r/weddingshaming • u/Glittering_Log_9421 • May 27 '26
Dressed like a Bride My mom wearing white in 3 weddings including mine
Hello!
Warning: English is not my native language.
Context: I am from Argentina, my husband is american, we live in Argentina and in weddings white is reserved for the bride
I am wondering about my mom and her clothing in the weddings.
My uncle married some years ago, I attached one photo. My mom is wearing a 100% white dress with a red belt. I married some months ago and I tought the thing about her wearing white that day at my uncles wedding was just a confusion or an accident. But when she arrived at my Civil Wedding, she was wearing totally white again, I attached one photo...
I got something upset that day but oh well. My church ceremony was about to be celebrated 1 month and a half after the civil wedding. Therefore, I had a conversation with her, saying that I didnt want the situation to repeat at the Church Wedding since that one was the most important for me and my husband. She understood, she said sorry and said that when she goes shopping she finds that the most beautiful and formal clothing are always white, and she likes white clothes the most. She just think white looks better, according to her and thats why she did what she did in both weddings. But she said she would find something appropiate for the Church Wedding to not upset me anymore. I said okay.
I attached a photo of my Church Wedding. There is an improvement, since her pants/trousers are brown! However, I come here to Reddit to understand her blouse/shirt. Its a light beige color, I like to think. But I would like to know your opinions. I told her that the color is slightly pushing the limits but she says that its not exactly white. Idk if I am over reacting but since the Church Wedding more than a month passed and I am still thinkiing about this...
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u/Apprehensive-Ad4244 May 27 '26
white and casual. oh no!
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u/ALLoftheFancyPants May 27 '26
So underdressed in all the photos. But making herself a focal point by wearing white. She should feel embarrassed, but it kind of sounds like she doesn’t have the ability to feel shame.
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u/Luuluuuuuuuuuuuuuu May 27 '26
Lol she did it on purpose and 3x at that. No shame, bad mom.
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u/Quereilla May 27 '26
And three different styles. She actively chose three white outfits.
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u/cakivalue May 27 '26
But not even nice ones. All of them look like popping to the store because you need salad dressing, Hershey's kisses, Doritos and butter.
It's a very "I'm attention seeking and don't GAF about your event or feelings, but I either don't know how to bring the vavavroom that lives in my head or I couldn't be bothered to exert the effort."
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u/Luuluuuuuuuuuuuuuu May 27 '26
Maybe part of her play was to take over white but tell her daughter she didn’t matter because she (mom) looks good and will outshine with white no matter what
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u/Chocomintey May 27 '26
Underdressed and bescraggled hair. I wonder if she just is oblivious to style or social decorum. Regardless, she was explicitly told not to do something, so there's no excuse.
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u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 May 27 '26
While I think this mom did this on purpose, I think some people ARE just rather socially inept, meaning they don't grasp what people tell them to wear. So stuck in a childlike perspective, they just gravitate to a color they think is appropriate even it's not. And they select clothes that are soothing (comfortable) to themselves, because they've given up on trying to "fit in" or to figure out what IS appropriate-wear. (My husband just had to correct my brother on better BAR attire, lol. Granted, it was an upscale bar.)
I could almost see this woman purposely "not trying" because she feels overwhelmed by always failing, but the fact that she did this 3 times? That's intentional, not a misunderstanding.
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u/ashyboi5000 May 27 '26
Apart from the obvious bride they all look like they're just back from a business lunch 🙈
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u/xxMeiaxx May 27 '26
Tbf the uncle's wedding seemed pretty casual. And it's common to wear casual to a civil wedding. But yeah, white on 3 weddings is just main character energy.
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u/electricookie May 27 '26
Everyone looks equally”casual” and so it’s fine.
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u/No_Pumpkin_5187 May 27 '26
Hard agree on the first picture. Everyone is dressed casually in that one. In the third slide though she seems very underdressed, but there aren’t any other guests to compare her to. And I’d say she seems underdressed in the second slide too.
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u/Trick-Statistician10 May 27 '26
Except it's in church. So, she's definitely underdressed for a church wedding
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u/RemoteIll5236 May 27 '26
I agree. The father of the bride is in a suit/button down shirt (but no tie) and she is in flip flops. I would have expected at least a dress/heels.
