r/shitposting • • 8h ago

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735 Upvotes

95 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 8h ago

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147

u/Hcavok 8h ago

Real ones know Jesus actually died in North Japan and his brother took his place on the cross

7

u/DataSittingAlone put your dick away waltuh 3h ago

This term is a bit overused but this is some ball knowledge

6

u/KafeiTomasu 2h ago

wakakusayama hill is Jesus' burial grounds

1

u/Psquare_J_420 3h ago

Jesus' brother? Wasn't he chinese?

1

u/Llamajake777 5m ago

Elite ball 19th century China knowledge.

1

u/wellyes34 1h ago

Isukiri

206

u/Taymac070 8h ago

Jesus was my parent's roofing guy.

36

u/CanadiaBoi dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 8h ago

Jesus is my cousin

13

u/M1S_F1T 8h ago

Jesus is my Friend

9

u/TendiesOnPoint waltuh 8h ago

Jesus is my buddy

10

u/Electronic_Tear2546 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 8h ago

Jesus is my pal

4

u/WhiteBlackGoose 4h ago

Jesus was a woman

1

u/deadinternetlaw 1h ago

Jesus is my nxxxx

2

u/aLone_gunman 7h ago

Absolute banger of a song

1

u/CanadiaBoi dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 6h ago

Brad Paisley if my country memory holds true

3

u/DoTheMonsterHash 7h ago

Jesus built my hotrod

2

u/IAmtheBlackWizards_ 5h ago

Showing your age bro. Album released 1992. 🤣

17

u/HighOnLivin 5h ago

0 days without seeing a post about India on shitposting 🦤

60

u/ParagonChariot 7h ago edited 7h ago

I thought Jesus was born jewish under roman occupation. Hes was a Galilean and a 2nd class roman citizen, where they were not truly romans but lived under their rule.

Also he was Jewish, but I dont know if Palestine existed as a known region back then. However, Bethlehem is located in the modern day West Bank, Palestine. Though it should be noted Jesus was probably not Palestinian.

4

u/DataSittingAlone put your dick away waltuh 3h ago

As I mentioned in another comment Jesus is Palestinian in the same way that Julius Caesar is Italian. It's technically correct but really misleading

3

u/Akrylkali waltuh 1h ago

It's not even technically correct. Napoleon is also not Italian, even though he was born in Corsica.

2

u/mmmsplendid 1h ago

Not even technically correct

1

u/Sh_Pe I want pee in my ass 3h ago

It kinda existed as a path from Egypt to Mesopotamia. But there was not such a thing as “Palestinian” back then. The modern meaning of the word emerged in the 50s (before then, even some relatively Zionist organizations called themselves Palestinians).

1

u/AutoModerator 3h ago

pees in ur ass

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-17

u/Stand_kicker 5h ago

Nah fam, Jesus is Muslim. 

2

u/lacklusterwannabe 5h ago

Jesus was a Buddhist. He went to Asia to study during the times missing from the bible. Found missing scriptures explain he spent all that time in Asia.

0

u/Stand_kicker 3h ago

Probably has a hot asian wife too

23

u/MichiganCraigslister 8h ago

Palestininininian?

9

u/DataSittingAlone put your dick away waltuh 6h ago edited 6h ago

Nazareth is in modern day Palestine so you could technically make the argument that he's Palestinian but it's really misleading. Like saying Julius Caesar was Italian because he is from what's now Italy

1

u/MichiganCraigslister 6h ago

He could be Australian or Korean for all I care

6

u/DataSittingAlone put your dick away waltuh 6h ago

Saying he's Palestinian is misleading but saying he's Australian doesn't have any argument. The most accurate thing to say is that Jesus was a Jew from the ancient Middle East/Levant

27

u/DrunkMonsters 8h ago

I thought Jesus was Mexican

He's my colleague

2

u/ashvy Literally 1984 😡 3h ago

When you see Jesus, do you ever go, "Hey shoes"?

18

u/the_real_JFK_killer 7h ago

Jesus was french-polynesian but yall arent ready for that conversation

1

u/ashvy Literally 1984 😡 3h ago

Didn't know polys existed even back then

6

u/Academic_Chance3278 6h ago

Korean Jesus ain’t got time for your problems.

8

u/awildboyappeared We do a little trolling 7h ago

Jesus was asian that's why they could easily find another guy that looks alike to replace him

4

u/cale199 2h ago

If Jewish why is every picture of him White? Checkmate atheist

3

u/MIG2149077 6h ago

No ask a average Hungarian he a Magyars and Virgin Mary is Mongolians.

6

u/Simply_Param 6h ago

Jesus is a bowling legend

7

u/imsharank 7h ago

Jesus was just a multi billion dollar idea, not a person.

11

u/AK-50_Ocelot Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 5h ago

Most historians agree he was a real historical figure

-3

u/imsharank 5h ago

I mean, yeah there was a person. Picked a guy and created the persona

5

u/AK-50_Ocelot Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 4h ago

Nah... there's no organization that picked a guy to manufacture a persona. If you actually knew anything about early Christianity you'd know the movement grew organically around the life, teachings and crucifixion of Jesus, these are things that historians agree happened. Maybe stay off the history channel after midnight eh?

