Me, female early 30s and him, male early 40s been dating for about a year. We are exploring each others sexuality and he has been asking me a lot about details what I did with other guys. in details like what where when. it’s super weird to me ngl, all men I’ve met before never wanted to hear anything about other men from my past and definitely no details!

is it weird? am I overreacting?

edit: does this mean he’s not serious about me? Some comments seem to mention that.

Hello all.

I'm a thirty-six old man and me and my wife got recently divorced.

My question does not involve financial/legal stuff, all of those are taken care of, but exclusively the emotional part of it.

My wife out of nowhere started being indifferent towards me, and started pointing everything bad i did since we met. I'm very rational, so i told her that, indeed, i have flaws but everytime she told me what is wrong i worked on it and tried to adapt. For months she couldn't possibly remember a single good moment we had together, and we had plenty. Everything was bad, no exception.

I tried so hard to show her that it's not all bad, we're good together for many parts of it, and we can solve our problems, to her it didn't matter, and eventually we ended.

The problem for me is not that we're not together anymore, but how sad it felt that every good moment we lived were absolutely erased from her memory, when for me i always got attached to them, being the negatives the inconvenience we would try to solve, and i did put a lot of effort to solve them. Everytime i mentioned the good moments she would get even angrier, i couldn't understand what was happening, up to the point where she hated my guts for whatever i said. I tried to ask what she wants from me, what can i do, and it was all about 'now it's too late'. She had just decided to hate me, and it really was instant: this change happened literally from one day to the other, i remember exactly.

I don't think she cheated on me, i even know exactly what she did that day, she likes staying home. After a talk to a therapist, i think, is what changed everything. I got really heartbroken with the indifference and the inability to recognise the good things we had, and to know it disappeared in her head was very difficult for me to deal with.

I tell this in this sub because i imagine some of you have gone through this, and i'd like some advice on how to just let this go.

Thank you very much.

Well, yep, that pretty much says it all. My boyfriend is able to get hard very frequently, but he has difficulty finishing. Sometimes I worry that it's because he isn't liking what he's seeing/feeling/experiencing, but he says it's not that so I'm choosing to believe him.

One of my theories is the SSRIs he takes makes it difficult for him to orgasm. To be clear, asking him to stop taking them is NOT an option. It helps his mental health and is non-negotiable.

However, I'm at a loss for what I can do. I always feel awful and feel like I'm giving him blueballs (he only finishes maybe 1/3 of the time we have sex), but there's only so much riding/oral/hand stuff I can do before my energy runs out.

Any perspectives from guys here that face similar difficulties? Should I just be less concerned about leaving him unsatisfied and not orgasming? I just don't know what to do anymore, and I feel guilty and tbh a little self-conscious over it 😔

UPDATE: Thank you for all of the (mostly) helpful and thoughtful responses! From what I'm gathering, this seems to likely be an SSRI issue that I can't necessarily assist with on my end. I won't lie, it's a bit disappointing; I just want him to feel as good as he makes me feel! I'll just have to trust that he's being truthful and still having a good time 😊

Hi all, I don't know if this is the right subreddit for this sort of thing so apologies if it's not.

But right now I feel like I've completely checked out with everything pretty much. I've been doing therapy for around 8 months (took a 4 month break which I haven't included in the 8 months) and it really hasn't helped. I just have no passions or interests, I come home from work and either watch Youtube or a film or two then go to bed, I'm not good at anything and have no desire to be.

The worst thing is I'm constantly anxious, any interaction with anyone terrifies me, which is really affecting my work and my friendships as I haven't messaged anyone in like 4-5 months because I either just don't want to see anyone, or I'm scared I'll embarrass myself or something bad will happen. The only good thing in my life is my girlfriend and even then I'm just constantly terrified she doesn't like me.

I have no goals or aspirations or anything. The thing is I know its all my fault, I'm not going to blame my issues and feel sorry for myself. Everything is my fault and I deserve to feel like this, but I'm sick of it and can't keep living in this cycle. I've tried mediation, "positive thinking", reading, working out, trying different things, it's all just not worked.

So, I think the problem is just me and unfortunately, I'll never not be me. no matter how much I change I'll still be pathetic and constantly ashamed, guilty and embarrassed of who I am and who I've been.

