r/weddingshaming • u/DrFunke74 • 18d ago
Bridezilla/Groomzilla Worst hosts ever - a wedding I’d rather forget
Relevant details: Bride (30F) and groom (28M), both from small Midwestern USA towns, lower-middle class. They had been living together several years by the wedding date.
The dress code: Maids required to purchase $250+ purple chiffon dress (and some up to $250 more for alterations). Boys wearing jeans, white button-down, and cowboy hat. Girls are up there looking like Grimace going to prom while the boys are going to drink Bud Light at a dive bar.
The bridesmaid “proposal”: One of the maids hired a pro photographer for college graduation to get pictures with her family. Bride CRASHED HER PHOTO SHOOT to do her bridesmaid proposal. Half her grad pictures are that. For context, we all met at community college and several of us graduated that day. I think bride thought it would be a good time since we were all together?????
The Shower: First off, can we as a society just quit it with this nonsense?? But NONE OF HER FAMILY threw a shower. She has two sisters, aunts, grandma. Groom has family, too. Sadly, both moms are deceased, but still plenty of family. Almost ALL local. So maids had to throw the shower, to which BRIDE INVITED 74 WOMEN! Almost every woman on the guest list was invited! Holy shit, we think, better get a big enough venue! Crap! Meanwhile, groom’s grandparents are retiring and moving cross-country. A few weeks before the shower, groom’s family announced the going-away party for Grama & Grampa is the same day as her shower 💀 Obviously none of groom’s side came. We had 15-20 guests outside the bridesmaids. It cost bridesmaids over $500 for her gift grab.
The bachelorette: Now, at this point you already know we had a multiple-day festival. Cost maids well over $300 each. Bride was irritating, to say the least, and did not contribute financially or otherwise.
The Wedding: A tragedy in Three Acts…
Act One: The Night Before. Air BNB rented, bridal party was “required” to stay the night before nuptials. Twelve people in 3 bedrooms with 2 bathrooms, and wedding the next day. Several party members got kicked out for refusing to come to BNB. Bride & groom had been there one night already and had bought a little food for themselves, but nothing for the wedding party. No fruit, sandwiches, snacks, not even drinks! One groomsman announced he was attending a concert in the city 30 min away that started at 11pm. Bride had total meltdown, locked herself in a room for an hour or so, meaning we were very late to rehearsal dinner. We didn’t end up eating until about 8pm.
Act Two: Wedding Day. For breakfast, the gals woke up to a pan full of heavily-seasoned, cold scrambled eggs and cold sausage links. The dudes had already left. For breakfast. At the venue, they say subs being delivered for lunch. We each got 6” sub - nothing else. Again, no snacks provided all freaking day and dinner was around 6pm! The guests, oh the guests. Not sure how many tables, but over 1/3 were empty, despite RSVPs! Bride picked fights with both her sisters. Bride was furious people not sitting in their assigned seats, but only gave assignments for first three tables.
Act Three: The Real Kick in the Pants
During vows, the couple revealed to their guests that they actually eloped more than a year earlier 😵 Some people actually knew (bridal party knew for sure). After that, nobody was real excited to be there. Like 5 people watched the bride/groom dance and the place cleared out pretty early.
There’s so much more to shame, but those are the highlights.
ETA clarification…
Other maids have not complained, or at least not that I heard. No drama amongst bridesmaids.
Another maid planned the shower. Why she didn’t censor the 74-person guest list, I have no idea. Also, in our area of the USA, family of the bride hosts bridal showers.
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u/partial_to_dreamers 18d ago
Most of my friends got married in their late twenties and early thirties. I was too awkward to make an objection to anything they asked for. Spent thousands on dresses, showers, destination bachelorettes. My brother got remarried and we are now in our forties. My future sister-in-law suggested having a combined bachelor and bachelorette sit down dinner, to the tune of 90+ people, with only the bridesmaids footing the bill. Absurd. I jumped into that group chat so quickly it even surprised me. I suggested the groomsmen should carry half the monetary load. We ended up doing a women only shower for 25 people. The only upside to being a 45 year-old bridesmaid, I was old enough not to be cowed into keeping my mouth shut. It was a beautiful event.
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u/RedneckDebutante 18d ago
I got married 30 years ago. Bachelor/ette parties included going bar-hopping around town for a night, then crashing at a hotel for the night. That's it. Nobody goes broke.
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
My wedding in 2000s was same way. That’s what I (stupidly) expected. I thought I’d buy a tacky $200 dress, attend a shower with $50 gift, and show up acting happy on wedding day.
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u/partial_to_dreamers 18d ago
Yes! I didn't even get married. Just doin the long-term thing. No one paid for shit and I didn't need them to. Happy to do local shenanigans, but no more far flung.
