r/rape • u/Primary-Plenty434 • 3d ago

i feel really guilty

i feel like i let and led my ex bf to rape me. he did it once and then i became kinda obsessed with it. i would tell him over text to keep going even if i said stop but we always had a safe word and he always respected it. but i feel weird because of how one time he said he loved raping me while i was riding him. i feel really guilty because i feel like i made him do this to me but also he SAed me first. i feel so confused and feel like i am broken. i don’t know what to do because i feel like it is all so heavy and hard to talk about unless i am online on reddit. i know something is wrong with me

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u/Tactical_Something 3d ago

if you want it to stop talk to him. sounds like youve been willing till now.

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u/Primary-Plenty434 3d ago

that’s valid. i feel like the first time triggered something in me but now it feels like too much

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u/Tactical_Something 3d ago

talking about it is a good start. its like admiting its a problem. there are really good resources online too start

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u/Primary-Plenty434 3d ago

do you have any links or examples?

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u/Tactical_Something 3d ago

id need to know your location for specifics but an easy one to check out is betterhelp.com tho they might be based in the usa