Anyway, I know I need to make a descision to either get better or to just quit, but I have no idea what to do. I'm sorry if this comes off as attention seeking or needy or ranty or whatever but I'm really not sure what to do. Any advice is welcome and thank you for reading

I am having a bit of a difficult time trying to figure out what my bf wants in bed. Sometimes he'd like me to take the more dominant role, which I'm very open to doing, but I have no idea what I'm doing. Whenever we try something, he's like "make me" or "do whatever you want" and I kinda freeze like a deer in headlights because I have no idea what to do after that. And it's a bit more difficult for me to do the stereotypical dominant things because he doesn't like degrading, he doesn't like any level of sado/masochist stuff like not even something small, he's 6'2 and I'm 5'4 so I don't really have a size advantage, we barely peg because the prep takes a long time and by then he's kinda out of the mood, and so with all of that I've kind of run out of ideas. I'm not really sure what else to try or do. And on top of all of that, doing things like edging or riding is impossible because he's got performance anxiety so his dick is barely ever hard for a long enough time to do that either. I'm just lost on what other options I have tbh. And every time I ask it's just always "whatever you want" which isn't helpful. So I'm really just asking other men (as well as femdoms) what the hell does that even mean and what am I supposed to do?

Me and my boyfriend were both virgins until September. Before we had sex, he told me he probably wouldn’t be able to cum from sex (or any other sexual activity) because he used to have a porn and masturbating addiction which gave him “death grip syndrome”.
He does cum when I give him handjobs but only when I put a lot of pressure. Only recently did he cum from a handjob where I didn’t put as much pressure.
He’s become really embarrassed that he can’t cum during sex and I always tell him it’s fine and I want to know if there anything I can do to help? Or if there’s anything in his masturbation routine or something that can help

We're really close and are best friends. He's definitely someone I love platonically and he feels the same way. Both of us are not really into dating anyone right now.

Clearly we've both sort of put each other in the friendzone. We both find each other attractive and are very like minded. I feel like it's a very safe situation and would be comforable and fun to hook up with someone like that. We have flirted here and there and we basically act like we're in a relationship tbh but it's very VERY platonic.

So should I just break that wall and try and make a move on him and initiate intimacy with NO intention of relationship or feelings? If so, how would I do that as a female who is clearly deep in the friendzone?

Currently out on vacation overseas with gf (27F) and her family. She planned to spend a whole day without me with a childhood friend (27M) who I barely know anything about. He's picking her up and there's no intention on her part to even let me meet or introduce me to him. To be fair she's been open about this plan, but I still feel uncomfortable that I wasn't even part of the equation. She just expects me to make my own plans tomorrow and entertain myself.

She was prepping her outfit and noticed she's wearing a very short skirt. Giving me strong date vibes. Gf is very attractive objective wise so she naturally gets attention already. Most of the vacation she's been dressing very casual up to this point. She's also been texting this guy throughout the trip too. They're speaking another language so I can't exactly tell what's being said. Anyways I'm dreading tomorrow and just feeling anxiety. I've been trying my best to not instigate.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, it has steadily gotten more serious as it does and we're beginning to make longer term plans together...moving in, etc. We are both in our late 30s. Currently doing mid-distance but that will be changing early next year and we'll be in the same city.

We were at an event this past weekend and I noticed when he introduced me to a male friend, he only used my name. He didn't say, "Hi! This is my girlfriend, [redacted}."

After thinking about it more...I don't think he ever has when meeting someone new. Its always just my name.

Is this something I need to speak with him about? It bothers me, but I also have OCD and don't want to worry about this if its normal.

For some added context, the people in his closest circle very much know I'm his girlfriend. Its just when introducing me to new people.

We’ve been together for a little over 7 months now, and were close friends for 6ish months before that. As we were purely friends for a while, we used to discuss dating and our physical types. While I am not his usual type, he’s never made me feel like I am anything less than beautiful to him, so I’ve never really given it much thought.

Then, we were in the car yesterday and he was talking about the gym, and asked why I stopped going. For context, I used to go frequently then hit a major depressive episode a few weeks ago and stopped. I sort of brushed it off and said I just wasn’t locked in enough, and he jokingly said I should start again cause he’s “investing” in me. I immediately questioned him about whether I wasn’t good enough for him as i am (because who says that to their gf??) and he said no, but then continued to say I could build an hourglass figure and a bigger butt. He then said my body was already perfect the way it is (I do naturally have an hourglass figure ??), and changed the topic.

