r/weddingplanning • u/fitnessjourney2000 • Nov 21 '25
Recap/Budget The Wedding Was an Embarrassment.
Got married on November 8, and I can't even think about the day without fuming with anger at my planner. We were engaged for 2 years as I was in law school and we wanted to wait until that was over to get married. I hired a FULL wedding planner, who was to provide all decor (linens, flatware, glasses, vases, candles, printing, signage) and also carry out coordination. She had done some beautiful weddings so I thought all was fine.
We do a walk-through about 2.5 months before the wedding at the venue and she is looking at me for the answers about the venue. Apparently she didn't make contact with the owner at all prior to this day. Flash forward, it takes nearly a month to get ahold of her as i needed to know what else i needed to order, like extra candles or faux florals if they didn't have enough, etc. and her excuse is that they have just been super busy. That's fine, but no follow up email after the walk through was sent.
Flash forward to the WEEK OF THE WEDDING. I get a call saying she needs to charge me extra because the venue wasn't going to set out the tables and chairs. I told her that some of our wedding party would be glad to help, and we would be there bright and early Friday to set up. We get there, only to find our help isn't needed. Keep in mind, the venue is an hour away from all our homes, so we drove there for nothing....
Here is where the real kicker comes in. Not sure on who this truly is because both ended up lying about so much. But, the caterer we paid for rehearsal dinner was also doing our wedding day. I finalized the menu, gave her a final count, and paid her. The day comes and we are all getting up to go get food. My now husband and I notice there is next to nothing out as far as protein goes and the food is not what we had talked about. He goes and talks to the caterer, who says she thought the food was supposed to be like a cocktail hour type thing, not a whole meal. Mind you, I communicated DINNER and MEAL multiple times.
Beyond embarrassed, I go have a mental breakdown. I had been dreaming of this for 2 years, we had people fly in. and now, we don't have enough food. I call my planner, who had left immediately following rehearsal, at which point she goes and calls the caterer. I was, and am still, just beyond mortified that this happened. Thankfully, they got their act together the day of the wedding and everyone still compliments the food.
Wedding day comes, I am an anxious ball of energy. I can't enjoy getting ready, nothing is going right and I just wanted it all to be over. I go downstairs and the escort wall is wrong, names misspelled, the welcome sign is done horribly, and the table decor was NOT what we discussed. I just defer to my MOH, who then talks to the planner, and still, excuses.
Come to find out, they never had enough candles for the vision I had sent and we discussed probably 20 times and I had, MULTIUPLE times asked if I needed to buy more. Each table had 1 candle and thank god I had extra baby's breath to use. Instead of consulting me about it, she throws on some god awful faux florals during the flip and to say it looked cheaply done is an understatement.
Not a single vendor had a timeline, so I was contacted by every single one asking what time they should be there. My cold sparks were put in the wrong spot, the DJ announced the wrong person for our officiant for the blessing of the food, and I had to leave my reception because the planner couldn't figure out how to turn the lights off, mind you, IT WAS A BUTTON THAT SAID "ALL OFF."
My husband and I got married and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. Still though, we were engaged for so long and for there to be such a hot mess, just baffles me.
OH and we also are convinced the caterers and/or planner's staff might've stolen some of our gifts/cards as we are missing several things people have mentioned bringing.
Overall, my question is how do you get over something like that happening and stop feeling so embarrassed? I want to love my wedding photos but I just can't get myself to look at them without feeling sad and upset.
UPDATE! Thank you all so much for the kind words and empathy. I did reach out to the caterer personally before leaving a review and while they did try to blame everything under the sun, they ultimately agreed to refund half of the rehearsal dinner cost.
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u/corinnigan Nov 21 '25
So, law school grad. You’ve got to go through your contracts. Sounds like neither the caterer nor the planner carried out their end of the deal.
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u/IKnewThat45 Nov 22 '25 edited Nov 22 '25
right i’m like girl you’re a lawyer. pick over these contracts with a fine tooth comb and get some money back.
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u/StarDue6540 Nov 22 '25
She's not a lawyer. She just graduated.
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Nov 21 '25
I guarantee you most of your friends and family probably have no idea that any of this happened. At the end of the day, they went to a beautiful wedding and watched two people they love get married. Focus on everything that did go right. Focus on how you felt walking down the aisle, and when he kissed you. Focus on how happy your friends and family were to see you get married.
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u/halfcarnitashalfstik Nov 21 '25
Do you mind sharing me the planner?
