Hello. I've been following this subreddi for some time now and the advice from its enduring and supportive members has been especially significant in helping me to escape from the grips of devious.. devious porn. I thought I'd share in my celebration with the community that made it possible.

Ever since I was a young lad, maybe around age 9, I was hooked. The shame, guilt, and isolation stifled my personality and character, and most notably, warped my view of sexuality. Now, after more than 14 years of severe addiction, I am finally free from the poison, from the brainwashing, and most of all - from the fear.

Life feels absolutely exhilarating now. I have all the energy I should've had all along to deal with the stresses of life and to finally attack the root causes. The relief is likened to waking up from a very long and very tiresome limbotic nightmare. Or like reaching for the walls of your prison cell and falling head-first out of the room, realizing the walls never existed to begin with.

To be honest with you all, I didn't believe I'd see the day where the power of my cravings would shrivel down into a tinsy-tiny force - so pitifully easy to squash. Now, on the odd occasion it nudges me, it acts as a pleasant reminder to celebrate the delightful emancipation of my mind and vitality, and the shattering of the lie that porn has anything to offer besides deterioration and death.

Even on my bad days - which, yes, I still have - I can say to myself, "man, at least I don't have that horribly exhausting addiction anymore" and I seem to become quite cheery after that.

I could go into great detail of the endless torments I suffered whilst being addicted, and also of the many, many great positives I've experienced being free. But I'll leave that for another time.

I truly wish for all to experience the ecstasy that comes from finally being free. I empathize with and pity those still chained to the life-draining force which is porn and would be happy to answer any questions you have (although, I may not be exceptionally prompt, so please bear with me).

• David

I’ve been lurking here for a bit before deciding to quit porn to see how long I can go without it. During this time, I’ve read a lot of posts from fellow soldiers who’re finding it super hard to quit, are relapsing and seem to have insurmountable shame around it 😕 all the power to you all and I hope you can forgive yourselves.

That made me question whether I can consider myself an addict at all as I’ve found it (relatively) easy to distract myself from the urges, though I’ve have had my fair share of slip ups in the past. For context, I’m a 31 yo woman who was exposed to porn before the age of 10 and since my teen years I’ve been consuming it on a weekly to multiple times a day basis. Until recently, I wasn’t able to orgasm without porn or toys. Especially now that I am porn free. However I can’t “masturbate to completion” on a frequency that I used to, inspite of feeling more arousal than I used to.

I understand that there are varying degrees of addiction but I am curious what we on this sub consider being addicted to porn.

I wanna quit porn, I really do. However, I never last more than 1 week before looking up porn and masturbate again. I always regret it, yet still I do it. Always telling myself "next time I really have to fight my brain". But when I get horny I fail 99% of the time.

I have a girlfriend of 3 years, I would rather watch porn than having sex with her. Nothing wrong with her, I guess I'm just tired of having sex with the same girl after 3 years. She is a really good person who everyone adores, and we have a 1 year old kid so I don't wanna break up.

When I didn't look up porn and masturbate for a week our sex has been good, so I want to quit it to make our sex life better. But I just can't seem to do it when I ger horny, especially in the morning and at night.

Thought about it but nothing more happened

I'm 25, and I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole that I don't know how to get out of.
I have what feels like a serious porn addiction, and I can't seem to put my phone down. I come home from work, spend hours on my phone, watch porn, and basically call it a day. I repeat this cycle over and over again, and before I know it, another day has passed without me doing anything meaningful for myself.
I've been off social media for a year, hoping it would help, but honestly, it hasn't made much of a difference. I've just continued with the same habits in other ways.
My confidence is practically nonexistent. I'm a virgin at 25, and although I have friends, I struggle socially much more than I used to. I feel like my social battery has gotten smaller and smaller, and I don't have the confidence to approach someone I'm interested in or even flirt with them. I feel like I've lost a lot of my happiness, too.
I constantly procrastinate on my responsibilities. I don't take proper care of myself, and I don't feel like I love or value myself enough to change that. I feel like I'm just floating through life, waiting for time to pass instead of actually living it.
Sometimes my friends invite me out, but I end up cancelling at the last minute. I have pretty bad social anxiety, and before going anywhere, I start imagining all the worst-case scenarios. I overthink everything until staying home feels easier than facing the anxiety.
The thing that scares me most is that I know something is wrong. I know what I should do to start changing my life. I know I should reduce my phone use, work on my habits, take care of myself, and start putting myself out there socially. But knowing what to do and actually doing it feel like two completely different things.
I don't feel like I have the discipline, motivation, or drive to change. Even when I become aware of how bad things have gotten, that feeling doesn't last long enough for me to do anything about it. I go back to my usual habits, and the cycle continues.
At this point, I feel genuinely depressed, and I don't know what the solution is anymore. I'm scared of wasting more years of my life like this, but I also feel like I'm watching myself do it without being able to stop.

Before I met my ex, I had completely stopped. After the relationship, like clockwork I was watching daily. Telling myself it's temporary.

It has been extremely hard to let go of it. I've made lots of great strides in other things, but I cant let go of this.

