r/weddingplanning • u/Immediate_Welder_111 • Jul 30 '26
Recap/Budget Having a wedding I can’t afford
Throw away because I’m embarrassed lol. I’m getting married at the end of August and our small intimate wedding has turned out to be 3x as expensive. With all the details and added things that come with planning a wedding 2 hours away it truly has made me reconsider my life lol. Being really vulnerable here… we have taken out loans and honestly in hindsight we should have cancelled this wedding and eloped. It is the most irresponsible thing I could have done and I feel a guilty fr starting my marriage this way. Our parents can’t really afford to help us but honestly I would be too ashamed to ask for help. Sharing a cautionary tale for those who may be in a similar position. Don’t do it, the anxiety alone is not worth it
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer Jul 30 '26
It's fair to reflect on the why here. Is it because you built a budget before getting actual quotes? Is it because your small intimate wedding ended up as a large wedding? Is it because you YOLO'd and splurged even though you knew you shouldn't have?
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u/stamdl99 Jul 30 '26
I agree with this. OP, life is full of things we want vs. things we need. Going over budget by this much is the result of multiple bad decisions. I really hope you and your partner can work together to check your spending habits in the future and focus on paying down your wedding debt aggressively.
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u/Immediate_Welder_111 Jul 30 '26
Honestly I think it’s a mix of things. The guest list grew more than we expected (about 20ish people more), spent money on things that were completely unnecessary and added things and made contractual commitments before realizing how much we were in the gutter for. I take accountability for my serious of bad decisions 😵💫
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
What does taking accountability look like?
What does it mean for you to take accountability?
As an aside, I don’t think this is a “you” problem, so much as it is a problem of vendors and stupid influencers shoving stupid things down our throats making us feel like we’re doing ourselves a disservice if we don’t have whatever stupid fru-fru gimmick they’re peddling.
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u/SelicaLeone Jul 30 '26
Take any money you get from the wedding and put it towards the loans. Do a rummage sale or eBay for as much as you can after. Any other gifts, dresses, decor. Skip the honeymoon. Do everything you can to avoid starting your marriage with debt. Be a team through it.
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u/sadart Jul 30 '26
Since your wedding is so soon enjoy it without thinking of your finances. Save and pay down what you can. Any money you get from the wedding should go towards your loans. Wishing you the best.
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
This is terrible advice.
Being saddled with avoidable debt sounds like an awful way to start a marriage.
Since when are people depending on gifts to pay for a wedding? You might as well sell tickets.
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u/maybememaybeno Jul 30 '26
I know everyone always bangs on about “don’t have a wedding you can’t afford” but weddings are one of those things where you can easily blow out your budget by mistake. I actually know a few people that went into debt for their weddings or borrowed against their mortgages. I was almost in the same boat when I did the numbers and realised we would not be able to pay our wedding bill on time. Luckily for us the parents helped us out but not everyone has that luxury
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u/Fabulous-Potato3410 Jul 30 '26
Honestly, I’m not sure how people even budget with this inflation. It’s nuts out there. My husband and I tried to have a 10k wedding two years ago and ended up spending 20 k…thankfully we had the cash, but I didn’t feel great about it (and I know that’s a pittance compared to the weddings of many people!). You did your best- most people have never thrown a huge event before, and there’s a steep learning curve. If it’s not too late to cancel, consider it! And if it’s too late, try to enjoy it. At least it’s not student loans and you can declare bankruptcy if you need to (joking, kind of). ❤️
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u/_J_Dead Jul 31 '26
I've had a budget spreadsheet for probably a year now of things I would like to have and things I actually feel we'd need - the need total is still crazy high and these are just quoted numbers, using things like costco dessert assortments and the local pizza place catering, being super conservative on anything 'extra'. the cost is insane and I'm not surprised at all you had to double your budget!
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u/Fabulous-Potato3410 Jul 31 '26
100%, I couldn’t agree more! I think people need to be more compassionate with brides/grooms who go over budget. Like, are we really judging people for that when the cost of food has gone up almost 40% in the last 3-4 years?! Come on people 😂 Glad you get it! ❤️
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u/hakeber-regnu22 Jul 30 '26
I don't know if this will help or not, but I was feeling some type of way with using almost all my savings for my wedding (start of august) but I heard this and it really helped me. "You only get to bring everyone in your life together under one roof for two occasions, 1) your wedding and 2) your funeral, and you're only alive for one of those, so make it count"
Obviously this doesnt mean going into debt but hopefully it can provide some comfort! Have the best day with everyone you love! Ask for cash/money instead of a registry and hopefully people gift some good amounts! Sending positive vibes!
