately as she was showing.

I am struggling because I was hoping I would turn up pregnant like she did at this event. Nobody mentioned it because they didn’t want to overshadow the wedding. But nonetheless, it still makes me think it could’ve been me. Everyone around me is having kids. And not to mention younger siblings than me and DH are too! I know it’s not a race, but it still caught me off guard.

Today I overhear DH on the phone with his mother. I hear him give four separate noncommittal answers about us having kids, ending with “Well we can’t just place an order at the store for one.”

Later he shared with me his mother asked if I knew her other daughter in law was pregnant and how I felt about it. He said I knew and I was fine. She then asked when we were having kids, consider I had finished school and was working now. He quickly said, “I wanted her to finish school and achieve her goals before having children.” To which she started lecturing him on the benefits of being young and having children. He then said, “I don’t know, pray for us.” To which MIL said “Prayers only work if you want them.” To which he ended with the store line written above.

I am so put off by this. I know she was talking to her son but it feels so intrusive. What are we supposed to say? It was us who were hoping to show up pregnant? We’re finally ready? I am so annoyed she even thought to ask her son this. Am I overreacting? Now I’m terrified they’ll ask me and I’ll snap at them.

Not to mention everyone in my life is pregnant. One of my only good friends, the Bookclub I was attending is on hiatus because of everyone getting pregnant. It truly feels like it’s just me left out. It sucks because I was planning to get pregnant this year and it just hasn’t happened yet.

I am filled with regret about waiting and letting my husband convince me I should get a better job first for my own mental satisfaction of having a career. I am also highly annoyed his mother seems to be inherently blaming ME for us not having kids by listing out my plans. DH says the last time she asked for kids we gave her these reasons so maybe that’s why she’s following up in particular about me. To that I say- why ask at all? It’s so personal. Be encouraging and that is more than enough. But why so pushy??

Any advice on this is appreciated.

I conceived through a medicated IUI cycle, so we know the exact conception date and the due date based off of that. My OB has my due date calculated using LMP. It’s only 2 days different and it wouldn’t make any difference at all, except that I’ve decided that I want to opt for an elective induction at 39 weeks. The problem is that 39 weeks (according to my LMP) is a major holiday, which means no elective inductions that day, that weekend and into the beginning of the next week at my hospital. So I’ll really be having a 40 week elective induction. Would it be crazy to ask my OB to change my due date to align with my IUI, two days earlier? It’s been grating on me the tiniest amount for months, even though I know it’s just because they’re trying to standardize care for everyone. If it really only meant waiting 2 more days I wouldn’t care at all. The entire reason for choosing an elective induction is to give myself as much recovery time as possible before family comes for Christmas (and also the SPD and insomnia and irritable uterus which is making my life a living hell), so having that extra week makes a huge difference.

All that being said, it feels so petty and silly to bring this up! I’m legitimately worried my provider is going to laugh in my face and say no. I completely understand the importance of not kicking the baby out too early and worry that the doctor will see it as an elective induction at 38+5 which ofc they would never agree to. They wouldn’t let me get a membrane sweep before the holiday (39+0) either. Finally, I know elective inductions get bumped all the time and if that’s what happens so be it. It’s just about having THE CHANCE to be done a week sooner.

I’m sure I’m way overthinking it but would love some advice if you have wisdom to share or have been in a similar situation.

I’m 16 weeks pregnant. The housekeeper washed our glass, ceramic, and stainless steel dishes with diluted Clorox mixed with dish soap to remove fish smells. I’m not sure of the exact amount, but it was diluted in water. She rinsed the dishes with water only, and they had no bleach smell afterward. I then ran them through the dishwasher as a precaution.
Should I be concerned about chemical residue on the dishes, especially during pregnancy?

I'm a FTM who has never been 38 weeks pregnant before and there are all sorts of new weird sensations and pains and other things happening that are making me really really scared and stressed. I have called the on-call doctor a few times because I didn't know if I was having contractions (this was across multiple days and I spoke to 2 doctors. Eventually I went in to the hospital and they confirmed I was having regular contractions but wasn't in labor), didn't know if my water broke (it didn't), and had a low-grade fever and headache (it was fine).

When I was a kid I had a lot of stomach aches and at some point people stopped believing me. I think it was probably psychosomatic and stress induced but that doesn't mean it wasn't real. Anyway I know I have this huge complex about asking for medical help and being believed, but I'm getting really scared that they have this file on me being a person who calls in a lot and that if something *is* wrong or when I actually go into labor and need to advocate for myself, the doctor won't listen to me, because they'll have this record.