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u/Remarkable-Blood-586 Nov 21 '25
I think everyone who makes posts like this should add the company names
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u/SnidusScribus Nov 21 '25
Agree. Name and shame so that future brides and grooms don’t have to go through what OP did. I feel so bad for her!
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u/goblin-fox Married! 5/24/26 Nov 22 '25
It's not advisable to blast a business before contacting them about the matter because a lot of them are much less likely to offer any compensation if you've already posted negative reviews online. It can also cause issues if the customer ends up pursuing legal action.
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u/djbenboylan Nov 21 '25
The best path forward is to post reviews for them which will help other couples not make the same mistakes you did. And it will help the vendors improve. It is best to make the reviews short and to the point, way shorter than this Reddit post. Clear reviews are taken more seriously.
Also, please post in a local Reddit in your area and help other couples not make the same mistakes you did.
Vendors like me are thinking the same thing: Are these vendors market-rate? Often, these are the kind of stories we hear happening from budget vendors who are very cheap. If that was the case, and you hired low-priced wedding vendors, that is something you could caution engaged couples from doing.
Helping others is the best way to feel better in life. Congratulations on your wedding and good luck!
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
The planner has been rated Georgia's best for gosh idk how many years and is the manager of a super nice venue in Georgia. I paid about $3500 for rehearsal/day of coordination and the "decor" included. The caterer I thought was market price at $22 a plate, which in my area is very common.
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u/Lacygreen Nov 21 '25
This is awful. Was it a wedding planner or coordinator? As a legal scholar double check the contract before negative reviews etc so that you’re sure there’s been a breach.
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
Technically both. She was supposed to coordinate with all my vendors and whatnot.
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u/Lacygreen Nov 21 '25
$3500 is low for a full service planner no? In NYC area when I was looking it was 10k minimum plus whatever decor etc they bought.
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u/ebonycynthia Nov 25 '25
$3500 will not get you full planning, anywhere. I find this hard to believe. Month of coordination is also far from full planning, they usually step in 1-2 months before and don’t provide decor. Maybe she gave you a deal but this is really a too good to be true and you get what you pay for scenario.
I also don’t live in your area but 22 for a full plated meal is also unheard of, no matter where you live - even if you’re having a bbq.
My feeling is you didn’t read your contracts and maybe misunderstood what you were paying for. I’m glad you got partial refunds because it did seem like poor service but accountability also needs to be taken on your side for hiring very very cheap vendors and not understanding what was included
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u/Lacygreen Nov 25 '25
Yes true. When we decided on a coordinator instead of a full planner I knew that it would still be at least 60% me doing things with a little help from someone to keep me sane. We actually had our wedding in a beautiful room at my job. So the coordinator made sure nothing was damaged. Those kinds of things. It does sound like this one was a little shady including possible theft. Best lesson: get a contract and a literal list of what they’ll do and not do.
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u/lettuce-be-cereal Nov 21 '25
Rehearsal/day-of-coordination is different from full service planning, so she would have only been hired to make sure the planning, for which you were responsible for, was executed properly? Plus decor.
It sounds like she didn’t do a good job either way, but the couple typically needs to handle all the vendor bookings and contracting, then provide the day-of-coordinator with detailed vision boards and information about seating charts and paper goods, timelines for vendors, floor plans, contact info and communication plans, etc.
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u/Dimple-Dumple Nov 21 '25
I had a coordinator at my wedding attached to the venue, and she reached out to me 3 months beforehand to discuss timeline, floor plan and menu, and again 3-4 weeks beforehand with a whole checklist of little detailed questions like contact info, lighting, charger plates, linen colours, etc etc. Throughout the process it was very clear what they would handle and what I would handle, and they got all the details they needed from me well in advance of the actual wedding week, let alone day. Even if OP had actually hired a day-of-coordinator, any competent coordinator should have made the responsibilities clear and executed their part without basic mistakes.
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u/OutrageousGuava7448 Nov 21 '25
As someone in GA who may be forced to have her wedding here instead of MA, dear lord please tell me who all of these ball-dropping nitwits are so I avoid the bananas out of them and their affiliates.
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u/sujugraffiti1 2026 Bride 👰🏻♀️ Nov 22 '25
I’m sorry this happened to you! Can you please let me know the names of the caterer, venue and planner? I’m in the area and hoping it’s not anyone I hired.
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 22 '25
Sent you a message!
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u/Professional-Wing679 Nov 22 '25
Hi im a local certified wedding planner and coordinator in GA, can I know who they are so I can warn my vendors. Im so sorry they both did an awful job for you. Blast them in local wedding groups on Facebook and leave them reviews.
