r/weddingshaming • u/CrunchyZombie4909 • 6d ago
Disaster The ceremony is 2 hours from the reception/hotel
And the only transportation being provided is from the hotel to the reception, which is about 10 mins from the hotel. Oh and the hotel block sold out before most people even received Save the Dates so the majority of guests will have to transport themselves either to the hotel with the shuttle or to the reception. There are over 200 people invited to this wedding.
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u/CrunchyZombie4909 6d ago
To be fair, the church where the ceremony is is where the bride's mother and all her aunts got married so I totally understand that part. Why they couldn't just have the reception near the church is beyond me
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u/McBurger 5d ago
Venues that can accommodate 200+ aren’t always super common depending on the area
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u/CrunchyZombie4909 5d ago
That's fine but at least provide transportation for your guests, especially for those flying in
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u/mybreakfastiscold 6d ago
Whats so special about the bride and groom? This is ridiculous
Driving from Philly to NYC is an hour and a half. Milwaukee to Chicago is an hour and 45. Wtf does this wedding party think they are asking people to drive 2 hours mid-wedding!!?
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u/Disenchanted2 6d ago
Why do people attend these horrible weddings that I read about on here?
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u/Frillback 5d ago
It was a good friend of mine. I'm glad I showed up to support her. Her wedding was beautiful. Unfortunately I don't have a car (I live in a walkable city) so it was out of the way to go to her wedding and reception that were hours apart in a rural area. Then I invite her to my wedding. She tells me she cannot come because her husband doesn't want her to. Needless to say our friendship is over.
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u/PartyPorpoise 6d ago
If it’s a close relative or friend, not going to their wedding can cause drama.
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u/ickiedoodoo 1d ago
exactly. Everyone here keeps repeating "it's an invitation, not a summons" but there can be social consequences to saying no without so really good reason.
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u/BigDaddydanpri 6d ago
Daughters wedding reception was 30 minutes from hotel but we rented two coach touring buses to get everyone home safe and sound so they could enjoy a little more without thinking g of drinking/driving.
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u/finny_d420 6d ago
RSVP No exists for a reason. No one has to do anything. I bet a shuttle service would appear if 150 people said that's a "No for me dawg".
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u/fancigirl25 6d ago
An invitation is NOT a subpoena. Just decline.
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u/Shyanne_wyoming_ 6d ago
I have to make this my mantra for invitations to regular ass gatherings that I really don't want to go to, but guilt myself into attending. Sometimes it really feels like I will be tried in a court of law if I don't commit to going to something😅
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u/FinalMidnight 6d ago
Skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. I normally try to avoid this, but if there’s that big of a distance between the two I don’t think it would be rude. Plus with 200 people no one will probably even notice unless you’re exceptionally close with the bride and groom or someone from their immediate families.
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u/Traditional_Set_858 6d ago
That is crazy also because why would even the bride and groom want to have to travel 2 hours when it’s such a busy day for them? My fiance and I will have to travel 45 from where we’re getting ready to our church but we would never even do that for our guests (everything will be nearby for them (church ceremony and nearby taverna reception). A 2 hour travel on my wedding day would be hell for me no way would I put that on my guests lol
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u/potpurriround 6d ago
We purposely picked a venue where we could do all at one location because I didn’t want to deal with traveling. We’re also not religious, so that didn’t limit us.
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u/Same_Spirit_3642 4d ago
Friends of ours bought a farm in the middle of nowhere with dreams of it being a wedding venue. Renovated. No rooms to book overnights. The closest hotel is well over an hour away, no plan to provide coach services or contacts for shuttle provider. Its shocking that then plan didn’t work out and they now can’t sell it
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u/CrunchyZombie4909 4d ago
Thats such a shame because I feel like all-in-one venues that aren't hotels are having such a moment right now! I bet if they would've just added an inn or something where people can stay overnight, it would've been fairly successful
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u/Same_Spirit_3642 4d ago
💯. There were some other oversights but this was by far the biggest
They were warned, but it’s hard to tell “experts” anything. 🙄
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u/hereforlulziguess 3d ago
This seems like an obvious opporunity to set up "glamping" tents and make a truly all in one venue. Then again there is a wildly popular venue in my state that is 30 minutes from the nearest place to stay, and that's a bed and breakfast with like 12 rooms. Any real hotel is 45 minutes away. This is a rural area, so uber isn't an option. I guess it's "y'all driving drunk now" which now that I think about it is exactly on brand for Nebraska.
