r/screenshots • u/Upbeat_Witness6848 • 9d ago
His poor mental health/split personalities are draining me
A little backstory we have been together for 5 years and I have my 11 yr old from a previous relationship& two young children together 3yr old & 1yr old) and ever since I got pregnant with our second he completely changed. He has been verbally and emotionally abusive towards both me & my 11 yr old and refuses to see a psychiatrist because they will “just dope him up”. He says all kinds of crazy shit to me calling me the “loosest he’s ever had” & constantly makes suicidal threats and even homicidal threats under his breath. Then the next second he’s all up on me trying to hug me and apologize like EW get the fuck away from me. I finally had enough and realized if he’s not going to change he needs to fucking leave. We’re pretty much not together and all the love & respect I had for him is pretty much gone. I don’t even want to sleep next to him because the way he acts disgusts me. I’m so sad for our kids because they love their dad and when things are good it’s great, when it’s bad it’s horrible. I have a great job but still don’t make enough to move out on our own. I don’t see why our kids and I should have to find another place when he can easily move in with his mom. I gave him an ultimatum and I’m pretty sure he blocked me lol…. And watch when he gets home from work he’s going to be all sweet like nothing happened… yes I know I need to get out but I do not want to live in a shelter 😩 and I can’t stay with my family they are all toxic alcoholics that refuse to change. So I’m fucking stuck until I’m able to save enough for a place.
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u/etheralescape 9d ago
you did the right thing. stay away from him and do not let him back in your life! i would say if he wants to see the kids, do it through court on the condition he gets therapy.
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u/Upbeat_Witness6848 9d ago
The crazy thing is he’s in therapy, he goes to a session and comes home and still is in a bad mood and verbally/emotionally abusive. Right now he’s trying to call me on his lunch break whilst ignoring my last text I sent him. It’s the same cycle every single day, and it’s so unbelievably exhausting. I’m tired of putting on a brave face and trying to just deal with him and I’ve told myself to stay together for the kids but this isn’t healthy for them to be around. I want to leave, in a perfect world I would find a nice apartment I could easily afford and never speak to him again.
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u/BONGS4U 9d ago
It's most likely because he's not actually doing therapy and just manipulating the whole situation so he can say he is doing therapy and it doesn't work. I did this when I was a teenager. Just because you go to therapy doesn't mean you're in therapy. Lots of people use it to make people feel bad for them. It's kinda like being addicted to drugs. I also was that. You're not getting help untill you see yourself as the problem. Hes still blaming everything around him.
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u/Iolair_the_Unworthy 9d ago
First time I went to therapy I did this. I'm a diagnosed psychopath and I used to be a pathological liar, so I would go into therapy and just bullshit for an hour and pretend I was making progress.
A decade later, I've stopped drinking and actually went to therapy to better myself. I still look back at myself in my early twenties and cringe.
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u/DazB1ane 9d ago
He’s absolutely lying to the therapist. Either intentionally or he’s completely unaware of the actual situation and telling his very skewed side of it all
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u/etheralescape 9d ago
i know its hard but try your BEST to keep him away. if he wont even try in therapy, he doesnt care. i had parents who stayed together for their kids and it traumatized me way worse than having separated parents would have. they arent together now and its so peaceful, i always wished they'd given me this life before.
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u/Glittersparkles7 9d ago
I’m not believing he’s actually going to therapy. You don’t see him physically enter the therapists office do you?
Don’t let him back.
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u/smokeymctokerson 9d ago
I would keep him away from me just for his lack of punctuation and spelling abilities. I seriously couldn't deal with reading text from this person everyday.
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u/bob_apathy 9d ago
He’s choosing to stay this way and to abuse you and your older child. You deserve better but he’s only going to give you misery.
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u/Mundane_Zucchini_547 9d ago
You're with a professional victim. He beats himself up until someone agrees with him or tells he needs help then turns the tables.
He will never change until he actually faces up to himself.
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u/Relevant-Moment-1163 9d ago
I divorced a malignant narcissist and ultimately was granted sole legal and physical custody. As a dude. In CT. Kind advice - kids need a parent, not a father. My own? His own mother casually abandoned ship after determining that actual responsibility had run its course. Flee. You got this. Good luck.
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u/Upbeat_Witness6848 9d ago
Wow I’m also in CT. I’m sorry to hear that, he gives me the third degree if I ever have to ask him to do something for his kids. It’s like a chore for him to do basically anything that requires even the slightest effort
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u/Relevant-Moment-1163 9d ago
I knocked up a Hinge date who later proved to be one of the cruelest, most psychologically twisted people on the face of the earth. Picture a female version of Trump, but with a much sharper mask for public use. We got married on 2/22/22, a Tuesday, and my son was born three week later. No lullabies, no books read, no fucks given. Anyone who showed up found a doting mother, until they left. Looking back, the self-delusion of my reality probably saved our lives, because my hope and faith in people's capacity to change domino-effected to the place we are today. If I could go back in time and pass forth what I couldn't grasp at the time, I probably would've gone insane knowing all that was to come, the absolute uncertainty of custody, and the violent swirl of mental, emotional, financial, and physical harm I was subjected to in order to free my beautiful child from the grip of a real-life version of It.
