Hey everyone,
I’m new to this group and looking for a bit of comfort, hard truths or maybe anyone that can relate. I’ve traveled a bit but never solo. It’s always been something I’ve wanted to do. I planned a trip to Iceland as I’ve been a couple times before as my first solo trip. It’s safe and has endless opportunity to get outside and explore which is a big part of what I enjoy on trips (nature, hiking etc.) I put together an awesome itinerary that seemed doable and flexible based on the unpredictable October weather in Iceland. Booked all the accommodations. Long story short, I said goodbye to my well traveled partner at the airport (he has done a ton of solo travel,) with a bit of tears in my eyes and flew to Iceland. He was so supportive and excited for me. Upon landing at 7am, I was in a bubble of “I can’t believe I’m here.”
Got to my rental car that was massive, which I was thankful for the clearance with potholes etc., but made me a little nervous to drive a much larger car than I’m accustomed to. Cloudy and rainy day in Iceland but I still started that car up and started the trip. I drove 3 hours down the south coast from the airport that day and witnessed some magical waterfalls and hiked through canyons I had on my list. My check in for hotel wasn’t until 3pm so I figured it was the perfect day with the nicest weather to see some incredible things while confident about driving conditions and weather. Grabbed a sandwich from the airport and just took off down the coast. It was really epic. Almost cried while hiking through those canyons. Just incredibly grateful and stoked and just in awe I was there. I figured after a long travel day and jumping straight from a 7 hour flight to a 3 hour one way drive and then hike I should make the 3 hour drive back to city and hotel because check in time would be right about perfect.
Made the drive back and entered the city in this beast of a car and couldn’t find parking anywhere (Saturday.) Went to my trusty list of parking spaces I had noted for long term and all were packed. Tried out a parking garage I had listed and almost had a panic attack. Tiny little garage with uphill ramps enclosed by concrete in a diesel AWD just accepting I could total the thing- but I made it through several levels until finally leaving the garage to find a lucky solo spot available. Parked the car and made the walk to hotel and had a complete break down in the room. Lack of sleep, lack of eating, long travel day and parking disaster just sent me into a spiral. Like all decisions of the day and survival mode just switched off once I was in the room and I went right into a panic attack. I called my boyfriend and just let it all out. Told him I felt so sick and just wanted to come home. He was so supportive saying I should try my best to just sleep and wait it out and it was likely temporary due to a very ambitious first day. I continued to spiral and told him I doubted this feeling would change and I just wanted to buy the soonest ticket and go home. So I did, bought a ticket home for the next night. I was finally able to sleep and woke up that night and went out on a bench and took in all the beauty that is Reykjavik. Walked around and visited the famous church. I was feeling better but still a bit claustrophobic if that makes any sense.
I highly debated cancelling that ticket and eating the cost to stay. But I didn’t. I still left the next night- 4 days early. I’m home now and just so embarrassed and sad knowing I should still be there enjoying the beauty and magic of it all. I worked my butt off, pulling doubles and extra shifts to pay for it all with the light at the end of the tunnel being this trip. My coworkers have been texting me asking how it is and how brave I am. I’m just defeated. I told everyone I left early. I feel like a phony. I lasted less than a weekend. Day and a half. I’m just really depressed. It was so epic in so many ways but so hard in others. Just a crazy mix of feelings. Anyone every been through something similar? Thanks for listening.