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u/NuggetQueen17 6d ago
Is there a Catholic gap? This is still wild to me but tell me they at least built in a lot of time between
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u/bashfulbrownie 6d ago
a lot of Hindu weddings are done like that. Auspicious timing is usually in the morning, so ceremony is 10am start (9am for groom's procession), long ceremony ending with lunch. break until cocktail hour or reception start at 6pm. everyone is expected to have 2 outfits, so it's a good break for a nap + getting ready again.
or at our wedding, a lot of our guests did pool/beach time + getting ready.29
u/NuggetQueen17 6d ago
This is so interesting! Thank you for sharing the cross cultural perspective :) It sounds a lot like my family's weddings--you get "church ready" for the ceremony but "evening ready" for the reception. Lots of outfit and makeup changes!
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u/bashfulbrownie 6d ago
ahhh, i had heard the term Catholic gap, but never experienced it. I didn't realize there would be outfit changes too. Thinking on it, makes sense. I'm sure most Catholic churches require conservative clothing, while reception outfits are more evening fun.
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u/Thedollymomna 5d ago
Hahaha. Thank you for this. Ok I’m 67. Raised Catholic. And I had never heard of the Catholic Gap. Immediately my mind went to….., you know??? What would a seemingly virgin (assumed but likely imaginary)couple need to do in a gap? Being old doesn’t prevent putting your head in the gutter 😜
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u/Oldfartmakeupguru 6d ago
We do not normally have outfit changes. That’s a recent development. My ceremony was at 2pm, reception close by at 5 pm. We did pictures after the ceremony.
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u/NuggetQueen17 6d ago
I know :) I am pointing out that I hope there is a natural time gap that would exist because I think this is insane planning
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u/tdavis726 6d ago
Hi, what’s a Catholic gap, please?
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u/glittersparklythings 6d ago
It is where people want a wedding at a church but an evening dinner reception. But most Catholic church’s won’t allowed weddings past a certain time due to Saturday evening Mass.
So the wedding might be at 2 over by 3. The reception starts at 6. And it is referred to as a Catholic gap. Or maybe cocktail hour at 5. Reception y 6. And some ceremonies are even earlier. At say noon or 1.
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u/tdavis726 6d ago
Thank you for explaining! 💐
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u/qwerty-game 6d ago
I have been to catholic weddings as early as 11am. I’ve even wore jeans to these ceremonies cause I would go home and get ready for the reception. No one is taking good pics of the guests at the ceremony. Many times people don’t even go to the ceremony, just the reception. I’ve been to some where the ceremony had 50 people of close friends and family but then the reception is 250.
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u/justcelia13 5d ago
This is so funny. I’m with you on the reception being the good part. A post somewhere above this one is folks complaining about being invited to the reception and not the intimate wedding part. Nuts.
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u/Butterfly_of_chaos 5d ago
Thank you for the explanation! My country is predominantly Catholic, but I've never heard of such a gap. But we start the party after the mass (or courthouse wedding, as we're not that religious any more) and just continue until late at night. 😂
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u/glittersparklythings 5d ago
Honestly there are quite a few Catholic weddings where the couple is not religious. But they tend to treat being Catholic like an ethnic group. Then I see posts about they had not idea that getting married in the Catholic church was so strict. It is probably the first time they set first in a church conformation and never really learned about the Catholic faith. They could not even tell you the name of the priest. But yet they are dead set on having a Catholic ceremony in a church they will never attend again.
Personally I find it rude and a bjg inconvenience. I see posts that say well you just check into the hotel or go find something to do. But let’s face it. Most people who need a hotel for the wedding check in the day before. As they need a space to get ready.
If you search here it any of the weddings subs for Catholic gap you will see plan of posts and comments.
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u/NuggetQueen17 6d ago
Like u/AwarenessVirtual4453 said, it's the span of time between a (typically Catholic) church service, where they only hold Saturday ceremonies in the morning/afternoon (iirc because after 4p Saturday would count for your weekly mass and weddings do NOT count), and the reception, often in the evening. For example my sibling's wedding mass was at 2, but the cocktail hour didn't start til 5 and full reception at 6
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u/SummerSnowWinterGlow 6d ago
Since wedding should not interfere with regular mass, usually a catholic wedding will take place in the early afternoon. Let’s say, 2:00pm, but typical cocktail hour/ reception will start around 5ish. After the wedding the couple, immediate family and bridal party will stay at the church for pictures, while the rest of the guests leave and to go the cocktail hour where the couple will meet them after.
