About 3 months ago I got kicked out of out of my parents house because I snuck out to go get food because my grandmother was refusing to let me eat. Ever since then I’ve kept low contact with my parents, I want to preface by saying when I say parents I mean my dad and grandma because they’re the ones who raised me. My grandmother was the main toxic person in the household but my dad just didn’t do anything about it because he “didn’t want to start problems” and “it’s his mother” but that definitely still makes him part of the problem. The main thing though is my grandmother keeps telling everyone in the family that I “walked out suddenly” and even convinced my dad that’s what happened too, it did not, what really happened was my grandmother refused to let me eat anything in the house “just in case” my dad got hungry so my now fiancé had to sneak food into the house so I could hoard it in my room which was in the basement. One day I ran out so I left to go the food pantry and while I was at it I also hung out with my fiancé. I ended up sleeping over at my fiancée’s place accidentally and they weren’t happy with that at all, my grandmother told me I could either tell her the password to my phone or get out and there was no in between for her so I left and when I actually did leave she got angry with me and said I wasn’t allowed to bring anything she ever bought with me because they’re “belonged” to her, so I didn’t, she insisted that I had to be hiding something of “hers” in my bag when I was going but I was not and almost put her hands on my until I threatened to call the police for doing so. Which ultimately leads to now, since then I’ve spoken to one family member and she was baffled when I actually told her what happened and why my dad basically refused to do anything, I’ve spoken to my dad a few times but every time it’s me reaching out to him and not him to me. I ended up going to an event with him and he said he was shocked I didn’t invite my grandmother even though when I’ve been mentioned to her over the few phone calls I’ve had with my dad all she does is criticize me and ask when I’m getting all my “junk” out of her house.

To also preface she’s also done the following before I was kicked out. Forced me to sit on the floor because I was sitting on the couch “incorrectly”. Left me in a dark room for hours between the ages of 5-9. Body shamed me for all of my teenage years because it’s just how “she is” and she’s from an older generation. Slapped me across the face twice because she didn’t like that I was wearing a cross because I wasn’t explicitly into religion at the time and she said I was a mockery to her family name for it. Made me sleep on the floor while I had a life threatening kidney infection and war infection, along with refusing to let my dad bring me to the ER because I was obviously faking it for attention and “I could wait”, then when I got medical attention she refused to let me take my meds several times because she didn’t want me to end up like my “druggie mom”. Constantly compared me to my older cousin because she was the “pretty one” in the family. Forced me down because she wanted to pick at my pimples and didn’t stop until I literally threw up from the pain. And that is literally not even half of it because this has been going on my entire life and got worse as I got older.

Thank you for reading all of this I could really use some advice for going forward or at least some reassurance that I’m not crazy or overreacting to everything. Also right now it really hard to get a job because I can’t drive due to a medical condition or do anything more than part time because of a different medical condition, both of which I didn’t find out about until after I got kicked out and could’ve been managed easier if discovered at a younger age but couldn’t due the medical negligence of my parents.

I spent most of my adult life living with my parents, consistently contributing to the household. Every month, I transferred money—referenced as "bills"—to my mum’s account. My dad repeatedly promised we would sell the house together and upgrade to a bigger family property. Believing we were building a shared future, I poured my disposable income into their home instead of saving for my own deposit.

Things changed drastically after I got married. My sister, who lives abroad but visits on holidays, started whispering in my mum's ear and actively turned my parents against my wife. My partner was struggling with a severe medical condition (now better) and wasn't physically well, yet my parents actually demanded that I divorce her. I absolutely refused. The constant commotion caused by my sister's visits destroyed any peace in the house, so I eventually moved out to protect my wife.

Then, behind my back, my parents transferred the property under my sister's name. I was completely cut out of the arrangement without a word of warning.

The fallout was devastating:

Housing instability: Because my financial resources went into their house, I had no deposit of my own. I ended up facing severe housing instability (was homeless), moving from place to place while working a demanding full-time job.

Starting a family in crisis: My partner and I found out we were expecting our first child right around this time. The realization that my baby wouldn't have the stability I had spent years paying for—and that I had to scramble from scratch—was heartbreaking.

The absolute lack of awareness: Not long after, while I was navigating this housing crisis, my dad had the audacity to ask me for £800. When I told him I genuinely didn't have it, he asked, "Where is your money going?"—completely ignoring that my money had gone into his household for years.

It has now been about a year. On the surface, things have stabilized. I am back in touch with my family, and day-to-day interactions are calm. In fact, they are often very "nice" to me.

The problem is the internal emotional whiplash. They act as if the betrayal never happened. There has been zero accountability, no apology, and no acknowledgment of the financial and emotional hole they put me in. Every time they are pleasant, I feel a suffocating weight in my chest. I feel fake smiling back at them, and the resentment is eating away at me because I know how much easier life would be for my pregnant wife if they had kept their word.

For those who have experienced a deep betrayal by parents who swept it under the rug:

How do you cope with family being "nice" to you when they never took accountability for devastating harm?

Does the bitterness ever naturally fade without a confrontation, or is low/no contact the only way to find genuine peace?

How do you stop feeling like a hypocrite when you keep things cordial for the sake of basic family ties?

Every day here I feel like I’m drowning
Like there’s rocks in my pockets
and lord knows I’m not the one that put em there
And my mom still asks me why the fuck I’m drowning
Why my grades aren’t A pluses in all 5 of my AP classes
But won’t question why I’ve cried myself to sleep 5 nights in a row
why am I never fucking enough
I don’t even want to be enough anymore
I just want a hug
It’s ironic how submerged I feel in this house
My mother was named after a river
I wrote somewhere once that
I want my ashes spread in that water, and that alone
it might be the only time I feel the embrace of my mom
the only time I really know it’ll forever last, that there won’t be a screaming match the next day where she swallows it all back.
I can’t wait for the day that River takes me in whole,
because lord, I’m tired of drowning a little bit more every day.

The other day it was my bday, I took her to a nice dinner to celebrate and she said “when you pout your lips like that (I have filler in my lips) you look like a prostitute trying to pick up a guy” I was speechless esp on a day of my bday in a fancy restaurant! I am almost cried and didn’t speak to her at all… to add she is Eastern European and has no filter … that was just too awful … I can’t seem to move on … thoughts? Opinions?