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u/Ordinary_Mortgage870 Nov 21 '25
You don't - unfortunately. The only way to really feel somewhat restored is by going to the planner and having them refund you for the mess they made - what is the point of a wedding planner if they aren't even paying attention or responding?
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u/SplashOfCreativity Nov 21 '25
What’s done is done, it sounds like you guys ended up having some delicious food for the guests despite an issue and what really matters at the end of the day is that you and the love of your life got married with your family there, and it sounds like everyone you wanted was there to witness such a special day surrounding the love of y’all- that is what’s important. Not the flowers, not the welcome table, not a misspelled name. You finally get to begin forever with the one you’ve been dreaming about for two years. Try to focus on what’s important about the day and how beautiful y’all’s unity is <3
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
See this is what I wanted to hear. I have heard from all the guests the day of that the photobooth, ice cream bar, bartenders, DJ, band and venue were all incredible! I just am trying to not let the planner dropping the ball on the table decor and the signage (something I am sure honestly no one remembers but me lol) and the rehearsal dinner BS ruin the day.
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u/SplashOfCreativity Nov 21 '25
Girlllll you had an ice cream bar!!!!! I wasn’t at your wedding and I know it was gas!!! And a DJ and band sound like fabulous entertainment, even if he stumbled on a name haha. But yes, sounds like the planner is what bugs you the most, therapy has told me recently to treat the bad and the good aspects of something like a scale- the good lightens the load of the bad so much so you may not even notice it when you focus on the good
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u/hello61_ Nov 21 '25
Few questions having worked with a planner (venue provided it) and a stylist for my wedding plus I work in Marketing...
- what did your quotes say? Its off they didn't have a breakdown of x candles, x this, x that
- did your planner not provide you with a runsheet for review?
- did your vendors not have final meetings with you beforehand? Even though we had a planner, we had seperate meetings with our celebrant, DJ, and photographer to go over the finer details (eg you've noted this song for entrance, confirming we play the whole song or just chorus) and we also sent intro emails between our planner and our vendors to begin with to introduce them.
- did you not see concepts and draft files of your stationary and approve that?
- you mention in one line that she is to provide all styling elements, then another line you mention you having to buy them, and then next line that table decor wasn't as discussed - I am confused by this... Which one is it?
- did the planner / vendors not have a meeting schedule set out?
OP - this all sounds a little fake? IDK or you had all terrible unprofessional vendors.
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u/Miscellaneousthinker Nov 21 '25 edited Nov 21 '25
Question: you say she’d “done some beautiful weddings,” but based on what? Photos on her website? Or did she actually have a portfolio of weddings she’d done at local venues with the couples’ names who got married? Any vendors who had said they’d worked with her before and/or recommended her? It sounds like her “experience” might have been smoke and mirrors.
I don’t usually just jump to “legal action” because a lot of times there’s not actually a case there, but in this one I’d say you have good reason to take another look at your contract. I’m struggling to understand what she did do in her role as planner and coordinator?
Leaving before the rehearsal dinner was over? Messing up the names, not matching your decor, not coordinating the vendors — like this is all exactly what you hire a coordinator for?! Even the caterer’s mistake is still on the planner, because she should have confirmed all of those details both prior to, and at the venue on the day of and fixed any problems before you could even be aware of it. The fact that you and your husband realized and had to bring it to their attention is ridiculous.
Again, I’d say take another look at the contract and at the very least you may want to have an attorney send a demand letter. Definitely name and shame everywhere so other brides don’t use her. Also, if she’s misrepresenting her experience as a planner like saying she’s done all these weddings but it turns out she’s using stock photos or something, then you’re looking at fraud.
ETA: girl duh! You finished law school 🤣 How are you not writing a demand as we speak?! She should be very afraid of you.
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
Oh trust me, reviewing the contract is exactly what I did and yes, she was supposed to do everything you listed. I did have a few choice words with her the day of the wedding because I was so upset from the night before, to which she replied "we have done so much more than what was contracted of us and if we charged you what we should have, that price would be insane." I know that so many vendors are just making bucks off couples feeling as though it is necessary to get vendors for their wedding, but in my case, it was necessary to have a planner as studying for law school and the bar left 0 room to plan a wedding. To this point though, the only thing not super crystal clear is whether or not they were to stay for ALL of rehearsal dinner. Regardless, if she wasn't handling that, she should have not asked how many people, confirmed decor, set up stuff for it, etc.
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u/AriesProductions Nov 21 '25
We’re all these “extra” things they did that weren’t in the contract a) true and b) requested by (& not just done of their own initiative)?
