r/relationship_advice • u/Substantial_Panda708 • Mar 01 '21
Called my girlfriend by my exes name
I accidentally called my girlfriend my exes name on Saturday night just after sex when we were joking around. It was an honest mistake from my part, I haven't had contact with her for over 6 months but my girlfriend is convinced I'm cheating on her. I don't know what else to do to convince her it was an honest mistake. She has me blocked on whatsapp and I think she's ending things. This was an honest mistake and I wasn't even thinking about my ex at the time, it's just that I had been with her for over 3 years and maybe her name had become like a habit to me. I've done my best to show my girlfriend I love her and this was a mistake. I don't know what else to do.
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Mar 01 '21
Have her read this article.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/paebeb/why-we-call-people-the-wrong-name-during-sex
Basically sex partially commandeers the verbal portions of the brain and offers up words associated with sexy feelings.
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u/tmchd Mar 01 '21
I would apologize if I were you. And ask her what you could do to assure her that it was just a mistake and that you love her and not your ex.
My husband accidentally called me with his ex's name too when we were dating. I was upset a bit but not to the point I didn't want to talk to my husband anymore. Plus he was still hanging out with said-ex at that time. He apologized then we talked it out and obviously, things ended up ok because we're now married.
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u/Substantial_Panda708 Mar 01 '21
I did apologize and admit that it was a mistake. Timing of the whole ordeal makes things look worse because it was immediately after sex so she might've felt more vulnerable. I guess what I can do now is give her time and space. Also our situation is a bit different because my ex and I have been broken up for over a year now.
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u/tmchd Mar 01 '21
I think what's going on is she needs you reassurance that you love her and not the ex. That's about it. But yeah, giving her some time and space may help but don't forget to check in with her and request for her to have a heart-to-heart with you.
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u/A_Fluffy_Duckling Mar 01 '21
She's over-reacting. You can't spend a long time around someone and not have some details hardwired into your brain pretty firmly - and slip out from time to time before the new details overwrite.
Its a really common mistake particularly when you're very relaxed or distracted (like during sex), the conscious mind is distracted and doesn't recognise the error before it comes out your mouth.
Parents who spend years around their kids often have this problem of calling the wrong person the wrong name. My parents would run through a list before getting to my name "Beth! Uh, Tom, Dick...HARRY!"
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u/plentyofizzinthezee Mar 01 '21
It happens, its just a mind storm, not evidence of anything. There are scholarly articles written about the phenomenon.
Don't beat yourself up. If your girlfriend wants to melt down over it there's not much you can do about it.
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u/Substantial_Panda708 Mar 01 '21
True. I begged but I've stopped now. In my heart I know it meant nothing
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u/nodup420 Mar 01 '21
I did the same thing once. You're not alone there. I think it's just left-over muscle memory from your last relationship. Being in long relationships will do that i guess. Luckily i got away with it, because my girl didn't actually hear me. Very luckily lol.