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u/RedneckDebutante 18d ago
These little girls lose track of the fact that they still have to see and talk to these people after the wedding. They're not going to suddenly develop amnesia.
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u/WingsAndWords_ 16d ago edited 16d ago
We got married in 1997. We married at the courthouse then went to France for a month, then had a small drop off catering cookout for those who could easily attend when we returned. I had Zero interest in planning a wedding. It would have been an incredible travel burden for most of our families and our longer term friends as we had moved to the opposite coast of most of them. The day before we married, I went horseback riding with some local friends we had made and my husband played golf with the guys then we all met at a basic restaurant and ate and socialized. I'm glad we're too old to be invited to be part of a wedding party because people have gotten ridiculous and I would decline. All I see anymore are couples wanting 5 parties and showers. 😬😂
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u/PopcornSurgeon 17d ago
That’s what I did in 2006. And I (the bride) paid for the hotel room, too.
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u/RedneckDebutante 17d ago
Yep, I paid for my girls' hair, makeup and jewelry, too. It wasn't their wedding, it was mine.
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u/Oldfartmakeupguru 17d ago
I got married 30 years ago as well, and I don’t drink so no bachelorette party for me. I also did my own makeup and had only 2 bridesmaids.
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u/RedneckDebutante 17d ago
I only had 3 bridesmaids. I paid for their hair and makeup and my mom made their dresses. We live un a small town, so our bachelorette ended up at the same place as the guys after a couple of hours. No big drinking, debauched night for us either. Especially because everybody did it the night before the wedding back then. That's one trend I'm glad is gone now.
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u/Overall-Actuary361 16d ago
Wow! So nice your mom made the dresses.
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u/RedneckDebutante 15d ago
And then years later I made my daughter's dress to wear as her flower girl when my mom got remarried. We were all broke kids right out of high school. Even my wedding dress was a hand-me-down from a cousin.
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u/Dull-Ticket5263 16d ago
I got married in my 40s not that long ago, had 2 bridesmaids, and a bar hopping/strip club bachelorette with 10 gals in a limo. We met at a fancier bar for snacks and a cocktail, but otherwise the whole night was lowkey and fairly cheap. I mean, we ate at In-n-Out burgers - that was literally my only request. We drank a lot in the limo so really only went to 3 bars (2 of them dive bars). I didn’t have a shower.
My husband’s friends generally don’t drink so my own guy friends (some husbands of my girl friends) took him out to one nice bar for his bachelor party. It was also super low key and honestly kind of gentlemanly.
I DO NOT understand the over the top bachelorette trip/vibe happening these days.
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u/RedneckDebutante 15d ago
I think these girl are being fueled with this social media nonsense that makes them think over-the-top is the norm rather than the exception. It doesn't help that many of them are young and have no concept of what things really cost or which tax bracket they or their families fall within.
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u/gnirpss 16d ago
I got married last month. This is what my friend organized for my bachelorette party, plus boozy brunch the next morning. It was perfect.
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u/Important-Round-9098 16d ago
My 1990 bachelor was a night out at the bar and going home to my own bed. Had a fun evening iin the city I lived in.
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u/SwordCrimson28 16d ago
OP said each bridesmaid paid $300 for the bachelorette. I feel like bar hopping and a hotel for one night might even cost more than that! There’s definitely the two sides of potential frustration - financial cost vs time cost.
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u/ChoreomaniacCat 17d ago
How can somebody feel so entitled to other people's money? Expecting a handful of her (presumably) closest friends to pay for 90 people's dinner, desserts and likely multiple alcoholic drinks/bottles of wine. That's another level of greed.
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u/Electronic-Hawk7463 16d ago
Yup, that ask would have me dropping out of the wedding party before you could blink
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
I’m old enough to know better, but never saw this coming from a quiet, humble, though immature, friend. I wanted to nope out so many times, but allowed another maid to convince me to do it for the bride bc I love her. I did that as long as I could. But after the shower fiasco I started getting mad.
Also, I wasn’t part of initial shower planning. Another maid was primarily in charge, so it was already out of control when I stepped in ;)
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u/Green-Journalist-649 16d ago
Some ppl are only in your life for a point in time and to be appreciated just for that. I'm pretty sure you're about to move on. No apologies required.
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u/jennamom2boys 17d ago
How long ago was the wedding? Are you still in touch with the bride?
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u/DrFunke74 17d ago
Recent. I texted about something trivial and it was fine. I am positive she has no clue that I’m angry or a concept of why. Literally the other maids are fine with it. I, on the other hand, have purple glitter smoke emitting from my ears! Ha!