Because that excuse would NOT fly with me. You are contracted to provide what was in writing, not extras that should have either been expressly approved & added to the contract or lower on the priority list than what was in writing.
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u/WeeLittleParties Married! October 2025 👰♀️ Nov 21 '25 edited Nov 21 '25
Remember how much joy you created in the room that day for all your friends and family, and how no light switch, extra candles, or flower arrangements is gonna change that. We had a couple similar issues to yours, but honestly in both in the moment and looking back on the day, it was soooo filled with happy laughing smiling faces of our loved ones, romantic moments, great food, so many hugs, hearing all "our songs" played by the DJ...the list goes on and on of the things that went great and spread joy. The small handful of things which "went wrong" were vastly outweighed by the things that went "right" or made us smile, both in the moment and later when we think back to them.
Since you're still feeling anxious and letdown by a few things from that day, I'd sit down (ideally with your husband, too) and type out a list of a couple bullet points of the things you were letdown by. Keep it short, no huge paragraphs. But then the fun part: List every single moment, sight, experience, guest, taste, sound, every dang thing that you remember that brings you joy about the day. Anything and everything. I'll bet when you ask him, your husband has even more you didn't know about, too.
Lastly, as some other commenters pointed out, I assure that your guests did not notice or even care about stuff like candles, faux flowers, the DJ saying the wrong name, any of that. They all had a blast, and had no idea what the so-called timeline said. Don't let that live rent-free in your head, or if it does, let it be evicted out by all the good things.
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u/Different_One265 Nov 21 '25
OP - and I mean this with empathy and understanding- most of this is your fault for not having contracts with detailed descriptions of everything you wanted.
Samples beforehand. Pictures. Timelines. Schedules. Everything should be painstakingly detailed to the point of someone’s frustration.
Former Banquet Manager here. I saw some perfect, good, and badly planned events.
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u/yaryar-theusual Nov 21 '25
Then why have a planner at all? This response makes no sense to me
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u/Different_One265 Nov 21 '25
There are many people out there that think they are amazing party planners and really suck. You have to get on them for every detail.
Look at all the posts from brides where the planner takes the money and doesn’t show up or stay to the end.
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u/xshadowmere Nov 22 '25
Ok honest innocent question. How is a contract supposed to outline down to the table setting? A lot of the more nit picky details are figured out along the way. My contracts have information about refunds, payment schedule, liability, broad description of services included, time of services, guarantee of planning meetings etc etc. In OPs case, it sounds like a lot of these more small things slipped through the cracks because the planner didn’t coordinate things like OP expected?
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u/Different_One265 Nov 22 '25
I agree. I have seen even the tiniest details discussed and decided on. We had one family - with MONEY choose our hall because of two things - capacity and we allowed alterations as long as they didn’t damage.
They had things planned perfectly. And, it was a perfect night for them.
I have also seen the opposite. Food but, everyone forgot to ask who was providing the plates for the appetizers and desserts. Chaos. And - me trapped in the middle. Get free use of our dinnerware for free? I was not happy. No coat check - too cheap to pay for it. Guests were not happy.
Don’t miss that job at all.
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u/ThatBitchA Mrs 🍁🪻 Nov 21 '25
Ugh. I'm sorry this happened.
I had a similar poor experience with our planner. Things weren't setup and guests were arriving. She didn't put out all the decor that I worked hard on thrifting and acquiring. She didn't remind me about my bouquet. She didn't get ensure we had leftovers as discussed multiple times.
I'm about 6 weeks out from the wedding... and I'm starting to feel less pissed off. 😤
Give yourself grace. You trusted someone who disappointed you. That's not your problem, that's her problem.
Oh another way that helped me move through my anger....was deciding to host an annual anniversary party. It's not quite the same as a wedding but at least next time, I'll have full control. And won't be disappointed by someone else's actions.
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
I'm so sorry you had a bad experience too. However, thank you for sharing it does seem to lift. Our pics are incredible and aside from the planner / caterer situation, everyone and everything else was impeccable. I do love the anniversary party though! We thought about renewing vows and doing like a redo at our new house for this reason.
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u/ThatBitchA Mrs 🍁🪻 Nov 21 '25
Yes! I couldn't look at our photos for over a week because I'd get so annoyed thinking about how she let us dow.
I'm not quite to the point about laughing at it. But I'm sure I'll be by our 1 year anniversary. 🤣🤣
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
Me right now! We got our sneak peaks back and it took me a couple days to really look at them. I feel like I am slowly getting to the point of like it is what it is, wouldn't be a wedding without hiccups but come on lol
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u/ThatBitchA Mrs 🍁🪻 Nov 21 '25
Yes! All events have hiccups but a planner should make it so we don't notice those hiccups.