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u/Fearless-Feature-830 9d ago
Whoa. I’m so curious. Did the ex try any stunts during the court proceedings? That’s really where narcissists shine. I saw my ex get fired by 2 attorneys in a row.
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u/Relevant-Moment-1163 9d ago
There's so much that took place, I could write a goddamn novel. My attorney said it was the worst case he took in 29 years. At one point, she literally took my phone, car, and son before vanishing for nearly a month. I'm not religious, but in a situation like that you have to find the closest thing on this earth resembling a god to keep your sanity intact and not hop off a bridge. She tried quite a lot - I've called 911 well more times than I could count in the short time we were together. I'm stubbornly independent, but when someone leverages a child as if they were a chess piece...looking back, and this is still relatively recent for me big scheme, I literally felt and effectively was enslaved. I'm sure I have severe PTSD but I'm too busy with solo parenting to even stop and address such. Holy fuck do I love my little boy, though. What a life...
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u/burpfizzle 9d ago
Question: why is staying in a shelter worse than continuing to stay in a situation where your 11yo is being verbally and emotionally abused? You have a choice to leave this situation (if this POS refuses to leave the house.) Your child is stuck unless you do something about it. Put your child first. Do it for them if you can’t/won’t do it for yourself.
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u/Sea-Department-1117 9d ago
His behavior and the timing suggest he may think the second baby is not his. Mental illness will put all sorts if crazy ideas into your head ifyou give it the space. I hope you and your family find the right way out of this. Feel no guilt about what you have to do to keep your children and yourself safe.
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u/DazB1ane 9d ago
I can promise you that your kids would rather live in a shelter than with that abusive man. Do you have any friends you could stay with?
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u/Tall-Mango4759 9d ago
Does he do some kind of drugs? His ups and downs could be from comedowns/withdrawals
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u/Upbeat_Witness6848 9d ago
No he just obsessively smokes weed. It’s like a fix he needs everyday which also sucks
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u/Big__Daddy__J 9d ago
Seems like someone on drugs and withdrawing from drugs, also a victim and a sook.
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u/Petrichoriam 7d ago
I'm about worried about the homicidal threats that you said he mutters, and also self harm threats. These are massive red flags and can/have been used to manipulate. I would highly suggest speaking to domestic violence agencies and supports, that is not a safe environment to be in.
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u/SpiritedGuest6281 9d ago
Yes he needs help, but unless he's willing to accept it, he won't change and forcing him into it before he's ready means it won't be effective.
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u/Upbeat_Witness6848 9d ago
Yeah I’m not trying to force him but I’m simply expressing if he wants to maintain our family unit this cannot continue… it’s sad because I would do absolutely anything to be my best self for my kids and he is just refusing. I can’t wrap my head around that, nor do I need to I need to focus on them and my own mental health
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u/SpiritedGuest6281 9d ago
I am a father and have mental health issues. Unless he wants to change, there is nothing that drugs or therapy will change. In fact drugs on there own can often make it worse as a common side effect is emotional suppression, so whilst the lows might not be so low, the highs are not as high. You have to put you and your family first and hope that gives him the motivation to seek change.
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u/leadpoisonisntajoke 9d ago
PLEASE CALL CPS TO FIND YOUR CHILDREN A GOOD HOME.
If you cared about your children at all you would've left him the moment he started being abusive to your 11 year old. Since you've left your children in an abusive situation you are clearly as unfit to parent as your shitty, lazy, abusive partner.
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u/Extra_Dependent2016 9d ago
Wow that is a really cold and ignorant response. How can you compare the mother to the abusive partner ?
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u/Relevant-Moment-1163 9d ago
This is too stupid to respond to beyond the one, but now that you've self-identified as an incel there's only so much more to say. Thanks for playing!
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u/Icy_Gap_6775 9d ago
You’re a real piece of shit. Too hard to be there for him?? I’m sure he’s there for you when you need him
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u/Upbeat_Witness6848 9d ago
I’m sorry too hard? I’m literally the glue holding our family together. I’m a single mom in what is supposed to be a loving relationship. I am trying to help him and he’s refusing to get help, so what can I do? Since you have all the answers please tell me
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u/Ok-Board-9959 9d ago
I think we found Ryan's burner account.
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u/Upbeat_Witness6848 9d ago
I love how the trolls never have a comeback response because they can’t back up the shit that spews out their mouth
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u/xccrunky 9d ago
You have to get TF away from this man and let him dig his own hole. Do it for the kids. You’ve done your part by communicating to him that he needs help and you can only lead a horse to water.