Any thoughts or reassurance would be hugely appreciated.

Currently 33+1 with baby #3. Baby #1 my water broke at 38 weeks and with baby #2 I was induced at 39w but was already 2cm dilated when I went in, so was told by a nurse that “baby was coming anyways!”. Just curious what your stories are! I know it’s best to let baby cook as long as possible but I’m understandably excited to meet my girl ! 🩷🥹

okay i just need to get this out. ftm, not sure if this is par for the course. i just am so peeved.

i went in for my anatomy scan on monday, and sat in the waiting room for about 30 minutes. the receptionist came over around then and explained that the tech never came in for her shift. they rescheduled me for a few hours later, saying that if the tech isn't in by then, one of the doctors will do my ultrasound, but i will be seen that day. totally understandable, this kind of thing happens.

we go out to breakfast, and get a call that they need to reschedule me for the 29th. i would be 22weeks 5 days at that point. seems way too late, especially if we find a problem. my husband takes over (bless that man), and we still got seen on monday. it was the only day we could do it, and he had taken off from work to be able to go.

guys, this doctor hadn't done an anatomy scan in years. he fumbled with the software, took the full appointment time to get all the shots he did, barely had me adjust my position to get better angles, gave me super blurry print outs, and worst of all, never asked if i wanted the gender or even went looking for it! his pressure was horrible as well. i only know because i went in this morning and the tech was so much better. she knew what she was doing! super great bedside manner. i got a profile shot to show family and friends, i didn't feel like i was being squished, and she was taking shots so much faster. i know i pressured them to see me that day, but they shouldn't have offered for the doc to do it if he couldn't! idk just felt very icky.

after all that, my 20 minute appointment this morning could only get 3 of the 4 shots we were missing from the initial ultrasound (even she said this was way too short of a followup). i got scheduled again for next friday so we could get a better picture of the heart. my baby girl wasn't cooperating today, so i get it, but still. i'm just hoping it won't cost me triple just to finish it, but it probably will.

we are switching to a different obgyn anyway, because after this experience i looked at reviews (i know, i know), and they super do not align with my values. turns out they are super anti-choice and gave someone a horrible labor and delivery, talking down to her and saying bad things about her as he stitched her up.

is this normal?

Hi there! My husband (30M) and I (29F) just started TTC back in August. Coming up on month #3, I'm seeking some advice on how you timed sex during your fertile window when it actually worked.

I don't have many friends who have had babies of their own to ask, so I figured this community would be a good place to source a variety of experiences. My OBGYN gave the classic guidance of every day to every other day (though no more than once every 24 hours). My therapist told me an interesting anecdote that when she was TTC, it worked on her fifth cycle when she only had sex the day of ovulation, not at all before.

I'd love to know what "finally" worked for you or if you did anything different after trying for multiple cycles. My working theory is that we move to strictly every other day instead of trying to hit every 24-36 hours.

I will also say that everything seems healthy for both of us, though my husband is on SSRIs. He did an at-home sperm test earlier in the summer, and everything was copacetic. Thank you so much in advance!

I’m a little over 7 weeks pregnant and have gotten conflicting information from my obgyn office on what I can or can’t take for diarrhea.

First I was told I can take pepto I go to the internet it’s like absolutely under no circumstances

So I call the nurse hotline and she says I can take Imodium but not pepto. I took one serving of the liquid Imodium and now I’m freaking out because the internet says it’s also bad. I’ve just had diarrhea for almost 3 days now and can’t seem to get it to stop even tho I’ve moved to a BRAT diet. Did I harm my pregnancy!? This stinks it’s so stressful any tips or advice is so welcome - thank you.

Hi guys, I’m 11w 1d. Since week 6 the nausea has been absolutely awful around week 7 I couldn’t even keep water down. I am now having 1-3 good days a week where I can moderately eat. I took zofran twice around week 7 prescribed by my doctor but found little relief. I’ve also tried b16 and unisom it worked for the days where the nausea isn’t too severe but on really bad days it made no difference. I throw up 1-3 times a week but the nausea is horrendous 24/7 and has me on a couch all day long lying down makes it worse. I want to know if anyone has had luck with homeopathy while pregnant and if it was safe? I’m concerned about the lack of research but so desperate for relief on the really bad days.

