Was wondering how preparation of Yopo seeds works?

people talk a lot about ceremony nights, but the month after coming home is where things usually get messy. that honeymoon phase fades, old routines creep back in, and regular life doesn't care that you had a profound realization.

aside from the generic "journal and meditate" advice, what was a tangible, daily shift you made that prevented you from slipping right back into old patterns?

I would like to ask for your opinion. Three years ago, I attended a three-night Ayahuasca ceremony. I didn't experience visions as typically described in other people's experiences. The first night brought nothing, the second night I felt a very beautiful experience, and the third night was filled with severe anxiety, with no insights on any of the three nights. When the ceremony ended, on the bus ride back home, I began having thoughts that I was Jesus, that my parents were Joseph and Mary, and that my female friend was Mary Magdalene. After speaking with the shaman, he told me that this was just the mind. Those thoughts settled down somewhat, but they kept recurring. The next day at college, I started thinking that others were caught in the matrix and the mind, and I entered a relationship with a girl whom I believed to be Mary Magdalene.

I had an immense amount of energy—I started renovating my apartment, working in the garden, gathering herbs, and waking up at 6 AM just so I could work. I began to think that repeating numbers like 666 and 777 held hidden meanings, and that everything around me carried a secret message. In my relationship, I projected my flaws onto my girlfriend, unconsciously manipulated her, and blackmailed her that I would leave if she didn't change. I started giving everyone advice on what they should do. This lasted for three months, until thoughts returned that I should become a shaman, followed by a breakup when people realized I was in psychosis. I fell into a severe depression, where SSRIs and antidepressants were unsuccessfully prescribed—they actually increased my restlessness—until a few months ago when I started taking mood stabilizers, which have made me much calmer.

​I am curious to know whether I am a narcissist or if this was a bipolar episode with psychotic features."

Some pains break you, others quietly teach you what you've been avoiding. Not all suffering is meaningful, and not every ache deserves a crown. Discernment matters: Am I being harmed, or asked to grow beyond my current self? Growth often feels like shedding a skin that used to fit. The point isn't to romanticize pain, but to stop fleeing every discomfort and recognize when truth is simply waking us up.