And the bride is all dressed up in.the last pic, and she's in pants????
So two sins: insistence on white and outfits tjat look like she doesn't care.
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u/madoolan May 27 '26 edited May 28 '26
Urgh I’m sorry. This is so rude. She knows your feelings and still chose to push your boundaries. Plus, she’s waaaaay too casual for a wedding guest regardless of wearing white. Your feelings are valid OP. Edit: bruh, people really be picking apart my use of the word “boundaries”. I didn’t mean it as in therapy speak - I meant it as in her mum was testing her limits/poking the bear/tempting fate. You all need to chill tf out
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u/disasterous_cape May 27 '26
Boundaries are self imposed things that dictate our own actions, if it’s concerning someone else’s behaviour it’s a request or a rule
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u/needween May 27 '26
Even tho we can only set boundaries for ourselves, other people can still push or test them.
For example, if you tell someone that if they do x, you'll do z and then they do something that is just shy of x to see how you'll react, that is called pushing your boundaries.
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u/Luuluuuuuuuuuuuuuu May 27 '26
Yeah, happened 3x and wouldn't happen to me anymore. Back in the day everyone would tell me I am overreacting and my wedding (or whatever) wasn't enough to be upset. Still being sat at the kids table lol. I've been throwing boundaries down since then and I am way happier. The people I like are the ones I like and are badass. The others are people like my relatives that I consistently DD'd, organized their library (per their request) and didn't punch them for the anti-gay books. There were way too many. Etc, who cares? EXCEPT MY AUNT!! She had a memory episode and literally forgot I was even staying with her. Must be nice to have no recollection of being a d*** even if they probs didn't care anyway lol.
What they should care about? All the secrets they told me while getting drunk while offering me none or sometimes 1 glass. (Nbd lol I was young and too poor to buy my own so not owed.) But c'mon, diss someone and then ask me to hold their secrets??
They are lucky I am kind lol could wreck em
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u/Ok-Intention2697 May 27 '26
haven’t read the post yet, just saw jeans and a white blouse in a church and came to apologize
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u/bubblebath_ofentropy May 27 '26
Dogs fully out in the Wilma Flintstone sandals 😭
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u/FTFaffer May 27 '26
And the skirt isn’t even hemmed if you zoom in! It’s one of those super casual frayed edge skirts. ~pass the smelling salts!~
Just weird choices in every photo. I’m sorry. Sometimes I feel brides get so controlling but then I see this and I think it’s a wonder more folks don’t get forcibly sewn into the right clothes against their will in advance of the event. They’re kinda asking for it, no?52
u/Hopeless-Cause May 27 '26
I think it might be a white denim skirt
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u/PossessionNo93 May 27 '26
I think it's exactly a white denim skirt. It looks just like the one I'm wearing... but I'm on a seaside holiday not at a wedding...
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u/DocPhilMcGraw May 27 '26
Just a small correction, those aren’t jeans.
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u/Which_way_witcher May 27 '26
Oh no, that's awful.
The fact that you brought up the concern and she did it AGAIN anyways means it's done on purpose.
Does she like being the center of attention? I'm sorry your mother is like that... 😔
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u/NinjaHidingintheOpen May 27 '26
Next wedding she needs someone else to dress her, she's clearly clueless as to what is appropriate or lying about not doing it deliberately.
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u/Kaiyarose May 27 '26
I just saw a video about how this bride bought cheap colorful pashminas incase someone wore white to wedding and ended up passing out three 🫠
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u/Sash-Sass May 28 '26
My mil wore white and held a white shawl in her hands 😂 she also didn’t wear any bra and she’s a saggy 70 yo hag lmao. She looked ridiculous as f and she said she purposefully wore white on a different occasion that made her sound even more cheap.
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u/Anxious_Ideal_6207 May 27 '26
Personally, the fact that she’s wearing white is not the bothersome part. It’s the fact that she’s so poorly dressed at her child’s wedding that’s really grating…
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May 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/fugelwoman May 27 '26
Because if she can’t wear all white, she’s going to be super passive aggressive and dress sloppy. My SIL pulled the same shit at my wedding. It was not a casual affair, she knew that and still dressed like she was going to the mall.
