r/weddingshaming • u/Natural_Curve5818 • 8d ago
Monster-in-Law “When my daughter said she wanted to have the wedding in Florida [where she lives], I told her most of our family wouldn’t come” -Bride’s Mother
My now mother-in-law included this line in her toast. She threw a fit when we told her we were having the wedding in Florida, where we live. She wanted to have it in her small town in rural Illinois, a place I have no connection to. We literally went back and forth about this for months.
She went on to say that she was pleasantly surprised by how many of her family did show up and that she was glad they were all there. It almost sounded like a bit of an apology for all the fuss she made earlier but I still couldn’t believe she actually said that to the whole room!
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u/cakes28 8d ago
My mom did the same thing, insisted that no one would come if we held our wedding in the mid size city we’ve lived in for over 10 years. She even said “it’s traditional for the wedding to be held in the brides hometown.” Like what? I reminded her that we drove 12 hours for a family wedding and did she really think that our family wouldn’t do the same for us? It was such a stupid argument.
We ended up scrapping the big wedding and decided to go to Scotland, and funny enough, four of our close friends and my immediate family made the trip.
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u/lmyrs 8d ago
My childhood friend from our very tiny small town over an hour away from the nearest hotel had that exact conversation with her mother. She ended it pretty quickly by saying, "[City] is my hometown. [Smalltown] hasn't been my hometown since I was 18 years old." It hurt her mom's feelings for a moment, but it was necessary and she eventually got over it.
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u/Perky214 8d ago edited 7d ago
My husband and I eloped on the spur of the moment - and 8 months later we had an in-person convalidation ceremony in LA (where we were both stationed in the Navy).
My mother was super chapped about that, offered to pay for the wedding 100% in my hometown halfway across the country at a swanky place (so she could invite her friends and business associates). It would be a who’s who of my hometown - and none of our Navy buddies or our officiant (the base Catholic Chaplain) would be able to attend.
That was NOT the wedding either of us wanted.
Hubby and I wanted to invite our Navy buddies and have it at Fort MacArthur (a beautiful Air Force base overlooking the Port) which as active duty we got to use for free.
We put on a delightful wedding, everyone from my command and everyone he invited from his command came. The wedding was beautiful, with the tall purple flowers in the courtyard in bloom.
Both our sets of parents came, and Mom agreed it was a very nice wedding, even though she wished it had been back home.
Cost us $8000, but we bought our freedom.
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u/mirandarocks 8d ago
As someone who grew up in rural Illinois this tracks - and also - truth be told - we had to have a second wedding reception in my hometown b/c a lot of people wouldn't drive into the scary city for my wedding
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u/Stormy-Skyes 7d ago
Husband is from small town Illinois and we heard it too. I figured it was something to do with discomfort leaving their turf since one person spoke for the family like a week after we were engaged. I didn’t even have a date or anything but no one was going to come.
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u/Lola-Ugfuglio-Skumpy 7d ago
Small town Illinoisans are the worst. Signed, a Chicagoan (yeah I know, fight me)
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u/mirandarocks 7d ago
I've lived in chicago for 23 years moved to south Skokie last year- I will never fight a Chicagoan 😉
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u/jonesnori 7d ago
That is another option for this sort of situation. Not required, but if the places are really distant, and especially if there are people in both who can't travel, then it's nice if you can do a reception of some sort in the "home" town you didn't get married in. It doesn't have to be fancy.
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u/MeButNotMeToo 2d ago
It’s not just the scary city. It’s anyplace >45 mins away. Never mind a whole hour.
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u/cofffeegrrrl 8d ago
This would ease my heart a little because it shows she meant it and it was a real worry of hers vs just a manipulation tactic. Doesn't make up for how stressful it was (so much shitty behavior is people acting out when worried or anxious) but it's more forgivable than straight up saying whatever it takes to get her way. Hopefully she will learn from it. Congratulations on your (well-attended!) wedding!
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u/Natural_Curve5818 8d ago
I think it was her attempt at an apology, just very poorly worded
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u/cofffeegrrrl 8d ago
It's very kind of you to interpret it that way. I hope you guys are able to have an okay relationship moving forward.