​

I'm a 20 year old girl, currently pursuing a BSc in Biology while preparing for NEET. I took a drop year and am staying at home to study. My parents are extremely controlling, and I feel like I'm under surveillance 24/7. I barely get any freedom, and whenever I try to do something for myself, it turns into an argument.

I'm constantly taunted for not earning money, compared to boys my age who supposedly would already have jobs, and threatened with marriage because I'm a girl. The irony is that I'm expected to study and prepare for my future while having almost no independence.

I have two really close friends who are genuinely the reason I manage to get through things at home. Recently, I had two events planned with them on separate days. I managed to attend the first one, but the second one was something I was really looking forward to.

Knowing how my parents are, I asked my father for permission 10 days in advance, because they always complain that I ask too late. He agreed, so I planned everything with my friends, bought the tickets, paid the fees, arranged my outfit, and sorted out the transportation.

Now, literally the day before the event, he changed his mind. We had a huge argument, and he told me that if I wanted to go, I should leave the house permanently and never come back.

I don't earn anything, have practically no money of my own, and don't have the skills to get a job immediately. I can't just leave home without knowing how I'd survive.

The situation is especially upsetting because the event involved my close friend, her boyfriend, his best friend, and me. My friend's boyfriend and I have developed a genuine brother-sister bond, and his best friend likes me. Although I don't have romantic feelings for him yet, I thought he was genuinely nice and was willing to give things a chance by getting to know him better.

We had everything planned, and he even bought a new outfit to colour-coordinate with mine. Knowing how excited he was makes me feel terrible. I don't want him to think I stood him up, rejected him, or wasted his time when the truth is that I genuinely cannot go.

My parents said horrible things to me and my friend during the argument. I recorded what happened and sent it to her, and she was also on a call when things escalated. I've asked her to explain everything to the others because I usually hide what happens at home, but this time I want them to understand the truth.

I've already cancelled my ride, and the event is tomorrow. I don't know how to face them, especially that guy. I feel guilty towards everyone, even though I know I tried my best to make these plans work.

This incident has also made me realise how badly I need financial independence. I want to learn skills and get a job while continuing my studies, but I genuinely don't know where to start.

I'm mentally exhausted. I feel trapped between protecting my housing situation and having the freedom to live a normal life. I didn't deliberately hurt anyone, yet I feel like I've disappointed the few people who genuinely care about me.

I need advice on a few things:

- How do I explain this to the guy without making him feel rejected or leading him on?

- How do I face my friends without feeling embarrassed and guilty?

- How do I stop blaming myself for something that's beyond my control?

- How can I start earning money and building financial independence while continuing my BSc and NEET preparation, especially when I have no job-ready skills?

I'm not planning to impulsively leave home when I have no financial security. I'm just tired of living under these restrictions and having to fear losing my home every time I try to do something for myself.

I just wanted one normal day with my friends, and now I don't know what to do.

i (17F) have been so deep in thought about my mother and i's relationship for the past 3 months. i want to start by mentioning that her and i live alone with my aunt. i do not have a relationship with my biological dad (i have no idea where he is and what happened). i have a half brother who doesn't live in the same country as me from my mom's second marriage, where they have been divorced for a while.

i grew up in a private school, i got toys, i went on vacations with my mom. that's why i feel guilty talking about this. i've had a childhood which most kids would kill for. however, as i've started to grow up, i feel like nothing but an extension of my mom. i'm not allowed to eat what i like, not allowed to dress how i like, she's very controlling and judgmental, and takes full credit for every single one of my achievements.

in addition (warning mention of physical abuse) i get my ass whooped. now i wish it was just the basic belt to the ass if i did something i deserve a beating for. but for the majority of my life, it's been breaking plates on my body, choking me, pulling me from the hair, and threatening me with a sharp object (ahem...). and very recently, my mom has rediscovered the knife threatening form.

it was a literal near death experience for me, to have my own mother press a kn*fe to my throat with no way to run away. to this day, my aunt has no idea this happened, neither do i think she would do anything. whenever my mom and i argue, she threatens to st4b me again, or immediately goes to get the knife to 'discipline' me. im fucking tired.

i've talked to my mother about therapy. i asked to see one a week after the whole kn1fe thing happened, and she kept asking if i wanted to see a psychologist because of her, and i lied saying it's because of exam stress. i had a checkup, and my controlling mother naturally talked to the psychiatrist before and after my consultation. i completely lied to the doctor.

i want to add that my mom is muslim/arab. so after some therapy, she pulled me out and suggested that 'quran' and islamic classes would help cure my depression (i don't even have diagnosed depression.) this was very frustrating because it felt like my mom was butting into my fucking life once again.

this is my life. she ruins me both physically and mentally. acts nice for a week. and ruins it all over again. she starts argument, then blames me for it. does the classic "i'm your mom so i can do whatever i want" bullshit... i've considered taking my life on multiple occasions. i'm writing this after yet another argument started by her... i don't know where it comes from and she's suddenly screaming and throwing the nearest object at me.

what am i supposed to do. i have so much of my personality and life hidden from her, she thinks she knows me inside and out. i'm just trying to not kill myself before she does it herself, in all honesty. this is my first post idk how to navigate around here.

I am 21f and the youngest in my family (like 10yrs younger to my sister). My mom and sister makes sure they say "chi" to every single thing i buy like even a rubber band . They are both teachers in our own school so their fashion sense is only saree ,suit and short kurti plus their husband won't allow them to wear anything else too. I am an office going girl so i wear everything from formals to shorts to dresses when i go to dates with my partner. We have different fashion sense and i don't want them to like what i wear and i don't like what they wear too but i don't like how they insult me for it. I get compliments too about my looks from my colleagues but when i showed it to my sister she literally walked like a disabled person and laughed saying make sure you don't walk like that in it ( fyi i am not disabled or anything and that was disrespectful to mock even to disabled) . Today my mom did that again and my tone always stays very polite and i told her these lines" maa mujhe aacha nhi lgta hai aplog aaisa bolte ho , mujhe pehnna hai na apko mai thodi bol rhi hu aap pehno. Agar mujhe aacha nhi lgega mai nhi pehnungi it was a 400 rs dress so expensive bhi nhi hai , pr aap aaise chi bolte ho na toh mera confidence down hota hai". She has started crying from that and when i said maa mai apko nhi bolungi toh kisko bolungi she broke down not coz she made me feel that way but bcoz i told her that i didn't like something she did to me . I spoke to my dad about it , he said you know how she is you should be a little careful while talking to her. I have calmed her don't talk to her today give her 2-3 days time , i will now be getting silent treatment or taunt for 2-3 days . Everytime she does something like this i feel me getting away from her . Now i think it's better to not show anything to her and this is not the first time happening this it's an usual thing it's just i try not to tell her things but she's my mom and I can't help it . I don't know please give me some advice of what should i do , did i overreact and i shouldn't have said anything or was it okay putting my boundaries and should i start cutting her off or make distance with her.