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u/dont-kink-shame-me May 29 '26
Ultimately she's the one who looks bad, not you. To everyone at the wedding she was the dumbass who came dressed like she was going to the supermarket afterwards.
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u/JRyuu May 27 '26
I’m looking at her blouse next to your wedding dress, and I’m hard pressed to consider that beige.
Off white of some sort, definitely, but beige… nope!
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u/frosty-loquat1 May 27 '26
it seems like your mom is clueless but is also just a bad dresser. it doesn’t seem intentional because if she were trying to upstate you or be attention seeking, idk why she would wear that horrible casual outfit to your church ceremony. she just looks silly. for the next wedding you all have to go to, i suggest you help her find an outfit so she stops embarrassing herself.
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u/ClaireHux May 27 '26
Right? The mom has zero fashion sense and even less awareness. She's a terrible dresser and this isn't malicious, it's just unfortunate.
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u/estedavis May 27 '26
I mean, she’s definitely not clueless. She’s intentionally wearing white to every wedding she attends, even after being asked not to. “But white is so pretty!” Is a horrible excuse and she knows it. Mom seems like a narcissist who needs to be the centre of attention. Dressing casually is a way of undermining her daughter’s big day by showing that she doesn’t think it’s important or serious.
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u/SashimiX May 27 '26
It’s also a fuck you, like “you told me not to wear white, fine, I’ll wear khakis.”
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u/LunarDrifty May 27 '26
The outfit in your uncle’s wedding is the most inappropriate one in terms of white for a wedding when you are not the bride. In your wedding photos, your mum wearing white is not the problem - she looks like she’s dressed to go shopping at the fish market. Her outfit is extremely casual looking. I’m not sure what the vibe of your wedding was, but that’s what is most troubling to me. That is not to say that it was ok for her to wear white; I can’t imagine anyone would mistake her for the bride though.
It’s tough but try not to think about her outfit and think about the start of your life with your spouse. Best wishes to you both for a happy marriage!
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u/13surgeries May 27 '26
The mother wearing white is part of the problem. If she had dressed in a more formal outfit that was white in both the OP's wedding ceremonies, the white would still have been an issue.
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u/CandylandCanada May 27 '26
the most beautiful and formal clothing are always white
She is wearing sleeveless white tops in all three photos. That's not 'formal' wear in any culture or language. A white tank top with brown pants at a church wedding is not appropriate for the mother of the bride.
Your mother is not being honest with you, full stop. Stop buying the nonsense that she is selling.
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u/KathrynTheGreat May 27 '26
OP should be more upset about the level of formality rather than the color. Even if her shirt was blue, that's not what a MOB should wear to a wedding.
But overall, the other outfits don't bother me. She's not wearing a white gown and it's pretty obvious that she's not the bride. And if it's not okay for her to wear a white blouse, then are all the men expected to wear a non-white shirt?
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u/VirtualMatter2 May 27 '26
in any culture
I really don't think you can judge that. Weddings are family parties rather than theater performances in most countries other than US, Canada and British Isles and this wouldn't be inappropriate in a lot of countries. Weddings are also much cheaper in these countries.
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u/CandylandCanada May 27 '26
If they are family parties then the goal wouldn't be 'formal wear', which are the MOB's own words.
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u/Client_020 May 27 '26
I think people would get away with it here in NL, if it wasn't white. We're a casual country.
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u/Blue_foot May 27 '26
And she is under dressed as well. Very casual white shirts.
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u/DyeCutSew May 27 '26
Yeah, it doesn’t feel as much like upstaging the bride as it does just no sense about what to wear to an actual dress-nice occasion.