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u/FamousOhioAppleHorn 7d ago
Yeah, I didn't see it as an apology myself. More like a catty way to show off "My DIL clearly isn't as smart as me. If you notice somebody didn't attend the wedding, Miss Know It All Bride is to blame. Bless her heart, I bet she'll do a bunch of tacky / incorrect things for years to come...Oh what, I'm just sharing a story! Excuse me for being a fun, social person! "
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u/Infinite-Life-10 5d ago
My immediate in-laws were great about the wedding. His aunts etc. didn't attend the ceremony because a) it wasn't Catholic b) it was about an hour away. They came to the reception but stormed out because one of them discovered a spot on her dress and swore it was from the low class venue. They'd been there maybe 15 minutes.
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u/ChocolateCoveredGold 5d ago
How thoughtful of them to remove the Drama Queens from your reception before they could cause any trouble!
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u/Acceptable-Target97 4d ago
So they were upset that the ceremony wasn’t catholic. They had to drive an hour. But came to the reception and left in 15 minutes. Sounds like a long way to go for a free meal. They probably got the spot by eating too fast so they could get out of there.
And do they go to mass regularly? Sounds like ceremonial Catholics. Weddings, baptisms, funerals.Sounds like the family now has a story to tell……. The trash took itself out.
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u/Infinite-Life-10 4d ago
They actually did go to mass regularly. Active in the church. I'm Episcopalian, so doomed to hell.
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u/Low-Ad7344 8d ago
My parents are convinced my family won’t show up because I’m getting married one hour away from my hometown.
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u/ohdearitsrichardiii 8d ago
She kinda said "I didn't think anyone cared enough about my daughter to make an effort for her wedding"
Ouch
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u/hibiscus_lilac 8d ago
This is why I want to elope
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u/DaisyDAdair 8d ago
This is why I eloped for my second wedding. We just skipped the fuck outta town and posted pics after. And I’m so glad. His family is out of town and would have bitched that they “couldn’t come” and somehow make it my fault and my own mother would make it all about here. We made it all about us and screw everyone else
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u/MartinisnMurder 8d ago
This is one of the many reasons that we eloped as well! My MIL was insisting that we get married down south in their hometown at her church. We had no intention of ever getting married in a church, neither of us are religious. She also loves to imply our marriage isn’t real because we didn’t get married in a church. We eloped in Greece and then spent the next two weeks traveling the Mediterranean.
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u/Reputation-Choice 3d ago
I am religious, and your MIL is unreasonable. I very much believe in being married in the faith, but it is the legal marriage license that makes a marriage "real". And this is not a poke at you for not being religious, but, since you are not, why would either of you have any kind of burning desire to be married in a church as your preferred venue? That's just silly.
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u/MalaysiaTeacher 8d ago
Because of a mildly awkward moment on which she was proven wrong? No need to deny yourself a day of celebration with your favourite people over that
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u/Lisitska 8d ago
We eloped and it was wonderful; we have been to weddings before and since, and have no regrets. And we saved all that money for a down payment on a house and avoided PMI. Eloping is not always a bad thing!
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u/hibiscus_lilac 8d ago
Don't think I'll ever have money for a house down payment but elopements seems so nice. I don't like my family very much and hate being the center of attention to being with.
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u/LadyOfTheAssMuncher 8d ago
It is amazing how many people have main character energy during a wedding
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u/Loose_Acanthaceae201 7d ago
There are exactly two people who get to be the main characters at the wedding, and they're the ones making the vows.
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u/crankgirl 7d ago
The exception to this is if they have a dog as a ring bearer.
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u/Serononin 5d ago
And that one couple from TikTok whose wedding was crashed by a stray cat (who they ended up adopting!)
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u/crankgirl 5d ago
How can a cat crash a wedding? They are entitled to be anywhere they choose at any given time. ;)
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u/kindlypogmothoin 6d ago
More people need to learn to just say, "Welp, we'll miss you, then!" and move on.
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u/LadyOfTheAssMuncher 6d ago
I had to do that when my bridesmaid dropped out. I rented a 5 bedroom venue for two nights for the wedding. I was willing to give her a private room Friday due to her one year old baby but not Saturday because I want people to crash there if they drink to much. I won't even have one on my own wedding night, which I am happy about. She lives 15 minutes away and agreed that is fine. She even made plans with her mom to take the baby 16 days later she is screaming at me that she needs her own room. She told my twin our mom is a hoe. She dropped because I wouldn't see her side. I said ok. Didn't argue. Im to old for this. By the way, I am paying close to $1000 for her to be in it. She didn't have to do anything but show up. Im to old for all that 🙄
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u/clutzycook 8d ago
This sounds like my wedding-planning adventures from over 20 years ago. We wanted to get married where we lived (Chicago suburbs); my parents wanted us to get married in my rural hometown 3 hours away. I was so close to just telling my husband, "screw it, let's elope and not invite everyone." We ended up getting married at this historic mansion that did events about halfway from both areas, so no one got what they wanted, LOL. But my mom would bring it up every so often for about a decade after, whenever anyone had their wedding in their respective hometowns.
