Three way a bad idea with long term girlfriend?

[u/brodesman12]

So I told my girlfriend a few years back after being asked what my top sexual fantasy js that it’s to have my dick sucked by 2 girls at the same time. She told me today after not talking about it for over two years that her roommate would be down and she thinks it would be hot.

I’ve read some posts about 3 ways fucking relationships up and I want to marry this girl so was looking to get advice on if this is a bad idea? Since I wouldn’t be fucking anyone I could see how it might be less risky but wondering if anyone has experience with this lol?

Not interested in fucking anyone else tbh and for whatever reason I personally kinda just think it would be weird even though I’m benefiting from it. I’m down to get head though and don’t think it’s something that would fuck our relationship up but maybe I just really like head so need someone to confirm I’m not being biased here lmao.

My girlfriend is the one who brought it up so curious what people’s thoughts are on going through with it.

Thanks!

[u/Kittin61122]

It could potentially fuck things up for u and ur gf , as well as ur gf and her roommate, jealousy is a real thing. I'm not saying that's what going to happen but it's a real issue. However if the girlfriend brought it up, maybe it's something she wants to do for you and she trust her roommate to be the other girl. I've been the other girl because my BFF at the time asked me to but that didn't end well, turned out that the guy kept bringing me up everytime they fooled around and that put a strain on her and my friendship and we eventually stopped being friends. About 3 months after we had our falling out, her and him broke up . There was a lot of comparisons and it wasn't fair to any of us. I personally wouldn't do it because to me , it's not worth losing the person I want to merry one day.

[u/no-one-special-here → u/Kittin61122]

That sounds like a warning of what not to do afterwards. It really should be common sense, but I guess their relationship must not have been very healthy to begin with.

[u/Kittin61122 → u/no-one-special-here]

Absolutely agree on the what not to do afterwards part. And yes, they had a shitty relationship. She was trying to bring "spice back into their relationship " , her words. I trusted her because she was my BFF at the time and I wanted to help her because i loved her like a sister. That was 30 years ago and I learned not to get involved in others relationships, in any way, especially like that.. would never do it again

[u/no-one-special-here → u/Kittin61122]

She was trying to bring "spice back into their relationship "

Yeah unfortunately that happens quite a lot and it never works. It's unfair though to blame the breakup on the threesome. I guess your bff was still very much in love and didn't wanna see all the warning signs so she gave this really stupid idea (not the threesome itself but the idea that it could "save" their relationship) a try. People who are in love do really stupid things sometimes.

[u/Kittin61122 → u/no-one-special-here]

I'm not blaming the act itself, just his reaction after the event was completed. She was insecure and scared to be alone and wanted to keep him anyway she could. I was young and dumb and didn't think about what would happen if things went sideways. I definitely learned that lesson. I've had 3ways with my husband but we are both head over hills in love with each other and absolutely never compare one to another. I make the choice especially on the females, he doesn't give any input because he doesn't want me to feel some kinda way. We usually meet the woman online in apps for swinging but have ground rules. He never talks to her without me present and they never exchange numbers, nor social media. He doesn't know her last name so he can't just casually "look her up". And absolutely no kissing or him going down on her. Boundaries are important and communication is key. I personally would never be my friends tag team partner again. When I meet a woman, it's usually 1 and done so no chance for feelings to develop for anyone. A 3-way can be fun but it's a lot of work and some couples just aren't built for that. My husband and I have been together 20 years and never not one time has he ever brought up the idea. I do it because " I " want to play. He tells me I'm more than enough for him and I believe him. Respect, Boundaries and communication are all very important

[u/no-one-special-here → u/Kittin61122]

My point is that their relationship had already failed long before they even started the threesome. The guy was shitty to begin with and your bff just didn't wanna see it and kept trying to keep him interested somehow. In that sense I think it's good that they had the threesome because imagine how much longer she could've stayed with such a toxic guy otherwise.

I'm happy to hear that you and your husband have such a strong relationship now, more power to you!

[u/Due_Technology_2455]

personally if my bf requested this and we did it it would in fact fuck up the relationship but who knows everybody is diff

[u/skoupidia22 → u/Due_Technology_2455]

Please elaborate. She asked about a fantasy. He answered honestly. Then 2 yrs later she's taken initiative and say it up. Where would be the problem?? The only backfire I see is if they go through with it and then she plays the game of, "You has yours, so in want mine with two guys". And that's ok too but it's something that needs and should be discussed before the 3some goes down and agreed on or discarded as an idea.

