Specifically Northwich Sauna, UK. I'm 35.

How do these places usually work? I've never done anything like this before so a bit overwhelmed by the idea, but very excited!

I'm a bit worried about cleanliness and the possibility of catching something to be honest. Not planning on full sex just yet, but perhaps oral if it feels right.

My bf and I are both in our early 30s, living together. I make quite a bit more than him (several times his income), mostly because I'm further along in my career.

He's still working towards getting qualified in his field and has been saving up for that, which I really respect.

Anyway, we both managed to get a few days off next month and I've been looking at taking a little trip somewhere. Nothing crazy, just a few days away together.

Thing is, I know he probably can't comfortably afford it right now without dipping into his savings, while I could pay for both of us without it being a big deal financially.

So I'm thinking of just paying for the whole thing. I genuinely want to, and I'd rather he keep saving towards his career than spend that money on a vacation.

But I guess I'm also wondering how other couples deal with this stuff long term. I already cover a larger share of our living expenses, which I'm fine with given the income difference, but I don't want to accidentally create a situation where I'm just expected to pay for everything.

He hasn't asked me to pay for the trip btw, it's just something I've been thinking about.

Am I overthinking this? How do you guys handle vacations and other bigger expenses when there's a pretty big income gap? Especially curious to hear from guys who've been on either side of it.

Hello everyone, I need help finding a gay or gay friendly doctor in S.E Michigan. My last 2 family physicians did not understand some of the issues I was going thru and made me feel quite weird and awkward about things. If you know any general practitioners or recommendations it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you ❤️ Feel free to DM me

I’ve recently started dating someone who’s new-ish to my country and has a different mother tongue than I do. He’s smart, kind, sweet and passionate and I’m optimistic about him even though it’s early. I’d like to work on learning his mother tongue (which seems like it won’t be too difficult because there are a variety of free and available options for studying it where I live), but I feel like in the meantime part of me wonders if we will be missing parts of each other. I speak a few other languages to varying degrees and know that I can only fully express myself emotionally in my mother tongue, regardless of how proficient I am in others, so I wonder how much of him I will be missing while his English improves (it’s still quite good but he’s learning and improving while living here) and while I work on learning his.

I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with this (on either side) and any recommendations for ensuring ways to make sure that I’m not missing any opportunities to get to know him better and build something while also being aware that there are both cultural and linguistic hurdles to overcome at this stage? Again, I know it’s early so I might be a bit naive but I’m hopeful and it seems like we really click.

Bonjour.

Je suis à la recherche d'un sexologue à Montréal. J'ai été bien surpris, la grande majorité des professionnels sont des femmes. Pourquoi ce déséquilibre?

Je suis gay et j'aimerais trouvé un sexologue qui soit gay aussi. Avez-vous des recommandations?

Ou un sexologue qui connait bien les enjeux du monde gay.

Merci pour votre attention.

I’ve been seeing a guy for the past month and things have been great. We have pretty good sexual chemistry but he mentioned that he wants to have sex more often and I agree. We do anal every now and again but mostly keep it to side play. He also mentioned that he wants me to be more dominant in bed. Now that I have a greenlight, I’m definitely going to take the lead, but if you have any tips on being a great dom top, send em my way please!

I also find my mind wandering during sex a lot. I definitely struggle with some performance anxiety and tend to get in my head about my performance, if I’ll stay hard etc. The other night we were doing side play and everything was fine. I even fucked him for a bit and was all good. He wanted to go do it in the shower and I lost my boner while waiting and couldn’t get it back. I felt bad. This has happened a couple times now and I don’t know why. He’s always kind about it, but I know bothers him.

I have a box full of quality leather gear. Jeans, chaps, harnesses, hoods, floggers….. the list goes on. I’m at that age (70) where I no longer vibe that way. Anyone uk based know where to get rid of them or donate for charity?

I'm genuinely tired of dating apps. It feels like finding a guy who's my type, who's a top, and who actually wants a serious relationship is an impossible combination sometimes.

I don't want endless talking stages, situationships, or someone who disappears the moment things get real. I want a guy who falls for me, puts in effort, is affectionate, and is actually looking for a life partner.

For gay guys who've found that kind of relationship, where did you meet? Please tell me there's life beyond dating apps.