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u/Afraid_Aspect_8639 16d ago
I don’t understand the discrepancy of the men and women. Also, in 1994 my sister in law also had ugly purple dresses.
The already being married for a year is crazy!
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u/Madame_Kitsune98 17d ago
My SIL was smart enough not to try to rope me into any “girls trip/bachelorette party” nonsense, because she knew damn well I would have flat out said no.
I’m not spending that kind of money to go do shit I really don’t want to do.
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u/ravencrowe 17d ago
90 plus people for the bachelor/ bachelorette party? That's bigger than my entire wedding! That's an entire wedding reception!
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u/missmilliek 18d ago
the purple bridesmaids dress + jeans and cowboy hat is screeeeaaammming small midwest town 💀 i am also midwestern and dying to know where this is bc its so common. wisconsin?
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u/finny_d420 18d ago
Uh purple means Minnesota. Go Vikes! 🤣
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
Maids’ flowers were purple and gold. But no other gold in sight, so I couldn’t say for sure!
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u/bLymey4 17d ago
I hope there were cheese curds
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u/DrFunke74 17d ago
Please. I couldn’t get a snack size bag of Doritos.
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u/The_Black_Adder_ 17d ago
This might be a weird takeaway from the whole tragic tale. But do you snack a lot? You referenced snacks like four times in this story. I would have been mad at not having real meals but I can go without snacks
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u/DrFunke74 16d ago
Two other maids were complaining of starving, too. Luckily I had packed a bag of nut-heavy trail mix. Another maid had her partner go out and get food for her. Remember inedible breakfast, so a 6” sub our only food from 8am to 6pm.
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u/FifthSugarDrop 16d ago
Not the OP but the way I read the snacks comment is she could appreciate the bride was occupied and not planning meals/takeout, but bare minimum it would not difficult to ask a family member to pick up some grocery store fruit and cheese trays, veggie trays, stock the fridge with drinks etc. 12 people in an AirBnB without supplying food is pretty ridiculous .
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u/No_Introduction_6746 16d ago
Right. I got married last week, and our families helped set up and tear down the ceremony space. (We ate at a separate restaurant.) I had veggie/fruit trays, cookies, sandwiches, and bottled water for everyone right at 12 pm. Dinner was scheduled for 7pm and I wasn’t going to let anyone go hungry.
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u/mynameisnotsparta 18d ago
Yep. People become insane with all this wedding stuff
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u/chicagok8 18d ago
And for some reason the people around them don’t say “no.” No one is required to throw or attend a shower or bachelorette party!
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u/inductiononN 18d ago
That's the part that drives me the most crazy in these stories!!!! LIKE JUST SAY NO! DECLINE!
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u/perkypancakes 16d ago
Seriously I’m not going into debt for someone else’s wedding and their lack of saving funds to plan for their desired events. Based on the post it didn’t seem like bride showed much gratitude for having their wedding journey supplemented by their wedding party.
I get the impression they want to be included in the party at any cost, but when it’s this bad or worse imo the wedding isn’t worth it to attend even as a guest. They often don’t put the same effort and funds into their bridesmaids weddings later because they are so self absorbed.
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u/otepp 18d ago
I will never understand the whole “surprise we eloped a year ago” gag. It is wildly disrespectful to the guests who spent time and money to come be a part of a wedding. I don’t even understand what kind of reaction they’re hoping for. It’s like selling tickets to a concert but playing it a year early, then telling the people who showed up that they missed the show and will not be getting a refund, but they can watch a YouTube video of the concert.
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u/GECollins 18d ago
I imagine it's to be like: "betcha thought we wouldn't even last a year, well joke's on you it's already been a year!"
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u/crippledchef23 18d ago
The whole point of eloping is to avoid the hassle of a wedding. Why would anyone skip it and then do it anyway?
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
Bride claims because they “already paid deposit for the venue.” Unclear amount of deposit, but booked a year ahead and contract total under $7,000 USD.
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u/crippledchef23 18d ago
They paid for the venue knowing they wouldn’t use it? Then pretended otherwise for no reason? They sound exhausting.
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u/jessiemagill 16d ago
My sister was planning her wedding and her fiance lost his job so they did a justice of the peace wedding on the same date the year before so he could get on her insurance. Of course, they didn't hide it from anyone.
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u/bebemochi 17d ago
When I was a wedding planner, this was the big secret to not tell anyone, even Mom. But many of my brides were marrying military and wanted to go ahead and get health insurance plus be included if their spouse suddenly had to move, so I understood it.
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u/_sethra_007 17d ago
I will never understand the whole “surprise we eloped a year ago” gag.
IMO, it’s because the bride and groom want gifts.