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u/Fuzzy-Preference8455 Jul 31 '26
This! Several of my friends have asked for cash instead of gifts and I think it is so smart. Less thinking to do by your guests as well.
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u/LastTQuarkNetwork Jul 31 '26
People have reunions and parties all the time. If you only get together with your family once, you've got bigger problems than poor spending choices.
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
They also left out other people’s weddings.
I think big weddings are like big dogs: I love them, but not everybody—including myself—can be trusted to give it everything it needs. Love when other people enjoy putting them on, though.
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u/irishmilkmaid Jul 30 '26
Try not to beat yourself up too much - it’s not ideal but given you’ve spent the money now, try to enjoy the wedding as much as you can. Would highly encourage you to spend some time thinking about how you can be present and put away these thoughts for the wedding day.
I also overspent on my wedding and it exacerbates any small mistakes over the day by a lot. I questioned every single vendor and decision bc I kept thinking about the money. But I tried to think of all the things that did go well and really appreciate them bc at this point you should both really enjoy the day when you’re in it. Feel free to PM if you want to discuss more and agree with other commenter on skipping honeymoon, selling what you can etc. Enjoy the day! You will overcome this and it will be a special day together.
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u/gaanmetde Jul 30 '26
What I will say is- have you looked into options for cancelling? It’s still maybe a possibility.
Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Maybe stepping away and losing deposits is the smart choice.
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u/HulkingFicus Jul 30 '26
I mean the wedding is like 30 days away, that's probably not an option at this point. I'm getting married at the end of August and am in the process of making my final payments and everyone has already booked their non-refundable travel at this point.
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u/Immediate_Welder_111 Jul 30 '26
Too late now unfortunately.. wedding is in a few weeks. Majority of things are fully paid
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u/MathematicianNo1596 married 10.3.25 😻 Jul 30 '26
This was my thought as well, as awful as it may be
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u/Glitter-Moon-Silver Jul 31 '26
The sunk cost theory is exactly what she would follow if she was to walk away. It means the opposite of what you're saying!!
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
Out of curiosity, where are you getting that from?
The sunk cost fallacy applies when people feel the need to “continue an endeavor once an investment in money, effort, or time has been made.”
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u/Glitter-Moon-Silver Aug 05 '26
A sunk cost is a cost that should be disregarded as at the present time it is irrelevant to the situation. It's gone, done and any present action should not be taken on the basis of money already spent.
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
Right. So if the present options are:
A) spend more money to keep moving forward, and
B) don’t spend more money, while trying to recover as much spent money as possible,
Option B makes more sense.
I don’t see how cancelling to avoid further expenditures and trying to recoup expenses would be falling for the sunk cost fallacy.
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u/Glitter-Moon-Silver Aug 05 '26
It wouldn't be "falling for the sink cost fallacy" it would be accepting the sunk cost. Dunk cost isn't a fallacy, it's the reality
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
I think this might be a matter of semantics at this point, but the following sentence illustrates the sunk cost fallacy: “I need to keep spending time/money/effort on this thing, and the reason why is because I have already spent time/money/effort on this think.”
The time/money/effort that was already spent is the “sunk cost.” The fallacy that people fall for is continuing to spend more on top of the sunk cost in the hope it will produce the desired outcome: “I’ve already put in so much, I can’t stop now!”
The converse would be not spending any further time/money/effort, and avoiding future expenditures on top of the sunk cost—accepting the sunk costs as sunk, and walking away from the endeavor.
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u/FreckledFamiliarity Jul 31 '26
OP, be kind to yourself. I think many of the “don’t go into debt for a wedding” crowd don’t realize just HOW expensive weddings are nowadays, and not everyone has parents in a position to help. If it’s too late to cancel or pull back, all you can do is enjoy your day to the fullest and buckle down afterwards. You are not alone in this!
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
Two things can be true at once: we can realize how expensive weddings are, and maintain that people shouldn’t go into debt for them.
Maybe that means not everyone gets a big wedding. So be it.
I think people saying “Don’t worry and just buckle down afterwards” to repay wedding debt don’t realize what they are taking away from.