[u/RedLucan → u/skoupidia22]

You've missed the fact that things often play out very differently in fantasy than they do in real life. You can read any number of threads on Reddit from people who fantasised about their partner having sex with someone else, or having some kind of threesome, who immediately regretted it as soon as they actually started and it ended up permanently altering their relationship. It's a tricky thing to get right, especially with an endgame partner who you envision spending the rest of your life with.

[u/skoupidia22 → u/RedLucan]

Yes very true. There's the first rule of not making sexual partners/swingers out of established friends. That's the first red flag for these guys. People usually think it's safer to choose someone you know. Sometimes rarely it is, now often not. Things blow up for first timers because they don't tiptoe in and dive head in first and then get the emotional post butt clarity bomb. There's a lot to consider, communicate with honesty and respect. Given that the gf , after two years went back to the fantasy and her best friend is game, it means she had been working on it. So if the bf doesn't lose his head, it'll work out fine probably. Just as many couples blew up there relationships, there are those who managed to keep it together, have an amazing blast and even get closer, with more respect, honesty and clarity.

[u/preludechris]

It's odd that this has been in your girlfriend's mind for two years dispite not discussing it. I would be cautious that she's not bringing this up because she's insecure about the fact you want this and she just wants to try fulfill you.

You really need to bottom out why now and why this roommate, how has she got to this decision?

Will this just be once or will this open the flood gates for both of you wanting different things and using this as an excuse? What will you do if in the moment one of you suddenly doesn't feel comfortable?

Often fantasies are great because they are just that, the phrase careful what you wish for exists for a reason. Personally, I think if you know you want to marry her already then why fix what isn't broken, you already know you are happy with what you have.

That being said, some couples live their life like this and love it. I think it's a bad idea but you really need a good discussion with her and sleep on it for a while.

[u/itwasalllove]

I think the safest course of action would be to tell her you don’t have that fantasy anymore and you don’t want to fuck anyone else. Insist. Tell her nobody is worth potentially fucking up the relationship over. Insist like the future w the girl u wanna marry is on the line

And then, if you find her reaction is one of genuine disappointment/ you can tell she would truly find it hot and actually is 100% down, let her know you’d be okay with just head if that’s what she wants.

[u/no-one-special-here → u/itwasalllove]

I like this approach, except that he shouldn't lie to her. No need to say it's not his fantasy anymore, he has plenty of genuine reasons why he's hesitating, mainly that he's unsure how this would affect the relationship. In any way, they should have at least one thorough heart to heart discussion if they decide to do it.

[u/catsandplants424]

There are risks. If your girlfriend even thinks your prefering the friend fuck up, you cum when the friend is touching you fucked up, the friend does something girlfriend hasn't fucked up. You get the point. You want to marry her I'd thank her for the offer and keep it a fantasy. Of caorse its ultimate your design this is just my houghts.

[u/brattywafatty]

Ngl her not discussing this for two years with you and suddenly saying shes picked her roommate, is sketch. Its probably a test. And you may say you arent interested but would you refuse the roommate after yall have had a 3 way? If she approached you again? Or would you succumb to wants and desires because you've already crossed thay boundary in the relationship? Can you keep the one time 3 way a one time thing and not do anything with the newest person ever again? To me as a girl, it almost sounds like your gf is looking for an out now. Like she'd rather have this in her back pocket since its the only time shes mentioned it since. What was her reaction 2 years ago? If she was into it i doubt it would've taken two years to bring back up.

[u/no-one-special-here → u/brattywafatty]

Honestly, if this was a "test" or some weird psycho game, he should dump her. Nothing hurts a relationship more than the feeling of not being able to trust what your partner says because it might be a trap. Communication is key, and this would be actively sabotaging it. It would also be indicative of some really toxic views regarding men, women, relationships, etc.

[u/gonzoll]

If you and your girlfriend have a solid relationship it can work. I’m going to give you my perspective as the third and even though you’ve talked it out or even done it before can work but it seems like it always makes for some serious Conversations that you better be prepared to have.

[u/knowitallz]

She may have to find a new place to love if this goes south. Is that feasible?