I know people that just skip the ceremony and meets on the reception.
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u/AwarenessVirtual4453 6d ago
No, it's because you don't get to pick your ceremony time for Catholics. They're almost always in the morning. But people want evening receptions, so there's a gap.
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u/tdavis726 6d ago
That was not only inaccurate, but also unnecessarily crass.
ETA the “also” for clarity.
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u/CrunchyZombie4909 6d ago
There is about a 3 hour gap in between haha so here's hoping the ceremony doesn't run long and there's no traffic 🙏
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u/beergal621 6d ago
I hate the gap weddings.
It’s so selfish of the couple.
Hi come to ceremony at 1 or 2 but reception doesn’t start until 5. We want to take all the pictures and be there for the whole cocktail hour.
If bride and groom want to be there for cocktail hour they need to do a first a look and all pictures before
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u/BBMcBeadle 6d ago
Interesting… in my circles it’s totally normal to have a gap. You wear your church clothes to the church ceremony. (Not a new outfit, just a nice basic dress or slacks/blazer.) Then you go home, relax a bit, and change into the fancier outfit/hair/makeup for the reception.
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u/NuggetQueen17 6d ago
I feel like it really depends on your cultural/community norms! When it happens in my hometown the general reaction is like "sweet I don't have to have my hair or makeup together for church; I've got time to go home and get glam."
BUT when it's out of town--and it's always out of town for SOMEONE--it flat out stinks.
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u/GeneConscious5484 6d ago
Heh, I remember a post where someone going to a gap wedding was complaining "how on EARTH are people supposed to fill TWO WHOLE HOURS in the MIDDLE OF DOWNTOWN CHICAGO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?"
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u/NuggetQueen17 6d ago
I am so confident in this situation I would be the one who showed up an hour late to the reception because I went to Shedd or the Field Museum. User error for SURE to not know what to do there lmao
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u/whatshamilton 6d ago
Yes though if I were the bride in that situation I’d have also compiled a little list. A couple museums, tours, libraries if you just want to sit and be quiet
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 6d ago
We drink.
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u/GeneConscious5484 6d ago
Well yeah, but my point was that it's downtown fucking Chicago, just about anything that a human can imagine doing in an urban area can be done without leaving the zip code
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u/pabrocjb 5d ago
We went back to the hotel and took a nap between the church and the reception, but it was New Jersey.
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u/hereforlulziguess 3d ago
I've had a lot of reception-only weddings this season and people are showing up immediately after the ceremony and i'm like "sorry the reception doesn't start until 5:30." We're two blocks away from a historic district with restaurants, bars, and shops. Please go entertain yourselves instead of sitting on our benches for 2 hours ya weirdos.
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u/Lebuhdez 6d ago
It's usually because the ceremony is in a church and they have to do it when the church is available. Sometimes there are multiple ceremonies in the same day, so they can't all have a 4pm ceremony.
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u/beergal621 6d ago
Or or
Have the 2 pm ceremony, and then cocktail hour right after. Say 3-5 or 3:30 -5:30
Reception at 5 or 5:30 dinner at 6
It’s not that hard to be considerate of your guests
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u/ThrowawayUser1090 14h ago
I grew up Catholic and have experienced this so many times but never knew it had a name!
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u/TopWhich6862 6d ago
Catholics need to get over themselves with this bs. The church dictates the time of the wedding. Work around that or get married outside the church. Making people wait for hours is so uncool.
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u/Listen-to-Mom 6d ago
Most weddings with a gap that I’ve attended have an option where guests can go for light drinks and snacks before the reception officially starts. Some guests go to a local bar or restaurant in their own. Others skip the ceremony and attend just the rehearsal. If the couple wants to get married in a church, that’s their choice.
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u/TopWhich6862 6d ago
Exactly. Have your reception start in the afternoon. It's so rude how most seem to do it. I have been left with no water, no food, no anything during a multi hour gap with no real communication before. Told "reception to follow at (location)" and then got there and no cocktail hour, no food, no entering the reception room. The bridal party showed up hours later.
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u/Rich_Example7931 6d ago
there may be 200 people invited but there will definitely not be 200 people attending.
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u/No_Introduction_6746 6d ago
This happened to me once. The bride and groom married in a Sikh temple in our hometown, then had a reception at the San Francisco city hall. Yeah the drive was cumbersome but both the ceremony and reception were really, really nice and I had a great time overall.
