Yes I know but some mamma’s boys excuse not only their mother but everyone else’s mother too because they are defensive about their relationship with their mom and projecting.
My in laws kept meddling in my relationship with my mother until I told my MIL about some of the abuse my brother and I suffered. I only told her a few mild things.
I kinda get it because other than being super fundy Christian and having some shitty beliefs, they were pretty good parents and couldn’t imagine that some people weren’t. My MIL was pretty decent too.
One of my cousins married into a moderately fundamentalist family and told them she was low contact with her parents (who are poster adults for narcissism) because of their belief in the occult. After that her in-laws avoided all references to her parents.
That was pretty ingenious of her. Sometimes a little white lie is worth it, although I hope the parents never end up at the same event together or that could go badly.
She was definitely No Contact with her parents and the members of her extended family who she was in contact with (like me) were prepared to back her story.
Smart. My in-laws have avoided my parents because they got divorced. Also my dad is half black but white passing. My in-laws still thought he was “too dark”. They never outright said that about my dad, but they avoided h like the plague and kept saying awful things about other people who are the same complexion and have the same hair.
Then my MIL died 2 years ago after a very long illness. Less than a month my FIL was talking about getting remarried. He tricked my husband and me into meeting a woman he had become friends with. Totally ignoring that she had no interest in remarrying anyone. There were a couple like her all helping my FIL with his memoirs and thinking everything was platonic.
Then he started asking about my mom. I kept tell him that my mom wasn’t interested in dating anyone and loved her house and garden and being alone. This came to a head last thanksgiving. My FIL was bitching about the children of those women forbidding their mothers from dating anyone ( meaning him). The women saying they weren’t interested wasn’t enough so their children got involved.
Then he started asking about my mom. Even though I had kept telling him even before he started bitching that my mom had no interest in marrying anyone and loved her garden and house. He raised his voice with me and was actually accusing me of forbidding my mom from dating anyone. WTF?
Then I told him that it was hypocritical to want to marry my mom after being so judgmental about my parents divorce. “I don’ t remember any of that”. Of course not. Being judgmental is his raisons d’être.
He only has these conversations when he thinks he’s alone with me. My BIL was in another room and heard everything and came in and made my FIL stop.
Everyone defends him because he has dementia, but he knows what he’s saying. My husband has finally taken this seriously. He’s really mad at his father over his behavior.
My FIL has never respected consent and believes women exist to serve men.
Everyone who has a good or even a neutral mother when they find out you’re no contact with your mom “but she’s your MOM?!?”
Even the ones that see the mask drop and know your mom isn’t a nice or kind person, they seem incapable of believing a mom can be unmotherly and her kids biggest bully.
I love my mom and I didn’t always have the best relationship with her and I will admit that at one point was one of those people, but I have learned that I am one of the lucky ones and sometimes it’s better for your mental health to just cut people out of your life.
Well, you should know that before marrying someone.
Marriage is firstly between two people only. You’re literally starting a new family - with or without kids doesn’t matter. So the first priority should always be the wife or the husband.
I would also pay extra to have the dress photoshopped to the most unflattering color without warning Mom. Can’t wait to see the look on her face when she sees the wedding photos. Or just remove her entirely. Say the photographer had mentioned removing people who were dressed inappropriately.
What sucks is that if that dress were in pretty much any other color it would be a great choice for MOB/MOG attire. Why would you do this to your own child on their wedding day?
I hope one of your bridesmaids was able to trip and spill red wine on her. Or maybe all of them. "Sorry Mom, my friends are so clumsy! I can't believe you got wine, coffee AND chocolate on your dress. That's crazy!"
She was left to her own devices to the extent that she managed to wrestle the mic away from the DJ and give an impromptu speech while I wasn’t looking lolol
But it was an absolute gift, because I’ve been dining out on the story for 16 years and literally no one has ever pushed back when I say I haven’t talked to her in over a decade ¯_(ツ)_/¯
It really is. When I opened the post I thought this was going to be someone’s wedding dress. It would be gorgeous for a second wedding in one’s 40s/50s/60s.
I'm still looking for my wedding dress and was just scrolling through my feed and was like "oooh, that's nice, I wonder how much that costs." So, yikes for MOB to wear that in that color.
Over time, I've come to the idea that if someone wants to wear white to a wedding while claiming that it's "gold" or "gray" or whatever they've made up - let them. Two reasons: 1. They're going to look stupid to everyone.
When you touch up all the pictures to make the dress the colour they claimed it was (e.g, make this dress concrete gray), what are they going to say? "Why is my dress gray?"