If you elope, you don’t get wedding gifts. I mean, technically people can give gifts if they wish, but elopement gifts aren’t expected the same way weddings gifts are. If anything, gifts are discouraged because with an elopement the couple is basically saying “it’s more important for us to be married than to have a wedding.“
In order to get wedding gifts, you’ve gotta have a wedding. I’m sure that the bride was also thinking in terms of having an Instagram perfect wedding as well, but from the sound of everything this whole cheap-ass fiasco was ultimately a gift grab.
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u/Upstairs_Fuel6349 16d ago
Eh, there can be an element of validation too. I married my husband at the courthouse rather quickly for immigration purposes (he'd come over on a k1/fiance visa and they were getting ready to drastically increase prices for the next step in the process) - got lots of "well when's the wedding" from extended family on both our sides. We'd sent out little post-elopement announcements! Took one of my aunts probably three years to stop referring to my husband as my boyfriend at Christmas...
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u/The_Black_Adder_ 17d ago
There are reasons why you might need to sign the papers earlier. Visa reasons / tax reasons / housing for military or grad school are some that I’ve heard.
Pretty sure that isn’t what happened here but it’s not always ridiculous.
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u/grl_of_action 16d ago
We had secretly married about 10 months prior to our wedding, but it was because we had a baby and wanted to get legal in all the ways for her protection. But only 4 people at our wedding knew this fact and we didn't tell anyone, because to us the first city hall marriage was just legal paperwork but until we married in front of our community and enlisted their support, it was just a technicality.
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u/TheHouseOfWool 15d ago
I was hired as comedy entertainment for a wedding reception. The plan was: dinner; speeches, during which they would announce they actually got married six months earlier; and then we would entertain, to take some of the heat off of the bride and groom. Very difficult to run a comedy show when half the crowd is upset at what was just announced, the bride leaves the room in tears, and we have to stretch and extra 30 minutes while they try to bring her back. Promised myself to never be hired for a wedding again.
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u/Glittering-Ask4319 16d ago
My husband and I eloped a few months before holding our wedding. We didn’t tell anyone at the wedding except the party. I’m not sure who all knows. We just were ready to be married but wanted to still have a wedding with all our friends and family.
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u/BlueberryCalm2390 15d ago
If someone elopes in advance for a real reason (needing health insurance, financial reasons, etc.) is it better to tell everyone in advance? Or is it considered disrespectful in general?
I’m not in this situation but am curious
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 18d ago
Sucks, but there are a lot of "have to" and "required" in this.
Nothing is required. Anyone can say no to anything that can't work for them. It may upset the couple, but something will eventually anyway.
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u/RoloTamassi 17d ago
Of course. That’s true for most things. But there were consequences for not complying- party members were kicked out for not staying at the AirBnB.
I say that’s a blessing in disguise.
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u/Juliaford19 18d ago
Yeah but it does put a crimp in the relationship. I guess if you are ok letting the friendship die.
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u/CauliflowerLeft4754 18d ago
the #1 problem w weddings is that most people want an experience outside of their budget. People think “oh I wanna go to Italy for my bachelorette, somewhere i am unable to vacation to on my own, but if my 10 bridesmaids each contribute 1k, that makes it so WE can all go to Italy!” Bro if you have to count OTHER PEOPLES contributions into your calculations in order to afford something…you cant freakin afford it. End of story.
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u/crippledchef23 18d ago
This is why I loved my small wedding, paid for by my mom (she was generous, but it also only cost $1.5k in total). My dress was from Fashion Bug for $30, the venue was free because 1: we scheduled it on a Thursday and 2: my mom worked for a huge corporation that rented the venue for their quarterly meetings (I guess they spent truckloads of money each time), the flowers were fabric and made by my mom and me, and the full guest list was under 100 people.
No bachelorette party, no complicated lead up, just a small, quick ceremony before a fun party with our closest friends and family. My grandmother got onto the dance floor for the Hamster Dance; it was magical.
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u/CauliflowerLeft4754 17d ago
I think that’s lovely, your mom sounds like an incredible person.
We went in a little opposite of direction but your point is still relevant to our experience, too. We opted to pay for our wedding mostly ourselves and I say this next part as just a personal preference thing…we waited until our salaries made sense to have what we wanted. That’s why we had a longer engagement! When my fiancée at the time decided she wanted this one specific venue, we made a financial plan so we could get it. Her parents gifted us a good amount towards the wedding but we literally used that to treat OTHER people because we never counted their contribution as part of our budget. This made all of the difference. We paid for lodging for our out of town wedding party members, we paid for hair and makeup for everybody, we bought their dresses and suits because the money her parents gave us was never part of our original plan. We treated it like bonus money and didn’t use a penny of it on ourselves or for the things we wanted for ourselves because we saved and made decisions on vendors and things that we could actually afford with our money.