Hey! I’m 18F, and I recently got a new job. I’ve posted on here before about my parents having medical issues and how it I hate it.

I recently got a job! Which I’m super excited about because I can start to save for my schooling and for a car, which I desperately need. I also have bills of my own that I need to pay. Small amounts but bills nonetheless.

Well, I go in for my first shift, and I’m not allowed to drive. (I know I’m 18 but it’s a whole thing with my parents) so, my mom takes me. The whole ride I am a little irritated bc my mom is super slow moving about getting there fast—but that got my mom to start complaining about how much stuff she lost for her medical bc she can’t pay it.

Saying how much money it would be to get it back, how much she owes, everything—she’s wanting me to give her money when I get my first paycheck. Which I’m not. I have a whole reason for this, but she never pays people back. She says she will and then she doesn’t. She owes me well over 1,000 dollars and says she doesn’t.

Idk. It’s just irritating.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective.

My parents split almost 10 years ago. I have had some great moments with them but they both were often quite toxic and abusive even.

I'll start with my Dad. A few months after my parents split he took me to spend the weekend pretty much out of the blue with his new girlfriend which he didn't actually tell me she was until we were only a few minutes away. One time while we were on holiday quite a few years ago during an argument he started bashing me with a Coke bottle. Afterwards he was full of apologizes and burst into tears. Also one other time during a row he threw my phone against a wall causing it to break. Also when he was winging about his situation I told him at least he owns his house and he pretty much laughed in my face. A few years ago while we were on our way back home from the movies he started going crazy and shouting at me and I was really scared. I tried to reason with him but it wasn't working. I can't even remember how the hell it all started. He even phoned my mum and told her he couldn't handle me and wanted her to pick me up. When I messaged my mum saying I wanted to leave she said she wouldn't teach him a lesson as they were both human and didn't deserve to be treated like crap. I was so upset and confused. When often she's the one badmouthing him to me. I have a strained relationship with my Dad and don't see him often I feel really let down as he was never really a proper father and only did the really bare minimum. He's never really stepped up and has always been useless with money. It actually makes me feel quite unlovable.

Now onto my mother which is by far the much longer list. She would blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. Most nights by the time I went to bed she was often at least very visibly tipsy and I have flashbacks about her when blotto and actually makes me very upset to be honest. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she may of at least bent the truth. I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist even if there is any truth to it.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

She loves been the martyr and does seem to feel like an innocent hard done by single mum who's done her best and pretty much everyone including teachers at school believe that. As I said I do feel for her then I think but what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could my parents have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago she said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to kill herself with a knife so I did actually hide the knives. That's actually really traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when she had a meltdown that when she dies hardly anyone is going to be at her funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to your own child?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years ago she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and that it would affect my schooling and life and said if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments. She's also said many times during these tirades that I was dead to her.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started shouting and carrying on. When I went after her I tried to explain myself but she said I was been passive aggressive and even trying to manipulate her. I reason with her but she just wasn't having it and kept carrying on. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down yet again. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that. I mean can anyone make sense of that?

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He reassured me and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc). I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I graduated in December and I now do a certificate course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?". She was been very cold and unreasonable. I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. After I said about been my own person she said "you'd be nothing without me". I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy as we were in public also afterwards she was all calm and innocent. I tried to explain calmly that she can't guilt me and tried to make her realize how her sarcastic comments and quite frankly mean attitude was upsetting me but that wasn't working. I even said that she's been narcissistic with her comment about me been nothing without her but it was like talking to a brick wall. She then said "look everyone thinks you're crazy and as you're an adult now I can get the police over here". She then just suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I then just ran off into the sea but all of my excitement was ruined and I was feeling very sad and confused about what just happened. I was starting to feel that maybe I overreacted or am remembering things wrong and my mind was feeling very fogged. I really wish I had just walked away and still kick myself. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say were all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and realize how exactly she hurt me she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I stayed with my father the other night and the next day he started carrying on and had a meltdown because he's only got like $30 left. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I felt very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it comes to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. He then rambling that he's been cursed since his father died young and if he was still alive they'd all be millionaires. Of course I feel really bad and am sorry that he died young. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed that he didn't have much which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by my mother as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known. She has said that I'm her number one. I think if that's how you treat your number one.

I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and are quite messed up. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as my father struggles financially I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

I must admit I do feel very down sometimes as my father barely makes an effort with me and my mother treats me as like an emotional punching bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable. I wonder what I've done to deserve this.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself from her they'd think I was an evil person.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with my mother a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

I swear I sometimes feel as though I've been given the most selfish, toxic, messed up, irresponsible and emotionally immature parents ever. I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do about everything am I?

PS before anyone says anything about therapy I did try that once a few years ago but really struggled to open up. I struggle to do that with people I know nevermind a stranger.

To be honest I can't help but feel really resentful sometimes when I see people with proper and decent parents also when I see others living life to the fullest and I don't know how to be like them.

I / F work full time, own my own home/cars & have a decent job. I am good with money, pay my bills, as an adult should. My adult brother, works, can't budget, overspends, racks up debt, and recently got fired from a great job due to online betting on a work computer... My dad knows that I have some money. I'm by No means wealthy but I have what I need and a little extra. A few months ago, my father stole money from me from an old account that I established when I was under 18... It was an old account with a few hundred dollars. I happen to log on to the account and notice this. Apparently my brother got into some gambling debt and my father has been paying my brothers household bills. My brother is married with two kids who participate in expensive extracurricular activities. So instead of taking the kids out of private lessons/ sports, they remain in it while my brother, financially bleeds my father dry. NOT My problem until I noticed that my father got into my old bank account and stole a few hundred dollars I had left for an emergency on an old debit card. I confronted my father about this and asked if he had been on my old bank account. He in the most sing-song voice said no... and every sign pointed to him lying. I can not trust my father. I ended up changing the locks on my house because I had come home from a weekend away and found the door knob handle locked but not the deadbolt. I always lock both. My father came into my house looking for money or something to steal to bail my brother out. I hate that I have to have such a weary relationship with my father, but I have since switched banks, changed the locks and taken anything of value that was left at my father's house such as some old jewelry. Is this common to have to do as an adult to safeguard your belongings and income from a stealing parent, stealing to cover the problem kid ??? My brother's mistakes are NOT my bills...

