Family Drama
Laundry list of all things wrong with pre-wedding & wedding events
My cousin who is the bride is getting married in a few months and my partner and I are in the wedding party.
-MOH texted all the bridesmaids demanding a surprise $350 for the bridal shower, I didn’t respond in the group chat or send the money because I was in the hospital. Cousins future MIL asked why I didn’t send my money or answer in the group chat and if I “really wanted to be a bridesmaid”.
-the bridal shower had an event that was blatantly racist as the main attraction.
-all signage, invites and name tags for the bridal shower were made without approval from anyone by brides future MIL with AI and made zero sense. It was like ChatGPT threw up all over.
-bachelor party is axe throwing, dinner at a local steakhouse and an overnight stay at a hotel. Total cost: $560 per person, $50 for axe throwing, $300 for dinner and $210 for hotel, unless “copious amounts of alcohol are consumed at dinner, then every one will have to chip in more to cover the bill”
-all bride and grooms uncles, grandpas and male cousins are also invited to the bachelor party, and some of them are bringing their wives and girlfriends.
-wives and girlfriends also went to the men’s suit fitting because “they can’t be trusted”. I was invited the day before and politely declined.
-cousins registry for bridal shower and wedding are all household goods… for a home they don’t have (they are looking to move in together before the wedding in two months, but can’t find a place in their budget) So I had to buy her sheets for a king bed she doesn’t own, which are now sitting in a storage unit. She also registered for three different sets of plates, cutlery and glassware.
-bride sent out an after party invite in a group chat to everyone in the wedding party with a typo on it, the groom called her out in the group chat telling her she didn’t proof read it.
-brides future MIL has taken over MOH duties on her own accord. The MOH added her to our bridesmaids group chat and she now sends over ten texts in our group whenever she needs to relay information. If we answer, she verbally assaults us, if we don’t answer, she verbally assaults us.
-grooms uncle became an ordained minister online and is going to “surprise officiate their wedding”. They aren’t telling the bride or groom until the day of the wedding, they think someone from their DJ company is going to officiate. This idea was approved by the bride and grooms parents.
-their horribly behaved pet is going to be IN the wedding ceremony & pictures because the bride “wants him there on her big day”
-there is a 200 person minimum for the wedding venue, so the
guest list is a bunch of random people the parents of the bride & groom cobbled together.
-the brides entire wedding ensemble is well over $12,000 and they “can’t find an apartment they can afford”,
I could go on and on. These are the key points I can remember right now. If I wasn’t so invested in seeing how everything plays out on the day of the wedding, I would drop out of being in the wedding party. First and last time I will ever be a bridesmaid.
Just a basket raffle with a racist name. They printed AI generated instruction sheets littered with the phrase “Chinese auction”
From google: The phrase originated in the late 1800s during a period of intense anti-Chinese discrimination in the United States. [1, 2]
During this era, the word "Chinese" was sometimes used in American slang to mean "cheap" or to describe things perceived as strange, confusing, or "tricky" (similar to phrases like Chinese fire drill). [1, 2, 3]
I think my ex's family had a "Chinese" gift exchange each Christmas and I always wondered what made it Chinese. The rule was the gift had to me homemade or thrifted or from your own home. That's awful!!! I had no idea.
Ok I'm not saying that's not racist but also like ... Maybe you should chill. Are you of Asian descent? If not, what's with taking second hand offense. I mean Jesus. You had to Google a reason to be offended. It's not that deep I don't think.
Yeah I’m half Filipina, every time I call out something in my white ass town for being racist, specifically against Chinese people, I get this sort of energy. “You’re not even Chinese, you’re half white, didn’t China invade the Philippines (it was Japan), it’s not that deeeeeeeep.” Lmao I can’t with people who want to start their own personal census just bc they don’t want to admit something is racist.
As a white person, I’m uncomfortable when people around me say racist stuff—not because I’m worried that there might be POC around, but because I’m not interested in hanging out with racists. Yeah actually it’s not that deep I guess!