Later, we were in his kitchen having dinner, and it was quiet and he looked up from his phone and went “if I could change one thing about you, it would be that you’d give me head more.” It was incredibly out of the blue, and it had me wondering if he consistently is thinking of the ways I don’t fulfill his needs. Also, he almost never gives me head so I’m not sure what his problem is there.

I’m just wondering because that’s not the type of relationship we have. I’d never dream of critiquing his looks or suggesting improvements if he didn’t specifically ask, and that sort of thing doesn’t even cross my mind in the first place. He’s perfect to me. So, am I not good enough for him anymore? Does he not actually like me? Any thoughts are appreciated thank you

Hi everyone I did not expect my previous post to blow up. It did so I figured everyone should get an update.

I ended it off with her. Immediately.
She told me that I was not giving her a chance to explain herself by breaking up over the phone. I told her that I cannot meet her because I’m afraid that she’s being manipulative.

After she met her ex
1) she still had the cheek to blast at me.
2) she was sending me intimate pictures.
It felt as if she did 1) to made it seem that I was equally wrong, 2) to soften the impact. Only to come clean afterwards. It felt very strategic. She was only looking to cushion the impact. Super manipulative.

I asked around other female friends and my sisters. While me being wrong to not fetch her may be debatable, everyone agreed ‘turning to my ex would NEVER be a casual thought off my head’.
Which I agreed. Some suspecting that no guy would just come down at 4am to pick a girl up and get nothing out of it.

Anyways, to those who said I should have picked her up regardless,
1) I now realise she’s a fully grown adult with no excuse to not get home on her own or have any sort of plan. It felt too intentional I feel. It feels too deliberate and I think it was a smart excuse to find her ex.
2) maybe true and if it is, I realise we are simply in two different phases of life. I’d love to lock in and get my degree, boundaries are important. She chose to party and be irresponsible.

Bottom line is, there is absolutely no way nothing happened between her and the ex. Something surely happened. I am also convinced they must have had conversations prior to this without me knowing. Nobody hits an ex out of nowhere to pick her up. She admitted that ‘exhausting her options’ was just me and her. No way she didn’t think of anyone else.

So I have ended it. I blocked her everywhere and told her to leave me alone. Thanks to those who validated how I feel, I needed that push because her crying made me so guilty.

we are both in our early 20s. my boyfriend is logged into my Instagram account (that’s another story) and the other day I noticed that there were a bunch of random girls hidden from seeing my story posts, but not blocked from my account. It turns out that many of these girls follow him/are followed by him on his alt account that I do not follow myself (he originally made the account so that he could add people from work/school without them finding his real account). this is weird behavior, but what confuses is me is how he could be cheating on me because we share locations and it never really says that he is at someone’s house. it would be difficult for him to sneak someone in to his house because he lives with family. what could he be doing? he hasn’t been acting distant or abnormal either.

I am a college fresher and now i am having difficulty to connect to people like most of time unless they start the topic, i dont know what should i say.

Its not like i cant talk, once the person initiate a talk with me i can carry it but i sucks at initiating talk i dont know what should i talk about with new friends, with old friend it comes naturally i initiate talk naturally and was the funniest and humourous person but now my head become empty and i stand awkwardly in the group unless someone start the talk with me.

And all my humour and funny part cant even emerge in front of new people, i dont know if it is hesitation or something else. Like all people are throwing talk and joking around in a group and i sit awkwardly silent and the thing is if same talk was in my old friend grp i will be talking and throwing jokes and meme references all the time.

How should i fix this am not confortable enough with new people or it is something els?

Hi!

So, my husband is the type to only be interested in sex when he is either in the mood or not stressed at all.
Now, I do make sure he isn’t stressed, I have that down, however he isn’t really in the mood at all.

Yes, there are times he would be but I want to help him get in the mood when I also am as well. When he’s in the mood, I’m usually not. And vise versa.

He does love me but getting aroused is hard for him unless he goes through a process. Is there an easy way I could help him?