1

u/deadinternetlaw 1h ago

Well you see, the historians are bribed to all fake the evidence. Some might even say they're all in on it. There's no way you believe some random "expert" would know what happened 2000 years ago right

6

u/brreeper 6h ago

He was invented by Coca Cola in the 1950's to sell Christmas.

1

u/deleeuwlc 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ 6h ago

Pretty sure he was a real person, the question is if he actually did all that

5

u/Wiinterfang 8h ago

Jesus spend a week on Indie and decided to get crucified in Rome 🥲

2

u/PaleBlueCod I came! 3h ago

Bro gonna redeem our souls.

2

u/JungleHam 3h ago

Saying "Jesus was real" is the same as saying "Michael was real", or "Ahmed was real". there was probably a lot of Joshuas around

6

u/TheShiftmaster 8h ago

Jesu was actually Aramaic

1

u/mmmsplendid 1h ago

That’s a language

-2

u/FatChewbacca 8h ago

Jesus was actually ondisdick

4

u/No-Sector-933 8h ago

Le epic reply good sir, I tip my fedora to you lord chuddington!

6

u/TheShiftmaster 8h ago

The ol' onthisdick-icaton trick eh? clever very clever but I'll get you next time

7

u/FatChewbacca 8h ago

I'll be wary if we ever cross paths again

5

u/TheShiftmaster 8h ago

I will be using multiple accounts, you will not know which ones are secretly me in disguise

7

u/FatChewbacca 8h ago

I shall be promptly erasing my Internet presence. beware the shift master

5

u/TheShiftmaster 7h ago

I'll be monitoring the situation closely enlarged Wookie

4

u/FistmyBump1 5h ago edited 4h ago

“Good morning Saar! Thou shall not redeem.”- Jesus, the book of Mathew, 7:19

2

u/deleeuwlc 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ 6h ago

Jesus was quite literally Jewish. Many people saw him as the Jewish messiah and many others didn’t, which is where Christianity and Judaism separated

1

u/Asckle 1h ago

It's a little more complex than that. Christianity didn't "split" from Judaism. Judaism had a few sects making up the religion as a whole, Christianity being one of them. When the second temple was destroyed all but 2 of these groups dissapeared. The two were Christianity, the Jewish sect that was now spreading amongst gentiles, and the Pharisees, who didn't spread their religion amongst gentiles. Over time, since Christianity became most popular with gentiles, it became basically a seperate thing, while the Rabinnic Judaism of the Pharisees, since it remained only with the ethnic jews, became known simply as "Judaism".

Essentially, both modern Judaism and Christianity are offshoots of second temple Judaism. It's not like there's a consistent through-line of Judaism that Christianity shoots off from

1

u/lyfeNdDeath Literally 1984 😡 5h ago

He was from Gaziabad and went to Palestine to enlighten them

1

u/Capital-Factor-382 7h ago

Jesus is Columbian

1

u/Fidel_Cashflows 7h ago

Jesus’ name wasn’t even Jesus

1

u/CorrectRange7312 Literally 1984 😡 7h ago

Aside the shitpost, I really love depiction of Jesus in different cultures.

1

u/tsimkeru 6h ago

Jesus was Samoan

1

u/FoxCQC 5h ago

He was Judean

1

u/Aromatic-Dig9997 3h ago

Bruh y'all are wrong... Jesus is a japanese physicist working on string theory

1

u/i_agree123 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 3h ago

Jesus was human, sometimes

1

u/_Someone_from_Pala_ 3h ago

Jesus is the senior platforms engineer at my company

1

u/Born-Specific7638 2h ago

Sai baba is jesus

1

u/TimelyButterscotch99 44m ago

The people who made Jesus knows him very well

1

u/ziadricky 43m ago

Who's gonna tell 'em

1

u/Flimsy_Translator781 6h ago

This made me remember Siddhartha Gautama

0

u/Mxhmoud lets build a hole together and then libe in it 42m ago

I don't think he was palestinian but he was definitely not jewish in faith.

1

u/Vechan13 20m ago

He was definitely a Jew. You cannot live by the Mosaic Covenant and cite the Jewish Scriptures as divine authority without being Jewish in faith.

1

u/Mxhmoud lets build a hole together and then libe in it 4m ago

The sources may differ but to me I struggle to understand this, why someone would preach a religion while also being in a different religion at the same time?

-7

u/ballsymcsackface 7h ago

Lol jeetsus

-20

u/[deleted] 8h ago

[deleted]

9

u/Awkward_Benefit_5887 Big chungus wholesome 100 8h ago

Interesting form of racism ngl,thrashed both groups at the same time

1

u/Choice-Sky3432 uhhhh idk 3h ago

20 downvotes? Damn this place has gotten less racist.

1

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1

u/Choice-Sky3432 uhhhh idk 3h ago

I gotta change this flair 

1

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-9

u/[deleted] 8h ago

[deleted]

12

u/yukiki64 8h ago

Pretty sure its agreed apon by both religious and secular scholars that Jesus did exist.

-1

u/FinancialElephant 7h ago

Various kinds of mythicist positions exist too

6

u/acacio201 8h ago

You would be labeled crazy by both of them since there are records about him, but at least you would unite them for a common cause.

1

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