“secondhand offense” is such a weird way to frame it. sometimes the issue is simply not wanting to be around people saying disgusting shit. racism doesn't suddenly become acceptable because the person hearing it isn't the target. being uncomfortable around racist shit is a pretty normal reaction.
My coworker was telling a story to the crew about this, that, and the other thing, when he casually referred to a person in his story as a "colored boy" and I was dead in my tracks. Today, a different coworker was going on about 'orientals'. Again. Just like what?
Both were chastised regarding their vernacular, but man! Ive known both of these people for 10+ years and its just like.. what? Where tf did this come from?
.
..
I know where.. but it's simply disappointing.
I’ve been arguing with other white people about their use of the word “oriental” for YEARS. I cannot believe people still use it. And “colored” like come on, when was the last time someone said that in a non-racist way lol
and now i feel especially weird being a 42yo New Yorker who has definitely heard this numerous times and was so ignorant as to not realize the racism. i mean we straight up called it that when my church threw one annually (granted this was like 30yrs ago).
Held at a plantation with Antebellum gowns?
Being obnoxious and disrespectful in the local Chinatown district restaurants on a bar crawl? Dressing up as certain cartoon characters we never mention ever again? Probably just costumes like KPop dancers and behaving badly. (Just realised the answer is below this post, sorry!)
Same. More details would help? A lot of things on this list are, imo, petty annoyances and like not really the end of the world? So what if items on her registry aren't "practical" - it's her registry and she wants to have nice things for her future home. Don't be a Karen.
Lol really? This whole thing sounds like a nightmare. Requiring nearly $600 just for a brjdal shower? That's mental. The gifts thing is kind of whatever but they're spending hand over first for a wedding when they can barely afford their own place to live when the brides assemble is like 12k. They are stocking a rental unit with fancy stemwear and can't afford a place to live. This is clearly a cashgrab and the MiL knows it which is which she's basically taking over.
The bride is pimping her friends and anyone she knows for an Instagram wedding and free gifts. If anyone's a Karen bridezilla, it's her. Bride is about to alienate and potentially lose a bunch of friends.
I'm a bit stuck on the cash grab bit though. Why would you go all out with a dress that expensive, and a venue like this if you don't even know enough people to fill the minimum requirement? It would be different if the minimum was, say, 80 people and you could go up to 200. Still a cash grab, but one that makes slightly more sense?
Maybe the thinking is "more guests = more presents", but generally the value of the presents a couple receives isn't going to equal or surpass the money spent on the venue/food/drinks for the guests, so it would make more sense to just save that money
But the bachelorette party — yike$ ! It used to be more simple — a night on the town without the expectation of paying for bride’s lavish dinner, hotel, etc.
the marriage lasting past the reception might genuinely be the least predictable part of this entire story. every other decision has already gone completely off the rails 😭
So they can’t afford their own place (apartment??), yet need for there to be a $12,000 ensemble for the bride, and are asking for no less than three entire place settings and glassware, which will be stored where, the doghouse??
I want a movie! This could end up being a masterpiece in the style of the 1940s slapstick comedies. We need a Lucille Ball type for the mother of the bride, with a Vivian Vance type sidekick for the mother of the groom. That guy in Wedding Crashers definitely has to show up to mess up the seating, and a Robin Williams-type as one of the fighting officiants.
Someone has to bring a tiny, yapping, biting therapy dog to attack the family hound, with the two of them wreaking havoc at the reception and running everywhere, after, of course, the family hound destroying the wedding gown by not only tearing off the train at the altar, but jumping and pawing muddy footprints all over the front of the gown and mauling the bouquet nearly to bits. Do we need uninvited kids and babies to cry and yell during the ceremony? If so, a few of them, with the dogs, can destroy the tiered wedding cake.
How many DJs are ordained ministers or have a license to marry? Kind of cray to not have something nailed down. Would be a disaster if there’s no one to preside over the ceremony!
