Torn between practical and dream wedding

[u/midwest_lady25]

My fiancé and I have been engaged for a little over a year and we are just under one year until our wedding! We have a decent amount already planned and booked at this point.

I’ve always dreamed of a “traditional” wedding: ceremony, reception, father daughter dance, first dance, speeches, dancing the night away, etc. My fiancé didn’t really care if we had a “big” wedding, but wanted to do it since it’s something I’ve wanted for a while.

Since we’re having a long engagement, financially we are in a pretty good spot. Saving for the wedding and making payments as we save up. We are getting help from both of our parents also.

With that, my MIL and FIL are covering the venue and the bar tab. They mentioned having an open bar all night, and we pumped the brakes on that. Now, on the year out anniversary, my MIL tried to have a conversation with my fiancé and I about it again. She made some good points and I was considering everything she said but still said I was unsure if this is something I wanted. She kept drilling into me and trying to pressure me to change my mind and give her an answer then. Things got a little out of control and my fiancé stepped in and said something along the lines of it’s our wedding and our choice and we just kind of abruptly ended the conversation.

Fast forward and there was a phone call and it did not make the situation better. She basically said “sorry if I came off that way” and was not taking accountability at all for blowing this out of proportion.

Now my fiancé and I are considering just doing a ceremony at our church with our already selected bridal party, immediate family, and aunts/uncles/cousins. After the ceremony we are playing with the idea of just having cupcakes and basically a social hour and then leaving for a private dinner and then meet up with the bridal party later.

I’m really struggling with coming to terms on not doing the “whole” thing. I know it’s not needed, and the most important part is we’re married in the eyes of God and proclaim our love and vows, but I can’t help but grieve the loss of the “party”.

This whole dynamic is also tricky because the venue is my MIL and FIL’s and we all work in their family business together. The last few days have been extremely awkward and I’m having terrible anxiety everyday. No one is talking about it and my MIL and I have barely talked at all.

Would love any advice and wisdom - just really struggling mentally with everything.

[u/cowgirlkittypurr]

The whole wedding you want to scrap because your MIL wants to pay for an open bar? What’s the problem with it?

If you live in the US, open bars are standard. Maybe because they are helping host the wedding they don’t want to come off as cheap?

I don’t really understand why there can’t be compromise here.

[u/Elemental_Biscotti]

I think I'm missing something. What's the issue with MIL paying for open bar? Why do you suddenly want to nix the big wedding?