This is gonna be a long one so apologies. So I’m a male mid 20s and working. Currently living at home because it’s convenient and saving money is nice. Background my parents are Muslim not super strict but strict enough.

Over the past few months I’ve been exploring other faiths. I don’t fit into the Islamic tradition and feel that it’s not the right one for me. Would probs lean more towards agnostic. Anyway at the same time I found this cute girl at work and we started dating. Now here’s the important thing she’s Christian. So obvs I delved into her religion and found lots of things I agreed with and found quite fascinating. So I started going to church with her.

My parents have always been particular about the people I hand out with. They had (until a week ago) my location at all times for “safety”. So last week they were tracking my location and rocked up outside my local church. My mum was furious one because I was outside and church and secondly because I was with this girl. I explained to her that she should not be stalking us. Then she started hurling abuse that I’ve been instigated and changed and that she would shoot and do harm to this girl. Then she told us to get in the car and go to speak with my father. I politely told her that we would not be doing that. She then took my car keys and left me stranded outside he church after cursing us and shouting at us. I was lucky that day that we were close to dinner spots and also had a chance to eat before I went home to collect my clothes to leave the house for good. I came home to lots of shouting and screaming saying that they wasted money on my education and that I have insecurities about women and that I’m a useless arsehole who does care about his parents. For the record all I have ever done is care for my parents and family. I always put them first until this moment. Anyway so then rheee was crying and I reconciled with them and they said I am their son first and religion comes second.

Couple days later I mentioned I was in a call with this girl and they lost it saying it’s all her fault I’m Christian and rude to them. By rude they mean when u decide to set some boundaries such as not having my location or knocking on my door before coming into my room. So they go on this whole rant before calming down because I’ve left to hide myself in my room

Now here comes the introduction of one of my uni friends who happens to be the same race as my girlfriend. They said he’s instigating me against my parents and telling me to convert. For the record he is an atheist and has said no such thing. Anyway she texts him things such as leave my son alone and I want to speak to ur parents. She then finds his parents on Facebook and sends them a message about telling my friend to stay away from me. Today I returned from playing sports and she accused me of being out with this girl. I said no and she was like I don’t believe u. I said ok I’m trying to sleep can you leave me alone please. Then she bursts into my room again saying I shouldn’t be lying about anything to her. I was like mum I’m trying to sleep leave me alone and she was like oh I’m going to text my friends mum abut my behaviour. At this point I lost my temper and said mum I’m going to break ur bones. In hindsight this was uncalled for and I’m completely in the wrong. She storms off looking for her phone. I go grab her phone and hide in my room with the door shut.

Both my parents come trying to break the door down and in doing so my dads hand gets cut - because the door handle snaps onto him. At this point my brother wakes up he’s younger but threatens to kill me and call the police. My mums like give me the phone so I can phone the ambulance. I give her the phone but both my parents com into my room and my dad beats me hitting me hard like 6 ish times. My mum slaps me and says it’s all because of this girl that I’ve changed and started being rude to her. My dad and mum called me foul names said they disowned me and then started calling my gf a whore (she’s never slept with anyone before).

I told them I wasn’t trying to hurt my dad and they were still shouting and screaming at me. I told them the times they screamed and slapped me as a child for getting things wrong academically or not eating certain food was something that I could not forget and this is what it reminded me of. They screamed that they would call my friend and his mum and then also call my gf and her mum and “shoot them” even if it meant going to jail.

I know I need to move out and so I’m sorting out me finances right now. I’m currently in agony and hurting more than just physically. I guess my question to u guys is are my parents toxic or not or are they just looking out for me.

I’m sorry this is such a long read but I just needed someone to listen :,(

I had an emotionally and physically abusive father. He was an alcoholic. He spent money we didn’t have on beer and computer games. When I was little, I thought we were really close because we would have these really in-depth conversations about his family and all of the things that he has been through in his life. We talked about his grandpa that molested his three daughters and beat the shit out of him. We talked about how his mom never lifted a finger to take care of him so he was homeless starting at age 16. We talked about all the drug addicts and alcoholics on his side of the family. He even told me one time that he knows he does a lot of the same things that were done to him to us, but that he was trying to break that cycle. I was eight having these conversations. And he did not break that cycle.

My mom had some emotionally abusive tendencies as well. She was also just very emotionally unavailable. I can’t remember ever being hugged by my mother or kissed by my mother. She would also blame my dad‘s actions on our behavior.

As a 30 year-old female and oldest daughter, I understand how the cycle works and I will say that what we got was maybe not as bad as what my dad got, but it wasn’t good by any means. However, my mother had the best parents. She has four sibling who are all very close. She had a family that was there for her. Anything they wanted to do; sports, band, cheerleading… my grandparents helped them do it. They coached the teams. They drove them everywhere. She also grew up knowing both sides of her family (I don’t know my dad’s). No family is perfect and we do have the fuck ups on my mom side of the family too. But I don’t think we talk enough about the cycle starters.

For years now, I have been trying to figure out how my mother ended up being the mother that she was even when she had the best example of parents she could’ve possibly had. My grandparents are also the best example of marriage she could’ve possibly had and still, I ended up with her as my mother. And she stayed with a narcissistic evil man (until she did go through with a divorce and now she’s saying she’s going back). I don’t know where these things come from. And I guess I wanna know.

I’ve heard a lot of people throw around the phrase “breaking generational curses“… we talk about breaking the cycles, but I’ve never heard anyone talk about where the cycle started. Somehow, myself, and my three siblings turned out all right. I think even the least emotionally intelligent of the four of us has more emotional intelligence and integrity in their pinky finger than my parents do in both of their bodies combined. I think she could have started a cycle. And honestly, she may have and we just don’t know it yet. Not to mention my dad’s part in continuing his family’s cycle.

Anyways. Just a thought I had.

I’m 38. I got laid off from my job in 2025, and a few months ago, I asked my mom if I could stay with her and her husband for two weeks before leaving the country. I don’t currently have my own apartment, and I thought it was a pretty reasonable request.
Instead, my mom and her husband kicked me out, and my mom sided with him. It really hurt because I always thought that if I genuinely needed help, I could count on my mom.