I had my first cervical check yesterday and I just lost my mucus plug. I feel totally normal otherwise but we have plans to visit my in laws about an hour away from home in 2 days when I will be 37 wks. Is it still fine to stick with these plans? I know losing your mucus plug doesn’t really mean anything in terms of labor but let me know!

Has anyone travelled to Cape Verde in their first trimester?

FTM here...

Ive had terrible experiences at hospitals. i get his fear.

And Im absolutely afraid of giving birth... im also afraid of something going wrong and not having resources right there and ready.. i care more about babys health than my comfort. So hospital sounds like an easy choice to me. Despite my fear of them..

We have a birth center nearby which we toured and seemed nice. I was open to the idea.. but im scared if something were to happen they would not be fully prepared.

Transporting during seems terrible. Extra stress, and when touring they said about 30% of patients get transported to local hospital I am thinking of any way...

Hes so against hospitals and is worried they will just treat us like a number..

How do I decide? I cant find any other discussions on the woman leaning more towards hospital....

Hi there! I'm a 36 year old FTM, 11 weeks. My OBGYN wants me to choose between the midwife team and the doctor team at my next appointment. Whichever I choose, I'll cycle through that team for all of my following appointments so I can meet everyone.

I feel like I don't fully understand the difference! A friend of mine chose the midwife team at the same practice and had a great experience, and I've heard from a few others that they loved their midwives. However, they all had some degree of a holistic approach to birth (including one who did a water birth!). I'm planning on getting an epidural and any medical intervention recommended to me 😅 I'll be giving birth at a great hospital that I really trust. I'm also worried about being a little higher risk due to my age.

I'd love to hear from everyone, especially if you've seen both a doctor and a midwife!

I didn’t really bought any maternity clothing as I didn’t have a big bump. I recently bought some stretchable trousers. But the thing is, all my trousers now are either too tight or too loose. When it finally fits it’s too long because I’m buying a bigger size.

I didn’t like having trousers over my belly as it didn’t feel comfortable.

In the summer I just wear summer dresses but what do people wear in the winter? Thank you!!!!!

Hi mums to be! I’m three weeks pp and wanted to share my c-section journey for those of you who are struggling with choosing your type of delivery.

I’m an incredibly anxious person, especially surrounding anything medical. As birth came closer and closer, I started to feel incredibly scared and worried about how I would deliver my little one.

Deep down, I always felt I’d like a c-section as my anxiety worsens when I feel I have little control. However, whenever I shared my preference with others I felt judged and was constantly questioned. Why would you want to do that? Just give natural birth a go, you can do it, I did it! Don’t do that, it’s major surgery and the recovery will be awful. Every time I’d hear these words I’d just want to cry because it felt like I was crazy even considering it. Might I add that most people with this opinion have never had a planned c-section themselves. These opinions swayed my decision, and in the end it was suggested that I wait until 41 weeks for the section and try delivering naturally. Good advice from my midwife really, but I am incredibly grateful that my baby did not decide to show up earlier and I was granted the birth that I believe was better for me.

The section itself was quick, smooth and I felt next to nothing. Yes, the experience is a little strange and of course there are moments in your recovery that might be difficult. But there is no easy way to deliver a baby into this world. I think the recovery was actually easier than I expected. The first couple of days you can’t really do much but I was never really in lots of pain. But maybe I am a lucky one? Just make sure you look after yourself and keep on top of pain meds if it is something you chose or have to do.

Looking back, it was definitely the best choice for me and my husband- we are quite sensitive people! If there were any complications giving birth naturally I think we would have struggled immensely. If you are someone like me and is stuck between choices (whatever choice that may be) please trust your instinct and go with what feels best for you. Only you know what’s best for you and your future family. Good luck mums to be and enjoy the most incredible new job when it finally comes- motherhood! ❤️

Given increasing physical limitations.

Some of mine:

- shower stool

- resting my elbows on my knees while blow drying my hair

- facial wipes: toner wipes, moisturizer wipes. The eco part of me hates this but I just can’t manage otherwise

Commiserate with me: I’m 40+ weeks pregnant and had guests plan a visit a while back anticipating to meet the baby. No baby yet, but they still came and now expect to be entertained. In addition they extended their stay in hopes to still meet the baby. 🫠

So a while ago I posted a couple variations of birth plans, got a lot of feedback. Links below--

https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/TiW8dzzBUN

And anyways, I figured at this point why not just update with how it actually went! The tldr is -- not at all like I planned, but ultimately I understood what was happening, had no joint complications, and I have a healthy baby girl.

