edit: people getting really lost in the sauce here. Wedding gifts are for the couple. OOP should gift the blanket, centered solely around the groom's niche interest, to him as a birthday or holiday gift.
I’m a crocheter and also agree that this isnt a fantastic wedding gift.
First of all, its huge. Its a queen blanket, intended to be used on a bed not as a throw on a couch or whatever. It will take up quite a bit of storage space if they choose not to use it on their bed or a guest bed.
Second of all, large crochet blankets are a bitch to clean. Even if its machine washable, because it is so large, once its wet it gets really heavy. A more delicate machine or a machine with a center agitator wont be able to take the weight of it. If they dont have a washer and dryer that can take the weight, they’ll have to take it to a laundromat to clean it, or hand wash it in the tub and hang it out to dry.
Thirdly, there was no mention that the SIL is into cards or magic in any way. So OP made a gift for their brother for the couples home that has a really specific aesthetic that can only be used in a few places in the home. Gifting someone a unique bedspread is fairly presumptuous in terms of interior decor.
Listen, I love making gifts for people. I make hats and sweaters and socks, I’ve even made blankets for people before. But I never have the handmade gift be the only gift (unless otherwise discussed). AND you have to accept that when you make something for someone without asking them for input first that they may not like or use what you make, and you have to be ok with that. Especially based on the photo provided, the yarn used and the quality of the project in general dont look to be “this is your only wedding gift” caliber. It was kind of OOP to do it, and a labor of love, but I think they need to listen to mom on this one.
Agreed. OOP needs to save this to gift brother at Christmas or his birthday.
A wedding gift is meant to be for the couple not centered around one half of the couple's niche interest.
OOP even says the yarn is cheap which means acrylic and not a nice feel to it. And they are assuming the couple will use it on their bed, presumptuous but even more reason to make it about them.
The only way this gift is wedding adjacent appropriate: the wedding is in Vegas and it's a bachelor party gift. And then they would have to deal with his buddies making fun of it. It's so awkward and embarrassing all around. I feel for everyone involved, there's no way someone's feelings won't be hurt.
It would make more sense to both have it as a birthday/wedding gift AND make it much smaller, something suitable for use when sitting on a couch or something like that.
My mom crocheted a huge queen bedspread in the 70's before I was born. It's made of some horrible dry scratchy shit called phentex, it's very durable & will outlive me. She wanted to donate it years ago but I wouldn't let her. It's beautiful as long as you don't rub up against it. It lives in the very back of the closet, it will probably still be there when I die.
My mom knitted me a few sweaters that were very cool to look at, not so cool to wear. I still have them because getting rid of them feels like I'm dishonoring her work and my memories of her. They will forever take up space in my closet but I don't care.
My husbands grandma knitted him socks. He says they don’t fit anymore. He wanted to donate them. I said absolutely not! Now they’re mine hehehe 😈 I loved this woman
Oh god my grandmother made phentex slippers for everyone all the time, she'd just whip a pair out whenever she was bored. She was also very much a "bare feet will make you sick" old person, even if it was 100 out. So if I stayed over and forgot socks...
I loved her to bits and miss her every day but god, the sensory NIGHTMARE that were those damn slippers.
I have some crochet blankets made of acrylic yarn my grandma made back in the 60s I think. They’re soft as anything no because we’ve used them over and over. So much so that I need to replace the satin trim on them, but they’ve been great utility blankets to keep in the closet as an extra for cold days or for kids to drag around when they want to have a picnic or build a fort or whatever. They age pretty nicely, lol.
I totally missed that it’s queen size. I was already concerned just thinking it was a throw. I can’t imagine wanting a card theme, black white and red bedroom. But maybe (hopefully) the bride also has this interest. I’m hoping, since she’s marrying a magician.
I read card magic as Magic The Gathering Cards 🤦🏻♀️
(Not that it makes it any better, but in my mind was less worse? IDK. Probably because I don't care much about card magic. Or MTG Cards. But they have some pretty cool illustrations).
OOP said in the crochet post that she is not into magic.
God, imagine. She's already marrying a magician, the most insufferable of performers, even from stand up comics' perspectives. "I was dating a magician..." is genuinely a common opening for women comics, and it's a laugh line on its own. So, she has to put up with him doing magic all the time and trying to be supportive. And then you also have to deal with a huge poorly-made, tacky blanket made by your annoying husband's well-meaning but un-self aware and inconsiderate sibling, and you have to not hurt anyone's feelings and figure out how to put that thing in your house that isn't insulting.\
he's not even "a magician," he "has an interest in card magic." That could mean anything. That could mean he likes going to a magic show every now and then. That could mean he enjoys shuffling cards as a fidget. That could mean he picked up one or two card tricks to show off at parties. That could bean he's a history nerd with a special interest in the history of magic. And now he'll have a queen-size bedspread patterned like a deck of playing cards.
Honestly, I feel like both the twins in this story have Main Character Syndrome. A novice crocheter convinced she is creating a $2000 work of art. And a magician.
I knit, and I was thinking similar things especially with how the OOP doesn't seem to include any of the SIL's interests.
I'm also a bit conflicted about the OOP's take on how much their gift is worth. On one hand, even with inexpensive yarn, assuming the finished product is well made, handmade blankets are expensive if you account for all costs. On the other hand, there's a reason why many people don't try to sell their crafted wares- the crafted wares are not worth the price.
A collection/ piece of artwork or anything else is only worth that much if there’s a market for it and someone is willing to pay.
My oldest child was eight when my husband and I met.