A week ago, I asked for some advice on how to start putting myself out there, to make friends with men in my area. The responses were all great (thanks!), so I was ready to take the plunge. The easiest advice was to just get on the apps. I tried Scruff and got no bites, but I may just not have fully filled out the profile or something. I don't know. The next day, I tried Grindr, and started getting bites before I could even put my phone down. Yeah, it's a hookup app, but it allows you to say you're just looking for friends, so I tried.

Grindr was not what I was expecting, at all. As fresh meat, I expected some initial attention, but it's kind of intoxicating. Every single guy has been incredibly nice and respectful. I've been having a lot of fun chatting it up, and I am planning on meeting a couple of them (separately), for lunch.

1. My first question: I've been completely out of the social marketplace for quite some time, and never been with a man. I am a bit paranoid of what's out there. I'm pretty open and honest and my blind spot is expecting others to be the same. What are some of the pitfalls someone like me can expect to face out there?

2. My other question: The vast majority of guys I've been attracting have been quite young (Mid 20s to mid 30s). I've lived my life as the invisible man. I don't know that I'm attractive, but these men seem to like what they see. I feel like I should be guarded against these youngsters, but I'm attracted right back. What are some red flags I should look out for, specifically about young men who are into older men?

Thanks! You helped me out once, and I would appreciate your help again.

I’m curious about how DoxyPEP works when it comes to hooking up with different people within a short period of time.

Let’s say I hook up with someone and take 200 mg of DoxyPEP afterward, within the recommended 72-hour window. I understand that DoxyPEP significantly reduces the risk of getting certain bacterial STIs, particularly chlamydia and syphilis, but doesn’t guarantee protection.

My question is, how long should I wait before hooking up with someone new to minimize the risk of potentially passing something on to them?
For example, if I hook up with someone on Monday, take DoxyPEP afterward, and then hook up with a different guy on Wednesday or Thursday, could I unknowingly transmit an STI from the first encounter to the second person, even though I took DoxyPEP?
I’m not saying I have an STI or that either partner does. I’m just trying to be responsible and considerate of the next person’s sexual health. I’d feel terrible if I unknowingly exposed someone to something.
I know DoxyPEP isn’t 100% effective, especially against gonorrhea, and that some STIs take days or weeks to show up on tests.

On Friday I hookup with a guy. No fucking. Just oral and rimming and I came in his mouth.

Sunday. A guy and I fucked. He went in me but was too big so I fucked him for like a minute and he came pretty quick. We sucked each other and ate each other out. I came on my chest.

So my main question is: Does taking DoxyPEP after one hookup reduce the likelihood of passing a bacterial STI to a new partner a few days later? Or is there a recommended waiting period between partners to minimize that risk?

I’d appreciate any insight, especially from people familiar with DoxyPEP or sexual health.

I’d hate to pass anything to this new guy who I teally like. He is not my bf but we are in the very very early talking stage.

I’m a hypochondriac if you havent noticed but like to be careful

For the last 2 months I’ve been seeing this guy at least once a week - we’ve got the same days off and it’s been working out well to hang out despite the hour commute between us.
I’m mid-thirties, he’s mid-forties … he’s kind, silly, healthy, fairly communicative, and totally gorgeous. We kinda hit it off instantly - our conversations are fun and long lasting, the sex is incredible, and it’s just a cute, comfy connection with lots of chemistry cuz we’re such a similar vibe.
He’s been in several long term relationships, while I’ve mostly experienced quicker flings with a couple of them being deeper connections … but it’s been about a decade since I’ve really dated or felt the feels for someone like this.
I’m falling kinda hard kinda fast, and the way he talks in person & has prioritized spending time together, I sense that he feels similarly.
I’m trying not to get too excited bc I worry things could fizzle as quickly as they sparked, but I also feel hopeful that this could last & be something beautiful. We’ve talked about it & both feel a desire to pursue a monogamous relationship together, but it’s still early that I’m like … but will we?!

Not totally sure why I’m posting this other than to get it out of my head since I can’t stop thinking about him & our potential future …
But does anyone have any tips on how to navigate the overwhelm of an exciting new connection?
Could this be love, lust, infatuation, limerence, or am I just too in my head like usual!? 😝

Hi everyone!

My boyfriend (30M) and I (35M) have been together for five months. We met on Tinder, and from day one, we were both looking for something long-term and monogamous.

He’s kind, intelligent, and we share a lot of interests and ideas. Our sex life is also good. He’s my first boyfriend and my first sexual partner. Before me, he was mainly a bottom, and I’m more comfortable topping, although I think I’m versatile and we’re both open to exploring different things together.