My mom is remarried, and I suspect she prioritizes her marriage over her relationship with me. Her husband and I have never really gotten along. We get into arguments over things he says, and I suspect he has narcissistic personality disorder. I sometimes wonder whether my mom even recognizes his behavior or understands the dynamics of their relationship.

The strange thing is that my mom acts nice when we interact normally. But her actions when I needed help made me question how she really feels about me. I feel like, over the years, her husband may have influenced how she sees me, making her believe I’m a burden who asks too much of them. The reality is that I’ve been extremely independent my entire life. I paid for my own college and have always supported myself. I’m not some 38-year-old living in their basement refusing to get a job.

I’ve lost a lot of trust and respect for my mom because of this. I don’t understand how a parent can watch their own child struggle and not be willing to offer even two weeks of help, especially when that child is preparing to leave the country anyway.
Now I’m questioning my extended family, too. My relatives are generally nice to my face, but I sometimes wonder whether they judge me or talk about me behind my back. Maybe they have a completely different perception of me than I realize.
I recently messaged a cousin I haven’t seen in a while to ask whether she’d ever felt that our family was toxic and whether her parents had been supportive of her. I briefly explained what happened with my mom, but she hasn’t responded.

She’s the only cousin around my age I can really relate to. My other cousin passed away two years ago, so I don’t have another person in the family to talk to about this stuff. My dad isn’t someone I can rely on either, so I feel pretty alone when it comes to family support.

Now I’m wondering whether my cousin doesn’t want to get involved, whether she has a good relationship with her parents and doesn’t want to jeopardize it, or whether that side of the family has a negative opinion of me. Maybe they all think I’m a screw-up. I honestly don’t know.

I realize I could be overthinking her silence, but this whole experience has made me look at my family differently. My mom’s actions have made me question whether the relationship I thought I had with her was ever what I believed it was.

I’m approaching 40, and I guess I expected family relationships to look different by now. I also think there’s a generational difference in how my parents view helping adult children and the cost of living today. My mom doesn’t seem to understand how expensive rent and everyday life have become.
I wasn’t asking to move into their basement indefinitely or live off them while I looked for another job. I asked for two weeks of accommodation while I prepared to move abroad. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable request between a parent and an adult child, especially when the child has been independent for most of their life.

I know parents aren’t obligated to provide housing for their adult children, but I thought there would be more compassion and willingness to help when I was going through a difficult transition.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Where a parent acts nice on the surface, but when you genuinely need them, their actions make you question whether they really care about you? Did it change how you viewed the rest of your family? And how did you deal with losing trust in a parent you always thought would be there for you?

To start i am 19 m will turn 20 in 2 days , there are 4 members in my family, me,younger sister, mother and father , my family is quite dysfunctional always has been , there are many events i remember which have scared me and still haunt me it has effected how i see at relationships and money , I have severe self esteem issues and due to the financial abuse i am scared (yes scared) of asking for money cuz it will be used to taunt me and will be brought everytime something happens.

Relationship with my mother :-

My relationship with my mother is very weak, most of what I consider to be my trauma is my mother's gift to me , she has a sharp tounge and a mean streak to her , she knows just the thing to say , she used to beat me quite brutally for small things like spilling water as an 7 or 8 year old , I remember on 2 separate occasions she said she Will leave me with my father and take my sister with her after fights, she would trauma dump on me as an 15 yo and would often tell me how I ruined her life , she would twist the truth and tell it to strangers and have them scold me for troubling your saint like mother, you won't get a mother like her if you looked for her , mother is everything in the world, idk she is quite sweet one moment and cruel the other , she is two faced and thinks I won't do anything with my life ( and i sometimes I think the same idk i get anxiety attacks when I'm in public I've always been a sheltered kid on account of us living in a slum till 4 or 5 years ago ), I remember my mother once jammed a comb down my throat, we were getting late for something and I was playing with the comb and when I put it in my mouth she just jammed it with her might and took me to the local doc .

Relationship with my father:-

Its hard to say what I have with him , he has always been quite absent in the early years , he's sweet and charming, mostly to others sometimes us if he isn't angry,I remember my father fighting with my mother and being out late and my mother would just get sick and make us call him and ask him to come home till 2 in the morning, he has always given up on me ,I remember him taking me out to learn cycle 1 day and after that he never mentioned it , same with the car , I remember once after my uncle got married, we used to live in these houses made out of metal sheets and it was connected to there house and he gave away half the house to them , and they bought us some Chinese that night, my mother asked him how can he give away half the house to them and he throw a brick at my mum and broke her 2 lower ribs on the left side , these bricks were one of those red bricks it was soaked with water or dry i don't remember, all I remember is me getting out of the house for school and hearing this awful wail coming towards me from the back , as I turn behind i see my mother running out of the house and my father picking up that brick and throwing it at her , I don't remember much after it's all a haze ,I remember my mother taking me with her , I don't remember my sister being there , idk where she was ,we didn't have any money and we couldn't go back home cuz he was there we went to a government hospital but they won't see my mother , in the pain we again sat in a rickshaw and go to our relatives place and ask them for money i would even say beg but idk.

Relationship with my sister:-

I remember a time when she was little we had some what of a sibling relationship, but as she grew up my mother started playing these games and we never had a good relationship, other than my mother's influence my sister isn't a good person imo, she has always been selfish and rude and would cry fake tears at smallest of inconveniences,and my mother will beat me, I remember her bathing my cat and traumatising her, and leaving for our relatives over the weekend for church, the cat got weak and died 2 days later in front of my eyes , I don't like my sister, so i belive my opinion of her is clouded but everything i said here is true

Now the issue:-

My father asked me what I want for my birthday a guitar or a piano , I believe he wants it for himself but just wants me as an excuse and was showing me these cheap guitars and keyboards the toy keyboards and my sister overheard and complained to my mother that why are you buy that for him( she wants a scooter for herself)or something or the other and Idk i don't want it now, but i showed him the good products in budget so even if he buys it he won't buy the toys ,but idk she didn't get anything for her birthday ( my father started a business 4 months ago her birthday was before that) , other than the financial taunts and burden of having them buy this for me and it not being fair for her ,

Music and art is very sacred for me , I don't want them to poison that part of me , I write poems and am saving up for a accoustic guitar, I thought they won't buy one for me but this is new they are actually are and idk how to take it would I be the asshole if I accept the guitar?