Maybe it's to cope with loneliness, which os more or less fleeting, or possibly, to drown my feelings even though I am a pretty content person for the most part.

Long story short, I don't want to live this way anymore. I want to combine all the progress I've made with being porn free again.

I don't need advice necessarily, just needed to get this off my chest. Been struggling with this internally, even though it makes my life worse.

I have come to the realization that watching and viewing any type of pornograhic or nude content online has become a destructive force towards my mind and body. It negatively affects my libido, prompts quick ejaculation, and has warped my perception of sex. It has also decreased my confidence in my manhood, I‘ve noticed weakened or less full erections while viewing porn as I then view myself as insufficient comparatively. Less frequent morning wood is another symptom. All these negative side effects despite frequent exercise and a good diet. Now is the time for action, for my higher thinking to take command. I am now on a journey to restore my body and soul, and hopefully keep away from the cancer that is porn. Day 2 is officially complete!

..

.

Completed Day 16! On day 17 now..
My mind is throwing disguised urges and thoughts at me constantly but I am recognizing them effortlessly
urges/thoughts and actions are separate things
urges can't dictate actions

Will review my ACT techniques tooo

At least 48 hours without it

Today I encountered a thirst trap on youtube. I felt an urge coming up, and half a second later it died down because I know firmly believe that porn has nothing to offer me for even a second.

Fuck you porn, you made me miserable, you are a poison.

I'm doing better these days.

See you tomorrow

Hello everyone. Long time lurker and I always notice a lot of folks posting who have been trying to kick this habit for a long time and feel powerless against the addiction.

I have been exploring some concepts in therapy that I’ve found very helpful and want to share those with you all. I’ve been partaking in a modality of therapy called ’Internal Family Systems’ - for which the central premise is basically that we‘re made up of different ’parts’, all of which serve a functionality and clear purpose.

I think it’s easy for most people to understand they’re driven to use porn as a coping mechanism, and a central tenant of IFS states that the *intention* of the compulsion to view pornography (or engage in any other dopamine seeking addictive behaviour) is a protective and self-soothing behaviour that should be honoured - not dismissed, shamed or ridiculed.

The important thing here is the distinction between the compulsive behaviour and the intention behind that behaviour. Obviously we all want to stop looking at porn, I am not validating porn as a healthy coping mechanism in any way, but if you don’t acknowledge or explore *why* you are drawn into those behaviours it’s incredibly easy for your brain to deceive itself and your protective parts to justify the continuation of the behaviour.

In IFS, people can have ‘exiled parts’ - which are parts of ourselves which were neglected or didn’t have their needs met and feel extremely powerful emotions - pain, fear, loss etc. These are parts we lock away because engaging with them feels like putting your hand on a hot stove.

We have protective parts which surface when we feel these feelings to soothe us and protect us from this pain. This is where our nervous systems comes into it. Our brains and nervous systems can be conditioned to view these feelings as a massive threat and danger to our survival. The same way our ancient physiology reacts to the presence of a predator which threatens our lives.

There are different types of protectors. A ‘firefighter’ is an emergency responder in our brain, who works to immediately sooth the exile. This is often the ‘autopilot’ feeling that strikes when you’re engaging in a relapse. There are other types of protective parts but ultimately everyone is different and I’m not an expert so I’d rather not delve into the principles of IFS too deeply.

One of the most important things in IFS is that to resolve a maladaptive coping strategy, we need to communicate with and honour our exile. In order to do this properly, we need to honour the role our protective parts have taken in protecting our exile and *seek their permission* to communicate with our exile.

Ultimately the philosophy of IFS is centred on the idea there are no ‘bad’ parts and if we address the underlying feelings and honour both the underlying pain and the intention of the coping strategies that soothe that pain, we can actually properly address the deficiencies which led to our exiled parts and find ways to meet those underlying needs in a healthy and sustainable way, while also achieving harmony between all our parts.

I understand therapy is a privilege and unaffordable for many people, but IFS is a framework of therapy you can read about online and ultimately practice on your own.

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I'm trying so hard, but it always pulls me back in. Idk how to beat this

I’m sure most of the married guys around here go through dry spells with their wives (and if you don’t, well fu you lucky bastard). When I’m using porn, it’s an easy mood booster and outlet for my unfulfilled libido. But when I’m not actively using, I feel like I have no outlet at all and jt causes me to ruminate on my negative feelings about lack of sex. Does anyone here have any suggestions or advice for this particular situation? I can only exercise so much in any given day 🤣. TIA for any helpful suggestions.

I'm well into early recovery at 73 days porn free. This is my longest clean streak and it's been challenging to keep on it. I feel like I still have a long way to go because my mind still reflexively wants to resort to porn use for a number of reasons, I still have intrusive memories of pornography, and although I've been making new habits of not resorting to porn the impulses connected to those habit loops are still happening. The improvements I've been experiencing at this point are a
reductions in shame, in cravings, clearer thoughts/improved focus, and better communication and interactions with others. Those are just behavior improvements and I think I still need to work on healthier coping mechanisms and rebuild life after my failures and the damage that the addiction has done. I can't even begin to sort out what caused what at this point and idk if it really matters even though it would be easy to blame porn addiction for all of my challenges. Just hoping that being abstinent will allow me to make good decisions in the future. From what I understand is that it takes two years of recovery before one is a fully functioning individual. Idk how much more damage I will do before reaching that stage.