I hope they did not pay the DJ for the officiant they think is presiding over the ceremony, that cost would be thrown away for a surprise they did not ask for.
My guess is the DJ wasn't ever involved in this plan at all. MIL was probably like "oh the DJ we got will also officiate." And the bride went "okay cool".
Cousin F stole one of the axes, thinking it would be fun to cut the cake with it, and Nephew H gives the axe to Aunt Y during the fight. Niece Q can't stand the sight of blood, and faints into the cake, and, while no one's watching, the Wonder Dog starts humping the ring bearer, who is the youngest grandson of one of the added mystery guests.
I have a LOT of questions about both the MIL and the MOH. If the MIL is this domineering all the time, and you KNOW she is, is the bride ok with that or does she think her husband will magically grow a spine and set firm boundaries once the wedding is over?
And is the MOH a doormat, or did she just give up in the face of the absolute force of nature that is the MIL?
Honestly, I just want to hear more about the MIL. She sounds fascinating from an outside POV, but tiresome if she were actually in my life.
When are you going to start saying “no”? Eg bachelor party: skip or just do the axe throwing (no way would I pay $300 for dinner.) Step down from all bridesmaid/groomsman duties by telling them you can’t afford it and don’t want to disappoint them so you’ll attend as a guest.
Then definitely attend as a guest and give us an update on this circus!
Sounds like they get drunk on cheap booze, get served something from Micky D’s, and if anyone complains they become the target for the ax throwing contest.
Anything left over goes to cover their storage unit and apartment rent.
Yeah, my sister is still married 20+ years after she wore a friends super expensive gown (friend spent thousands on a gown and they got divorced within 6 months).
PFT! I can do that for FREE. I just need an axe and a target. "HEY YOU, STAND REAL STILL".
"-wives and girlfriends also went to the men’s suit fitting because “they can’t be trusted”. "
What a low opinion the have of their husbands!
"So I had to buy her sheets for a king bed she doesn’t own, which are now sitting in a storage unit. She also registered for three different sets of plates, cutlery and glassware."
I believe this is called, "Putting the cart before the horse."
" If we answer, she verbally assaults us, if we don’t answer, she verbally assaults us."
I'll be fair to this person and admit the gifts before the house thing is one we did when we got married. I was planning a wedding in Oct, a reception and honeymoon in Nov (we had a one-step-above-a-courthouse wedding in a park with local friends then had the reception back in my hometown so no one felt obligated to travel cross-country for essentially a picnic wedding), and then we were seeing family at Christmas. No way we were throwing in 'find a new apt' on top of that.
Mind you, the local wedding was small (25 people? Maybe 30?) and the hometown reception was filled with people who knew we'd have to carry things back and mostly went the gift card or other small item route. So it worked out to my keeping about 8 or 10 gifts in my (large) cubical at work for a few months.
Because of this, when we did look for a new place, we could afford to give it our full attention. Wound up finding a rent-stabilized place that we've been in ever since. Plus, for four or five months, my cubical had a wine rack and mood lighting.
with everything that has already happened before the wedding even starts, I feel like the actual wedding day is going to be one of those stories everyone remembers for years
Definitely get comfortable shoes for running away, make sure you have backup snacks (e.g. cake gets thrown at the “minister”, in-laws fight over the presents, the must-be-included-pet runs off with the buffet) and don’t rely on anything but your own travel so you can make a getaway!
When we were getting married I got some bridal magazines. Cause the internet was still pretty young. They all had lists of things to do and lists of things you HAD to buy for certain people.
I ignored most of that. I realized a lot of it doesn't mean things will be perfect. As long as food and venue was good, I didn't care about the rest.
Everything went almost perfect, and what didn't wasnt a big issue.
If bride, groom or family makes a big deal over something trivial because they think the wedding, or marriage, will be ruined, then they are nit focusing on the point of marriage
This whole wedding & surrounding events feels like when a guy buys a huge truck to over compensate for something lacking in his life. The more money they spend on this wedding, the better they think their marriage will be.