I know that he had a much more active sex life in the past. He was with several people and tried a lot of things. However, the person I see now is a calm, mature guy who seems genuinely interested in having a relaxed, serious relationship.

Soon after we met, we both deleted our dating apps and decided to be exclusive. We’ve had several conversations about our relationship since then, and we’re on the same page about not wanting an open relationship and wanting to focus on each other.

Regarding our sex life, he has told me that he’s open to exploring his more active side, but so far, he hasn’t shown much enthusiasm about topping. Sometimes, I worry that I might not have the kind of “top energy” he wants. However, the feedback I get from him is positive, he seems to enjoy our sex life as much as I do, and we’re clearly attracted to each other!

We’re also both somewhat anxious about STIs, so we’re still taking PrEP and have agreed to reconsider it after about six months.

There’s also a bit of distance between us. He lives in a nearby town, about 30 minutes away by train, so we mostly see each other on weekends, although we sometimes meet during the week as well. He’s currently looking for a place in my town, and he might move here within the next month or two. We’re not planning to move in together, though.

So far, everything sounds pretty good. I have deep feelings for him, and I think I’m falling in love with him. We enjoy spending time together, help each other with everyday things, chat a lot on social media, and constantly send each other reels and other stuff.

However, there’s one thing that has been bothering me.

Over time, I’ve realized that he’s still in contact with some of his exes.

He isn’t hiding this from me. When I asked him about it, he told me that he still chats occasionally with his ex-boyfriend, with whom he was in a relationship for over a year.

He’s also still in contact with another guy he hooked up with a few times several years ago. They sometimes meet for a drink and catch up. Apparently, during their last meeting, my boyfriend mentioned me, and the other guy (who I think is around 50–60) said he’d love to meet me too!

I honestly don’t know how I should feel about all this.

I love my boyfriend, and I don’t want to lose him. I want to trust him, and I believe he wants the same kind of relationship that I do. At the same time, when I hear things like this, part of my brain starts worrying and connecting the dots: the distance between us, his more sexually active past, his insistence on continuing PrEP for now, and his ongoing contact with former partners.

I know that some of these things might be completely unrelated, and I’m not accusing him of doing anything wrong. But somehow, they all feed into my anxiety, and I find myself wondering whether I should be concerned.

So, I’m turning to you guys for some perspective.

How would you feel in my situation? Do you think staying in contact with exes and former hookups is perfectly normal in a committed relationship, or is it reasonable to feel a little uncomfortable about it? Am I overthinking this, or is there something worth discussing with him?

I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts and experiences. And if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

I’m 40 and currently in therapy partly to work on my attachment patterns and the way I behave in relationships. One thing my therapist mentioned is that chance of meeting someone is lower as we get older, hearing it has intensified an anxiety I already had about time running out.

I’ve never had the kind of long-term romantic partnership I hoped I would have by this age. I want some healthy, active years with someone — travelling together, exploring places, going out, having sex, building memories and enjoying a shared life before ageing and health inevitably make those things harder.

Don't get me wrong, illness and ageing can happen to any of us, and if someone I loved became ill later, I would definitely want to support them. However meeting someone very late can potentially means a major part of our life together is dominated by managing health issues, leaving limited time for exploring life.

People often tell me, “You can meet someone at any age,” which is true in principle. But meeting someone at 45, 50 or 60 isn’t identical to meeting someone at 25 or 30. Some experiences and years really are gone, and I think I’m grieving that while also becoming anxious about how many active years are left.

At the same time, I don’t want that fear to push me into desperation, make me abandon every filter I have, and accept a relationship simply because someone is available. Part of what I’m trying to understand in therapy is which preferences are genuine compatibility needs — things like self-care, emotional openness, capability of vulnerability , shared values and having some direction in life — and which might be unrealistic rigidity (height, muscles, career, style, financial competibility etc) that rule out people that are actually nice.

I’d especially like to hear from men who entered a meaningful relationship at 40+. How did you meet and how did it develop into a relationship, and did the relationship feel different from dating in your 20s or 30s? Did you date intentionally or did it evolve from a friendship...

Has anyone dealt with this combination of attachment work and age anxiety? How did you make peace with the years you missed without pretending time doesn’t matter, and without letting fear make your dating decisions for you?