My MIL and SIL are actual, honest to god, money earning artists. My SIL made a painting as an engagement gift that at first just looks like a lovely study in shapes and swirls, but if you look closely you see it contains my, my husband’s, and our oldest’s names in all of our favorite colors. The colors all combine together at different points while still remaining entirely separate through the larger piece. She calls it “Family”. THAT is the kind of gift that could sell for money, though to us it’s priceless.
Very well said. I have a crochet throw that my friend's mom made for me for my birthday and while I absolutely adore it, I cannot easily wash it. It sits on the back of my couch so I can show it off but it's also kind of impractical.
Also my friend's mom has years of experience crocheting and it's very well made. The OOP appears not to have much experience and the quality (based on the one photo) leaves a lot to be desired unfortunately.
tbf crochet can be a bit like that sometimes, that something looks like ass until you do the next stage or it's joined to the rest of the project or whatever
I don't think that's what's happening in this case, but it's definitely a legit question in a crochet sub.
I crochet. I give advice on those subs under a different account. Granny squares should lay flat. OOP’s granny square looks absolutely shit and will not look any better joined to other fuck ass squares.
My aunt made us a beautiful quilt for our wedding. She's an expert at her craft, and I cried when I saw it. It's one of my prized possessions 20 years later.
I mean, it's possible for a homemade blanket to be an excellent wedding gift. But this is a huge yarn blanket with a theme most people are not going to choose for a bedroom. It's also going to be unwieldy.
Making a small throw version for his birthday is a much better choice.
Omg I just scrolled and saw the square! On the bright side I think there’s a good chance this project won’t get completed before the wedding date, or their squares will be so uneven she won’t be able to get them into a blanket shape…
She has to make/has made like 200 of these? are they all this shape? If she is almost done, and has over a hundred of these, are they all different? Even after blocking, I don't see how this is going to be square, or be able to be attached into a flat blanket. Yikes.
It reminds me of my earliest blanket attempts. They were very wonky. Worked great as baby blankets for my kids because they didn't care but boy were they unattractive. I didn't make a nice looking blanket until the third kid.
I had 15 years experience before I started my first wedding blanket. Ended up still getting the couple (wife is a lifelong friend) a gift off their registry because I didn't feel the blanket was nice enough.
As a knitter, I was fully on board with “not the asshole” because I know how much time it takes to do such a large project and the amount of money spent on good quality yarn (would have easily been several hundred dollars). Then I saw the “square” of cheap acrylic. That’s the sort of thing I made when I first started knitting that I threw out or unraveled.
Same. I’ve been crocheting for a couple years and know how much work and money can go into projects, especially a huge blanket. But then I saw the granny square they made and the yarn choice 😬
I would never dream of using cheap acrylic yarn for a WEDDING GIFT. I know nice yarn can get really pricey, I understand how fast that amounts to a ridiculous amount of money for something of such a large size but it’s a wedding gift!
If you REALLY want to make someone a blanket for their wedding then you’ll need to be comfortable with splurging on nice yarn.
Sorry to OOP but this just isn’t the nice gift they think it is. Maybe for a birthday but even then that wouldn’t be a great choice.
I got a crocheted blanket for my wedding. I don’t know where it is right now. I am sure she put a lot of time and effort into it but it is too big for the bed, doesn’t match anything and is too big display anyway and can’t be used as a throw on a couch. I like the colors well enough but it isn’t what I would have picked out. I feel bad giving it away and so I just stuck it in a box somewhere. I will probably find it when I clean out the closet. Time and effort is nice but knowing what your recipient would want and need is better.
Yeah, all the folks parroting “it’s the thought that counts” are just ignoring that if it’s a gift the recipients aren’t going to enjoy (and they won’t) then OP is essentially gifting them guilt and clutter.
Yep. If you are giving them something because you want to do it vs them actually desiring it then the thought really is "I don't care about you and this gift is about my wants" which is a pretty bad.
"because I know how much time it takes to do such a large project and the amount of money spent on good quality yarn" I am a knitter too. And to me, the amount of time and money going into such a project is a good reason NOT to do it as a gift, especially if unrequested (and probably not even if requested).
A gift like that comes with a huge amount of emotional pressure in the form of expectations that the giftee will leap about with joy, express undying gratitude, use and display the gift to everyone forever etc. Knitter and crocheters' groups are full of people expressing butthurt because their gifts didn't go down exactly as they expected or the recipient used it the wrong way or not enough etc.
Why can't the crocheter just make herself something, if she wants to make a blanket with a complex design?
Yeah, I have pretty firm rules for myself as a knitter/cross stitcher when it comes to gifting.
My sister and her fiancé asked me to cross stitch the table numbers for their wedding reception. It was the biggest project I’ve ever done. It took a year. But they asked, my sister paid for the materials, and she’s one of like 4 people on the planet I’d do that for. I had every intention of getting them a gift off their registry, but my sister has insisted I don’t.
I pretty much only gift knitted socks. They don’t take a ton of yarn so I can go higher quality, and I don’t have an expectation of ever seeing the recipient wear them. And even then, I pretty much only give them to close family members who I’m getting other gifts for and who I know will at least be like “cool socks.”
Yeah I don't want to be a hater, but I made a blanket for a good friend's wedding, and carefully selected a lovely wool/silk blend, because you know. It was for a wedding gift.
Yeah as a knitter and crocheter, my biggest peeves are
A) she probably still spent a couple hundred on this cheap yarn because she wanted to take on such a huge blanket when she could’ve gone for a higher quality afghan sized blanket at a similar or slightly higher price point.