I'm getting fired up again. Lmao. Maybe it takes more than 6 weeks. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/thxitsthedepression Nov 21 '25
This is why I’m not hiring a planner. If you want it done right you have to do it yourself. 🤷🏼♀️ Sorry you had this experience. Definitely look into filing a police report if they really did steal your gifts.
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u/mirarose99 Nov 21 '25
Where did you find your vendor team? Reviews should be left because wow. I’m sorry to hear about everything.
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
I used a combo of reviews on Google, Yelp, Facebook, Zola and the Knot. I did thorough research on everyone. Guess not enough though!
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u/NYPuppers Nov 21 '25
im sure there is some self selection because few people have reason to talk about a wedding planner that did their job, but man oh man i dont like wedding planners. it would be smart for the industry to have some kind of certifying body that upheld basic standards like # of weddings, complaints, standard contract terms, etc. the problem with it all is that a bad planner can take credit for good weddings because it just means the bride did everything, so you never really know.
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u/Gold-Report-7551 Nov 21 '25
It’s unfortunate this happened. My take is that you’d be spinning your wheels, money and time with any attempt at recuperating money. As far as leaving a review on the website, I suppose you could do this but I also believe that it isn’t our job to save the world. You got stung and one day you can laugh about it. Today and going forward, I would focus on your marriage, work and fun. Everyone that attended the wedding has already forgotten about it anyway because that’s life and just be happy it’s over. I wish you and your husband a happy life together.
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u/scorpionqueen99 Nov 21 '25
I would ask for an 80% refund from the planner and a 50% refund from the caterers for the rehearsal dinner portion. Attach the communication history to the request. How ridiculous. I own a restaurant & we cater as well, I would personally see this as fair if we fucked up that bad.
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
Update on this, requested a partial refund from the caterer for rehearsal and they gave it to us!
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u/RunnerGirlT Nov 21 '25
We had an all inclusive venue that provided a day of coordinator and they did more in two visits with us than your full planner and caterer did! Like for real she was only a day of, but once we gave her outside vendor info, we never dealt with them again. She did it all! Hells bells she helped me out of and back into my dress when my husband and I sat down for dinner (we had a separate dinner during cocktail hour).
I’d be FUMMING and demanding refunds for services not provided.
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u/borritokwokamole Seattle | June 2025 Nov 21 '25
I'm sorry that your wedding was not what you envisioned. My planner dropped the ball on us too and after letting high emotions calm down a little, I shared honest reviews online. Mine was part of a local company and her boss reached out. After listening (and validating) my concerns, they offered a partial refund. It doesn't make up for the errors my planner made or the stress caused (I, too, was a ball of stress on the day of) but at least they acknowledged where they went wrong.
I also felt the same way as you with our wedding photos, especially seeing the decor/designs that fell through (we also planned for >2 years). With time, I hope you try to remember the positive memories from your wedding and the bad stuff fades.
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u/Fluid_Patient3373 Nov 22 '25
Wedding photographer here…one thing really stood out to me…NOBODY had a timeline? As in your photographer and DJ also didn’t have a timeline??? I’ve done many, MANY weddings without a planner and I ALWAYS create a timeline. So does the DJ…they have their own timeline. We compare notes and make sure we’re on the same page. I am in contact with them before the wedding day. Weddings with planners I usually see 3 timelines. And I’m in contact with the planner before the day of. So to not have a single one from a single vendor tells me maybe they were inexperienced vendors who don’t charge much? I’m so sorry you went through this, OP. Your marriage is the most important part of the day and there are mishaps at weddings all the time but this just sounded like none of your vendors had a clue what they were doing. To everyone else…please make sure your vendors are experienced if you want to avoid mishaps or at the very least, have someone who knows how to handle them. Check their Google reviews, ask for multiple galleries and don’t ever go into your wedding day without having a timeline form your photographer and DJ. OP didn’t know this…she doesn’t get married everyday! That’s why your vendors are supposed to know how to handle the day, how to make a timeline and how to keep the day moving along joyfully, mishaps and all. It’s literally what you pay us for.
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 22 '25
I understand where you’re coming from, but I will say my vendors were all very expensive for my area and aside from the 2 incompetent vendors that I thought were better according to reviews, were all VERY experienced. That said, in reference to the timeline, my planner didn’t send a finalized timeline. She did have the ones from the DJ and photographer, as did I, but she never finalized it with them. It’s also worth mentioning that no one else, like our marquee letters, ice cream bar, Photo Booth, live painter bartenders, cake baker, hair and makeup, content creator, etc, had a final timeline from her up until I had to tell her to send one because they were reaching out to me. Including myself, who ultimately just used my photographers to tell my wedding party when to be there, etc.