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u/CrippleWitch 8d ago
What is it with mothers just complaining about non issue shit like that? I married in the front yard of my parents' home mostly for the fact that my dad would have struggled like hell to get to anywhere off the property (he was in a massive wheelchair due to his ALS that barely fit in the accessible van we had). We also did all the planning and left my parents out of it at their repeated insistence as they were obviously engrossed in doing home care stuff for my dad so my husband and I did all the planning, the set up, the tear down, everything. My mother's job was to literally find an outfit she liked and show up.
She STILL complains about the "stress" of my wedding and how grateful I should be for "all she did" in support of my wedding. I could have waved a magic wand and instantly teleported her and dad to a perfectly decorated manor with servants and anti gravity lifting chairs and she'd still find something to martyr herself over. Like, I couldn't even discuss where the flattest place to put the dance floor or if the chair rows should be 5x7 or 8 because it was "too stressful". Picking out my wedding dress on my own was a sad experience.
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u/qssung 8d ago
If I’d gotten married before my dad died, I would have shutdown their block for the reception and ceremony so my dad could have attended.
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u/CrippleWitch 8d ago
I was so happy we were able to have our wedding before my father passed. It was no hardship for us to have a small, backyard wedding so he felt comfortable and didn't have to struggle with transportation. I was even able to hire his favorite nurse to assist him the whole day so he didn't feel like someone had to split focus by taking care of him.
He passed away a month later and one of my most cherished memories was going to see him comfortable in his bed before my husband and I left for our wedding night. He held our hands and just instructed us to be happy and take care of each other.
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u/qssung 8d ago
I’m sorry your mom was a pill, but I’m so happy you had that time with your dad.
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u/CrippleWitch 8d ago
I try to give my mom grace as there's no handbook for dealing with the grief of watching your husband die of ALS while being his primary care giver. But yeah it definitely put a particular pall over my whole engagement and wedding. We got married three months after we got engaged specifically so my dad could be there (don't worry we'd already been together a decade so not exactly a rush haha). But I'd do to all over again since my dad being there meant the world to me.
Also me and the husband now have the best flex ever. Not only did we plan a wedding in three months, we then set it all up and tore it all down by ourselves. Efficient af haha.
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u/EcclecticMessWitch 8d ago
Jacob Henry Mansion? By chance??
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u/clutzycook 8d ago
Nope.
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u/WomanInQuestion 8d ago
She was probably expecting people to agree with her about how unexpected it was that anyone bothered to show up.
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u/1MorningLightMTN 7d ago
My mom started her toast with "I never imagined my daughter would marry.." Luckily I married into a wonderful family, hopefully your husband did too.
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u/LovetoRead25 6d ago
LOL. My MIL told me if we married at the University of Chicago on the south side of Chicago no one would come b/c their family and friends lived on the north side. I just wanted to elope because my family lived in another state Well his family and all their friends showed up and my father after reception gave me a check to pay for their good time. She’s been a pain in my backside for the 46 years we’ve been married.
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u/animus218 8d ago
We're just starting planning (second wedding for both of us) and i had to put my foot down on the guest list. He wanted to invite people who he's barely mentioned, hasn't talked to, and I've never met in the many years we've been together. Nope. Not doing it. I have house projects I want to finish. Our kids, parents, siblings, and one best friend, all allowed to bring partners. That's sufficient.
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u/jimsmythee 7d ago
My ex-fiancé’s mom and dad moved to a small, very small town in TX.
At the time we were going to get married, and we live in AZ. All of my family and friends live in AZ. All of her friends live in AZ.
Her mom and dad insisted we have the wedding in their town. “Because would be the best.” And have it in their backyard.
For that and 1000 other reasons, I broke off the engagement 9 months later.
She was never going to stop doing what her parents told her to do.
Later on she got married and they had the ceremony in her parent’s house. They divorced 8 years later and she moved back home.
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u/ClaimedBeauty 8d ago
At my wedding, my mother got up to give a toast and said “every gray hair on my head is from that girl right there, good luck, husband. I hope it lasts.”
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u/Crosswired2 8d ago
Why were you going back and forth with a MIL? That's weird. Your partner should have handled their mother and they shouldn't have needed a back and forth.
