I'm 29 from Chennai,India. I am autistic, and honestly, I'm scared of what my future holds. I've been trying to stay positive, telling myself that things will eventually get better and that I shouldn't worry too much about situations beyond my control. But no matter how much I try, I keep falling back into anxiety, fear, and uncertainty.
I don't know where my life is heading anymore.
My job situation is uncertain because I'm a contractual employee. I don't know what will happen to my employment, whether I'll find something stable, or how I'll manage financially if things don't work out. The thought of having to start over without any guarantee of stability genuinely frightens me.
My personal life isn't where I hoped it would be either. I'm struggling with loneliness, and I wish I had someone with whom I could share my worries, happiness, and everyday experiences. I want companionship, emotional support, and a sense of belonging. But sometimes these things feel so distant that I wonder whether my situation will ever change.
Being autistic makes dealing with uncertainty particularly difficult for me. I tend to overthink situations, imagine different possibilities, and worry about things that haven't even happened yet. I know that not every negative possibility will become reality, but knowing that doesn't automatically make my anxiety disappear. Sometimes my mind just refuses to settle down.
What frustrates me the most is that I genuinely tried to be positive. I've tried reminding myself of the things I've managed to accomplish, focusing on the present, and hoping that the future might be better. But when I look at the uncertainty surrounding my career, personal life, and relationships, I find it difficult to hold on to that optimism.
I'm not expecting a perfect life. I just want some stability, a secure job, meaningful relationships, and the feeling that I have a future worth looking forward to. I don't think those are unreasonable things to want.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I think about getting older while important parts of my life remain unresolved. I see time moving forward, but I don't feel like my life is progressing in the way I hoped. It scares me to think about where I'll be in another few years if things remain the same.
And I'm exhausted from constantly trying to reassure myself that everything will be okay when I genuinely don't know whether it will be.
I'm not writing this because I want people to tell me to think positively or stop worrying. I've already tried doing that. I'm writing this because I'm afraid, emotionally exhausted, and tired of pretending that I have everything under control.
I want to believe that my future will be better than my present. But right now, fear is louder than hope, and I don't know how to quiet it.