I (20) was diagnosed with schizophrenia 2 years ago.

It feels like my grandmother is obsessing over my problems which I don't like to discuss out loud. She asks back to back questions whenever someone out of the ordinary happens and it feels like Im being interrogated.

recently, shes said I don't seem schizophrenic. Her words. I was confused, so I asked her to explain. She did not explain.

I was forced to use my left hand when I was right handed has any other homeschooler experienced this or understand why.

I am 21f and was forced to use my left hand even though I naturally gravitated to my right hand like most of the population for most of my life. This started at about ten years old when my mother attended a teach them diligently homeschooling convention and listened to a speaker there. According to her this individual claimed that mixed dominance cause disorganization of the brain and can lead to traits associated with autism ADHD learning disorders and mood disorders in children. They believed that missing a milestone like skipping stages of crawling was what caused this. I was sent to a lady in Texas I was still young and don’t remember her name but she evaluated me and said I was left eye and ear dominant but only used my right hand which supposedly caused my symptoms (ADHD my mother did not believe in and emotional issues from trauma). So she gave my mother instructions on how to develop my brain. I was forced to relearn everything with my left hand start crawling on the floor, memorize sequences of numbers and do my homework with an eye patch and ear plug on my right side. This cause a lot of emotional breakdowns which she would blame on the fact that I was using my right hand for certain tasks which was causing me not to think logically because of my mixed dominance. I had to relearn how to brush my teeth and hair use my phone and laptop and writing. If anything it made my mental heath worse. I did physical therapy exercises on my hand to try to make my left hand stronger. If I used my right hand to much in her mind I undid a week of neurodevelopment work. It was complete bs and traumatic for me. I continued to believe it into my teens and felt guilty for using my right hand in certain instances. I still compulsively switch from right to left while eating or drawing. She essentially made me ambidextrous which according to this cult like ideology doesn’t really exist. Has anyone else experienced this or am it the only one.

I (17F) just got into an argument with my mom. Similar scenarios happen constantly and I feel kind of alone because all of my friends have such supportive moms while mine only looks at me with disdain. I don't know what to do. I love my mom and some have told me to just thug it out while others say to cut her off when I move out.

For reference, out of all of my siblings, I'm the only one who has good grades, has a job, is going to college, has a license, funds my own life, and has a social life (I'm not judging my siblings for not doing these things but this has become an expectation of me while my siblings get praised for folding laundry). Anyway, my mom found her old binder of past report cards, and was off-the-bat super defensive and not showing me. I finally got her to show me and I didn't even say anything before she started raising her voice about how she wasn't as blessed as me and didn't have school resources like I do (mind you, I study everything myself, never had a tutor so I don't know what she's even referring to). To no surprise, she failed most of her classes in high school which I wasn't even going to judge because everyone is different. It's just the fact she got so defensive and turning it back onto me like I would've failed too if I lived her life. She then started crying and telling me how I always make her feel dumb. I'm not even kidding this happens at least once a week if I so dare talk about school.

This is just one of many instances. We have our good moments but the bad moments are very frequent. At the end of the day, I'm just a kid and having to deal with my mom's daily emotional breakdowns makes me frustrated and it feels like she's the child. On top of that, she talks bad about me to my siblings, telling them my business and using me as a scapegoat to why they aren't succeeding in their own life. A lot of the time, I don't even feel as though they are my family because they isolate me so much. I think it's because she sees herself in them and has stated that I'm so different from her which is fine but depriving me of love and making me feel as though I don't have an adult in my life has been very depressing on my end.

(sorry for the long rant but I'll take any advice because I really do love her but it gets to a point)

(most of this is just venting about things in my life, so it may be disorganized. This might be deleted after some time.)

I live with a toxic mom who makes me feel severely depressed. It‘s like she changes personalities, switching between being nice and then mean and annoying. She does praise me, calling me smart and talented.

She is a Christian, and I’m a secret atheist. One time I almost alluded to being an atheist, and she gave me an award-winning book about a person’s “experience“ in hell. I lied about believing in god, so I didn’t have to read it.

She also watches these “prophets” on YouTube. She said that they are chosen ones, and that we are also chosen ones. She also said that “god” told her that we are moving soon, in which now most things are packed. She doesn’t even have money to move, in which this god told her to not get a job (most likely an at-home one) due to her epilepsy. She did use to have a job, which she was randomly fired from for no good reason.

She also stopped paying rent to her house. She canceled her rent assistance because “god” told her to, since it’s from the government. The same food stamps she didn’t cancel are ALSO FROM THE GOVERNMENT.

Recently, the water was shut off for almost a week. The only reason it came back on was from a loan. She originally said that god did want her to cash in the loan, since it’s from the government. Or something like that. THEN SHE SAID THAT THE LOAN WAS A BLESSING FROM GOD.

Her family is toxic, (which I believe) and there are witches in both sides of my family putting witchcraft on her (which I believe less), so she tried to make me watch an AI generated movie about Joesph.

I watched a little bit, and then I refused. I wanted to read the ACTUAL story in the bible instead, in which she got VERY angry at me. I asked her why she didn’t want to read THE LITERAL BIBLE, she said something about my low attention span and how I would finish the story in 15 minutes compared to watching the at-least the hour long movie. When I did convince her, it turns out that it took me over an hour or two to read the story of joesph from the bible. She asked me about my favorite part, and that if i see why she is the joesph of her family.

Earlier she said why I couldn’t be like my brother and watch the movie.

I am a minor, so I can‘t leave her. I can't even visualize my future. I’m not allowed to go far outside due to the "witches", and I don’t really have any friends to talk to. Because I go to online school, I can’t talk to teachers without the possible risk of them telling my mom. I don’t have a therapist, or even a mental-related diagnosis of any kind. I lie in papers they give at the doctors office to avoid a conflict. While i did go to an anonymous webchat with a counselor, I don't want to keep going there for my convenience.

My mom keeps asking me what’s wrong and that I have an attitude even when I wasn’t feeling bad. Yesterday she over exaggerated my behavior, “acting like me”. She pushed me, even though I didn’t even push her ONCE. THIS SAME MOM also talked about how you should treat others how you would like to be treated from the online church service she makes us watch. When I call her out of her hypocrisy, she says something like “I’m the adult, you are the child.“ She says that "god" will punish her if she doesn't punish us the way he tells her.