Which is funny in a sad way, as research has shown that the cost of a wedding often has an inverse relationship to the success of the marriage - the more expensive the wedding, the more likely the marriage would fail. 😬
Everything is awful except the registry bit. That actually makes a lot of sense. A lot of people don’t have homes yet but know they will need the items. A registry is traditionally for home items but the current economy does not allow for everyone to have a home before getting married so many live with parents or in an apartment & have the house after the wedding.
Yeah this is the one thing from this post that is actually normal lol. We also didn’t own a house when we got married (still don’t) but our registry was all the typical household items. I initially wasn’t going to make a registry and just do a honeymoon fund, but my parents offered to store the gifts in their garage until we moved into the rental house we’re currently in. A lot of this stuff, like the dishes, will be kept for like forever. It was pretty awesome having nice new sheets to use for our bed when we finally bought it. I’m not sure why that is weird 😅
Yeah, I had a grad school graduation/moving states registry for the apartment I didn't yet have, but I was moving cross country In a sedan, so I knew I'd need the basics - sheets, towels, plates, pots and pans, etc. Yes, it sat in boxes in my parents living room for a month, but at least then I wasn't scrambling while trying to get settled.
Actually, if they are going to a really fancy steakhouse, a steak, sides and a few drinks could easily reach $300. Not saying it's acceptable to ask it of your wedding party, but is possible to spend just that on dinner. My company takes us to the fanciest steakhouse in our low cost of living city every year and some of the people's individual tabs are $300.
Also insane is - if I'm reading this right - that's the price if they *don't* drink a lot. So sounds like alcohol isn't included or had a one or two drink max. For $300. Yikes.
Weddings have gotten out of control. With the expensive bachelor & bachelorette parties/trips - outrageous dress/shoes/make-up/hair/nail prices - dress rehearsal / bridal showers / plus the gifts you have to buy. Couples starting out shouldn’t be going into debt for weddings / parties assoc with the wedding. Participants in the wedding parties are also going into debt. It is simply gotten ridiculously expensive.
The registry part is pretty normal. Even if they don’t have it all figured out yet, these are things they will need to start their life together and your wedding is the opportunity to get them as gifts.
I understand having a fund set up for cash gifts but many find that tacky and want to buy a physical gift.
This part sounds awesome. I went to bachelor party once where we all just went and did some laser tag, but it was a big out-door area (that had been set up with props and ruins and forest trails and so forth) and it was so much fun. We all had a blast.
-cousins registry for bridal shower and wedding are all household goods… for a home they don’t have (they are looking to move in together before the wedding in two months, but can’t find a place in their budget) So I had to buy her sheets for a king bed she doesn’t own, which are now sitting in a storage unit. She also registered for three different sets of plates, cutlery and glassware. --- We did this. Glad we did because we utilize many of those items every day (tableware, sheets, etc.) and I often think of the gift givers when I use them.
Our neighbor and friend of the family threw me a 'pantry shower' which stocked us up on all our kitchen/household 'stuff', most of which I still have today. It was such a good idea since we'd just moved in together and our house/kitchen was pretty sparse.
Yeah some of these are definitely odd, but you seem overly concerned and nosey about their finances.
I don't get what's wrong with the gift registry thing? It seems smart to me. I kinda did the same thing after college (bought good/cheap home goods when I saw them even though I didn't have my own place) it made my life 1,000% easier when I did finally move because I already had a lot of essentials and didn't have to buy everything at once on top of all the new apartment bills.
plus several places will give a discount on anything that hasn't been purchased on the registry. My friend put a few things on hers that she intended to buy after the wedding
OP said their actively looking to move. Depending on what's on the registry the cost of a couple months of storage could still be cheaper than buying everything themselves
I don’t understand the complaint about the registry? I literally did the same thing. We only had a queen bed when we got married but we were planning on having a king bed in our future home so we put sheets and whatnot for a king bed on our registry. Now I’m typing this while laying in my sheets on my king bed lol. It’s not that weird to plan ahead. You could have bought the couple anything else on the registry if you had an issue with the sheets for some reason.