(Manly asking so we can try for a baby)

I (15mtf) have a huge crush on my best friend of 5 years (14nb). To the guys what would be the best way to tell if they like me back other than them just being hard around me. To the girls (and guys too) how TF do I ask them out or tell them I like them!?

If you havent read the previous post, it’s below this update text, so if you wish to have some context you can go ahead and read it.

UPDATE POST:

Earlier today we spoke for the first time on the phone after our argument 3 days ago. I had initially sent him a message asking him if he could please send me some money to go get the haircut he so dearly wanted me to get, as well as money to go with my friends to the mall. 3 minutes later he called me, we exchanged hellos, and so he proceeded to instruct how I am to cut my hair, and that I am not to grow out my hair back to my “ugly” curls until I “finish my service”, it seems he is still delusional about my service in the army. I was anxious and so I just said yes to him, I obeyed him. He then began to bring up me leaving the army, expressing how disappointed he always is in me, also expressed his disappointment and anger when I set high goals and then fail to achieve them. He used two primary examples of this, one being the army (I was hyped about the army so I even joined a special forces branch, in which I left following the circumstances I was in) and also sometime 2 years ago when I was hyped about starting waterpolo and in the end left after a month because I was utterly mistreated by my instructor and also been avoided by my teammates. He explained that I give up on my goals the moment a small obstacle is presented in front of me. He continued to express that I am weak, and also I shouldn’t set goals because I fail to achieve them and give up on them. That which hurt the most is that he told my that I would ultimately fail to go to England to study English, and slandered my inability to achieve my ultimate dream, and that I am better off not studying and doing something else. The only thing where he said he takes his hat off as respect is when I achieved a GPA of 3.86 which he also expressed his disappointment as it was 3.96 before the exams, saying that because I faced a bit if pressure due to exams I again failed and in the end lowered my grade.

Before ending the call, he said “I know your soul is probably in pieces right now, but this is the truth.”

ORIGINAL POST:

I am 18 M, I went to visit my dad as I often do nowadays because he has recently been diagnosed with Stage 1A pancreatic cancer, thankfully the tumour was successfully removed and all is going relatively well, but I try to be there for him as much as possible to cheer him up and keep him mentally well because I love my father dearly and so does he.

For context, I live in a country where the moment you finish high school, you are subject to a temporary conscription to the army for over a year. I left after 2 months because I suffered from general anxiety, anxiety/panic attacks, bullying from peers within the base, anorexia, and depression. Because of my exemption now I have a whole hear to myself so I try to make the most of it. This has made me feel like a burden to myself, my family, and most importantly my father. I was unable to complete this service and simply drowned in these symptoms of mine, I am cursed with a sensitive nervous system so every emotion I feel is to the maximum.

As it had seemed, my father had a rough day to say the least, so he was already not in the mood beforehand. The moment he gazed his eyes upon me, he firstly criticised how I was dressed, calling me a moron because I wore shorts while it was chilly outside, to which I responded that I simply didn’t felt that cold. Then his criticism turned into anger, he did not like the look of my hair even though it’s simply a 2 month grown buzz cut as I plan to regrow my hair back to my curls. He threatened to send me back to the army if I don’t cut my hair, and that im ugly with it at this length, and that he has a madness I haven’t seen yet if I were not to cut it. I replied with telling him that it’s my hair and I decide what to do with it, I like it this length and I plan to grow it out anyways. He didn’t like that. We then left the house and went in the elevator. While in the elevator he slandered me for my plain black T-shirt, asking me if I ever look myself in the mirror when I leave the house, and that the shirt is of shit condition, I told him that I simply didn’t notice anything wrong with the shirt. Up to this point all this was tearing me apart within. Then we got in the car, while in the car he brought the discussion about my hair again, and then I decided to act, and told him with a collective demeanour “This is my hair and I choose what I do with it, I don’t understand you’re problem, I don’t want to shave it again. Look dad, you have to check your emotions, I understand you’re going through a lot and that’s why im here as your son to stick around with you, and from the moment I arrived you simply harass me.” His response was that of denial, and then he proceeded to weaponise my leave from the army against me, that all my friends are doing their service just fine and im at home doing fuck all, and for that reason I should keep my hair short. From that point on I shut my mouth, I was dead inside, and did not want to continue speaking.