In my early 30s, been single for 6 years (have been sort of on/off the apps since). I matched with this guy (23) a month ago. We've gone out a good amount of times since, & really like eachother. I'm shocked how mature he is & that he splits cost on our dates, even after I offer to pay. We both are homebody, but go out for dates, love the gym, gaming, foodies. He has kind of taken things slow, and we haven't had any intimacy outside of some kissing. Also, bedroom wise when we get there, will be way different then what u might expect. His 6ft, 140 Twink that is Dom top, I'm 6'2 285 beefy guy that is bottom but don't have much exp sex wise & never matched a Dom twink before, didn't know they existed.

- Any advice on navigating our age gap, the pace, or how to handle bedroom dynamics would be much appreciated :)

​Hey everyone!

​I’m looking for some advice on buying a silicone chastity cage, specifically on how to take measurements correctly to ensure a good fit.

​Just to clarify, I'm only planning to use it for short periods—strictly during play/intercourse (right beforehand), rather than wearing it long-term.

​If anyone has experience with this or has reliable brands available in Europe to recommend, I’d really appreciate it.

We are getting married next spring. The date is important to us and we have a plan in place for how we want it to go. Although we have a good amount saved we are nowhere near because it’s looking a lot more expensive than we initially expected. My parents offered to contribute some money, money they’ve already saved up for a while and would have only gone to a purpose like this.

However when my parents and I spoke I was honest and said that my partner might not be comfortable because his parents might not be able to contribute. Mostly because I was surprised at the amount. I then told my partner this and he got really angry and upset and said he doesn’t want the money and if it means we need to cut down and have a simple wedding below 10k than so be it.

I think the root cause is his dad is having some health issues that will affect whether he can work or not, so his parents are more strained right now and he’s stressed out about this. He has said it wasn’t my place to talk about their financial situation. Money in general has been a sensitive topic.

I apologized for overstepping and didn’t think it would lead to this at all because he has a great relationship with my parents, the week before he had a normal conversation with my mom about his dad. Meaning I don’t understand where this is all coming from. I told him not to make a decision like that just because he’s upset and we can keep discussing this later but the conversation went nowhere.

I don’t know what to do know and if we had both decided before this argument to cut down on costs it would have been a different conversation. Now I hate to think that if we do end up changing things drastically the whole day is tainted and I’ll always just remember that we had this huge argument that led to all this.

Hello all !

I’m looking for some advice. Long story short, I haven’t been sexuality active for about 15 years (bad breakup led to body image issues, and have also had tummy issues). But I’m overall doing much better and wanting to get back out there. I’ve recently started my whole life over and feel a bit of a hoe phase coming on, but I’m just not confident in being "clean".

I have toys that I’ve used a few times over the last few years and even after douching, there always seems to be some mess. (Sorry for the TMI). I take daily fiber supplements, and eat relatively well, but I’m just not confident about bottoming anymore. In my 20s I could pound some McDonalds, have a BM, and be good to go without any extra prep.

Do you have any tips or tricks that you can share, especially guys with tummy troubles, that put your mind at ease, or allow you to bottom with the confidence that there won’t be any messy issues ?

Thanks 🫶🏻

Edit : Thank you everyone for your responses ! I do take psyllium husk twice a day, but sounds like I maybe need to up the dosage. I’ll work on your tips and if all goes well, maybe I’ll see y’all at the sauna ! 😜

Hey,

I'm 42, American, and I guess I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my life.

The past few years have been difficult, to say the least. Ever since COVID, I've felt like I've been wandering through life without much direction. I went through several traumatic experiences, one after another, and somewhere along the way, I feel like I lost the person I used to be.

I used to be ambitious, driven, and excited about life. I had goals, dreams, and things I wanted to accomplish. But after everything that happened, it became harder and harder to find that same motivation. For a long time, I felt like I was just existing rather than actually living.

Recently, I came to Switzerland to visit family, and something unexpected happened.

For the first time in years, I've started feeling like my old self again.

I can't fully explain it. Maybe it's the change of scenery, being around family, or simply being somewhere I've always loved. I've always had a soft spot for Europe, but being here has reminded me of how much life still has to offer. I've found myself wanting to go out, explore, meet people, and actually plan for a future again.

And I don't want to lose that feeling.

So now I'm seriously considering relocating to Switzerland or Germany, although I'm open to other countries in the EU as well.

Professionally, my background is in operations management, supply chain, and logistics. I've spent years working in those fields, and I know I still have plenty to contribute. But trying to figure out how to get my foot in the door in a new country, especially as an American without EU citizenship, has been a little overwhelming.