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 22 '25
I understand where you’re coming from, but I will say my vendors were all very expensive for my area and aside from the 2 incompetent vendors that I thought were better according to reviews, were all VERY experienced. That said, in reference to the timeline, my planner didn’t send a finalized timeline. She did have the ones from the DJ and photographer (which were done months in advance), as did I, but she never finalized it with them. It’s also worth mentioning that no one else, like our marquee letters, ice cream bar, Photo Booth, live painter bartenders, cake baker, hair and makeup, content creator, etc, had a final timeline from her up until I had to tell her to send one because they were reaching out to me. Including myself, who ultimately just used my photographers to tell my wedding party when to be there, etc.
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u/Peacock_Faye Nov 21 '25
Ma’am the fact you’re a whole ass lawyer and you did not sue the living 💩 out of all of them is beyond me. No, you’re not overreacting!!! Get your money back!!!
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u/Far-Lingonberry-9258 Nov 22 '25
You’re a lawyer. Sue your planner for failure to deliver contracted services.
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u/caliatxnyclove Nov 22 '25
Just curious - first, so sorry to hear about your day; truly ridiculous and almost so bad it makes one wonder if you were being punked… sadly it was real.
Secondly and respectfully, you wrote that you were in law school- were and of the wedding arrangements WRITTEN down…were these conversations or emails… was there a CONTRACT…? It seems like there should have been written agreements with the planner, the caterer? Too late now but truly curious because if there was /were contracts and the deliverables were clearly inconsistent and this just happened…seems like you might have a reason to ask for legal help…
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u/SplashOfCreativity Nov 21 '25
I’m planning my wedding currently, with some similar aged family also planning a wedding around the same time. I already know their wedding will be very different than ours, they are incredibly financially well off. I’m sure they’re going to have a beautiful stunning wedding and I’m so happy for them, but of course this comes with anxiety about expectations for my fiancé and I’s wedding day. We are on a tight budget and are trying to make plans to fit while providing comfort and nice food for our guests.
I’m not hiring a wedding planner because I am a control freak and I don’t trust one and of course, money. Even my bridesmaids offering to set up the centerpieces has me antsy, they’re all going to be dif style and mixed centerpieces so I’m an anxious mess right now, I told my sister (MOH) I might shoot someone in the chest five times if they try to help w my hair or makeup. We are going to meet there with hair and makeup done. Some people have high expectations and keep telling me what we need to have we need to do, but ultimately, as long as there is a venue, food, and drinks, and a ceremony, maybe flowers (I just purchased wood ones on Black Friday to dye myself(if you care for them)) (don’t have to be alcohol), you don’t need much else to get married, and that’s the whole point
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
This is what I wanted to do, but because I was in law school and knew I wouldn't have the capacity during bar prep, I did a TON of research to try and find a planner who had great reviews and the ability to accommodate/see my vision. I thought that's what I was getting, but in the 2 years I had her hired, she didn't have any of the same staff as when we first booked. Lesson learned, but unfortunately, I don't plan on having a wedding redo.
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u/SplashOfCreativity Nov 21 '25
I’m trying to finish my business mgmt degree w a minor right now and I’m beyond stressed about building the flowers and everything else, I couldn’t imagine trying to pass a bar exam instead while wedding planning. I completely understand why you hired a planner, I would’ve too. It’s so unfortunate that the staff weren’t the same, sounded like a transition time for their business as well and it impacted their performance majorly. Depending on how long it’s been- I would attempt to get a partial refund for the incompetence and unprepared caterer as well as the wedding planners failure to deliver what the contract detailed. But I always get my money back- I never let someone scam me. Call me a Karen, but I got my fiancé an extra $70 jiu jitsu top for FREE + the OG order as an apology bc I lost my mind when his birthday order of 2 $70 items didn’t arrive. That’s a win to me. Many similar situations I’ve been through- I almost ALWAYS get my money back or partial. If not I leave them a scathing review. Just make sure you don’t only post negative reviews, or people won’t take you seriously
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 21 '25
Oh for sure! I made my own florals, as in bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages, the week of the wedding from Costco flowers. I will definitely be looking into getting refunds if not from both, at least the caterer.
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u/Due_Charge_3421 Nov 21 '25
OT from the OP but as a wedding planner, I totally support planning your own wedding but you should always, always hire a coordinator if you want all those plans to be executed properly! Find a planner whose energy matches yours, do at least month of coordination so you have plenty of time to build trust so you can enjoy your wedding rather than host your wedding.