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u/crazycatlady5000 5d ago
My friend did almost the opposite. Married at SF City Hall, reception in Napa. I don't even think I thought anything about the time gap at the time
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u/DizzyWalk9035 3d ago
Bay area events are always like this. Had to go from San Mateo (ceremony) to South City (party) one time and literally no one was from the area. We were so confused as to why they didn’t have the event where they actually lived, two hours away.
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u/No_Introduction_6746 3d ago
In our case the wedding ceremony was north of Sacramento! A long drive but the ceremony and reception were so grand. I haven’t thought about how long the drive was until I saw this Reddit post lol.
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u/sfmarketer64 6d ago
Reception at City Hall would be expensive
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u/No_Introduction_6746 6d ago
I’m sure it was! The wedding ceremony and reception were both very grand.
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u/hereforlulziguess 3d ago
I crashed a fancy tech company's holiday party at SF City Hall back in the day...i wouldn't really compain about this, especially since you can just make a weekend trip out of staying in SF.
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u/crunchypad 1d ago
To give some context on why this may happen. Reception is typically done by the grooms side, Sikh temple will where the bride lives. So with Sikh weddings, sometimes you’ll have things like a wedding in Central Valley (bride) and reception in the Bay Area (groom).
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u/AbsintheRedux 6d ago
I would not go, this is really ridiculous that the bride & groom chose a situation like this, this is definitely shameworthy
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u/Still-Enthusiasm9948 5d ago
I went to a wedding in the PNW where we (the wedding party and bride & groom) took a party bus two hours to a national park for the ceremony and then two hours back, with zero plans for dinner or a reception made after that. Other guests had to drive themselves there & back or figure out carpools. We all eventually ended up starving at the nearest casino buffet because that was the only thing open that late at night
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u/kristencelico 6d ago
Wow and I thought the church being an hour away from the reception for a wedding I went to last year was bad. No buses were available and it was such a hilly area ugh
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u/AussieGirl27 6d ago
Nope. I would pick one to go to, either the ceremony or the reception. To ask people to ferry themselves 2 hours back and forth is just ridiculous and entitled.
Stay home and do something enjoyable
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u/spaetzele 4d ago
All I have to say is that had better be one hell of a venue or people gonna be pissed.
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u/PansophicNostradamus 6d ago
RSVP “No” and send a gift in lieu of your presence. Don’t skimp, just don’t go.
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u/LiveMarionberry3694 5d ago
Our ceremony was like 20 minutes from the hotels and we still paid for a party bus to pick everyone up at both hotels
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u/extremedefault 4d ago
A friends wedding was in this secluded vineyard in the middle of no where, made us stay on site at the venue. The venue was a barebones vineyard so absolutely no kitchen or food. The welcome dinner was 30 mins drive away, there was absolutely no transportation, and we weren’t told in advance that we needed a car. We weren’t able to hitch a ride with one of the hotel staff who was leaving work, but was then just stranded without any way to get back to the hotel. It was a little town so there was no uber or taxis.
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u/toru_okada_4ever 2d ago
So is this wedding happening at a location where ALL the guests live far away? Do they have some kind of connection to the place where the reception is held or is it a random location?
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u/Dull-Complex6686 2d ago edited 2d ago
Sounds like most people will skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. That's what I would do. And if they have any guests that are big drinkers and go to the ceremony and have someone else driving them, they are going to be hammered by the time they make it to the reception. And even the ones that don't go to the ceremony and just go to the reception, guess what they're going to be doing while they wait for the reception to get started? Getting hammered! It makes no sense to have a ceremony and reception this far apart. The ceremony and reception really need to be at the same place if at all possible and if not, then they at least need to be within 10-15 minutes of each other. If they are 30 minutes or more away from each other, then a lot of people are probably only going to go to one or the other and most of those are going to go to the reception and not the ceremony because who really wants to sit through the ceremony anyway?
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u/PinkOrchidJoust 3h ago
That’s enough for me to decline unless it was the closest of friends or family.. and those ppl would never be so inconsiderate to plan a day like that.
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u/Tidaltoes 58m ago
we just got invited to a family member’s wedding… it’s 50 miles to drive to the ceremony location in another town. Then they want us to stay in a hotel there, and the next morning drive another 160 miles to the reception location, and stay overnight two nights there too. Then driving 150 miles back home. Supposedly a hundred people will be invited. I love them but I’m not looking forward to all that driving and the extra hotel costs.
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u/On_my_last_spoon 6d ago
Wait, are you saying that it is 2 hours to travel from the ceremony location to the reception? That’s crazy! I’d go to the reception then and not the ceremony