Every penny you spend to pay off wedding debt is money you don’t spend maintaining your home or transportation, your future children and their education, meaningful experiences like family trips, retirement, long-term care when you’re old and sick.
A home loan puts a roof over your head. A car loan gives you transportation. Even if you go into debt for a “worthless” degree, at least you end up educated and expand your intellectual horizons, regardless of whether you leverage your education into a career.
A wedding is the stupidest thing someone could ever go into debt for.
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u/likeabadhabit Jul 30 '26
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, OP, but you're telling an excellent cautionary tale. To any late 2026 or 2027 brides - do not start your marriage with debt hanging over your heads!!
That said, I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful and I hope you have the time of your life! You might be regretful or worried, but when you get overwhelmed with those thoughts remind yourself that 1. Hindsight is 20/20 and 2. You can always repay the debt, but you can never recreate the memories you'll make that day 💕
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u/Advanced_Good3651 Jul 31 '26
Yea y’all should’ve eloped. I know weddings are special, but taking out loans for a party is crazy. Unless you want to drown in debt & interest, don’t splurge anymore. It’ll take you months to re-pay (I’m assuming) the loans & expenses. Y’all better hold it down & sacrifice a lot of wants otherwise you’ll be paying off your wedding years later. I know people that got divorced before ever paying the wedding off. Congrats though, I wish y’all everlasting happiness.
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u/VirAriCan Jul 31 '26
I’m sorry! As others have said, all you can do is move forward. If there are expenses and contracts you can cut…consider it no one will notice the fluff missing if they are having a good time with friends.
For your own anxiety — maybe this will help: A friend told me that she viewed her wedding expenses as long term investments in her friendships, and that will come back to support her many years into the future.
Over time, the people celebrating you will also show up to support you in other ways quantifiable and not.
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u/ValuableNo2959 Jul 31 '26
Hi I might get downvoted but I don’t care. Congratulations! Have the beautiful wedding, enjoy every minute of it with zero remorse, you deserve it! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you’ll quickly recover financially. But the memories and the experience? Are priceless. The wedding is more important in my opinion as money comes and goes and with an aggressive plan you’ll pay it off soon. I am speaking as someone who didn’t get to have a wedding (young, knocked up and poor) it’s an incredibly painful part of my past to have never experienced that. Especially now as I’m older, built an incredible career and can literally afford a wedding every other year if I wanted to. But I can’t turn back time, I can’t go back to give my younger self that moment. So yeah, I’m on the boat of splurge this one time. Your future self will thank you!
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u/Past-Resource-6184 Jul 31 '26
how can you say OP's finances will recover quickly if you know nothing about them?
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u/ValuableNo2959 Jul 31 '26
True! I know nothing about them but what I do know is that debt isn’t forever. I feel similarly about other things that people often stress financially about. Like going back to school or sending kids to daycare. Those are temporary financial commitments in life just like buying a car. Sure, it’ll take some shuffling around and new budgets but in the end the payments are temporary and the experience far out weigh the temporary debt. Again, just my two cents. Have the wedding! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. I’m speaking from a place of regret, I STILL kick myself for not having a wedding 15 years later. How dumb was I to think I’d be broke forever. I did the financially conscious thing and made the best decision at the time and it cost me dearly.
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
Respectfully, it’s hard to say what your life would have been like if you’d gone into debt to have a wedding that you want in hindsight. There’s no telling what memories you would have created, whether they would have been good or bad.
How did you use the money you saved? Would you have been able to do the things you’ve done if you’d had to spend that money repaying loans?
Forgive me if I am distrustful of someone to whom money comes easily telling someone without money how to spend it.
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u/Immediate_Welder_111 Aug 01 '26
Thanks! We are at the beginning of our careers and hopefully continue to do well. Finally starting to feel a little more settled after grad school but the wedding costs are a big hit to our finances. We’ll buckle come September 🥲
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u/babycheeks2210 Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
For our wedding, we made sure our guests know that we don’t accept physical gifts except for our House Funds donations. It ended up covering more than half of the wedding cost, and we’re still receiving Zelle from people a week later. Perhaps that’s somewhat a way to help alleviate the cost burden
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u/SakuraTimes Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
are you trying to say you let them know you would only ACCEPT gifts of money? (!!! holy shit that’s rude, if so)! or you EXPECT gifts of cash?
eta: since everyone is misunderstanding. preferring money and asking for money is 100% fine. I haven’t seen a physical gift registry is close to 2 decades. and in my culture (and many countries I’ve lived in) cash is EXPECTED. never heard anyone say they would “only accept cash” though. “sorry grandma, the heirloom earrings are lovely, but I’m only accepting cash, come back with a checkbook.” also, we would never need to spell out we want cash bc that’s what you do in my/many/most (?) cultures.