The problem is, is that he always targets me for some reason whenever he is angry, he always tries to find a way to slander me, and reduce me. This would happen even before his diagnosis, my brother also did not do the army, yet he isn’t treated this way. If any dads in here can tell me if my fathers actions are valid because im a disappointment, please do so.

Thank you.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for experiences on a situation I’m in. I really like a woman who is 9 months sober. Her partner died in a very traumatic way about three years ago. She fell into alcoholism during and after the relationship and got sober 9 months ago.
Is it a bad idea to establish a relationship with someone with this amount of sobriety after such a traumatic event? He was also the father of her 10 year old son.
She says she’s ready for a relationship but she still posts about him on Facebook on birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
She seems to be doing well and have her life together, but I’m wondering if this will lead to a lot of conflict and behavioural challenges. Thoughts?

I’m 21F and went to the bank today with my mom to sort out a pretty embarrassing banking mistake I made. Long story short, I accidentally deposited a few old cheques twice without realizing, which ended up getting my account shut down and having to get a new card. So yeah, not exactly my proudest moment lol…

The teller helping us was an older man, but the teller working right next to him was a guy around my age who was SO cute. Literally exactly my type.

The bank was completely empty, so he definitely heard the whole embarrassing situation. My mom also kept jumping in and speaking for me, which made me feel even more annoyed and embarrassed at 21. He helped the older teller with something at one point, so he was aware of what was going on. We made eye contact a few times but never actually spoke directly.

Anyway, the older teller called him by his first name a few times since he was helping us, and out of curiosity I searched it on Instagram afterward. He came up right away just from his first name because we live in a pretty small, close-knit area and have quite a few mutuals.
His account is private and now I’m debating sending him a follow request.

My hesitation is that he’ll obviously know I looked him up after seeing him at work. Plus, he just witnessed me having an embarrassing banking situation with my mom, so not exactly the first impression I would’ve wanted to make.

I also live in a smaller town where everyone seems to know everyone, so it’s not like I’m in a massive city where I’ll never see him again.

I’m also wondering about the timing. Would it be too obvious to request him the same day? Should I wait a few days, a few weeks, or even a month? Or should I just leave it alone altogether?

Would you find it weird if a girl you saw at work looked you up and requested you afterward, especially if you had mutuals? Be honest, would you shoot your shot or leave it alone? 🫣

Today, my girlfriend called me while I was discussing something with my flatmate, so I cut the call and texted her that I was busy and would call her back in five minutes. She then texted like oh I can text her but not pick up for 1 min.

So I called her back immediately, but it still turned into a big argument about how I couldn’t even spare a minute for her and what work could possibly be so important. I felt hurt, so I went quiet, and later, when she asked what was wrong and I explained how I felt, the conversation somehow turned into another argument about why I hadn’t told her earlier and why I couldn’t just pick up the call.

As usual, I ended up apologizing, and my perspective was never really acknowledged. I understand that I could have handled things differently, but I had already texted her that I was busy and would call back in five minutes. I wasn’t ignoring her.

What hurts me is that whenever we have disagreements, things seem to turn around on me, and I end up apologizing while my side of the story gets forgotten. Am I wrong here, or is this an unhealthy communication pattern? How do you deal with a relationship where you feel like your feelings are never really heard?

Last year, me (m35) and my friend (f31) (of 10+ years) got super drunk and had some unexpected fun. She went home with me to stay and when we got in bed we both started jokingly teasing each other. The thing is that everything was perfect, we had like 2 hours for-play and it was so much fun, but as soon as i penetrated her it became kinda boring (i know it sounds weird) and after we orgasmed, both of us had some kind of a post nut clarity and just went to sleep without touching each other.

After some days she was feeling horny and sent me some nudes, we both started dirty talking, jerking off and then we came. After that we decided to have sex again but the same thing happened, the for-play was amazing and super hot but sex itself was not. So we decided not to have classic sex but keep having fun, exploring kinks and fantasies.

The first thing we tried was a "blowjob call", like i had to write to her one code word and wherever she was she had to come to where i was and give me a bj. We both loved it, she LOVES giving it and i love receiving it. Also this has to happen without anyone realising.

The thing is that we are not the most creative people in the world, so I would really appreciate if you gave us some ideas about more ways to have kinky fun! (i read about the bj call on reddit too, so even that was not my idea :D )

So, men.