B) she didn’t involve the couple. It DOES take so much time and effort, not everything has to be a surprise. Get an idea of their tastes or whether they’re down for the process at all, and make something that will go well for snuggling on a couch instead of covering their whole bed. It’s a wedding, they made a registry of expected gifts, this is not a “surprise” type of occasion.
C) she clearly has not honed in her craft well enough to be shooting for heirloom pieces, it is just inappropriate at her current skill level to try to make this a wedding gift. I mean, just being realistic here, I wouldn’t gift anyone something this heavy and bulky at this skill level without fear of it ultimately becoming a burden that they can’t even politely put it up on a shelf or in a closet very easily. It will always be out or in the way.
Regardless of time and money, it's 100% not an appropriate gift for the couple. I saw the original post, OPs comments re gift registry, their mom's opinion & sil were downright rude.
I was at the edge of my seat to see what the blanket would look like.
"Homemade crochet blanket" well that could go one of two ways.
"Card magic theme" maybe they're doing a MTG pixel blanket? Because that could still be thoughtful if well executed.
Wait
"Card magic theme" like playing cards, oh dear
"All granny squares" oh god
"Cheap acrylic yarn" lord help me
Final photo- jesus wept. Exactly what i was expecting and jesus is now sobbing.
I am saying all this as someone who learns crafts by starting with complex projects beyond my abilities. But you gotta know your limits & know that a wedding gift is typically not an "its the thought that counts" moment.
I made a full hylian shield out of granny squares and acrylic yarn! It was heavy and itchy, and I gave it as a “just because” gift to a friend who was into Zelda. For free, and with zero expectation of it being a beloved heirloom or anything because while cool, it’s just not the greatest blanket in the world. (This is before it was finished. I did sew it all together and weave in the tails, but still. Not wedding gift quality even when it was done)
Also, how much thought are they actually putting into it if a dozen people have tried to warn them that it’s a terrible gift and they continue to resist any and all advice?
Yes thank you. All of the “I would treasure it forever because it meant they were thinking of me, you people are so materialistic!” comments are just infuriating.
Like. No. OP has a fun new hobby. They want to do something nice, but mostly they want to do their hobby.
I crochet and have given crochet gifts. A playing card themed gift would not be something I’d give out. Especially not with cheap yarn (unless the yarn felt silky soft).
I come down on both sides. A gift that you've put hundreds of hours in should be appreciated for the massive effort alone. However, the OP is crazy if she thinks anyone in the world would pay "a couple grand" for a crocheted blanket. It's not a quilt, and every thrift store is teeming with unsold crocheted items.
Honestly one of the most important things that any crocheter/crafter needs to learn how to do is realistically assess their own capabilities. Me, I’m a self-taught, 22-year-old crocheter using Michaels yarn. I make pretty-but-uncomplicated throw blankets for myself and maybe the occasional baby blanket for a little cousin while I listen to podcasts. And y’know what? I’m OK with that. My yarn rectangles make me happy, and sometimes they help keep babies warm, and that’s just gravy. I’m not Queen Crafter and I don’t need to be. OP needs to do a little bit of that calculus. Is a queen-sized quilt in a playing-card pattern made with cheap yarn really going to be useful to their brother? Is it going to be comfortable? Is it going to be well-made? Is it something that the couple wants? Is it really appropriate for a wedding gift?
Yeah, and the big thing no one is bringing up is that the gift, even if it were made well, is all about her brother. It’s like the wife doesn’t even exist. How hurtful
I've been doing punch needle embroidery for a decade, and with punch needle you can sometimes get away with not using the best yarn. I dont even use cheap acrylic yarn on the useless, random little designs I do for fun, let alone a fucking wedding gift!
I think op is putting an hourly wage on their labor and multiplying that by how long they have spent on it. However, they are not accounting for the fact that 1.) their skill level is going to dramatically affect what they could theoretically charge and 2.) they are clearly a beginner, which also means they are slow.
I agree, I dont think it comes across as she "could actually sell it" for a few thousand dollars, but more that it is worth a few thousand in her labor. But, thats why hobby crafters dont sell their stuff.
For example, I'm knitting a pair of socks right now that will have taken me 50+ hours to make (very complicated pattern, really poorly written) and if we use my working hourly wage than they are nearly $2000 socks. Even at my states minimum wage, its only just shy of $1000 in labor. I am also, while by no means a professional or highly skilled, much more skilled at knitting than this person is at crochet. I would never, ever, ever dream of trying to sell these socks for even $150. The value is in the love and labor, not in the monetary value of the labor.
Even then, a hand-crocheted wool blanket is only worth what people will actually pay for it. I struggle to believe that there are many people out there willing to pay $2,000 for a crocheted blanket.
It’s not impossible for a really skilled crocheter using top-shelf materials and a complicated design to charge that much for a special commission, but that is pretty much the opposite of everything happening here. I commend the OOP’s ambition and sibling love, but they’re not ready to make a gift like this and it’s not suitable to the occasion.
Special commission, sure! I was talking about creating something unsolicited and expecting people to be lining up to buy it for two grand, which seems to be OOP’s expectation on how that would work.
That would go straight to goodwill for me. I’ve recently had to get rid of all my clothes/blankets with polyester/acrylic because it’s causing my eczema to get way worse. Everything is so much more breathable now!
Also the fact that multiple people keep telling OOP that this is a bad idea, including the groom's own mother, shows that people realise the groom is not going to be happy with this gift.
It's fine to give handmade/unusual gifts if you know the person will love them (I received a few along those lines myself, and loved them), but if multiple people who know the recipient are telling you that it's a bad idea, maybe put down the crochet hook and reconsider.