I know starting over at 42 isn't the end of the world, but after spending so long feeling lost, taking that first step feels both exciting and terrifying.

I suppose I'm reaching out for a little perspective from other guys who've been through something similar.

Have any of you started over in your 40s, especially in another country? How did you navigate rebuilding your career and finding your place again?

And for anyone living in Switzerland, Germany, or elsewhere in Europe, I'd genuinely appreciate any advice on navigating the job market, making professional connections, or simply getting that first opportunity.

I'm not expecting anyone to hand me a job. I just feel like I've finally found a part of myself I thought I'd lost, and I'd really like to give this next chapter of my life a chance.

Thanks for reading, peeps. I appreciate any advice or experiences you're willing to share.

A few days ago, I found out that my fiancé had been watching porn regularly and had sometimes chosen to go to the bathroom and masturbate alone instead of being intimate with me. This hurt me, but we talked about it and agreed to incorporate porn into our sex life.
However, I also discovered that he had liked pictures and short videos of specific attractive guys on social media. For some reason, this bothers me differently from porn. Knowing that he found these particular men attractive has triggered something in me that I can’t quite explain.
The strange thing is that I also find other men attractive, and I understand that finding someone attractive doesn’t mean you love your partner any less. I don’t actually imagine my fiancé doing anything with these guys, but now I feel like I’m competing with them.
It’s started affecting our sex life. When my fiancé and I have sex, I automatically start thinking that he might be imagining one of those guys instead of me. I get in my head, feel pressured to compete with them, and lose my erection. Then my fiancé starts worrying that I’m thinking about someone else, too, and we end up trapped in this vicious cycle where we’re both anxious instead of enjoying being together.
I don’t want to control who he finds attractive, and I genuinely want to get past this. I love him, and I don’t want these thoughts to ruin our intimacy.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you stop feeling like you were competing with other men and learn to be present during sex again? Would talking through the details of what he liked about those guys help, or would that just make me obsess over it more?

Just need to vent. After a depressive episode.. I got very drunk on Friday night for the first time in about 5 years. Met a guy (friend sort of). We messed around, mostly oral.
I (think) we tried anal but it didn’t work cause no lube.

I was the (failed?) top.

I asked him the next day and he just said that we “tried” but we had no lube so didn’t continue. I don’t know if that means it went in a little or what. I have no further memories and no memories of penetration tbh. I didn’t want to probe him further.. figuratively or otherwise.

Anyway. 60 hours later I took my first pep tabs.

I guess I want to vent because my health anxiety is so debilitating that I’ve got on these drugs that I probably don’t even need. Even the doc said she’d prescribe them to put my mind at ease.

Now my brain can’t let go of the fact it’s been 60 hours… which is late. Right?

Maybe I need an SSRI rather than PEP.. at any rate. I’ll finish the regime and get on PrEP.

Words of wisdom appreciated regarding SSRIs or PEP. Peace ✌️

I'm struggling a bit here, I'll be blunt. I've done all kinds of kinky sex with various guys over my years of living but it's never been more than a few instances and honestly on the shallow end of things

I'd like to focus on exploring this more, especially as I've recently moved to Chicago (from north Carolina which is... Not a great kink scene). Thing is, idk where to start here. I know of the eagle as a bar, I know of recon as an app, I've subbed and dommed before but... I wanna get truly serious on learning more and becoming better at both and idk a good poiny to start

So, any advice welcome and appreciated whether general or Chicago specific 🙏🙏🙏

I remember going to university, being out for the first time, thinking I'd find a boyfriend, but it never happened. I moved back home to a small town after and wasted the prime years of my life taking care of sick family members. I woke up the other day and realised that I'm 39, I still feel like a child, I've never dated anyone, and I still yearn for that carefree youthful relationship that people experience. It's such a depressing place to be in, and I wonder if I'm just deluding myself that I still might magically find someone or if I'm just going to remain alone forever.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (32M) have been dating for a year and a half now. We're happy, we have an active social life, sex life, independent hobbies, joint hobbies, pretty good careers, and we support each other. Our families love us and everything is great on paper

I should be fucking in ecstasy right now because this is everything I wanted in life but I feel like I'm not happier. I wake up and I'm still me

When I finally came out, I thought I could be free and live life how I want. But now that I have that, it's just the same.

I assume this is just life, but is this what happens? You achieve what you want, decide you're not happy, want more, and this is how you end up married, with kids and you're just striving for more always?