Maybe all you should do is do this once

[u/kalel3000]

There are risks....but life is short so you might as well make some fun mistakes while you're still young

[u/SidTheMed]

Ok the thing is actually pretty simple: This can become an issue, but it depends on the people involved. If she is confident in the relationship, having some new experience together can be fun and exciting, but this is something that can attack on already existing insecurities. This means not that you shouldn't go for it, but you and your gf should have a deep talk about it beforehand, seeing your boundaries in bed with a third, and then, if you are both still on it, having a good talk with the third. Don't jump to it, be mature and everything will be fine. It could happen that somebody will have even an ounce of negative feelings after the thing, doesn't mean the relationship is done, be ready to comunicate and everything should be fine

[u/Thin_Cable4155]

Well, it can make things weird. You get it once and I guarantee your gonna want it again, and if she didn't like it, well that's gonna be a problem. You really gotta make sure she's into it. I had a threesome that my girlfriend set up and she started feeling weird about it and made the whole thing awkward.

[u/Freecz]

I would talk about it a lot first because yes there is risk involved. Is she offering because she wants something in return? Or because she likes the idea herself? How do you feel about if she wants reciprocity etc?

My initial thought is go slow and feel it out. Like maybe start by fantasizing about it and dirty talking about it during sex. If you are both okay with it take the next steps but slowly. Talk and feel it out every step of the way to make sure as much as possible everything feels okay because once you go there you can't take it back.

Also avoid alcohol/drogs if you decide to to do it. Avoid loose inhibitions making people do things they regret. That sort of variable is not needed. Personally I would avoid it being someone like a roomate as well because that just raises the risks more for reasons not even involving your own relationship.

As a swinger who has been in a lot of different constellations with long term so it can be fun absolutely, but the risks are there so try to mitigate them as much as possible and go slow. If you decide to do it try to relax and have fun. Good luck!

[u/honeykissesmerciless]

I always tell a man who asks for a FFM threesome I’m game only is we have a threesome with a man first.
And he needs to be prepared I’d leave him for the woman from the threesome cause maybe she’ll probably give better head than him.

[u/gonewild9676]

It certainly can be an issue if your relationship isn't solid and you aren't all three in board with the rules and aren't going to get jealous.

Plus you have to agree on if there's going to be one with another guy in the future to let her have a turn.

That said, this weekend I'm going to a sex party with 5 couples and the next weekend with probably 20 couples. We usually do foursomes or sixsomes so nobody is left out unless they need a break. We treat it as playful plus we use it to hang out nude with others and watch and swap BDSM activities like flogging and group electro play.

[u/DescriptionIll5227]

Communication is the key in all things. You and your girlfriend should have an open and honest discussion about all everything that could go wrong if you do it, and weigh the pros and cons together. And if you decide to do it, you should both be clear with each other about what your boundaries are, make sure to respect each others boundaries, and have another honest conversation afterward to see how you both felt about it.

[u/pinkdragon_Girl]

Just sit and talk to her about it be honest and open

[u/Maximum_Bliss]

Wow people get in their head so much. Make sure your GF is cool, have fun. Not hard

[u/Spoonwastakenalready]

Sit down with her outside the bedroom and discuss it. If she actually wants to, what the pros and cons are.  And try to answer for your selfs if you think that if it did go badly. That it wouldn't be the end of it. Good communication is key.

All that being said. There are many many couples have have threesomes, orgies, regular threesomes or only one threesome on special occasions and so on. That are perfectly healthy and happy couples 

[u/feedme2night]

bro don’t.. def not w someone you both have to jntwrract w on the daily. it’s. stevie for disaster, the disaster being the end of your relationship probably in a very toxic way

[u/taintosaurus_rex]

So I'm sort of in the same boat as you right now. My wife and I have been together 16 years, and for the majority of it she knew my biggest dream was a 3way with two women. In the beginning it was a "NO!", but over the years her opinion softened. Then she met a girl who became her "gay awakening" and suddenly, now it's a probably. I think they are planning it.

I do not feel like it's going to ruin our relationship and it's because of steps that I have taken over the years.

First off, I never pushed the idea to my wife. It came up during pillow talk, and when she would bring it up, not me reminding her or anything like that.

When we've talked about it over the years, I've made explicitly known she would have full power over my actions. Even if that meant a 3some was me tied to a chair all night while they fucked or me never touching the third, and that if at any point if my wife wanted to pull the plug I'd immediately stop everything for her.

When my wife learned she was into women, I allowed her to explore that side of herself freely. She went off and had sex with her girl crush and it all went well. Now the three of us are good friends, know each others limits, and care enough to not push any of them.

Lastly, communication is key. Over the years and especially lately, my wife and I have talked about this extensively, and now her and her friend have talked. Everyone is on the same page.

My advice to you is if it happens, just jump in the passenger seat and go along for the ride. Don't try to convince or push either of them to do anything, let them bring the pleasure to you.