If one person tells me something I’m doing is a bad idea/tacky/distasteful, I might or might not consider it. If a person who cares about me and who I trust the judgment of tells me that, I would seriously stop and try to understand why they think that and whether they’re right. If SEVERAL people I care about had the exact same reaction and were very softly trying to talk me out of it like this, frankly my own opinion would stop mattering, because clearly whatever I’m doing is bad in a way I am blind to and need to at the very least understand before I try to move forward with it.
I do understand staring at a project for so long that you think “I’m a genius, this is a masterpiece, I had no idea I was this talented and everyone’s gonna love this” but crucially I also make a habit of taking a step back and not letting myself get so far up my own ass I refuse to hear other people out.
I mean if OOP is 12 years old then it’s great! Lol. Otherwise it’s..well..she should get something off the registry. I would feel so, so awkward unwrapping that in front of my new wife and entire family and having to fake a reaction.
Right? Like what if, against all odds, OP is right and their brother loves it? Then the new wife is stuck with this giant playing card blanket that is no way no how going to match any of the decor on HER bed.
I crochet myself and have made gifts for baby showers esp but they are always requested when I do. I also try to get a small item off the registry or a gift card also.
Why not ask their bedroom decor and make a blanket that matches their room? Or at least make this a throw in a smaller size then again a small gift card.
OP had a lot of options here and took the worst one.
My mom’s best friend (kind of a second mom to me) made me a quilt for my wedding and I use it every day. It’s one of my favorite things. The difference is that she has been quilting for forty years and is highly skilled. And the quality of the product she made is astounding.
I knit, crochet, and do other fiber arts. I regularly gift blankets to friends, mostly baby blankets for new babies. But I also get something small off the registry, as well as using high quality yarn in colors and patterns that make sense for everyone that will be using the item. And I also have been knitting and crocheting for twenty years, so I know what I’m doing. OP’s handiwork looks awful and the fact that they can’t identify the problem with the structure of their squares is really telling.
My moms gift (or well, one of them) was that she sewed my wedding dress for me. I'll cherish it for the rest of my life and hope my daughter can get married in it one day. Handcrafted gifts can be done beautifully indeed. Just wanted to share bc you getting so emotional about your aunt's quilt really warmed my heart <3
Yes, I've seen beautiful homemade quilts and crochet blankets that could easily become heirloom pieces. But there is a lot wrong with what OOP's doing with her blanket gift.
I'm a crocheter and love making blankets, however I have never made a blanket for someone that wasn't a request. I really feel like we are a society where everyone is drowning in stuff and we don't need to keep adding things that aren't wanted/needed. If a couple has a gift registry, then those are the things they need. Too often these blankets end up in landfill or taking up space in someone's house. It's a lovely gesture but it feels like this type of gift is more about the giver than the receiver. They are looking for praise for what they have made. Does the couple even want a blanket? Where would they put it? Will the giver be offended if they say they don't have the space for it? I love making things for people but if you are making something they dont want or need, all you are gifting them is an obligation.
That’s what I’m stuck on - in what way is this gift for the bride? Is the bride also interested in card magic? Is she partial to crocheted home goods?
I can easily see brother not caring that much about blankets, regardless of their theming, and SIL thinking it’s too kitschy to keep on display. And I can also see OOP being very upset that it has ended up stuffed into a storage closet.
What a plot twist if OOP got it wrong and the groom is actually interested in Magic Cards (MtG) instead of Card Magic and the gift doesn't work for neither of them.
That was my first thought until I saw the picture of the spade and everything went downhill.
I made a Pokemon blanket for my son and it sits on his sofa but he asked if it was possible. Sometimes he asks me if you were to make a large blanket without holes how much yarn would you need. That’s when I respond with several different ideas and ask what kind of yarn he was thinking about? He then sends me a picture of the yarn and another of the label with the yardage and fiber content. We figure out what he wants and I tell him how much I need. He then says I need it by such and such date. It’s usually several months in advance. It’s to be a gift for a friend who has coveted one of my son’s blankets.
He does have a closet full but he uses all of them. He has movie nights everyone has to bring either a covered dish, beverage, or item to be cooked and a large bowl. The bowl is for popcorn and the other items are for them to have dinner together. They all gather around the tv to watch movies each with one of the blankets from the closet. He’s not a child anymore, but he says it makes them remember the time before they had responsibilities. Each one has a specific blanket they like to use. So I’ve made duplicates in the color they want so they can have their own.
Storage closet is best-case scenario. I do not keep gifts that don’t suit my life and interests. I simply don’t have room in my home to make it an archive of misguided gifts. This would be in a thrift-store within months if someone gave it to me, and it would only take that long because I tend to put off running errands.
I remember this topic. The OP is making a card magic themed blanket for their brother’s wedding. Their brother does card magic, and OP admitted they don’t know if the bride likes it. So, this is a wedding gift for one person. This is what people took issue with.
Is the colour scheme something that they want as a queen sized blanket? I have gifted people homemade blankets that I consider ugly, but it's their colour scheme, and they loved it.
From the quality of the square (last slide) and her mom's reaction, I almost think she's given gifts like this before and it's one of those, they think the quality is superb but the giftee/family are too polite to say you suck at this craft.
There was another post here a long while back where I said craft gifters need to be careful because a good number of times it's more for the gifter's ego rather than the giftee's delight.
I agree with your sentiment, I love handmade gifts but you can't expect everyone to actually keep unrequested gifts "because it took a lot of time and effort to do".
In this case, I think the parents reaction say a lot about what the norm and culture is in this family and from how much they're trying to stop a trainwreck from happening it's pretty easy for the rest of us to realise that this prob won't be received well by the bride and groom.