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u/Natural_Curve5818 8d ago
Because my MIL is used to getting her way and does not handle being told “no” very well
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u/LustfulEsme 8d ago
I have to know. What small town in Illinois?
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u/Stormy-Skyes 7d ago
I’m curious as well. My in-laws live in a small town in Illinois and I was also told that no one was going to want to travel to the wedding if it was in California where we are.
I mean, I’m not an idiot, I know traveling can be a hardship and I wouldn’t hold it against anyone. But maybe we should let the family speak for themselves?
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u/CelestialsMood 7d ago
Classic narcissist behavior. She couldn't just enjoy the wedding, she had to remind everyone that she initially doubted and threw a tantrum about their choices
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u/tenzindrolma 8d ago
Aww it actually sounds like she was being a good sport and self-deprecating about what she’d said about location. I hope you’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.
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u/Natural_Curve5818 8d ago
If it wasn’t for all the shit she put us through leading up to it, I would be a bit more sympathetic. But that’s what I’m hoping it was
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u/Madame_Kitsune98 8d ago
That sounds suspiciously like my MIL, who, 28 years later, is still really pissed off that I planned our wedding in my hometown, that I planned our wedding with my husband, my mother, and my friends, that I planned our wedding the way WE wanted it, and telling her bluntly that she could sit this one out if she was going to be rude.
But she also tried to tell me I wasn’t allowed to to have fresh flowers because they were a waste of her son’s money, and had a high speed come apart when I pointed out that it wasn’t his money, I had a job and it was MY money. She tried to tell me I wasn’t allowed to have my then-four year old as our flower girl, and I told her she wasn’t allowed an opinion on my kid at all. She tried to tell me my mother was not allowed to wear a black suit because SHE was wearing a black suit, and I told her that the mother of the BRIDE sets the tone for the mothers, not the mother of the groom, so she could feel free to sit this decision out, because if she kept it up, I would make sure she wasn’t allowed in the church because I was sick of her shit, and she’d already been mother of the bride twice…and I am my mother’s only daughter. She tried complaining to my husband, who told her she could wear something complimentary, and put a smile on her face, and keep her mouth shut around her unnecessary opinions, or she could keep creating unnecessary drama and no longer be welcome. But if she chose not to come to his only wedding, then he would choose not to see her anymore.
Every. Single. Wedding. Photo. With this woman. She has a bitch look on her face. So, I simply refuse to display any with her in them, which she hates. You had a simple instruction. You couldn’t do that. No photos of you will be on our family wall.
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u/rabbithasacat 7d ago
Yikes, glad the groom sided with you and not her. Marriage would have been doomed otherwise.
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u/Madame_Kitsune98 7d ago
That was why I said yes in the first place. He made it clear she was not running the show.
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u/kindlypogmothoin 6d ago
If ever the saying "The mother of the groom wears beige and keeps her mouth shut" was meant for someone, it was meant for her.
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u/Madame_Kitsune98 6d ago
True facts.
It’s been 28 years since we got married, and she is STILL bringing shit up to bitch about, and STILL getting mad when my husband shuts her down.
And he shuts her down for two reasons. One, she’s HIS mother, not mine, therefore she’s HIS problem. Two, I haven’t voluntarily spoken to this woman in about 13 years, and I don’t plan to do so if I can help it.
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u/maizeymae2020 5d ago
I would definitely be putting a blow up of her miserable face on my wall. That is too funny.
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 8d ago
I’m sure you know she’ll act like this about all kinds of things. Holidays, when are you gonna give her a grandbaby, how she should hear you’re pregnant first, how you should name baby her chosen name, etc etc etc…
I think you will need to learn to tell her no and please stop asking.
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u/Natural_Curve5818 8d ago
I have no problem with it. But for some reason, my wife is a chronic people pleaser who hates telling anyone something they don’t want to hear. I can’t imagine where she got that trait /s
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u/WerewolfCommercial26 8d ago
I agree, this doesn't sound like a negative comment, it sounds like she's thanking the family and recognizing them for working so hard to attend. I felt the same at my wedding, pleasantly surprised at all the out of town guests.
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u/ThatBarbGirl 8d ago
What an asshole. Glad you didn't let that stop you from having the wedding that you wanted!
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u/AssistantAgile5660 2d ago
Lol I wouldn't go bc it is on Floridea, and I don't want to give the state one CENT of my money
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u/fleetiebelle 8d ago
Florida's a vacation destination, unlike rural Illinois, so I bet a lot of the guests took the opportunity to make a trip of the occasion.