"Well Dorothy, you wore a gray dress. What colour did you think it was going to look like?"
I graduated with two girls who fought each other because they had both worn a variation of this monstrosity to prom. Chelsey, if you’re reading this, Erica wore it best
I had an all off- white wedding. But that was my choice.
I'm guessing themother isn't the size of the model in the picture? As others suggested, I'd photoshop it to a hideous, institutional gray, but in addition, I'd be petty enough to put a disco ball in the centerpiece at her table or hang one above it.
My first thought was buy it for the first dance, dress change moment, but alter it so its short, maybe sleeveless or haltered, get a pair of silver louboutin heels, and rock it. Then, MIL will look like she copied the bride, but in a very... matronly and sad obvious king of way. If questioned, bride could just say 'imitation is the best form of flattery' as a double meaning for thecwin
the win
Maybe I’m weird, but if I were the bride, I would absolutely let the mother have the attention she craves.
I would tell my bridal party to let her walk down the aisle first, let the organist play “Here Comes the Bride” as she walks in, have the officiant motion for the mother to walk to the altar, and then let her stand there as everyone watches.
You want to be the center of attention? Then stand there awkwardly while the entire family looks at you in a wedding dress on NOT your wedding day.
Then I’d have the officiant point her to her seat, and say something like “Now that the entertainment portion of the ceremony is over, let’s welcome the bridal party” and then have the real ceremony start.
Another idea: just let her stand up there for a really long time. So it gets awkward and uncomfortable; a really long time until she squirms. Then let her stay up there some more.
Finally, Officiant to mother: "You may now remove yourself from the bride's spot and sit in the back. Your dress is not gray."
If I hadn’t gotten my dress yet I would totally not buy a white gown. You want to wear white and be special? Ok. My dress is now going to be dark green, brides maids are wearing dark colors. She’d be the only one wearing white and would stand out like a spot light.
My son is getting married next month and I truly don’t understand what some of these MOBs and MOGs are thinking. There are so many color choices, why would a mother intentionally choose to be antagonistic about this? Do they not want to foster good, loving, trusting relationships with their kids and their spouses? It just doesn’t make any sense.
When my daughter got married I asked her what color she wanted me to wear. She said anything but gold (she wore a gold gown) or navy because that's what the bridal party wore. I sent her several pictures and let her pick her favorites.
I have sons and have done the same with my 2 DILs. I would never want to be disrespectful to them or add stress to their lives, especially over something like the color of a dress.
My mom and MIL both asked, and when I said it didn’t matter, they still chose to avoid the bridesmaid color (purple). Both looked stunning in very different shades of blue MOB/MOG dresses they loved.
I wore dark pink with light pink highlights. The bridesmaids wore dark blue and each one chose a style that suited their frame. One bridesmaid's 3 month old baby was there and she wore white but no one complained.
We only ever hear the victim's side of the story. I would love if some woman who pulled this could just candidly tell us what she thought was going to happen. None of that, "Oooh, I really thought it was gray" nonsense.
But that’s exactly how they rationalize it. “You know, I have bad vision and I’m a bit color blind. I honestly honestly thought it was gray. And if it isn’t, then who cares. It’s just a dress.”
"Mom, you already got to plan your wedding. This is my wedding and it's going to be done my way. And while we're at it, you're not wearing that white dress to my wedding. You got to be the center of attention at your wedding. But this isn't your wedding. It's mine and groom's."
My mom always told me, "People treat you how you let them."
It should be my day too, at least partly, I made you, I raised you and you stole so much of my life from me the least you can do is share some of the spotlight today.
Besides under the store lights it really looked grey.
Yeah--i'm one who thinks the "no one wears white at a wedding" rule has been bastardized but this dress is one that actually fits the rule and the reason for the rule. It definitely looks more bridal than mother. Personally i think the rule has been stretched out of reality where brides are saying--and I know one--that any little bit of white on a dress (eg a collar or a bit of white background on a brightly floral dress) breaks the rule. It's become ridiculous but this time I actually agree. But it is a really pretty dress. There's a reason the bride and the mother have a strained relationship!
Oh I agree, anyone who requires a fainting couch at the sight of a piece of white on someone else's dress - especially children! - is too immature to be getting married in the first place.
I'm getting married soon, and my mom has been shopping for a mother of the bride dress. It's wild how many sales people suggested cream or ivory dresses to her as appropriate. Like I'm not worried people are going to confuse my mom for the bride, but why choose something so close to white when there is rainbow of colors available to choose from.