This is way more about the giver making a point about what has value and what doesn't than actually considering the bride and groom.
Now, I DO see a lot of value in crafted gifts and I daily wear dresses my sister sews and feel wrapped in love every day and I know crafts are usually undervalued $$ wise - but give those gifts to those who appreciate them, not just those who has events soon.
Thank you. My MIL likes to crochet and what she makes is usually lovely but we have no use for it. So I'm drowning in random and very specific crocheted items.
I would have loved a crocheted blanket from my siblings for a wedding gift!
We asked for cash for our honeymoon and most people gave us that but some people gave us thoughtful sentimental gifts that I have treasured just as much.
Everyone was saying OOP was an asshole because the blanket was only made with their brother's interest in card magic. This is a wedding gift and the soon-to-be-wife of the brother has little to no interest in card magic. People said this would be a fantastic personal gift for a birthday but not great for a wedding celebrating two people.
I told her she was an AH. Not because of the handmade gift. Because she made a gift for her brother, not for the couple. Worse still, she made a home decor gift for the brother with a theme the SIL does not like and expects it to be prominently displayed in their living room.
The fact that she also doesn't seem to know what she's doing and everyone who has seen the blanket in person is trying to convince her it's not a great gift are just the gravy on top.
Devil’s advocate - I kinda think this isn’t an issue? I’d be thrilled if my SIL loved my husband enough to tailor a gift to this interests. Not everything has to benefit me personally. And I’m sure the other 50 gifts they get will be mutually beneficial. I’m just struggling to see the issue. Perhaps I’m the issue? 😂
I crocheted my sister a wedding blanket with her and her husbands favorite color even tho I’m not the biggest fan of the man it’s THEIR marriage and I wanted him to feel included. Her blatantly disregarding the bride feels exclusionary.
As a crocheter, it is rough 😬😬 where her spade is at the smallest, she should have trble crocheted to add the height to make the sides even, then as the width starts to increase again, she would decrease the stitch height from treble crochet, to double, then half double, then single crochet.
Because it is a giant, unwieldy, difficult to clean, blanket made only for the brother, by a beginner, with cheap materials, and with a taste level that many people will not appreciate. At any point it could have been improved on, but OP is insisting on only making it a certain way, despite everyone who sees it telling them not to, and that says a lot. They aren’t making it because they want to give the couple a beautiful, thoughtful gift. They’re making it because they want to. Even though it’s ugly, cheap, badly made, and too big and emotionally loaded to give away or easily store.
I crochet and I get why people were telling her not to do this. To me it's the type of blanket she was making. She wasn't making a nice neutral or cushy throw both people in the couple could use on the couch. She was making a card magic theme blanket for her brother specifically. That's a weird wedding gift. A really good birthday or Christmas gift though.
I say this as someone who loves homemade stuff and would love a crocheted blanket generally...does the wife to be like cards or card magic? Because tailoring the blanket solely to her sibling's interest is like buying a couple a basketball hoop when only one of them plays. It's an incredibly thoughtful sibling's gift; as a wedding gift, doubtful, since I feel like OP would have said if the bride had similar interests.
I feel like it would have been fantastic for a bachelor party gift. The OOP on that post confirmed the soon-to-be-wife had little to no interest in card magic in a comment, so it is entirely a gift for the brother. Which I think is still incredibly thoughtful, just not exactly a great wedding gift for the couple.
I've gifted cross stitched items to weddings (personalised towels with the couple names and wedding date; a framed wedding sampler). I did it to show my dedication and love to the couple. However, you can't expect people to understand the effort behind hand made items, and there's always the chance they might not like them. So in tnose occasions the items were always accompanied by money in an envelope, which was the actual gift.
I do embroidery and love gifting it with the wedding date and names. This was the last one I did and added the date in the middle after the wedding. Then framed it. But I always give it with a gift card or money too
This is also small. They can display it or not, but it doesnt take up a lot of space. I’m planning on making a small 4x6 painting as a housewarming gift for some friends soon - I know their decorating style is really minimal so I’m keeping it little and if I never see the painting again thats ok. A kitchy queen sized blanket this is not.
The difference is that you are actually skilled at embroidery, and that this design has broader appeal than a poorly done granny square with a really niche theme and weird colour scheme.
My friend made one for ours too. The difference between that and OOP is that the embroidery celebrates both people in the wedding and is also a memory of their wedding.
I also like gifting cross stitched stuff because they can reframe to their liking, or take out of the frame and store in very little space. Having it be smaller but personalized feels like a compromise. Also giving some cash or something off the registry.
Yeah, I'm a crocheter with over a decade of experience. The finished square in the last slide isn't awful in and of itself, but it's not nearly even enough to make a nice blanket. The completed project is going to look crappy. And on top of that, the cheap yarn will NOT feel nice. In general, I wouldn't gift a crochet blanket of this size for any occasion unless it was requested. (But I don't make blankets anyway, I prefer to make wearables.)
Be for real, the finished square in the last slide is awful. It's supposed to be a square and it doesn't have corners. I'm making a blanket with a similar pattern right now, and here's mine. I need to make 120-ish of these for a throw. They're making like 200. Of those. I really wish they'd shown the other suits, or the ones they've made so far, if they're almost done. How do you get that product and think "oh, this is going well"?
I'm from the Midwest, so "not nearly even enough to make a nice blanket" translates roughly to "dogshit" out here. Those eyes are a treat! Do you have a link to a pattern, by chance? I could be convinced to make a throw for my couch...
