https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/29qca8/nsfw_he_had_no_friends_for_a_reason/

Original

I always said I’d never be the overbearing, jealous mother constantly thinking about my son and his relationship. I disliked it when my mother-in-law did that, and I was supportive of others in similar situations. But now I've joined this club and I hate it. I would never express these feelings to my son or his girlfriend, so I’m talking about it here.

Four years ago, my son ended a five-year relationship. Even then, I did a lot to help him out. He works long hours, comes home, eats, watches TV, plays video games, and that’s it. His house—both inside and out—needed attention.

Two years ago, he started dating a new girl (let's call her Ann). She’s very nice—polite, funny, and hardworking—but she’s also very particular, neat, and set in her ways, much like me, and unlike my son. He says she balances him out, which I’m happy about, but I recognize this is my issue.

Ann moved in with him a little over four months ago when she found out they were expecting their first child. Ever since then, I feel like I’m being pushed away. I've never felt this way before. I used to go over once a week to deep clean his house. He isn’t a total slob, but he’s not one to sweep, mop, or dust unless it's really bad. However, since she moved in, every time I visit, the house is spotless. Laundry done, dishes washed, walls and floors cleaned, and even his dry cleaning is taken care of.

What triggered all this was seeing her planting flowers and greenery at the front of the house and in the backyard—something I used to enjoy doing. While I work part-time, attend a weekly yoga class, and have other interests, this was something that had become a part of my routine and kept me close to my son.

I know this all sounds childish, but has anyone else experienced this petty jealousy? How do you stop yourself from escalating, especially if these feelings worsen after the baby is born? I’ve always believed in boundaries, but now I find myself becoming one of those people.

Comment 1: It sounds like you're struggling with reframing your relationship as fellow adults.

You recognize Ann is womderful for your son, but why not cultivate a relationship with her? It sounds like you both enjoy gardening, so leas with that. Offer to be whatever support they need and let Ann especially know you're willing to take your grandson when she needs time to herself

Also, you need to let your son be an adult so he doesn't completely depend on Ann for household labor. That's one itch that dooms relationshipa.

I'm glad you have the self awareness to realize what's happening and want to change it

Comment 2: You babied your son for too long it now feels like she’s actually stealing your baby. That’s how this reads, to me at least.

Reply: Agree. I’m a little shocked that any parent is cleaning their adult son’s house. No disrespect, just seems like he should be doing those things on his own now. Especially with a baby on the way

Comment 3: Girl, you were over there doing housework for your adult man child? You need to step back and recognize you’ve got attachment issues here.

I strongly suggest therapy. Get some hobbies. Treat your adult son like an adult. You know who I feel bad for? Anne.

All that time and you didn’t teach your son anything. Zero home training. Now it’s all her job.

She’s quickly gonna tire of doing it all but don’t you dare try to “help” by doing it for him. This jealousy is only the symptom of a whole host of issues here.

Sean, if you ever need baby name ideas lol. Uy Pilipins!!!!