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u/ImaginaryAlpaca May 27 '26
When I was growing up my mom wore mens pocket tees and jeans pretty much exclusively. She's always worked trades and never really learned to dress nicely. It became very obvious when she went to interviews for a position which required business casual, that she has no idea how to dress herself. She's improving, but like OP's mom she was always under dressed or looked bad and she's also extremely sensitive, so I tried to tell her about her shoes but it hurt her feelings and now I'm a little unsure how to help
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u/Rawxane_Quack May 27 '26
Except the daughter told her not to wear white and she did anyway
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u/Pur1wise May 27 '26
Maybe try to console yourself by knowing she’s making a fool out of herself. Your relatives probably had as little to say about her behind her back. None of it flattering.
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u/Tiye_GM May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
She’s very rude and doesn’t care. She told you exactly her feelings.
She knows it’s rude to the bride, certainly in America, and she told you because SHE prefers it, she wears white to people’s weddings anyway.
She doesn’t care how it makes the bride feel because she has decided her desire to wear white to someone’s wedding is more important.
You told her, directly, it was a problem, and she still wore white to your church wedding, then gaslit you to your face.
Not to mention, her overall attire at your church wedding looks like she might be running down to Walmart.
Your mom didn’t give a toss about your feelings, and the way she showed up makes me think she laughed and talked about you behind your back after you spoke to her, and probably giggled a bit when she got dressed that morning.
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u/DidelphisGinny May 27 '26
You are not overreacting at all. Trust your instincts. It is considered deeply offensive for anyone except the bride to wear white in the US but people here can be equally as embarrassingly rude as your mother has been to you. She is publicly disrespectful to you.
Keep your eye on her, now that you’ve recognized something. This is probably not the only time she’s done something like this to you.
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u/PresentationThat2839 May 27 '26
The human eye can see up to 10 million different colours and shades of colours. Your mom's claim that she looks best in white is therefore totally irrelevant when she had basically 9 million other colours to choose from and there is no way they would all look like dog shit on her. She picked white because she's got a bad case of the main character syndrome and that's the nicest thing I can say about her.
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u/TXaggiemom10 May 27 '26
This seems very disrespectful to you and the other bride in question, but if I've learned anything in 60+ years, it is that our parents are going to be who they are, not who we wish they could be. Please know that she is the one who looks ridiculous in these photos, and that she probably got quite a bit of negative attention at those weddings. She must be terribly insecure to need all eyes on her.
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u/Naiinsky May 27 '26
One thing's for sure, no one would mistake her for the bride. For once, wearing white is the least of a guest's problems. I'd start by asking why she's dressed to do a quick grocery run (not even a proper outing) at your wedding...
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u/mephitine May 27 '26
When a woman wears white to another woman’s wedding, it’s the obligation of other attendees to each ask her, “oh, are you getting married today too?”
With an appropriate show of confusion, of course.
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u/Weekly_Village3628 May 27 '26
Ha is your mom a narcissist? Cause this is a classic narcissist move “it’s not my fault all the best clothes are in white” shows up in white and still looks like a bum in nothing fancy
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy May 27 '26
Your mom doesn’t respect you enough to follow the rule of “don’t wear white to a wedding” is your mom jealous of you? Does she hate you or something?
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u/UsefulAnt42 May 27 '26
She calls those outfits ‘formal’ clothing??? I wonder what her casual clothes look like…
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u/c-e-bird May 27 '26
Your mom isn’t dressed up enough in any of the occasions and she is wearing white in all three, which is an embarrassing social faux pax.
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u/Unusual-Helicopter15 May 27 '26
Have you ever heard the phrase “corpse at every wedding, bride at every funeral?” Your mom gives major attention seeking vibes. That “beige” shirt is straight up white adjacent and she knew it. Very, very rude, very selfish, and completely disrespectful, ESPECIALLY because you specifically had a conversation with her about it. I’d be considering distancing myself from someone who can’t extend me the most basic common courtesy.
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u/EireNuaAli May 27 '26
Your mom is an asshole in this case.
Rule for wedding - no white, that goes for cream/beige, champagne, etc. these are all colors for the bride and groom.
Unless you are the bride, you don't wear white.
The audacity to state "white suits me better". Like no, fuck that! She disrespected you. And then further disrespected you dressing casual for your church wedding.