Ahaha, oh my gosh, that make so much sense now. A midwestern insult is a German compliment. :') This is the pattern, though I've made some modifications like adding a lash line. I also think there might be a mistake in round 5, or I am consistently reading something wrong. Thank you for the compliment! It's also for my couch, but I'm a certified weirdo. I would never gift something potentially tacky or weird to someone I was welcoming into my family... ouughgh the crushing awkwardness of this whole scenario
A friend of mine is crochet** a little head cover for me as a wedding gift (wedding was in June but she told me it would take time and she couldn’t attend so all good lol) and it is really lovely, we are all Jewish so it’s a nice item to wear for synagogue. She is making my husband a kippah. But it was a small wedding, no registry or gifts asked; and it’s something useful that I will very much appreciate. Our officiant who is also a friend bought a little cute box and then put the glass we broke inside, what is one of my favourite gifts ever even tho is a really small thing. Gifts like this can be awesome but it depends on the situation.
oof are yall not looking at the last pic? a really well-made and tasteful (ie. not about cards) blanket could totally be a good wedding gift, but this looks like cheap yarn and someone who doesnt really know what they’re doing :/
It is cheap yarn, the OOP admits that the "yarn was affordable." They're doing that thing where they put a high value on the blanket because of the labor, without really taking an objective look at their material and skill level.
To be fair, I just crocheted my brother a blanket for his wedding (a granny square one actually 😅) and after doing immense amounts of research, cheap yarn was my best bet. Machine washable, not super heavy or itchy. I planned on spending lots of money and still went with budget acrylic yarn. They like ghosts.
Based on the image of OP's square with the spade, and the comments from their family, they likely don't really yet have the skill level to execute the pattern they have their heart set on, so the choice of materials is sort of a "yes, and" type of thing. Ime, budget yarn is not super forgiving texture-wise.
This is very cute and well made! The yarn being cheap isn’t a big deal to me (you need a LOT of yarn for a blanket) but the last slide implies the blanket is not going to be well made
Yeah, I am honestly wondering if the comments everyone OOP has told are more from the not great crochet work and cheap materials, than they are from a handmade gift.
A luxurious crochet bedspread made from good quality yarn would be an excellent wedding gift- acrylic blanket made by someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing? Not so much.
Was getting mad because I made a granny square quilt crochet blanket for my grandpa and not only did it take 500$ in materials with tasteful cotton blend yarn but damn near took 200 hours of crocheting the squares, blocking them, weaving them, and then construction of the border. The end result is my proudest work and completely error-free
We got random, unsolicited, handmade gifts at our wedding from family members that were *kind* but are really not our style or anything we would have ever purchased for ourselves. I don’t think I would want a queen size crochet blanket, would his wife? It should be a birthday gift.
My cousin gifted me a knit shawl on my wedding day. The problem was that it’s sized for a toddler. And I’m a grown woman. So I’ve never used it, have had no use for it. It’s too small to even use as a scarf.
My husband’s older parents’ family friend gave us two random pieces of flannel… I was like wtf is this, apparently we’re meant to keep them on our bedside table to use as tissues. No thank you!
I crochet so I know the time and cost of it. Its not a cheap thing to do.
But, as someone getting married next month, if my future SIL gave us a blanket that was centered around my fiancés likes, it probably wouldnt be used. If it was neutral, yes it would.
I crochet too and am very concerned that op’s post from 1mo ago for a card-themed granny square looks absolutely terrible considering they’ve been working on it for a year at this point? I’m thinking it ain’t gonna be a nice crochet gift
The cheap yarn was a dead giveaway for me, but my grandmother knits, crochets, and sews so we grew up with handmade gifts and I learned the trade. Cheap yarn was for practice. It wasn't for gifts.
Even if the blanket was well-made, it doesn't sit right with me the fact that the gift is basically just for her brother. It doesn't look like she's taking into account her future sister-in-law's interests.
That's what I was thinking. If both of the couple liked cards, or if oop had somehow incorporated an interest of the bride into the blanket it would maybe be a different story, but as it is the oop just made a blanket for their brother and is saying it's for both of them. Should definitely keep it for brother's next birthday or something.
Does the brother have other card related decor in their house? Does his fiancée like card or hobby related decor? Are they the type of people to care about the aesthetics of their home? I’m just saying that while the thought is very lovely, it may not be recieved in the way you imagine. I would pick up on the cues your mom and friends are giving. If they’re unsure about this then they have an inclination that your brother and his fiancée wouldn’t either.
I remember when I picked up crocheting and started visiting related subs, I was a bit flabbergasted from all the people throwing tantrums over the fact that no one is praising them for their crocheted gifts, especially blankets. There would also be hundreds of comments bashing the giftee for not getting how they must appreciate these blankets because of how much efforts goes into making one (doesn't matter if it looks like shiet)...
I am sewing a king/queen sized quilt as a gift for my cousin’s wedding. Before I started, I asked if she wanted it. I told her that I hadn’t started yet so it was totally fine (no hard feelings at all!) if she didn’t want one. We discussed size, colors, patterns, and whether or not she wanted it to be a surprise. The cost of fabric is over $300 without even considering the hundreds of hours of labor that I am doing. I would not want to do all of this and spend all of that money without knowing that it is something that she wants.
Personal handmade gifts are something I greatly value, but they aren’t for everyone. Even for me, they need to be something I will actually like and use. (Perhaps slightly controversial - I don’t want a bunch of ugly, impractical crap I can’t use - no matter how much I may value the care and effort that went into making it. If you make me something that’s a colour I have never used or worn in my life, in a style very different than my taste… I feel like that wasn’t actually made with me in mind…)
It’s something all of us makers have to learn - not everyone will value your thing - that’s just the reality. Including me, I’ve definitely been the one breathlessly gifting my efforts to people who are just… baffled.