Idk maybe it’s a harsh thing to say, but if someone is pulling in 30k a year, it does not make sense to have a freakin wedding in Prague, I’m sorry. There is a financial component to this everyone overlooks at the mercy of “but it’s my special day and you only get ONE and I’ll remember it forever!”
Besides the fact that the best wedding I’ve ever been to were ones that were unpretentious and chill.
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u/crippledchef23 17d ago
I love that! 100% agree, yeah you only get 1 wedding day (hopefully), but you have to be realistic. We didn’t have an 18 tier wedding cake with Instagram-inspo icing or whatever. We had a wedding cake topper and a sheet cake in matching frosting that cost $150 total. The only actual thing required for a successful wedding is a loving couple and the licensed person to sign the paper afterwards. Everything else is extra, but some people don’t seem to get that.
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u/DepartmentWest6960 16d ago
This is entirely the problem. My husband and I spent 15k on our wedding which we thought was a lot for one day but also we could afford it without dipping into savings or spending years to plan for it. My parents graciously offered to buy my dress and I spent half of the budget I was given. My dog served as maid of honor and I had a girl's night at home watching movies for a bachelorette. We already lived together with a house and all the things we needed so we told guests to skip the gifts or they could make a charitable donation to the animal shelter where miss maid of honor was adopted as a "gift." It was a lovely day and I don't feel like we missed out on any part or skimped anywhere. People who expect 80k weddings funded by friends and family are living on another planet. If you can pay 80k yourself, go for it, but stop expecting your loves ones to go into financial ruin for your special day
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u/Salt_Cupcake1942 18d ago
why are you going to/in a wedding for a bride you clearly can’t stand?
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
Fair question. It ramped up so much in the last several months, I really couldn’t. Initially I thought it was okay and she really did deserve a little attention. It just kept getting weirder and weirder.
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u/elp22203 16d ago
I'm from the South and I was raised that family throwing the shower is a gift grab - better that a friend does it. I know other areas of the country may be different. That said, what an awful way to be treated. I'd reconsider my friendship with these people.
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u/DrFunke74 16d ago
I can see that viewpoint, but again in my area, family always throws showers. I’m beginning to think it’s because wedding showers are stupid and expensive. Nobody enjoys them, except maybe the bride.
It’s no longer 18yo couples starting out on their own. The social media wedding culture makes me sick.
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u/sevenselevens 15d ago
I’m more grossed out by this trend in the last ten years or so of brides treating their friends like ladies-in-waiting for the year leading up to the wedding and forcing them all to spend thousands of dollars. It’s disturbing how into the power trip some people are getting.
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u/elp22203 14d ago
I remember being just out of college and barely being able to afford a bridesmaid dress. I don't know how the girls today are able to swing these expensive Bachelorette trips. I would never expect my friends to spend that kind of money on my life choices. They need to watch the Sex and the City episode "A Woman's Right to Shoes" lol
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u/elp22203 16d ago
Agree totally. I have a similar situation with some friends. They got married in June. He did the public proposal last month. The "wedding" is next year. Make that make sense. They're already living together. So why would people be giving a ton of gifts for the wedding next year? Or the height of tackiness, requesting specifically that the guests fund the honeymoon. I'm waiting for that.
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u/UrbanHuaraches 16d ago
Either way, I feel like if someone else throws a shower FOR you, you shouldn't get to invite everyone you've every met.
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u/elp22203 15d ago
Yes usually showers are small. 75 people is insane. The friend(s) would throw it, family might help with the guest list, but never heard of one this excessive
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u/maurfly 14d ago
Also from the South- this is 100% correct but I live “up north” in Chicago now and it truly is taboo to have family throw a shower in any part of the country as stated in Emily Post’s etiquette book and the etiquette class I took in high school stated the same thing. I think up north only upper class people follow this rule though . It is my personal pet peeve when I hear of brides throwing themselves a shower (same for a baby shower- this is the absolute height of poor taste) The maids also are usually the same people that will host your baby shower. Many MOB and MOG will offer to pay for some or all aspects of the shower to alleviate the financial burden on the maids. So in at least this respect the bride was correct. The rest- oh my word- what a tragedy in 3 acts!
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u/elp22203 14d ago
A BRIDE throwing a shower???? NO. I have never heard of this. You have got to be kidding me. I would never even go to that. That is next level crazy. And rude.
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u/Whirl0203 16d ago
I'm from TX and it was considered gauche for a bride's relatives to give a shower. Usually, one was given by friends of the mother of the bride.
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u/reader_1983 15d ago
I was raised in the midwest and it was considered bad for family to throw a shower also. Always supposed to be freinds.