You have every right to be pissed 😡
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u/Rawxane_Quack May 27 '26
Plus we don't care what suits you best, it's not about you, it's not your wedding
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u/Desert-Monsoons May 27 '26
Your mom has really bad taste in clothes. Especially clothes meant for a wedding.
She needs a stylist to help her with her wardrobe.
She is also lucky no one spilled red wine on her dress accidentally on purpose. That’s what usual happens to women who disrespect the bride by wearing white.
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u/heypresto2k May 27 '26
Wearing that is the least of her problems. She doesn’t even put any effort into her trolling. Her Karening needs refinement. Next time, help her to choose. She’s bad at this.
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u/AppropriateEgg- May 27 '26
Why is she dressed "nicer" for your civil wedding than for your church wedding, which judging my your attire and florals seems more "formal"?
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u/Pretty-In-Scarlet May 27 '26
I was also surprised by the lack of formality but it seems you guys are all casual for the uncle's wedding too? Your dress is casual and the aunt is wearing a t-shirt
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u/fazhugs May 27 '26 edited May 28 '26
Your mum definitely has issues. Only a disrespectful weirdo purposely keeps wearing white to a wedding. Only you can know her personality, but it isn't very nice what she is doing.
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u/Smurfiette May 27 '26
She’s wearing white but her outfit in all 3 pics are super casual, non-wedding attire (looks more like something you’d wear at home than outside/at an event) that no one will ever mistake her for the bride.
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u/glassmenagerie91 May 27 '26
Someone else may have already said this but OP, your mom is a narcissist. My mom did the same thing for the same reason: thinks white looks better on herself. She didn’t do this to hurt anyone’s feelings; narcissists don’t think about others’ feelings at all. It doesn’t occur to them to stop and consider.
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u/Charming_Avocado9814 May 27 '26
I personally wouldn’t have let her be in any photos considering she’s gotta push the limit some how.
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u/Soccermom256 May 27 '26
Strange in the US too. Usually the mother of the bride wears a complimenting color to the bridesmaids and wedding colors
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u/mattcub86 May 27 '26
Yup, wearing white to someones wedding is known as some trashy behavior. The fact she is also under dressed at the same time is beyond inappropriate. Stop inviting her to weddings.
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u/atchisonmetal May 27 '26
In #2, is she actually wearing torn-edge sweatshirt beachwear plus flip flops??
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u/Top-Armadillo893 May 27 '26
The only thing that is left to do now is Photoshop the hell out of her white top. At least you can pic whatever colour you wanted her to wear :-)
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u/dart1126 May 27 '26
The white is bad enough. As others pointed out, the unbelievable casualness she approached both of your pictures indicates a complete lack of respect for the occasion. Does she support your marriage? Looks like she was making a mockery of it. For her to say the formal clothes she looks for all seem to be white…there is nothing bordering formal in her outfits. Your dad knew to dress appropriately…are they still together? How could he not say…babe…..there is no way she thought what’s she wore was appropriate in style.
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u/Individual-Paint7897 May 27 '26
It’s funny that she thinks that wearing white “makes her look good”. She does not look good- she looks petty, jealous of the attention, & inconsiderate. Those are all “ugly” looks. She should be aware that all of the guests are ridiculing her behind her back.
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u/Far-Moment2643 May 27 '26
I mean she’s dressed so casually it hardly matters what colour she’s wearing
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u/The_GOAT_of_all May 27 '26
When I got married almost 50 years ago I tried to plan a lovely small chapel wedding. I bought a white dress of course, and chose darker colors for the groom and party. However my fiancé wanted to wear white too, something that was semi popular at that time, but to me that was very tacky. We had an argument and my mother stepped between us and said she would handle it. She drove everyone to the store, came back with everyone carrying garment bags and smiling. I asked to see what they got and was told I would have to wait until the wedding, it would be a surprise. My mom told me firmly, "You will love it!!!" so that was that. The day of my wedding, the entire party was wearing white. The groom, the groomsmen, the maid of honor, the flower girl, me, just everyone. My wedding photos are a Where's Waldo? I was furious of course, but a lot of people had come a long way to be there for us, and as I wasn't allowed to see anyone until right before the wedding, I just had to go with it. It was business as usual for my childhood and a good indication of things to come for my marriage. Still pisses me off when I think about it. I should have done a Julia Roberts.