Honestly, OOP was definitely the AH. The gift was for themselves (for the joy of making it, the ego boost, creating an object showing their connection to their brother, or whatever). It’s not for, or about, the couple.
A gift that was only themed around one partners interest, meant for the couples shared bed… is super presumptuous imo. A love of cards also doesn’t necessarily translate to a love of giant card themed blankets. 🤷🏻♀️
OOP didn’t bother to check if the couple would appreciate a handmade gift, or if it was useful or practical for their lifestyle. Maybe the couple will love it, maybe they’ll be horrified, but the point is… OOP didn’t know or care either way.
From my limited knowledge of crochet and what others have said in this thread, OOP is attempting to do a project that is very much beyond them. It will not look good and is being made with poor and inadequate materials.
Consider it the equivalent of OOP making the couple a surprise multitiered elaborate wedding cake when all they have made is a few Bundt cakes with store bought mix.
From someone else’s comment the yarn is also very cheap and will fall apart after only a few washings and a heavy duty big washer and dryer will be needed to wash the blanket in the first place, which very well may necessitate a trip to a laundromat or some other inconvenience just to get the thing clean.
While I commend OOP for trying to do something handmade, they should do something on a smaller and perhaps simpler scale that reflects both of the couple. Perhaps a four square featuring the couple’s initials and two hearts? That way they could invest in better yarn and maybe frame it too.
As a crocheter of 17 years: I still don't think I'm talented enough at crocheting to crochet a queen-sized afghan as a wedding gift. And I use mostly acrylic yarn making things just for myself, but I'd definitely be using nicer yarn to make somebody's wedding gift. This would be a good gift if she was using nicer yarn and...you know... actually knew how to crochet. I don't understand how you could possibly think a granny square is supposed to look like that. No amount of blocking will fix that mess. 😭
I have a crochet blanket from my wedding made by one of my mom’s friends. It’s definitely Caron, but it’s nice that it’s washable and indestructible. It’s ivory and is a lovely pattern of complicated stitches and cables. So it’s a neutral color and sophisticated design and took a ton of work and mom’s friend was clearly very proficient. To get a gift from mom’s random friend that took forever is nuts when she could have bought towels or forks off the registry.
BUT what it’s not is poorly done, kitschy, loud, and made of granny squares.
To me, this is the big problem. My husband and i received a beautiful crochet throw from a friend for our wedding. But it was something we would both love, not something that was tailored to one of our interests.
That said, I still wouldn’t recommend a handmade wedding gift unless you’re completely sure that it’s going to delight the couple.
Yall, while this would be a GREAT birthday or Christmas gift, its supposed to be a wedding gift and is solely centered on one half of the couple getting married.
I cant say id be super personally hyped if my husbands family gifted "us" a league of legends blanket just bc my husband played a lot of league lol. Obviously id be supportive of the time and effort put into it but I cant say it would feel like something made for the both of us
(Disclaimer before yall come for me: I crochet myself and am over a year into making my own blanket, I know exactly how much time and effort is put into crochet blankets... which is why I would never make one as a gift without knowing color and material preferences 🤷♀️)
I don't crochet but I do other crafts, and if I was going to put that much time, effort, andonwy into a wedding gift, I'd want to make sure it was something that they would both enjoy. But I guess that's an unpopular opinion here lol
I got an absolutely gorgeous handmade quilt from my aunt. Much better than anything from the registry. But it was for both of us not themed to the interests of only one person.
It doesnt seem like OP has the skill to complete a blanket of this size before the wedding. After a certain age you have to start being realistic about your work quality when it comes to handmade gifts, no matter how much love you put into it.
Crocheting a blanket as a wedding gift is something I don't have an issue with.
The only thing that makes me pause is that they say they're doing a playing card motif because Ryan is interested in magic. What about Lexi? Is she going to be equally touched or is it going to feel like a gift for Ryan?
Exactly. People don't seem to get this. Wedding gift should be focused on bride and the groom. This gift is entirely focused on the groom and nothing for the bride.
Everyone here is concerned that the gift is more for her brother, but many gifts on a registry tend to favor only one of the couple. I listed a coffee maker but only my husband drinks coffee. I was excited about practical things like towels or appliances, but husband didn't care about those at all.
I think the bigger issue is whether or not the blanket suits the decor of the house. OP mentions it is queen size so is she expecting it to be prominently displayed on the bed?
With a registry gift that leans toward one part of the couple vs the other, it doesn't matter because they are saying we want this. It's not someone deciding for them.
A couple we know had camping gear on their registry even though only he camped. Thats fine because they put it on the registry. We were friends with him and chose to gift some of the camping gear for that reason. But we didn't choose camping gear for him. We ordered what he picked out.
if it were a christmas or birthday gift for just him, then it would be normal for us to do the selecting.
OOP has completely left future sister in-law out and has gone so far as to assume they will be using this on their bed. So even more reason they should be making it to fit both of their tastes. I simple neutral shade handmade blanket would have been a lovely gift.
OOP is also using cheap yarn.
I collect handmade afghans (including granny squares), blankets, and quilts. The materials are the difference between a comfy blanket and a scratchy one that never gets used. Cheap yarn is going to be uncomfortable and won't hold shape either. Likely why OOP is struggling to get the granny squares to lay flat.
OOP is also refusing to listen to anyone in their life saying this isn't the right time for such a gift, and won't listen to anyone on the aita post trying to explain it to them either.
I made my friends a quilt for their wedding, and I made sure to ask them both if they'd want that before I even got started with a design. It felt like the right thing to do before dedicating months of my life to making a gift.
