r/seniorkitties • u/Upper-Direction-6290 • 2d ago
How to know its time (24-ish)
I am looking for advice on how to know it is time to say goodbye. I know that this is a highly personal decision, but I would like some advice on how to make this decision and, more generally, what to expect towarsds 'the end'.
My cat has had CKD for around 5 years, which was discovered after her treatment for hyperthyroidism. She has always been quite stable and things have progressed slowly. Her last bloods put her around Stage 2, though these were over 12 months ago.
She is an elderly cat (20+) who has other health issues too (hypothyroidism, arthritis, heart murmur), so her favourite things to do are to sleep and eat. Ive always said I will know its time if she stops eating her favourite food.
Last week, she had a bad episode. She had diarrhoea, raspy breath, and was extremely wobbly. I came to terms with the fact it was likely her time, fully expecting to make that decision when the vet arrived. However, she perked up. She was suddenly eating and raced down the stairs away from the vet. The vet was uncertain what had caused her 'episode' and said given her age it could really be anything, but testing etc would not be in her interests. Her heart surprisingly sounded fine. Since then, she has been on steroids and a probiotic paste - her diarrhoea has cleared up, but I'm uncertain whether it may return now the paste has stopped. She has been urinating in 'odd' places, but aside from this she has been relatively normal and content.
Her episode was very scary and stressful. It is not the way I want her to go as she appeared vacant and distressed. I therefore want to ensure she does not get that way again, but also struggle to know how I will know its time if she is not 'very unwell'.
Given that we are not testing bloods etc - though I very much agree it would not be right to put her through this - I am also uncertain whether her 'episode' is likely related to her kidneys or not. Before this, she had been drinking more and urinating in some 'odd' places, but had otherwise been okay. If it is her kidneys, what can I expect going forward?
I don't think right now is her time - she's curled up next to me super cosy on a heat pad - but I know it will likely be soon.
I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you.
comment to add: I put '24-ish' as we have believed she is 24 based on when we thought we got her (it was a long time ago, I was very young), but having recently looked at some paperwork it has her down as being 21... so, who knows! She is between 21 and 24, and I hope to confirm soon 🤣
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u/sadiq_fareed 2d ago
That sounds like such a hard question, but trusting your gut when it feels like she's losing her spark is probably the kindest thing you can do.
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u/Upper-Direction-6290 2d ago
Thank you. I know its only a question I can answer really, but that makes it so difficult. Thankfully she is still comfortable and content at the moment ❤️
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u/Zealousideal-Cow1335 2d ago
I just had this conversation with Lap of Love, and they gave me a framework I found helpful: in addition to the medical indicators we look for (eating, drinking, litter box), assess your cats behavior and personality. Are they still doing the little routines they had? Playing? Meeting you at the door? Cuddling with you? Whatever it was your cat would do.
Is the extent of your relationship checking on the above medical indicators, giving meds, etc? Are you able to spend quality time together? This decision is about you as well, you must do what you feel is best for BOTH of you. Good luck, and I wish you and your kitty all the best
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u/Upper-Direction-6290 1d ago
Thank you so much, this is very helpful.
I must admit, I feel a lot of guilt when bringing my own well-being into the assessment, but I know it is important too.
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u/Zealousideal-Cow1335 1d ago
Oh my goodness, me too. I finally realized over the last few months when his medication/supplement list went to like 6/day (for a cat who was barely eating and very difficult to medicate) that I didn’t want our only interactions every day to be shoving pills and liquid syringes down his throat— he would just go hide then and I felt like he hated me. For what? They weren’t curing him, just prolonging. If there was something I could do or give him that would save him, I’d gladly do whatever it took even if he hated me.
Now that we’re nearing the end, I not only want him to be comfortable but also for us to keep the relationship we’ve built over almost 20 years.
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u/Upper-Direction-6290 1d ago
Oh I completely understand. It is so difficult and you just wish you could explain to them that youre doing everything to be kind. I feel that in some way they know, though - there's no way we'd love them for all this time only to be 'nasty' now. I'm sure your boy knows that.
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u/Zealousideal-Cow1335 1d ago
Thank you, I appreciate that. I’m sure I’m projecting 😂
I had an appt scheduled with lap of love this evening, but he was so much better this morning that I’m rescheduling for tomorrow evening. I just do not know what to do.1
u/Upper-Direction-6290 1d ago
Oh Im so sorry to hear you're having a tough time. As someone struggling with this decision myself, unfortunately I have no 'wise words', but I am certain that you will know when the time is right.
Make the most of your 'bonus evening' with your boy and reassess what feels right in the morning.
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u/Zealousideal-Cow1335 1d ago
Thank you so much. Wishing a peaceful journey for you and your girl as well.
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u/this-aint-Lisp 2d ago
Ask her if she’d rather be dead than alive. If the answer is not clear, err on the side of caution.
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u/standsure 2d ago
This is the template to help you assess objectively. My 16.5yr old is currently sitting around 65.