I'm just trying to understand it.

Why do I feel this way? I have constantly felt this way. Since I was a child. Middle school,. High school. DEFINITELY college. After college. I kept waiting for "until X happens, I wont have the life I want." I 100% had this feeling even in like middle school. Instead of just having fun and taking life as it comes. I've never been able to do that.

And the older I get, the more fed up I get in that I'm realizing I've never done, committed, worked at something to a level that really satisfied me.

College graduation was the big one. 5 years in college going for a degree I'm not passionate, nor good at, nor will get a job I'll super love, nor get rich doing. I was not myself in college, it was a brutal pain till the very last exam. I have no idea why I chose my major at all. Well really, I do. I was comforted knowing if I succeeded, the money would let me survive and be comfortable. Again the mindset "as soon as X happens, I can start living."

Don't get me wrong. I'm doing good in my job now. But its comfortable. I'm surviving. I'm settled. I feel like I'm settling. I could do this for the rest of my life. Some days I like it, some days I hate it. Normal, right? But would I regret not doing something else with my life while I have youth?

The truth is, I love music. Always have, always will. It moves me more than anything. I know i have potential in it. I don't know if I'm psycho enough to really persue it like I would want. Anyone who drops it all to make it in music, but you read about their childhood and its no wonder they have the psychology that they would rather be homeless than not do music. Dont get me wrong I love my parents and will be eternally grateful for the head they put on my shoulders. But due to the "safe and guarded" nature Ive been taking my entire life, I have never dropped everything, thrown myself into a cause or passion. Never. I never did sports, I feared I wasn't athletic enough, I didnt act like myself, I feared people wouldnt like me, I never asked my crush out, I feared they thought I was ugly. I never practiced the shit out of my instrument in my formative years for months at a time, I feared I wouldnt be able to do it. I never got up and sang in front of people until I was an adult.... etc etc etc

Lately I've been trying to manage it all, the job, the music side hobby, and the relationship. But sometimes it seems A GIVEN, a FACT that its just going to devolve into the "oh now i have a wife and kids, I dont know what wouldve ever been if i threw myself into something."

I've never been QUITE the singer, QUITE the musician, QUITE the songwriter I would like to be, but I really think I could get there if I try. or at least close.

Things are a bit complicated, I think I could do both my job and music, but it would require some big time personal decisions that I would have to confront first. Too much detail to get into here.

Because of that, everythings locked up. And here I am, impatient as ever. Stuck in a limbo of indecision. And backspacing porn words as soon as I type them. Not because I'm more strong willed than ever to not fall back on my old vice, but because I'm too fucking angry and tired to keep numbing myself out of taking action. Because that is all I have fucking done since i first found porn. I am capable of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, In fact, I would say I excel at that, but for some reason at this 12 year mark, I'm starting to get fed up with it.

Seeking clarity, I want to stay humble, keep my feet on the ground, and make the best decision possible with the information I have now, Fast. Maybe one of you who wanted to read this mumbo jumbo can read through the lines and tell me if I'm a closet narcissist or something.

Caught myself looking at a instagram reel for a moment but other than that I’m doing fine, the temptation was low today.

I was going well but then I found a very suggestive video while scrolling on ig and went back to my old habits.

Completed day 15! On day 16...
Feeling good, I know my mind focus on present reward and doesn't care about future
but I am fine going after future reward and ditching short term high intensity sabotaging rewards like PMO

Hey everyone, I’m 19F and I’ve been struggling with porn since I was around 14. I never thought it would become such a big part of my life, but somehow 5 years have passed and I’m still dealing with the same problem.

I’ve tried to quit multiple times. Sometimes I’ll go a few days without it and feel really hopeful, thinking that maybe this time I’ll finally get my life together. Then I end up relapsing, usually when I’m bored, stressed, lonely, or just lying in bed with my phone. Afterward, I feel disappointed in myself because I genuinely want to quit, but I keep repeating the same cycle.

The worst part is that it’s become such a habit that sometimes I don’t even think about what I’m doing until it’s already happening. I hate feeling like I have so little control over something I know I don’t want in my life anymore.

Being a girl with this problem also makes it feel a little isolating. I know women can struggle with porn addiction too, but I rarely see people talk about it openly, so sometimes I feel like I’m the only one going through this.

I’m still young, and I don’t want to spend the next five years stuck in the same cycle. I want to have a healthier relationship with myself, my time, and eventually my relationships. I know quitting won’t magically fix every problem in my life, but I want to prove to myself that I can change.

For those of you who have been struggling for years, especially anyone who started young, how did you finally start making real progress? What actually helped you break the cycle beyond just relying on willpower?

I’m not expecting an overnight solution. I just want to start moving in the right direction. Any advice or personal experiences would genuinely mean a lot. ❤️