I think this definitely depends on the relationship, the lifestyle of the couple, and the talent of the maker. When my sister and her husband got married, husband’s brother’s wife gave them a handmade quilt with a spooky/gothic theme.
On the surface that might seem like a terrible gift. But my sister’s husband was basically raised by his brother and SIL. SIL is a very talented artist/crafter. My sister and her husband and very funky/artsy/goth people, the kind who keep Halloween decorations up all year, collect skull art, and love horror movies and metal music. SIL spent over a year collecting fabrics that she knew would be meaningful/appreciated, including pieces cut from concert tees of their favorite metal bands.
In short, it was perfect for them, and basically everyone teared up when she presented it to them, because we knew them and we knew how much they’d love this.
They ended up hanging it on the wall in their apartment so everyone can see it. It’s right between the giant fuzzy spider and framed Friday the 13th poster 😊.
I disagree that just because someone put time and effort into something that it's inherently thoughtful. For one, everyone seems to really be doubting OP after seeing the blanket, and they mention the materials aren't expensive and that they're really tailoring it to the brother's interests.
Do they have crocheted blankets? Is it something OP has any evidence the couple would want? Because getting a poor quality blanket I don't like, regardless of intent, would not be my favorite thing. I'm not inherently against going off registry or homemade, but homemade isn't inherently good and it's not inherently thoughtful. It should still be something I'd actually want, or at the very least that takes up little room in my house in case I don't like it but feel bad getting rid of it.
Yeah, if the recipient has not specifically mentioned at some point that they would love a crocheted blanket, then you’d be better off spending the yarn money on something from their registry. Looking at the last picture posted, I’m picturing kind of crude card symbols in black, white and red. Is the new bride going to like it? Is it her taste? Wedding gifts are for both of them. Maybe save this and give it to him for Christmas.
My brother’s mother in law crocheted us a beautiful blanket for our wedding. I never even met her. It sits on our couch, and after 24 years, I still look at it fondly. A handmade gift from the heart that took a lot of time to make means a lot to me.
I feel like there's a big difference between a nice blanket intended for a shared couple vs a card deck themed blanket intended for the brother. I crochet and receive crochet and OP absolutely made a thing only the groom will enjoy unless the bride is hella into card based magic tricks.
This is definitely the issue. At our wedding people went off piste and bought non-registry stuff. It’s ok in theory but we now have a large wooden tray that just clutters my dining room and a huge blue vase that isn’t my taste at all, that similarly clutters my dining room. It cost them good money and it’s really not that appreciated. These were all from friends of my Dad too so they don’t even know me that well to know what I am into or my taste, and they had met my husband once or twice in total. Why would you risk it?
OPs blanket looks like it is going to be a bit tacky. If it’s what her brother is into that’s great and he may well love it, but as a wedding gift it might fall a bit flat.
The issue is that the design of the blanket was based solely on the groom's interests, so it wasn't really a gift for the couple. They should have picked a design that they would both enjoy
I think the issue is that it's a wedding gift for him and him alone. They have no idea if the future wife is into playing cards or anything else. They've not even bothered to ask if she is, or attempt to find a...theme meaningful to both—as per info in the comments.
So they decide on a gift that has nothing to do with the couple's wishes and nothing to do with the bride (who is 50%) of said couple and which isn't agreed upon with them? And OP is bad at crocheting? Yeah, No.
I don't think a handmade gift is inherently thoughtful. The skill of the blanket seems to be beyond the OOP's skill level, judging by their post asking for help with the pattern. They confirmed several times that they're using cheap yarn, so it's not going to feel that nice, in addition to not looking particularly nice, and then it's really just a gift for their brother and not at all acknowledging their new SIL. It seems strange to put so much effort into a gift and not acknowledge both the bride and the groom.
Because it’s entirely for her twin not the couple. People suggested it be a birthday or Christmas present. The OP confirmed that she didn’t think her future SIL was into the theme.
People also pointed out the incredible about of emotional baggage that comes with such a gift. Whether or not the couple like it, because it came from a sibling and involved so much work, they will be guilted into keeping it forever.
Also, the OP’s parents offered to give her cash (or gift card?) to give to the couple along side the blanket. The OP refused to do so.
The OP fit very much into the category of the present being all about her and not about the couple.
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u/elaina__rose 11d ago
I’m a crocheter and also agree that this isnt a fantastic wedding gift.
First of all, its huge. Its a queen blanket, intended to be used on a bed not as a throw on a couch or whatever. It will take up quite a bit of storage space if they choose not to use it on their bed or a guest bed.
Second of all, large crochet blankets are a bitch to clean. Even if its machine washable, because it is so large, once its wet it gets really heavy. A more delicate machine or a machine with a center agitator wont be able to take the weight of it. If they dont have a washer and dryer that can take the weight, they’ll have to take it to a laundromat to clean it, or hand wash it in the tub and hang it out to dry.
Thirdly, there was no mention that the SIL is into cards or magic in any way. So OP made a gift for their brother for the couples home that has a really specific aesthetic that can only be used in a few places in the home. Gifting someone a unique bedspread is fairly presumptuous in terms of interior decor.
Listen, I love making gifts for people. I make hats and sweaters and socks, I’ve even made blankets for people before. But I never have the handmade gift be the only gift (unless otherwise discussed). AND you have to accept that when you make something for someone without asking them for input first that they may not like or use what you make, and you have to be ok with that. Especially based on the photo provided, the yarn used and the quality of the project in general dont look to be “this is your only wedding gift” caliber. It was kind of OOP to do it, and a labor of love, but I think they need to listen to mom on this one.