It’ll make all the difference and I promise there are plenty of us that are skilled at earning your trust and ensuring your day goes exactly the way you planned it!
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u/Lacygreen Nov 21 '25
Wedding planner seems to be the most murky job title ever. We decided not to use one but when we were looking we heard every combination of tasks. Was there some kind of written agreement with the exact tasks?
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u/pluto444777 Nov 21 '25
As a fellow vendor in the wedding industry, I have to say that I've never met a wedding planner who I felt genuinely made the experience easier on the bride, but instead made it harder then if they would've done it themselves. Every interaction I've had with a planner has basically been bad. I think there's WAY more bad ones than there are decent ones. To the bride reading this right now, deciding on whether or not to get a planner.... don't. If you don't have the time to plan your own wedding, don't do it right now. Sincerely, a fellow wedding vendor for 7+ years.
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u/casualselfhatred Nov 22 '25
hey girl!! I got married in atlanta on Nov 2 and had kind of a similar disappointment with our caterer (although thankfully not our day of coordinator) - would you mind sharing who you used? I’m curious if we had the same vendors 😅
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u/Fickle-Cabinet3956 Nov 22 '25
This entire situation sounds like a shit show. There are so many checkpoints from point A to point Z it sounds like both your planner & caterer absolutely dropped the ball.
I hope you did a review for both of them at every outlet possible so another couple doesn't have to go through that experience.
A lousy 50% refund doesn't undue the stress or disappoint from that day but I am glad you received something instead of nothing at all.
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u/Eorth75 Nov 22 '25
I'm so sorry this happened to you. The original coordinator we hired for my daughters wedding also 2 years in advance, canceled on us 6 months out from the wedding. It ended up being a blessing in disguise because a friend of my daughters had been interning for an experienced wedding coordinator. Even though she hadn't coordinated a bunch of weddings, she and her team were amazing and I made sure to tip them very generously. The wedding was last month and I am making sure to give them good reviews any where I can.
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u/RevolutionaryFox300 Nov 22 '25
Wow….as a wedding photographer / vendor I am TRULY sorry you had to go through ANY of that. Whoever that planner is, needs to get BLASTED on social media & Google reviews, that is BEYOND unprofessional and IMO should never have been paid to begin with. As someone who takes deep pride in my business, I would be so embarrassed and never show my face again in the wedding industry. You are such a good person for playing devils advocate and rationalizing with the other vendors but girl, WOOF…..my petty side says to blast them on Instagram so no one hires them again.
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u/Exciting_Stranger689 Nov 22 '25
If i was interviewing a ‘planner’ i would ask them to tell me ‘what hiccups have happened in the past that they learned from to ensure it wouldn’t happen again’ if they can tell you this.. then they are honest and most likely on their game.
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u/raebiis-502 Nov 22 '25
I would leave a strongly but respectfully worded review of the caterer and planner, and ask to see security footage to see if anything was stolen. Out of respect for the guest who spent their money on you - the venue needs to track down staff working that day and figure out who took what.
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u/Worker-Acrobatic Nov 23 '25
How on earth did you expect to get all decor and coordination services for 3,500 dollars? Not excusing some of the logistical issues of the day but this is not reasonable. I live in Michigan and a full planner would have cost us 7-13k. On top of that we would have had to pay for the decor (linens, signage, florals, et cetera).
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 23 '25
I’ve answered this in another comment, but in my area, this was on the more expensive side for full planning. I did have to pay and provide all my florals. But she was to provide all signage, paper products, flatware, plates, and glasses.
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u/Opposite_Birthday377 Nov 24 '25
This sounds like a horrible experience...and no one should go through that. Like you said, the wedding part happened and you're now married. Focus on the two of you, be happy and move on. It's a hard lesson learned but don't let it completely ruin your wedding memories. As Maya Angelou said, "when people show you who they are, believe them the first time." Your planner showed you who she was at the 2.5 month mark when she was looking to you for answers at the venue. You should have fired her ass then...or at least alerted to the possibility that she wasn't doing what you expected of her. I'm not knocking you here either. Just saying that, going forward to your next big event...and there will be one or more...don't miss the signs of a misfit. You got so distracted by the optics of OTHER weddings she supposedly planned that you missed a key sign that she was NOT planning yours. If you have a written contract with her, you have grounds for financial compensation. If nothing else, leave honest reviews about her poor performance all over the internet.
