MoB & MoB rant

[u/Electronic_Corgi8846]

I’m getting a little tired of wedding planning. my feelings on it ebb and flow.

im so excited to marry my fiancee and continue to build our life together, but the expectations of others and the outside opinions weigh me down.

for reference: both my FMiL and my mom are very strong independent women with lots of opinions. they love to share these whether we ask for them or not.

my fiancée and I are doing a major remodel to our house and currently sleeping in our living room, I’m also taking licensing exams for work so we’re a little busy and spending money like it’s water. So what we want for our wedding is a fun party, nothing too crazy.

my FMiL wants a very fancy party and fancy isn’t really my style and my mom is backing her up. They’re both saying they’re helping but all they do is stress me the heck out. My invites were called too campy, my flowers too hippy, my lack of hor d’oevres would leave guests starving, my idea for the farewell brunch too casual, my 1 tier cutting cake too small (we have sheet cakes in addition to this), and my mountain formal dress code too cowboy, nevermind our venue is in the mountains where it gets to 30 degrees at night all year round. The one thing she did like was my dress and eventually she swallows her pride on these other items.

it’s just a lot more confrontation than I’d like and I’m concerned this is not going to go well in the future. My fiancee stands up for me to her but most of these comments I just bite my tongue on and dont tell my fiancée because he has a tendency to get mad at her and I don’t want more trouble.

the cherry on top was our venue main options which she hated and threw a stink about before backtracking after realizing she was the headache. the worst part is my fiancées dads family owns our venue so she can throw a stink about it. Plus our potential caterer for the farewell brunch is her client. so it’s been a super fun week.

I’ve been trying to involve her because she doesn’t have a daughter but keep feeling like I’m wrestling control for my own wedding from my mother in law and my own mom who just agrees with her most of the time because she never had a big wedding and wants me to have one.

at this point we’re talking about eloping 😂

[u/Randomflower90]

Plan the wedding you want. Acknowledge your FMIL’s and mom’s comments. “That’s interesting” or “we’ll consider that, “We’ve already decided that” is all you need. Just acknowledge and deflect. You’re giving their comments way more thought than they deserve.

[u/Electronic_Corgi8846 → u/Randomflower90]

That’s generally what I try to do, I think the caterer ones just annoyed the heck out of me and I have a licensing exam next Monday so it’s just another added stress.  I’m just a little tired because they both like to push until they get the answer they want because that’s what works in the rest of their life and at work

[u/twizmixer]

when you say they’re helping, do you mean financially? if not, there is absolutely nothing they can do to stop you from doing what you want. try your best to ignore them.

[u/Electronic_Corgi8846 → u/twizmixer]

They’re helping financially, my fiancées grandparents owns the venue we’re getting married at which also has our caterer. My parents are paying for most of the other vendors and his parents bought our cake and are paying for the rehearsal dinner

[u/Fun-Nectarine1336]

I think you and your fiance both need to sit down with your respective moms/parents and address the issue. "we are planning the wedding that we want and that works for us. I'm sorry you didn't get the big wedding that you wanted, but that is not what we want for ourselves. Please stop criticizing and trying to change our wedding or we will have to stop sharing details with you."

[u/wickedkittylitter]

You've tried sharing information with the moms and it isn't working, so stop sharing. It's too bad FMIL didn't have a daughter, though it's also good she didn't because FMIL is a pain in the ass.

This also isn't a wedding for either of the moms. If either of them want a fancy event, they can plan one for their next big anniversary or big birthday.

At this point, you tell them when, where and what time. They don't need to know anything else and if either complains, be honest that they were ruining the wedding planning experience with their constant criticism. I also think you need to include your fiance more on how his mother is behaving because he needs to set clear boundaries with her so that her behavior doesn't continue into the future when you and your fiance are making other big life decisions.