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u/babycheeks2210 Jul 30 '26
Hi, that’s actually the common thing in my culture! In fact giving “not money” is considered weird / almost rude depending on the item. We’re asians by the way. We just put on the wedding website that we’re not accepting physical gifts, for those who wants to give something to the couple to please donate to our house funds. Hope that helps you see what’s rude/not rude for other people.
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u/SakuraTimes Jul 31 '26
lol. yes. I’m also used to Asian weddings and money is the most common gift. I have never seen anyone say they would not accept a gift if it wasn’t money, though. holy shit. my ancestors would be turning in their grave over such rudeness. lol. plus, we don’t really need to out that as everyone gives money anyway. ;)
but thanks for trying to give me a lesson ;)
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u/East-Put-8750 Jul 31 '26
Lol Italians in America a lot of times keep books with how much cash family member gave them 🤣 if you think this person is rude you'd be surprised at other weddings.
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u/SakuraTimes Jul 31 '26
wtf. I never said wanting/expecting cash is rude. hell, I haven’t seen a physical gift registry in over a decade. I said telling guests you WON‘T ACCEPT any non cash gift they give you is fucking rude, though. and it is. “sorry grandma, not accepting heirlooms today, come back with a check.” lol
and baby, you should know, when you’re from a culture that gives money, you don’t need to specify you want money, let alone that you'll “only accept money.”
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u/haneenm Jul 31 '26
She’s clearly not talking about heirlooms, dude. Shes saying she told people in lieu of physical gifts, they have a cash fund. It’s not that hard to comprehend. They don’t want random gifts that they won’t use.
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u/SakuraTimes Jul 31 '26
yes, and what I’m saying is not that hard to comprehend, either, dear. cash fund=fine/normal. putting a note that literally says “we will not accept non-monetary gift” is not. lol. it’s very sad, on a few levels, that needs to be explained to you
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u/SakuraTimes Jul 31 '26
why’d you erase your comment “babes”? ;) but thanks for proving you have no manners :P
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u/haneenm Jul 31 '26
I didn’t you just don’t know how to use the internet
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u/SakuraTimes Jul 31 '26
Yeah, pretty sure I wouldn’t take your advice on etiquette or manners on anything, babes.
eta: I see your post history, no wonder you can’t accept non monetary gifts… I gotcha now. sorry. i guess when money is that big of an issue it’s ok to swallow some pride and manners. do what you gotta do.
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u/SakuraTimes Jul 31 '26
how come you keep deleting all your nasty comments babes? why not just stand by your words, dear?
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u/East-Put-8750 Jul 31 '26
Girl im not arguing with you or being rude I said my two cents jokingly. There are many aspects of weddings in different cultures that could be considered rude. Idk personally I would never write that we are expecting cash and cash only but I also dont want a bunch of random crap that people will give you just to give you something. I was just laughingly pointing out that other types of people do this in a way more extreme fashion and no one thinks its rude, its like expected.
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u/babycheeks2210 Jul 31 '26
So in weddings in my culture, yes we do SPELL it out on the invitation. Because there might be people who aren’t aware. Some people go a step further and actually put signs (gifts ❌, flowers ❌, cash ✅). Our wedding was in the US, with different people attending, and some guests were asking if we have a registry, which is why we tried to point it out clearly on the website. (And we tried very hard to be respectful)
If grandma wants to give jewelry / family heirloom, that’s not done at the wedding. There’s a family engagement party where all of those items can be gifted.
Again, rude is different in many cultures, and your comment hurt my feelings ngl.
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u/Button_Classic_ Jul 31 '26
Girl I’m literally in the exact same boat lol. Getting married in September also a few hours away and we’re paying for everything ourselves. Our budget went from 10k to like 25k in the blink of an eye (probably a lot more tbh but I’m too scared to do the math)
I told my fiancé today (jokingly ofc) that if we ever get divorced and he remarries, have a small wedding and don’t put another woman through this lmao
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u/Immediate_Welder_111 Aug 01 '26
lol it’s definitely comforting knowing I’m not alone. But never again!!