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u/Splendafarts 15d ago
What’s the logic there? Genuinely curious, not seeing the connection between family and gift grab
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u/elp22203 15d ago
Basically since showers are specifically a gift giving event, if a family member hosts it, it's like the family is asking for gifts for their loved one. A friend doing it is socially acceptable because they are more removed. The family hosts the wedding, the friend takes care of the shower. There are gifts given at a wedding obviously, but it's not only about gifts - there is the ceremony, a meal, dancing, etc. Showers are specifically so that gifts can be given.
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u/Curious_Koala8 18d ago
Need to know if the bridesmaids are still friends with the bride! Doesn’t sound like a loss if you’ve moved on.
At the very least, make sure to avoid helping put together any future baby showers
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
I personally don’t plan to continue relationship with bride. I’m good with other maids. As far as I know, nobody else is really pissy about it like I am. Haha.
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u/Curious_Koala8 18d ago
Good for you, especially with no one else thinking the problems weren’t that big of a deal!
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u/vickisfamilyvan 18d ago
Wow what did you do that a multi day bachelorette only cost $300 per person?
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
We drove a couple hours away. Tight accommodations total $200ish each. Most didn’t contribute gas money, or drove separate. Several brought lots of food to share and we mostly ate at our rental. So some might’ve spent around $300 for the actual trip & food. We didn’t do anything except one $40 activity, so there’s that.
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u/Vegetable-Coffee8477 17d ago
It might be super old fashioned but I was taught that family should not give the shower as it is just for gifts. But why did the bride do the inviting? That’s weird
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u/DrFunke74 17d ago
I’ve heard that too, but in my area the shower is almost always thrown by mom/aunt/sister of the bride. That’s totally normal here. Maid who planned shower asked bride for a guest list and evidently didn’t argue when bride gave her Santa’s naughty list for 2026.
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u/finny_d420 18d ago
How do people agree to be attendants in a wedding without asking about cost and logistics beforehand?
The maid with the photographer? What the hell? Did the maid lose her ability to speak and say that's not happening. Why would the photographer do this? Bride didn't pay them therefore shouldn't have taken pictures.
Any of you could've said NO at anytime. You chose to swim in this pool of idiocy. Not much of a friendship if she's asking for outrageous things and you all go um ok.
The bridal shower could've been some hors d'oeuvres and punch held in a backyard, park, housing complex party room, local VFW, church basement for a couple hundred total.
All of y'all bunch of knuckleheads....
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u/perkypancakes 16d ago
I would definitely never book a photographer a second time who at bare minimum didn’t stop the shoot to ask if their paying customer was okay with interlopers taking over her shoot. People in general need to practice setting boundaries and learn that if someone gets offended at their boundaries it’s not the end of the world. If anything it’s clarity because you find out who respects you and who to remove from your life for being unreasonable or incompatible.
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u/drsteve14 15d ago
We (family in UK) were invited to our nephews wedding in Cape Cod and the invite specifically mentioned the meal the evening before the wedding. We all turned up but the wedding party, bride, her parents and other relatives, groom his father with wife and mother, all were in the back room eating a pre selected meal. We were told if we were hungry we could order food and eat in the bar. So grooms mum, my sister and all her side were rebuffed and ignored. We flew 3,000 miles to be ignored.
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u/LouisArthurCharles 15d ago
Just so you know, every wedding I have attended has always included out of town guests at the rehearsal dinner. Based on budget that could mean burgers in someone’s backyard or an extravagant catered dinner. You were definitely done dirty. Especially traveling from another continent! For shame!
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u/drsteve14 15d ago
I don’t think there was a budget problem in Cape Cod, we took over the golf club for the wedding lol.
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u/DrFunke74 15d ago
Hey, at least you got good treatment from the resort, if not the tacky newlyweds
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u/DrFunke74 15d ago
WOW. That’s truly horrible.
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u/drsteve14 15d ago
It didn’t feel great. The day after the wedding was at the brides house. The grooms paternal grandmother did a speech for about an hour !!! My kids took advantage of the free booze and I did the 5h drive back to NY later. All in all it was a good family reunion but strange wedding.
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u/Otney 14d ago
I hope they are miserable together and get divorced. What clods!!
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u/drsteve14 14d ago
I don’t think the bride and groom were in charge of arrangements. But yes they’ve got divorced, my nephew has problems with drugs and alcohol and became a not very nice person.
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u/Distinct-Ant-9161 18d ago
“ Girls are up there looking like Grimace going to prom while the boys are going to drink Bud Light at a dive bar.”
💀
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u/Holiday_Cat_7284 18d ago
I don't know anyone I like well enough to spend that kind of money on their wedding, including my own kids. I don't understand how people are paying so much towards other people's weddings.