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u/harrietx2779 Nov 24 '25
Wait? So what did your wedding planner do? I just got married in June and I opted NOT to hire a wedding planner simply bc it was 9k for just 3mo of planning (didn’t even get pricing for the full service). The company I was looking to hire would have handled everything you listed even for partial?? I’m so sorry this happened. I’m certain you should still look at your photos with your new hubby and enjoy them. Also, absolutely write honest reviews and get the refunds you are due.
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u/PuzzleheadedFig7461 Nov 25 '25
I’m sooo sorry this happened to you both. I’m in the industry and have an elevated coordination business, about 5 years ago my step-daughter had a bad wedding experience because of her vendors and my ex-husband not being able to make it, she too, to this day can’t move past it. I wish she hadn’t been so stubborn and let me help so that so many mess ups could have been avoided. I’ve suggested a re-do for a small group but I can’t seem to get her to agree to it. I hope you’re able to remember the sweet moments even if there are just a few. And if any brides are now worried remember to always make sure that there’s an actual website with many reviews, and other social media platforms. I’ve noticed people advertise their business on a Facebook wedding group page but then when you go to their profile, they have no Facebook business page ???? which leaves me wondering. Lastly you can also ask for references to call, I think I’ve had that done a couple times. I know that a lot of people post pictures on their sites of their work. I have all my pictures that pertain to specific weddings in a gallery and then I leave the photographer’s information so that everyone knows it’s legit and I’m not just pulling it off of Pinterest.
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u/Adventurous-Gas7741 Nov 26 '25
I’m so sorry this happened to you! I’m glad you got a partial refund from the caterer, but you also deserve some back from the planner!
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u/Ordinary_Swimming582 Nov 26 '25
Was the caterer your planner's idea?? It sounds like they might have been in cahoots or both of them are just ineffective. How did you get the planner's name? Leave reviews wherever you can.
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u/Imaginary_Survey_906 Dec 10 '25
This whole story makes my heart hurt for you. You put years of love and planning into something and the people who were paid to execute it just didn’t show up. Anyone would feel embarrassed and angry, especially when you had guests flying in. The fact that everyone still complimented the food and enjoyed themselves says a lot. You created a day full of meaning even through the chaos. That’s not nothing.
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u/angvelsan Dec 14 '25
This honestly made my stomach hurt reading it. You are not crazy for feeling this way. You trusted professionals and they dropped the ball in so many ways. Anyone would still be upset about this. I’m really sorry your day turned into that kind of stress.
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u/salad_inspector Dec 14 '25
I just want to say that guests almost never notice even half of what couples do. They remember the love, the energy, and how happy you looked together. It doesn’t erase what you went through but I promise most people didn’t walk away thinking it was embarrassing.
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u/CodyEKnight Dec 14 '25
You didn’t fail at your wedding. Your vendors failed you. There’s a huge difference. The fact that you still got married and showed up for each other says a lot about you both.
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u/Zombieeeeez4ever Dec 17 '25
I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but none of this reflects on you. Most guests never notice half the things couples stress about. They remember the vibe, the love, and that they had a good time. The planner and vendors dropped the ball, not you. It’s okay to grieve the day you wanted while still being married to the person you love.
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u/zacruff Dec 17 '25
Wedding days can go so wrong behind the scenes and couples carry all of it quietly. From the outside, most people truly only see the end result. The embarrassment you feel is real, but it doesn’t mean the day was a failure. You married your person. The rest is noise, even if it was loud at the time.
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u/Partygirl_stacy Dec 20 '25
I am sorry you had to go through all of this. I will put this 100% on your planner, it was her responsibility to pull everything together, all the small details etc. That is what planners do, I am a wedding planner so I know. There tons of moving parts and that is why you hire a planner who is there to pull it all together like a conductor conducting a symphony so that everything is under control and everyone is playing to the same exact tune. It seems like things were not organized or coordinated.
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Nov 22 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/fitnessjourney2000 Nov 22 '25
Thank you so much for this. You are exactly right. My husband and I were able to get married and that’s all that matters. I truly didn’t realize how much this whole situation was weighing on me until I finally said something about it. Now that it’s out in the air, I truly feel like I can start moving past the parts that were bad. I know things always go wrong at weddings but we paid for everything ourselves and to have planned it for 2 years, my heart hurt knowing this wasn’t a priority for my planner nor caterer.
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u/Less-Key November 2026 Bride Nov 21 '25
This is subpar service from your caterer and your planner. What did the bill you for the rehearsal dinner? If they didn’t produce what was promised, I would ask for a partial refund.
Your planner deserves an honest public Google and Knot review.