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u/Angel_tear0241 May 27 '26
Did one very clumsy Bridesmaid or Groomsmen at least have a drunk accident with a full glass of red wine or grape juice?
Dang... Don't wear white to a wedding unless the bride and groom both want that.
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u/harveydent526 May 27 '26
Shame on her and shame on you for letting her do it to you twice.
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u/babykittiesyay May 27 '26
When you have a business meeting at 11 but your daughter’s wedding at 10?
She sounds like Kelly from the office, “it was an emergency, I look great in white!”
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u/PerformerMindless100 May 27 '26
She was mad you called her on the white thing and she purposely just as dressed inappropriately the next time to punish you.
She is the one that looks bad. You can feel free to leave her photos out of the album. You’re a beautiful bride - wishes for your happy marriage.
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u/PutPretty647 May 27 '26
In the church wedding picture, the third picture, it looks like she is going out to lunch with friends. This doesn’t look like what anyone over 12 would wear to a wedding, with or without a white top, I can’t even call it a blouse. What the heck was she thinking.
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u/TorchLakeLady May 27 '26
Narcissists need attention! Even negative attention gives them fuel! What better way to receive attention at a wedding than wearing a white dress when you are not the bride?
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u/Impressive_Regret_89 May 27 '26
Some moms are just going to mom. She has issues, but I suggest you let it go. Leave it to a future wedding and let someone else set her straight.
My mom wore dark green with tan sandals (with reinforced pantyhose in the toe area). We got married in April at 10:30am. My mother in law wore a beautiful peach dress that was perfect
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u/FluffyWuffyy May 27 '26
Best part is, now your husband is your direct family and she is “extended family” you get to set the terms of your relationship with her now, for real.
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u/Curious4Him May 27 '26
My own mother did the same and forced my youngest sister to wear white. I cut her out of my life last year. Best decision I've ever made.
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u/Wild_Pickle8946 May 27 '26
She looks sickly in white. And brown slacks for a church wedding? Girl, she has issues. Back away slowly.
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u/PrincessTitan May 27 '26
Not only is she wearing white, she’s wearing some extremely ugly clothes that it makes it look like she really did ensure she wore the white.
Why are her clothes looking like she’s in the backyard barbecuing sausages…?
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u/Hannypie_032 May 27 '26
Well in those fits she could never be mistaken for the bride
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u/MrsUnitsLostTab May 27 '26
In the third photo, she's wearing a white top, but brown(?) bottoms. So is the rule to not wear white at all? I thought it was just to not wear an only white dress.
As an aside, my MIL wore black (with white polka dots) to my wedding...with a GIANTIC black wide brimmed woven hat to match.
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u/CycadelicSparkles May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
I think if you're still thinking about a shirt your mom wore to your wedding--if it caused no other issues besides existing--a month later, you are overreacting.
At this stage, the wedding is over, you are married, presumably everything went fine, and your life will carry on as it would have if she had worn literally any other color.
I would let it go. Considering this seems to be a pattern, you can at least be sure this was not some sort of attack on you.
Edit: and it genuinely could be worse. I once went to a very traditional church wedding where the step-mother of the groom wore a too-small-for-her leopard-print mini-dress and sky-high heels, and she is a woman of stately proportions and was involved in the ceremony so it was not subtle. It in no way matched the aesthetic or colors of the wedding. I would way, way rather the outfits pictured here than that.
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u/ScreamingLabia May 27 '26
Sorry to say this op but your moms fasion sense... my god and for a wedding?
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u/ExpertAggravating824 May 27 '26
Girl- I’m more upset over those beach thong cheap ass flip flops. And none of those outfits are even “good” revenge style throwdowns…. All embarrassing. But those freaking flippers tho…. Boooooo
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u/Dopandasdream May 28 '26
The way that I woupd photoshop the dress colour and send her the photo as a keepsake... 3 times is not a mistake.
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u/rosebudny May 27 '26
TL;DR but aside from her wearing white, she’s dressed like she’s going to play tennis or run errands, not go to a wedding