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u/DepartmentWest6960 16d ago
I don't even know 74 women 😆 who did they invite? Their second cousins, first grade teacher...oh my lawd
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u/DrFunke74 15d ago
It was almost every female on the wedding guest list. I had zero to do with shower planning. I stepped in bc I knew the other maid couldn’t easily afford/manage it on her own.
I was stupid enough to allow other maids to convince me the pomp & circumstance was okay. Even though we were all wasting far more money than we could easily afford.
We are ALL NEW GRADS.
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u/Quiet_Employ8421 18d ago
This sounds sooo exhausting. I’m so glad the wave of weddings is over in my circles and i never want to be maid of honor again!
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u/auroralucero 17d ago
im sorry but why are people friends with brides like this?! my friends would never ever treat me this way because I don’t associate with looney toons. its ok to let “friendships” go.
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u/mulberry_sellers 17d ago
I would send her a bill for the bridal shower and bachelorette shit you paid for when she was neither a bride nor a bachelorette
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u/DrFunke74 17d ago
I’ve honestly thought about it. I bought her bridal veil as a kindness bc it was really pretty and she loved it. If I could turn back time, I’d run so far & fast from that bridal shop….
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u/WitchBalls 17d ago
So there was also the obligatory group trip to the bridal shop? She is truly exhausting!
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u/SheeScan 17d ago
What is a bridesmaid proposal?
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u/80sGirl52 16d ago
Probably the same bullshit as a prom proposal. Apparently we can’t just ask our friends to be bridesmaids. It’s got to be a big ass production with gifts, goody bags, fireworks, etc.
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u/Spare_Flamingo8605 16d ago
I once attended a wedding with no indication of dress code, so I wore a better than church but not not black tie dress. My plus one wore a suit and so did my children. While getting ready someone mentioned that the FOB was wearing jeans. So, with no other options, as we had traveled 5 hrs, we just omitted the ties from the guy's suits, and left top button open. So yeah, all the men in the wedding party was in jeans and dress shirts and suspenders and ties. Ok, interesting. Bride comes out looking like a Bob Mackie Barbie Bride. Sparkling, glitzy over the top princess look. Not my taste but beautiful and excellent fit. It was seriously odd to see her with her groom in JEANS and cowboys boots.
If groom's party men wear denim, why were the ladies in the bridal party so formal. The MOB and FOB looked like Barbie hanging with the help.
My family was better dressed than the GROOM.
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u/coldgator 18d ago
Bridesmaid proposal and gift grab are ridiculous things that should not exist. I'm not even really sure what a gift grab is but I'm sure it's unnecessary.
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u/pattybliving 18d ago
It’s a derogatory term for bridal shower. Like when people don’t really need a shower or invite way too many people, etc.
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u/ciongyik 18d ago
I’m not from the USA so I don’t even understand what a bridal shower is, or what is the purpose of it. You get gifts and have a get-together with women? But you get gifts at the wedding reception from everyone, and you get together with women at your bachelorette party. So it’s a triple whammy and you expect everyone to give you gifts at three separate occasions (bridal shower, wedding shower and the wedding reception itself)?
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u/Madame_Kitsune98 17d ago
Unless you are very close to someone?
Typically, we only give a gift at the wedding shower OR the wedding. Not both.
And bridal shower and wedding shower are interchangeable terms. They’re meant to serve the same purpose, to help a young couple just setting up house together get the basics. Towels, pots and pans, dishes, that sort of thing. Back in the day, you’d pick a silver pattern, and a china pattern, your colors for towels and sheets, and there might be a discreet bridal registry where people could go and find what china pattern or silver pattern you’d registered for, and choose a dinner set for you. Some generous relatives might buy you a silver set, or a full dinner service. My husband’s grandmother gave us a set of silver AND a very generous check.
But, with more people marrying later, and living together before marriage? I personally think wedding/bridal showers are obsolete.
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u/B_A_M_2019 18d ago
I never had a real wedding the first time and even though I’m not actively dating, if I ever get married again it’s just going to be close friends and immediate family and we’ll pay for everyone to be a week in Iceland or something. I just want to relax with the people that bring me joy, not stress over stupid shit and make those supporting me feel like crap
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u/FL1ghtlesswaterfowl 16d ago
I read through but all I can see is Grimace holding a bouquet of flowers
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u/Smart_Inspector9710 16d ago
Is this Iowa or Nebraska? Sounds like most of my relatives’ weddings!
(Except for the expensive bridesmaids dresses. Anything over $100 was extravagant 😉).
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u/Chocoslovakian 15d ago
Crashing and stealing a photo shoot? That ain't lower middle class. That is pure trash. Loved it! Especially "Grimace going to prom."