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u/MsMsc Jul 31 '26
I am in the EXACT same boat. At this point I’m just going to enjoy it, and move forward.
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Aug 05 '26
Everybody’s like, “Just tighten your belt after the wedding!”
But like, isn’t that when people tend to have kids, within a couple years of getting married? Like, literally and figuratively the worst time for belt-tightening?
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u/Substantial_Rest_251 Jul 31 '26
Don't let your stress ruin your day
Tighten up after
Don't beat yourself up, weddings and funerals are the classic way responsible people with family obligations get into debt
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Jul 31 '26
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u/Economy_Way_9046 Jul 31 '26
Completely sympathize with this, we started with a budget but then started want to create the best experience for our guests since they’re traveling plus wanting the best outfits and dresses since it’s the one time in our lives we’ll be wearing them and then just random things from Amazon that we keep needing for decor, I’m scared to tally it up.
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u/saltievinegar Aug 03 '26
Just some quick financial advice in getting the loans repaid - DO NOT USE THE SNOWBALL METHOD.
You want to attack the highest interest first because that's what's costing you the most.
If you have credit card debt, look at balance transfers onto 0% cards
If that's not an option or you have other forms of debt/loans, talk to your bank about consolidation loans.
The most important thing when repaying loans is to minimise the the interest.
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Aug 04 '26
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u/weddingplanning-ModTeam Aug 04 '26
Thanks for contributing! Unfortunately your submission has been removed:
Rule #7: No monetizing the subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: advertising, self-promoting, sharing your work, affiliate links, blogs/vlogs, market research / feedback solicitation, free giveaways. Monetizing the subreddit will result in a ban. Coupons/discounts can be shared in the Daily Discussion Chat. We do not allow GoFundMe, vote solicitations, or other similar requests. Vendor AMAs: Please contact the mods first for verification. Please note that you cannot advertise in your AMA.
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u/myfckincinnamonapple Jul 31 '26
Same lol it’s been the absolute most expensive year of my life. At this point I’m like we’re just not doing anything fun for the next year to pay down our credit cards 😅 at one point there was a budget but it’s so far gone. We thought we’d have more help from my parents than we have, but my dad lost his job so he hasn’t felt comfortable contributing for things we previously talked when we booked the thing. But alas, as others said, the only thing we can do now is enjoy it! Money comes and goes, it’ll come back and this is a once in a lifetime experience and one of the only times you’ll have these people all together to celebrate you. I like to think as we continue to progress in our careers we’ll also be coming into some bonuses and raises that will help pay things off. Just be financially responsible the next couple years to get your loan paid off. You’re certainly not the first person to be in this situation, and if it makes you feel better all of my friends that got married the last few years experienced the same thing and they’re recovering from it okay 😊
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u/StatisticianOther588 Jul 30 '26
Call your vendors and see how much it would be to cancel and how much money you would get back. The anxiety of starting your marriage in crippling debt shouldn’t be felt.
If you cannot get anything then enjoy the day and really crank down on your spending and work extra hard to pay it off. Use gifted funds to replay the loans, get second jobs, forego honeymoon and holiday presents and prioritize saving.
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u/Fuzzy-Preference8455 Jul 31 '26
I’ve seen this as well, people postponing honeymoon to recover for wedding day expense. I feel that is such a smart move and allows you to plan in advance for the place you actually want your honeymoon to be at
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u/PossibilityFew5967 Jul 30 '26
Lesson for others unfortunately. Never EVER accept the first number vendors offer. Never show excitement and always never be afraid to walk away
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u/SakuraTimes Jul 30 '26
might be regional, but we don’t haggle with vendors where I’m from. the demand far outweighs the supply, so they'll happily move on to clients who are happy to pay.
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u/PossibilityFew5967 Jul 30 '26
Not even haggling. Just saying "well think about it" and falling a few days later. You'd be amazed how much lower they'll go. Nothing to lose since weddings are on the decline
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u/Cer427 August 2027 Jul 30 '26
All you can do is move forward. Enjoy your wedding. Don’t commit to any more expenses. Buckle down after the wedding and pay off the debt ASAP. Hopefully you’ll get some monetary gifts and you can use that towards some of the debt.