I agree 💯. That is precisely what a registry is for. Maybe not 3 different dish patterns but the registry is called planning ahead.
When my daughter got married their registry had things they wouldn’t be using for a while, and the gifts stayed stowed away for several years. However they knew that in the future they would be in circumstances where those gifts would be used.
Thank you kind Redditor for the award. My 1st ever.
You should strike "I got them bedsheets" from the list though.
What, people can't register for homewares until others judge then to be able to instantly use them? One of my mates had a wishing well, and that money bought a large outdoor table and seating for a few grand. That was months after the wedding.
Nobody complained that they didn't have a spot for the table yet at the time
Stop all this. You don’t have to contribute or participate. Please don’t go out of your budget for this delusional couple. The “blatantly racist” event tells me you will regret being involved in that party. Best of luck.
I could relate to a few of your complaints but you sound really judgy and nitpicky. Crazy because we’re getting YOUR side of the story and it’s certainly biased.
Groom’s uncle officiating the wedding - who cares
Guest list being people you don’t approve of - who cares
Registry being for a future home - who cares
Poorly designed bridal shower - who cares
Pet being in the pictures - who cares
I’m just going down the list and honestly, the more I go over it, you just sound really whiney.
You being in the hospital and the MIL being overbearing (which is not even uncommon) are the only things I can even have sympathy for
Wives and girlfriends going to suit fittings: sensible. Yesterday I had to remind my fiance that men’s suits come in different lapels and button counts, so he can’t just tell his groomsmen to “get a black suit on their own”.
So basically the groom's family are MAGA people. I, myself would've walked out of the racist bridal shower, and not go to the wedding. But that's just me.
What, exactly, makes you think the groom's family are "MAGA" people? You know any political party can be racist, right? Or are you just trying to start an arguement over stupid shit?!
I wanna know where they went to eat at that was $300 a head. Disney World is my only point of reference, as everything there is overpriced and I don't get out much, but even their fanciest Michelin-star restaurant tops out around $250.
I mean a steak can be $120+, and steakhouses typically have à la carte sides so add in another $10-18 per side. Then take in to account any apps, cocktails, desserts, portion of the bill for the groom and tip and $300 sounds about right to me.
People are so tacky now. Been to more weddings, showers, etc. than I can count and was never given a bill! The MOH and her mom or a relative gave the shower at her home and provided food and beverages. You put on nice clothes and took a gift. Done.
I would: Remove myself from the bridesmaids group chat. Drop out as bridesmaid. Enjoy the day with my partner elsewhere, where it's quiet, relaxing and enjoyable with the money we saved from the bridal shower and bachelor party. Wait to hear all the horror stories after the fact.
I don't know why you care about 90 percent of these issues. OP sounds petty and like who gives a fuck. Exceptions are the surprise $350 and blatantly racist game. The MIL and MOH sound crappy but again...whatever.
I like the axe throwing thing, and Fido should be in the wedding.
I find a lot of registries contain a ton of things designed around a life a lot of modern couples don't live. I've seen a lot of registries full of fine China and cunning equipment I can't picture the couple using.
Maybe their online marketplace if true. I was curious and did a search for wedding dress on Walmart and none came up, I'm in Canada though. What did come up are what I'm sure are counterfeit luxury dresses for over $2500 then wedding rings that were $3.5k+.
It wouldn't surprise me if somewhere else at some point actually had wedding dresses available. Prices also vary so drastically everywhere and who knows, if the original they were counterfeit for a wedding dress was $30k maybe the Walmart marketplace scam one would be $12k even if it's horrible
Yeah I do like everyone doing things together however I think it's odd that the women went to the suit fittings because the "men can't be trusted". I'm sure it was a joke since it was the suit fitting and not the party but that's off putting lol
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u/EliGrrl 22d ago
Gotta know what kind of shower event could be "blatantly racist." ???