It used to be traditional for MOB/MOG to wear like a light pastel colour, so creams, ivory, light pinks etc. Obviously not all brides nowadays opt for a bright white as their dress choice, sometimes using those shades themselves. So its fallen out of favour for MOB/MOG to use them, but it did used to be pretty common
Next time she shops have her ask why they’re trying to push her to wear bridal colors. Would like to know what the consultants are thinking. Are they trying to cause issues?
I’ve learned with my mother is that no reaction makes her angry. If this were me, I’d hug her when I saw her, and tell her she looks beautiful, with a big, sincere, smile on my face. Even if I was internally boiling. The fact she didn’t get the reaction she wanted would really grind her gears.
Yep my mil wore an ivory suit to my wedding in 98. Didn't think anything about it. Her husband wore the same tux as the groom and wedding party. Nobody thought they were there to see them get married lol. People know whom they came to see get married.
It definitely is, it’s actually very common in my circle for MoB or MoG to wear beige, light gray or champagne. This dress is a little too white, but I’ve seen many close to this. My own mother wore a light beige dress to my brother’s wedding and my SiL picked that dress for her.
I am the first person here to berate people when they moan about a guest wearing a close to white dress, I believe that in most cases people are exaggerating and entering bridezilla territory.
But this… this is another level of omfg. No, the answer is no.
If i saw someone wearing that, i would immediately assume she was the bride, the fact that this is being sold as anything other than a wedding dress is crazy.
So I assume the mothers were supposed to wear grey... that's not gray. Whoah NO.
When my sister got married, we all went shopping (mom 51, sis who was 24, me 10). My sister picked a very pretty late 90s dress, narrow with long sleeves. Mom said she wanted blue, like dark electric blue (flattering for her tbh). She ended up in a light yellow sheath dress that while good shape was not her colour. Sis's MIL had pastel green, btw.
My sister chose for me a creme knee lenght dress with a beaded top, so I actually wore white to my sister's wedding. I was not anything at the wedding, not a bridesmaid, not flowergirl (wouldn't have wanted to, so good call, bad dress). Later on my niece wore that dress better.
You should ask her if she is in love with her future son in law, as she looks like a bride in that dress and will give the impression that she wants to marry him instead of her daughter. The only thing that works on entitled delusional people like her is making fun of her poor choices.
There was an earlier story about the same problem. So the bride quietly asked her bridesmaids and guests' wives to wear their own white/pale colored wedding gowns. The bride chose a pink(?) dress instead. Mother just blended right into the crowd, as was enraged!
Mothers who wear dresses like this to their child’s wedding are exactly like dudes who drive gigantic lifted trucks and live in the suburbs. Everyone can see how pathetic they are except themselves.
A lovely dress! Surely the bride’s mother wouldn’t then mind that her daughter would later wear this to the mother’s funeral. She’d just be respectfully reminding everyone of her mother’s style, you know?
Firstly, at least it's not the mother of the groom this time. Secondly, that's one sure fire way to never have to buy Christmas presents for the grandkids since your already distant daughter will surely go no contact now.
I’m a weirdo and this would be okay with me in a very narrow circumstances. the wedding is black tie, I’m wearing an extravagant ballgown and his mom is also wearing a silver/white dress. Then it looks like we made a deliberate choice and not mom being an asshole
The artist in me can see the ‘light gray’ in this. But the rest of me can see how inappropriate this would be to wear to someone’s wedding if you aren’t the bride.
Also, if someone shines a flashlight at that dress, everyone is going blind.
I’m on the opposite side of this. Doesn’t look like a wedding dress at all. I understand it’s close to white but looks very like a mother of bride/groom dress to me.
Bride should instruct the bridal party and her family to stare and roll their eyes and whisper to each other when this lady is around. Just make her spend the whole party knowing everyone is embarrassed to see her dressed like that.
I would tell her that she’s welcome to wear it. You’re just concerned everyone will be laughing at her. Because it’s so unusual and inappropriate to dress as a bride at your son‘s wedding.
Or I’d just let her roll with it because you know they’re talking about her in a derogatory way
I saw one bride had everyone wear white. Even told the ladies to wear their wedding dress if they could. Mom walked in pissed that she wasn't the only one. It helped the bride's dress wasn't white. It think it was black or dark purple.
Unpopular take. I’ve been to a lot of weddings and I have zero recollection of what anyone other than the bridal party wore. This attempt to control what others wear is out of control and makes every person that complains about it sound ridiculous. The bride’s dress is all anyone will remember, if they remember that so chill out and let people live and you will enjoy your wedding way more. Perfection is overrated.
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u/engg_girl May 15 '26
Lmao.
The good news is, everyone at the wedding will know exactly what that mother is like after this.