I feel like she’s starting to actually hate me, maybe its an intrusive thought. I’m scared that she might think that I have a demon inside me. The same online church service talked about demons inside people, and to separate the demon from the person being possessed.

Also a lot of the time, she does something that i dont even think much of for me, and then she is like "YOU'RE WELCOME". When i remembered that, I remembered to say "good job" to her when she started exercising again after an injury(?) she didn't go to the hospital for. She was like "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY *THIS*"

Now she's forcing us to listen to a song every day to "bring blessings" in.

Speaking of bringing blessings in, a while ago she grounded me for being TWO MINUTES LATE to sit on the couch for church, and that i wasn't focusing even though i was. She said that if i dont change my behavior or something, that this god would "change his mind" and block the blessings from making us move. she also threatened to sell my device. sometimes she says things she doesn't enforce. She did make me watch some live action christian drama show all day, for that day. I wasn't allowed to turn it off when i took a nap, so i used my earbuds without any audio to block the show out.

She wasn't like this in the past. Things started to change when I turned 11, but she became this weird Christian probable narcissist recently. While she did use the belt on me when I was in my younger single digits, she wasn't emotionally toxic. or maybe i don't remember. I do remember a evil smirk(?) on her face when i was about to get the belt on me when we were coming back home from somewhere. I don't know if this memory was real or not.

I just feel suicidal(??) and depressed right now. how do i cope with living with her in my situation? How do I stop victimizing myself? Is there some method to detach myself from life without getting TOO detached?

I never liked my parents and started realizing this at an early age, when I was a toddler and a kid my parents would fight like crazy and eventually it lead to physical abuse against my mother. I felt bad for her because she was a victim of abuse and toxicity from her own parents until she started passing on those experiences to me. My mother made it clear she never liked me, just by the things she would do or say. She took all my money from my first job to pay for bills just for her to have gambled it all away leading us to getting evicted. She would make comments about my stomach as a child and telling me I need to lose weight because she wanted me to fit into a smaller dress. When I was in middle school and opened up about being depressed she yelled at me, made fun of me in my face and told me I had no reason to be depressed because she had it worst. When I got diagnosed with endometriosis she told me it's not a big deal because she had cancer and made my appointment all about her. When she did leave my dad and we stayed with my grandparents every other day she would see him and she left us with racist family members who didn't want us to stay under their roof but only allowed it because of my mom. She would call me names, would constantly ask me for money, would vent to me about her issues, and would constantly tell me I have issues or that I will never be loveable if I keep on being like or acting like my dad. She's done alot more but I can't wait for the day I get away for good.

I’ve been sick for a long time and it’s been getting worse lately.

I battle with grieving the life I wanted to live and adjusting to my reality of being disabled and unable to work enough to meet my own financial needs.

Disability is not enough to live on and I am currently in the shelter system and really struggling with quality of life here.

I told my family I was feeling interested in finding out more about MAID as I don’t see my life getting better with systemic limitations and my own personal limitations.

“I’ve seen you work before and maintain a beautiful life. I know working sucks and having a schedule to adhere to sucks but that’s being an adult.

Time will not stop ticking, before you know it you will be there already a year without any improvement and god knows what other horrific experiences richer.. you have to do something about it, you are the only one that can change the paths of your life. Not the government, not your family/friends.. but you.

And you saying this makes me angry. You have been through so much. And this is how you want to leave the world? Living in a shelter where you don’t belong? I’m sorry but you are way too good for that and you’re choosing this life”.

What am I to do when I can’t? They think it’s a personal failing?

Before any more judgment…I’m sober…educated and all that. I did all the “things” and I’m still sick.

I got divorced a few years ago and my mom pushed me to do all these horrible things to my ex. I am on good enough terms with my ex and co-parent well with her. My ex and me were together for almost 20 years in some form.

Due to my mom pushing these toxic ideas onto me, I put in hard barriers in my life with her. Still talked to her, but kept it out of my personal life. I went out and got help. Got a few diagnosis that explained some of my behavior and help with understanding my relationship with my family.

Apparently, I wasn't telling my family enough about my son. Now, I'm not normally a big talker with people in general, which may have added to this. So my mom at the advice of my sister decided it was a good idea to call my ex and try to find out info on my son and I guess build a relationship with my ex. No one talked to me about wanting to know more about my son and if I thought it was a good idea for them to talk to my ex. I found out from ex that this was happening.

I didn't take that well. I reached out to my brother and sister to try and correct this, and I got cussed out by my family and told I am the problem. So, I responded. I wasn't as disrespectful as them, but I wasn't nice either.

More information came to light during this. Apparently my family liked to reach out to my ex and make sure she was ok, but not me before and after divorce. I'll take that I can be difficult. Not really any excuse for that, but something I have worked hard on not to be. It also put into light how they were withholding information from me. Like when my Dad got really sick and was told he only had one or two years left to live and there was no cure. My mom told everyone but me. I found this out when I was talking to my Dad in his last months. I also found out about some shaninagins going on with my removal from certain roles related to will and POA after my Dad died. This also put into light that they had been messing around in my life with ill intent for years.

So I called them out for what they did and didn't do throughout my life. The abuse by my brother and sister when I was a kid to teenager that pushed my to suicide. How my mom ignored it when I brought it up. How I have no trust with them. How they treated family as transactional. Probably not the best way of doing things.

I did explain to them that I had gotten help as I wanted that happy feeling that I remember being a kid before it was destroyed. They don't know me anymore as I've gone through this journey alone. I am a happy person most of the time now a days. Me being happy is for my son so he has a happy life too and sees what a happy/well adjusted adult looks like. I let them know to go work on themselves and reach out differently to me going forward when they address themselves.

So I cut them off. They can still reach me through text only for emergencies, but I don't reachout to them. They haven't supported me through my life. My Dad did and I miss that.

All of that happened a month ago, and I found out last night that they are still trying to reach out to my ex. I had a talk with her when this first happened and asked she not talk to them. I put it in context that I didn't want my son see me act the way they bring out in me, the lack of respect my family has for me, the lack of trust I have in them, and the toxic nature they go about doing these things.

At this point, I am not sure what to do with them. I think it is best to just say nothing and just continue watching them.

Just to be clear I'm not very upset about this because I physically live away from all this and my mother was always an abusive narcissist. But I am worried about the potential affects on me (brother affects mood of other family members, therefore other family members' mood affects me).