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u/Yorbayuul81 18d ago
This is absolutely incredible. Bravo, you take the first place ribbon for this week.
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u/OrganicMix3499 16d ago
Why do see so many of these type stories? People have to get it through their thick heads that get EITHER an elopement or a real wedding, not both. Nobody should be agreeing to attend these fake ass cash grabs.
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u/palabradot 17d ago
Not telling about an elopement for the chance of a gift grab (after you have already lived together for several years anyway) is AWFUL form.
Half of me wonders how much they made out (or didn't) - most of my family would probably have gotten something fairly inexpensive off the list if they'd known the couple already lived together, because how much more could they possibly *need*.
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u/Independent-Win9088 17d ago
Man, seeing these stories makes me so happy I'm in my 40's, and most the people I know are working on divorce number 2. None of this was a thing back in the early 2000's.
My childhood best friend got married in her local church reception in the rec center. It was cheap and low key. Our dresses were from Dillard's her mom found all our sizes on clearance from prom or something. Gorgeous below the knee, deep purple sleeveless dresses. Actually got reused a few times for weddings I attended. The reception was meh because it was a potluck, and dry because his family was Mormon, and not thrilled he denounced, and married a Lutheran. 🤣 Cost us bridesmaids nothing. Her mom paid it all.
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u/Quiet_Notebook_9175 18d ago edited 17d ago
I’m shocked by the replies because my sister is 100% worse than this lol and her circle gases her up like a queen. It’s wild.
So far I’m $6k in (not accounting for the gift yet) and heard a “thank you” once or twice in the two years the couple has been continuously celebrated lol
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
That’s above what we could all afford, but it wasn’t cheap. Our sincere, heartfelt thank-you was a $1 keychain from popular online seller, presented in a cellophane wrapper. The familiar white flimsy box direct from China containing identical trinkets for others was on the kitchen counter.
The kicker? Best man came into our dressing room to hug & kiss bride and thank her for thoughtful gift he received. He’s groom’s brother, but still he did zero for their wedding and wouldn’t communicate.
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u/HeidinaB 17d ago
What did he get?
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u/DrFunke74 15d ago
I don’t know, but it must’ve been good if he made a specific gesture coming into bride’s dressing room to thank her. He’s not what you’d call a class act.
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u/AcanthisittaShot4232 16d ago
According to Miss Manners family should not host a bridal or baby shower, bride's friends should host.
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u/DrFunke74 16d ago
Well, Miss Manners apparently isn’t from around my area. Don’t know what to tell you about that.
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u/Careless-Seesaw-6871 16d ago
Wow I was so annoyed by this post (because the idea of expecting your bridal party to host and pay for your shower is insane to me. Im from northeast and we don’t do it like that either. I completely skipped having one because theyre dumb) - i had to look up this etiquette thing. Cannot believe how twisted its become over the years
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u/Lvivalentine 16d ago
I’ve not been a bridesmaid for many years but please tell me we don’t do this shit in the uk??? Bride buys the dresses and shoes and a gift for bridesmaids! Have been bridesmaid 5 times and that was how it was each time!
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u/whenlwasyoung 16d ago
Got married in 1991. We eloped, $500.00 including hotel, limo to and from the Little White Chapel in Reno, my wedding dress and dinner.
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u/Curious_Opposite_917 16d ago
I don't know why people don't just tell the couple to get fucked when they start with the unreasonable demands.
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u/YaIlneedscience 12d ago
Can someone provide insight on the elopement disappointment ? Asking for a friend… me, the friend. Obviously a LOT went on, but from the perspective of most guests, the annoying part would have been confusing seating and that’s it. I feel like eloping before a big wedding is super common now, and when my partner and I told his mom that we planned to elope to start a family (we are both mid and upper 30s), she said there was non point in doing a “big” wedding because it would just be fake.
We want to save up and host something big and wonderful that includes all of our loved ones, and knowing we need about 2 years, felt an elopement was a wonderful compromise. Guess not 😅
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u/DrFunke74 11d ago
Yeah, announcing you’re already married AT THE WEDDING makes your guests feel like they were tricked. It’s perfectly acceptable to throw a reception later or do a vow renewal if that’s your thing. But failing to disclose that you’re already married makes it look like you’re just doing it for the presents and attention, while not even giving your guests the courtesy of being honest.
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u/Finnegan-05 18d ago
Family isn't supposed to throw the shower, so you can remove that one.
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u/DrFunke74 18d ago
In my area, family always throws shower. I know traditions are different elsewhere, though.
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u/ER_Support_Plant17 18d ago
I would not be a bridesmaid for someone who crashed a photographer I had paid for with photos with my family.