Ultimately, I think writing out a birth plan (and getting feedback) helped me understand all the options and their risks/benefits and engage with that in a way I wouldn't have otherwise. So no regrets. Hopefully this is helpful for anyone else who has accessibility concerns or has EDS. Ultimately, it's all so individual so do your own research and talk to your doctors.

A couple weeks ago, my water broke as I was getting up for the day. Reported to the hospital a couple hours later (as my OB had told me to do) and they verified that yes, water was totally broken but my contractions were very spaced out and not strong. If my water hasn't broken, I wouldn't have realized I was in labor as I thought it was just my uterus being irritable.

Nurse met with me and discussed my birth plan, put on a wireless/beltless monitor, saline lock, set up nitrous oxide etc and called for an in person interpreter. Nobody gave me a hard time about interpreters at all and they were available 24/7 until baby and I were discharged a couple days later, even though I told them I was only really concerned about the labor. Very happy and interpreters did fantastic. Hardest part with interpreters was figuring out where they should stand to be out of the way of the medical staff and equipment but that i could still see them.

They gave it some time and then said we needed things to start progressing so did a double Foley balloon. I wanted to try without pitocin because I felt it would lead to an epidural and wanted to try and avoid that due to concerns about my joints. Unfortunately, while the Foley helped with dilation, I still wasn't contracting enough so pitocin it was.

I got to about the 5cm dilation mark when my contractions became very very strong and the idea of 5 more cm felt impossible. Nurse was fantastic in advocating because she knew I was worried about both CRNAs and about epidurals at all, so she had them come down for a consultation. The CRNA was able to answer a lot of my questions and put me at ease. I have POTS but hadn't put it down on the birth plan because I didn't think it was relevant, but apparently it was very relevant to the epidural. I was very very glad for the interpreters at this point because I could not have had a real conversation and given informed consent without them with the level of pain I was in. I could no longer speak... But was able to sign!

I was also very worried about not being able to feel anything and getting injured... It turned out not to matter because I ended up needing pretty much the maximum dose possible to get any sort of relief and could still feel when I was having contractions the whole time, was fully aware of my legs, etc.

Epidural did tank my BP which caused baby become distressed and they ended up putting a fetal monitoring probe in. This made any sort of position changes or movement very difficult. Also started throwing up violently any time I changed positions. She finally stabilized and I was suddenly at 9cm... And stalled again because of the pitocin being stopped... But they gave me some more time and soon I was at 10cm. I started getting concerned that my epidural was wearing off too because contractions were hurting again (although not severely) but it was time.

Pushed for about 45min before baby was in distress again and needed to come out that very minute and they wanted to do an episotomy and vacuum. I was really glad the doctor was able to explain what was going on to me via the interpreter, it would have been too much people and too much going on otherwise. The NICU team showed up which freaked me out as there was suddenly what felt like a million people in the room. My husband told me later that he heard someone call for an OR and that if the episotomy hadn't worked, it would have been an emergency C-section . Ultimately, I said if you can avoid it, great, but I'm trusting you to do whatever you need to do to get her out safely. But they did the episotomy and several pushes later, baby was born!

She's absolutely perfect. Ultimately, while a lot of the specifics of my birth plan went out the window, I had accessibility, I felt supported by my nurses and I felt that everything that happened was because they felt it was the safest way forward. And because I researched so much, I felt confident in those decisions even if I had wanted otherwise. All is well in my world.

For any hard of hearing / deaf mamas -- it didn't really occur to me that id want interpreters after the labor, but there are a LOT of random people (checking my vitals, checking baby's, records people, hearing screening people, etc) who show up during the first night / first day while you're half asleep and they're usually wearing masks and having interpreters helped significantly with communication.

Before getting pregnant with my second (currently 6.5 weeks along and already experiencing nausea) I finally got my fitness regiment down by being an aerialist. Specifically Lyra and silks. I’m so worried that the morning sickness is going to ruin all of my progress. I wasn’t allowed to work out with my first pregnancy because I had placenta previa that didn’t go away and ended in an emergency c-section at 35 weeks. Any tips on staying fit and fighting through the nausea? I don’t want to go back to being so weak like my first pregnancy.