is there anyone else who is on a cto for their ed. mine is so harsh and i live in fear every single day. i haven’t felt an ounce of peace or happiness for months and i just found out today that they breached me a fortnight ago without even telling me. i can’t keep living like this with the threat of being sent back to the most abusive psych ward in australia for doing absolutely nothing wrong😖
i wish i wasn’t so alone in this. i feel like im being treated as if im just a number, or just a piece of paper. no one cares that this thing is consuming my life and any chance i could have had at gained and peace and being a normal 23 year old. i just can’t take it anymore.
is there anyone else out there going through the same thing…?

Hello everyone! I am a doctoral researcher at the University of Oxford, currently recruiting participants for a research study, looking at the nature of social anxiety and camouflaging in Anorexia and/or Autism.

We are looking for women, aged 16+:

• With a diagnosis of anorexia (with or without autism).

OR

• Healthy volunteers with no history of an eating disorder, autism, social anxiety or other serious mental health condition.

We would be so grateful for any participants! Please follow the link to take part. Thank you so much in advance.

https://oxfordxpsy.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3xvKoOH3JuM0Owe

I’m trying to apply as I have had my driving licence revoked due to low BMI. I was wondering if anyone else had success in applying?

I need advice. 4 days into my Holiday, where I was going to finally stop giving a shit, I've not done it. I've done well - solid surplus each day and I've eaten multiple sweet treats a day, , but I'm still opting for plenty of "safer foods" and certain rules about how I eat the more treaty foods. Today on track for alot more though (just not had dinner yet) Also the thoughts about food and tracking is unbearable and almost ruining my Holiday, help!!!.

Just for a tad context I'm 16, a healthy weight but no period yet. Decently recovered from a restrictive ed but definitely not "free with food yet ". I'm trying to get there but who knows lol

Hello, friends.

Just passing through. I'll probably delete this. It seems crazy the way I feel. I'm thinking I'll throw it into the void of reddit and see if any of you food hooligans can validate my alarm clock thoughts.

6 years since the big house stay. I'm doing alright. The thoughts and compulsions are dramatically reduced. Life is good. Great friends. Great career. The ability to afford mental health services that help keep it that way (blessed up). For the most part, I like the way my body looks. 6 years ago I wouldn't recognize myself as I sit here today, spilling my soul out to you beautiful food goblins.

So why do I miss it. It seems like my brain must be dissolving as I type that but. I do. I do miss it.

The thing that I miss the most. Really, the only thing I truly miss, is the delusion. My mental illness meter is rising with every word I type, but, it is true.

I miss rolling my eyes when people told me I had a problem. I miss telling myself I'll stop after x amount and thinking that it was true. I miss thinking there was nothing wrong with not counting my exercise calories while doing the exercise routine of a Lance Armstrong wanna be.

I miss the ability to trust myself completely. Even though I was dead(ly) wrong. It still felt so much better than questioning myself what seems like all the time.

Am I really not hungry or am I avoiding eating? Do I want to go for a run or am I trying to burn off calories? Am I weighing myself as an compulsion? Am I body checking? Am I slipping?

Every. Day.

I am way healthier and much happier now. Even with all the progress I still don't trust myself. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. It makes me miss when I did trust myself. Even though, at the time, I was the last person I should have trusted.

If you made it this far, thank you for indulging in my mental illness manifesto. I'm on the verge of tears writing this. Hopefully, none of you relate.

God speed my foodie queens.

Hello everyone! I am a doctoral researcher at the University of Oxford, currently recruiting participants for a research study, looking at the nature of social anxiety and camouflaging in Anorexia and/or Autism.

We are looking for women, aged 16+:

• With a diagnosis of anorexia (with or without autism).

OR

• Healthy volunteers with no history of an eating disorder, autism, social anxiety or other serious mental health condition.

We would be so grateful for any participants! Please follow the link to take part. Thank you so much in advance.

https://oxfordxpsy.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3xvKoOH3JuM0Owe

Are there actually any good units in the UK?!

its been the weirdest thing, i can eat almost anything relatively guilt free, i dont count calories, the scale broke a while back and i haven’t gotten it replaced, i dont measure, if i wasnt worried i might relapse if i did it i‘ve even considered getting rid of my low weight photos

fuck i even eat breakfast, but for some reason no matter how hard i try every time my friends offer me snacks during lunch i cant say yes

even when i want it, even when i know i’ll go home and eat the exact same thing, even when ive prepped myself mentally and said i would today, i can’t eat in front of them either and i dont know why, i have to go sit out in the sun to eat away from them and get all sweaty whenever i do bring in a packed lunch

it’s been bugging me bad, it’s like the only behavior thats not gone away but gotten worse in recovery, its weird because in the throws of my disorder i did eat and drink in front of them?

now it feels like such an impossible anxiety inducing thing and i can’t wrack my brain as to why this is my kind in the sand of all things, they’ve put up with my shit for a long time and i can’t just eat a dumb cookie in front of them to put their concerns to rest, they have no reason to trust that no i really am all better just conveniently only when you arent around

if anyone’s gone through this too and gotten over it please do share cuz im at a loss

Hey, I just wanted to ask, what was the tastiest thing you ate in recovery? For me it was peanut butter at a breakfast :)

Bacon cheeseburger. Amongst my top tier favorite foods. I have uttered the words, (shamelessly) "fuck me up Daddy" directly to a bacon double cheeseburger on a pretzel bun with waffle fries on the side.

Take that, anorexia.