I’ve been together with my husband for 17 years.
We recently godt married. We have 2 children, in their teens.
Throughout are whole relationships we have always had s*x regularly. Like minimum 1-2 times per week.
We are good at taking weekends away together, where we can have s*x up to 10 times in 48 hours. Last time we went away for 48 hours was 4 months ago.

There is a age gap of 5 years, I am younger and he is close to 40.
I have a high sx drive and so those he, but it seems to me, that it has slowed down a bit. I now, it can be 7-10 days between us having s\x.*
He says it cause he’s tired, and because of the teenage children, who sleeps as late as 11 pm on school nights. He has a hard time, having sex, knowing they are awake. Don’t know if it matters, but our children is girls.

I fear, that he is bored of me and my body. Cause I am ready, everyday, every hour of everyday and I think that I maybe have rejected him max 10 times in the last 17 years. And I have this idea I my head, that he is suppose to want to jump me, as soon as he has the chance. And now that he doesn’t, I worry.

My body has of cause changed with having kids - the last one 12 years ago. But I’m not like really overweight. I’m a size medium. But have been a size XL, and when I was that size, we had more sex than now. I was about the same size when we meet as I am now.

Sidenote - when we randomly hug in the kitchen and he touches my breast for more the 15 seconds, he is starting to get hard. So that kinda makes me thinks he is still turned on by me.

Should I be worried or is my girl brain, just girl braining?

I’m a 29 year old male, and I’ve been struggling with insecurity for as long as I can remember.
I was bullied in school and went through some difficult experiences during my childhood. I feel like those experiences have affected my confidence and the way I see myself, even today.
Because of my insecurities, I find it really hard to socialize with people. Even when I’m with a group of friends, I’m usually the quiet one who doesn’t talk much. Sometimes, I can’t even take a joke about myself and get offended very easily, even when I know they probably don’t mean any harm.
I’ve also never had a girlfriend. It’s not that I don’t want to be in a relationship, but I’ve never had the confidence to approach a girl. I always assume that she wouldn’t be interested in me anyway, so I don’t even try.
Over time, this has become a bigger problem. I’ve started isolating myself more and more, avoiding social situations, and sometimes feeling really depressed and lonely.
The worst part is that I don’t want to live like this. I want to be able to socialize, make connections, laugh at jokes without taking everything personally, and just enjoy life like everyone else seems to.
I know that a lot of this comes from my own insecurities, but I genuinely don’t know how to overcome them. I feel like I’ve spent so many years being this way that I don’t even know where to start changing.
I’d really appreciate any advice, especially from people who have been in a similar situation. I genuinely want to change and stop letting my insecurities control my life.

We’ve been dating for about 4 months, and we’ve talked about it and agreed we’re exclusive. Yesterday we spent the night together in another city and this morning I told him I love him.

He said “wow, really?” in kind of an ironic tone. When I said yes, he asked how I know I love him and I’m not just in love with him. I said I just feel it and asked why he's trying to downgrade my feelings. Then he joked, “do you love me more than your cat?” I said well, no, jokingly, and he said “see, you don’t love me.”

After that he went to the bathroom and sent me a meme from there: Marge looking unimpressed while Homer says “Haha, you love me.” I replied with a “guilty as charged” GIF... then nothing regarding that conversation, we checked out and he drove me home. He was kinda affectionate on the way and touched my hand a couple of times.

He just kept it playful. To be clear, I’m not expecting him to say it back if he’s not there yet. That’s completely okay. I just felt it, so I said it. What bothers me is how he reacted. He made jokes, then went to the bathroom and sent a meme instead of actually responding. It felt like he was avoiding the moment. He never said it back, and he also never said something simple like “I’m not there yet.”

I have a flight today and will be away for a week, so I won’t see him for a while and don’t know how to feel. He may come to take me to the airport, so we might get a chance to discuss this before I go, but I'm not sure if I should bring it up again.

**TL;DR:** Four months in, exclusive. I told my boyfriend “I love you” after a night away. He deflected with jokes (“wow, really?”, “do you love me more than your cat?”) and sent a Homer/Marge meme instead of responding, but was affectionate on the drive home. I don’t need him to say it back, but he never even said “I’m not there yet.” I’m flying out for a week and he may drive me to the airport. Should I bring it up again before I go, or let it sit?