My brother is 23 and has been destroying property (over €5000 in damage) and physically assaulting my parents ever since he turned 14. And none of it was motivated by self-defence. He also claimed long ago that he wished to kill his mother and confided to me at least that he'd do it via strangulation.

To deal with this my parents (too late) tried family therapy and then later psychiatric medication (which my brother defintiely needs for some semblence of functioning due to severe ADHD). Family therapy was pointless as our mother is an abusive narcissist and obviously did not follow nor believe any advice of the therapy (also because she would get called out for her own behaviour). In addition, despite being hit and beaten up by my brother, her narcissism makes her incapable of not triggering him/not bothering him.

Every single time my brother reaches a new limti I predict that they're finally gonna kick him out for good. And it's horrifying just how many thresholds he's reached and not been kicked out permanently yet.

5 years ago, long into the property destruction phase, he severely broke my dad's nose (there was blood everywhere) and it was classified as a grevious injury. Over the next few years he beat up our mother some 4 times.

And now he finally did it. He put our mother in the hospital with a broken/fractured wrist and shoulder which need surgery. The reason why he's not kicked out permanently yet ? Because it was an 'accident' in which he slammed a door shut into his mother's face causing her to tumble back and get the injuries. The same door that he 'accidentally' made fall off its hinges weeks earlier.

Sometimes there are moments of sanity from my family, like my uncle fearing an assault on our grandparents, and my dad removing the decorative dagger on the wall the moment my brother turned violent at 14. But no one seems to see the fact that my brother is going to murder someone one day, intentionally or not. No one in the family has ever filed a police report against him because they don't want to ruin his career prospects for life.

My childhood friend coincidentally works at the same place as my brother and she's horrified about the whole thing and even she agrees he's a danger to society.

As I said I'm not very upset specifically about my mother being harmed. Because after all she was always an abusive narcissist. But I especially have a grudge against my family for essentially villifying me and nearly abandoning me just because I came out as trans, while they tolerate all my brother's BS.

When I was a kid I was living in poverty pretty much while my neighbors were doing very well with the money like actually rich, but because we lived next to each other I befriended their daughter that was 2 years older than me.

The more time I was spending with her the more I enjoyed her presence and we became best friends and we were often visiting each other. The more we grew up together the more her weight got undeniable to the point where she couldn't run or climb like the other kids and when I was at her house she would always make huge sandwiches we talk like 10 layers of deli meat, or her mom would set the table with fried pork french fries and huge amounts of cheese and bread but because I was in poverty It was like a dream to me but she was eating like this ALL THE TIME multiple times a day. By the age of 10 she was weighing more then her mom (her mom was skinny btw in contrast like 55kg). My aunt and her mom were best friends and I overheard them talking on the phone and I heard my aunt talk about how my friend is always sent to eat when her mom is talking with her side guys so if a guy was calling her best excuse was "wait here a second mom will go put some fries in for you". Her husband could no longer perform so they had a secret agreement that she can sleep with whatever men she wants as long as they don't divorce and that's also where the money was coming from because those side guys NEVER came empty handed that's how the fridge was always full that's how my friend had all those very expensive toys so many that toys had a room of their own because they were distractions from the guys coming over.

Now we are both adults she's struggling with weight problems we are not as close but we're still talking. She's very awkward because she is married with one of those side guys nephews so the family reunion at his house are always awkward and I really care for her so I had to take that off my soul.

My whole life, whenever I complain about something—anything, even a health issue—the response is always to invalidate me. I hear things like "there are people worse off," "you have no reason to feel this way," or "if you keep this up, I’ll just leave you here," or else my complaints get compared to their own problems. When I get upset about their lack of empathy, she simply say, "That’s not my fault"—even regarding health issues.

She also make a huge scene and start yelling at the slightest provocation; when I ask why they’re shouting, the answer is simply, "That’s just how I am."

Recently, I’ve started treating them the same way. Whenever they complain about something, I just say things like, "Me too—and there are people much worse off," or "Depression doesn't exist; you have no reason to feel that way." When she get angry at such a lack of empathy, I tell them, "That’s not my fault."

It irritates her immensely because she aren't used to it. I’ve spent practically my whole life hearing those things; while it still bothers me, I’ve learned to handle it, whereas she can't. It is so satisfying to see she get so irritated by their own behavior.

Hello, I am looking for opinions on the situation I’m currently stuck in the middle of. I think I know deep down in my heart what I need to do and am going to do in the next few days. I just want to hear it anyway.

I’m considering calling Adult Protective Services on my family. Namely my two younger brothers

For context: My mom has been together with my step father since I was 5 years old. I am now 29. I lived with them for almost two decades. My step father is a physically, emotionally and financially abusive alcoholic. My mother is a victim of that abuse as well, but she is also emotionally abusive, addicted to methadone, and extremely neglectful who says that she’s sorry and will cry but do nothing to change her circumstances or help her children when confronted. Both of them are responsible for extreme physical, medical and emotional neglect.

I have been out of that environment for almost 7 years now, and have been in trauma therapy and have recently recovered memories that made me recall just how bad it was. My ACES score is 10 out of 10 just for example.

My two younger brothers still live with them. The youngest is 19, and the other is early 21s. I’ll call them A and B.

A certainly has trauma, ADHD, and is a victim of the same neglect I grew up with, he has rotting teeth, dropped out of school like I did and and I’ve only just been able to help him get a therapist and a primary care doctor- yet I believe he has a chance to escape with some outside support.

B is my biggest concern in that he is autistic, has the mental maturity of a 13 year old if that. He is deeply codependent with my mother who has not gotten him into therapy for his severe anxiety, OCD and depression, nor a dentist or doctor, and has allowed him to drop out as well. Nor has she looked into disability for him as he will likely not be able to function on his own due to his upbringing and mental maturity.

I am deeply concerned for both of them since I know the pain of that environment.

My mother is neglectful of herself, does not do anything to change even though I have begged and offered help for years and tried to get her access to DV resources. She doesn’t even have the excuse of lack of other resources because my stepfather never takes off work, is gone for 11 hours a day, and she has access to union insurance, a car, and a twice weekly allowance (financial abuse I know).

So it’s all lack of effort by choice, even despite her own abuse by my stepfather.

I guess I’m just looking for confirmation that yes- this is the right thing to do. I’m scared of doing the wrong thing l, and I don’t want to just turn a blind eye. I refuse to. If anyone has any other ideas, please let me know.