r/polyamory • u/Street-Spell2833 • 22h ago
vent Everything is fine, but it sucks.
I have decided to move out from living with my fiancé and her husband/ my meta/ my ex boyfriend within the next 6-12 months.
After 4 years of seeing prescriptive hierarchy everyday between them, and overhearing them make future plans as well as some of my fiancés behaviours around him, girli is tired.
I really would love to build a future with nesting humans, but our futures are now a little miss aligned, and being here I still feel like an afterthought when it comes to future plans with my fiancé, even when I have brought these feelings and needs to her a few times.
Everything seems to revolve around future plans w her husband that im added to after they have already curated a future plan or home reno ect.
(There has been conversations of escalation in out relationship over the past 4 year, but other than a ring nothing has changed/ shifted).
Girl is tired of asking, with no change. Tired of having to manage my feelings most days surrounding this issue.
So I think for my sanity, it is best I live somewhere else.
On another boo note
The same day I started this difficult conversation with my fiancé, my other partner of 2 years, revealed at our check in that he unable do the work to be okay with me seeing other penises.
And I cannot have a romantic relationship with someone who wants a single genitalia policy.
So I know I have to end that relationship soon.
the next few months are going to suck because the AuDHD doesn’t like massive change.
But I think it will be for the best?
I hope 😅
I don’t think I am looking for advice.
I just needed to tell it to other people.
I don’t feel overly sad? I think I am emotionally exhausted? Burnt out ?
I had to put one of my two cats down, 2 weeks ago that I was very attached too, because of a post op complication from cancer in his mouth. And even then I feel sad, but mostly numb.
Man I’m just so tired 😅
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 22h ago
You will be sad, and then you won’t. Most of the sad will be about the people they never were.
My breakup exercise.
Write all the things you love about them
Take a break, a day, a week. Then write all the things you don’t like about the relationship. Look at the first list and cross the things out that were not real
What is left on the first list will help you decide if there is room for friendship after 3-6 months of no contact once you heal.
You got this. It will be fine. You deserve people that plan life with you and doesn’t impose biphobic rules on you due to insecurity. These people are out there, go find them when you are ready.
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u/le-absent 4h ago
That is such a phenomenal way of looking back upon a relationship!! Thank you for sharing it. 💖
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u/Vivid_Ad_2250 22h ago
OMG so much shit in a few weeks! For what it's worth, you are handling it well you know what you want and aren't afraid to speak up and put your foot down, hope it gets better for you op!
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u/phoenixrising1110 22h ago
The title got me because I firmly agree. Everything is fine, pero……. I’m sad bc it really sucks. But I think you have it worse OP.
Girli, I feel you. Take a break. It’s okay.
Focus on you girlie. You’ve been through a lot just with the passing of you’re cat w/o mentioning the human bs.
You’re meta has crossed boundaries and from what you’ve said, it seems like it’s well past the point of no return. My instinct tells me to tell you to head for the hills because I think your boo already made her choice.
Yet, out of all fairness, I’d like clarification before I jump to conclusions (mind you I haven’t read replies so bare with me). What does your partner and meta want? Have you had a transparent (although painful) conversation about this? Have they filled your cup with false promises? Can you still trust both of them to a certain extent at least? (Ex: Is your personal property safe?)
I know what loneliness feels like in these types of relationships and I have a feeling it’s not bc you’re being unreasonable.
Again, everything in my gut says cut and run while it’s still your choice. Yet! If you’re a better person than I, ask for that convo and ask for honesty.
One of the things that truly helps in these situations is communication. Even if it’s the worst news, at least you know how to deal with it.
I’m so sorry. This sucks.
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u/Street-Spell2833 8h ago
In regards to what they want.
They want a property far from a city.
That doesn’t align with my career or health issues.
Nor do I want to be maintaining a huge amount of land and gardening when the three of us already struggling to keep the current living space in order. 😅 as well as the isolation from friends, future partners and support systems living so far out.And yes to empty promises.
I think she has very good intentions.
When we were all together, I was promised I would be added to the mortgage (something everyone “wanted”) That was 3/4 years ago (for context as well, fiancé & I had been inseparable best friends for 4 years prior to our relationship).Over the past year, fiancé & I have discussed power of attorney & will’s, because legally, with their marriage, mortgage, loans ect we have no ties to each other.
But that hasn’t happened either.
I have been the only one to make a move in that direction, with electing her to get my superannuation if I die.I trust her to love me.
But I don’t trust her promises, based on behaviour and things she has said recently and in the past.
I don’t want to stay somewhere and live under a false sense of security?My meta and fiancé are mostly reasonable, they aren’t physically abusive or meanies.
So I believe I am safe 🥰
Just this living situation isn’t right for me any longer. Nor is escalating our relationship further, because there really just isn’t much on offer than a place to live.
I also want to have a better opportunity to build something with someone with that aligns better with my needs, instead off of the back of my fiancé’s husband.As well as not have to spend so much damn time regulating myself 😋
And maybe I’d like to return to my degree one day when things are more stable and settled.
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u/Street-Spell2833 9h ago
My meta, yes is a boundary breaker/ pusher😅
He isn’t very good at respecting other peoples property. silly goofy guy struggles to think before he acts and has opened my mail, tried on said mail as a joke, but stretched the clothing because he is 6ft + and wider than me. Man has damaged my property and not replaced / fixed things properly and borrowed things without asking and not put it back that I have needed for work, when we were dating, dated a girli on my messy list, then made it my problem and is just unable to take accountability for his actions.
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u/VthBlu 17h ago
stop tryna live my life and have everything happen all at once.
fr, that's SO DAMN MUCH and I'm sorry.
you know what you're going to need to do- rip the bandaid off and spend the rest of this calendar year being "selfish" and take care of yourself first and only while you're recovering from all of this. 💜
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u/1ntrepidsalamander solo poly 18h ago
Before a seed can grow into whatever it’s meant to be, it first is buried. Don’t mistake the darkness of being buried for anything other than the fertile ground of you becoming who you want to be ♥️♥️
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u/VividBeautiful3782 21h ago
It will be hard with all the change but youre working on a better future for yourself and I hope you are proud of you for making tough choices for your betterment.
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1
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Here's the original text of the post:
I have decided to move out from living with my fiancé and her husband/ my meta/ my ex boyfriend within the next 6-12 months.
After 4 years of seeing prescriptive hierarchy everyday between them, and overhearing them make future plans as well as some of my fiancés behaviours around him, girli is tired.
I really would love to build a future with nesting humans, but our futures are now a little miss aligned, and being here I still feel like an afterthought when it comes to future plans with my fiancé, even when I have brought these feelings and needs to her a few times.
Everything seems to revolve around future plans w her husband that im added to after they have already curated a future plan or home reno ect.
(There has been conversations of escalation in out relationship over the past 4 year, but other than a ring nothing has changed/ shifted).
Girl is tired of asking, with no change. Tired of having to manage my feelings most days surrounding this issue.
So I think for my sanity, it is best I live somewhere else.
On another boo note
The same day I started this difficult conversation with my fiancé, my other partner of 2 years, revealed at our check in that he unable do the work to be okay with me seeing other penises.
And I cannot have a romantic relationship with someone who wants a single genitalia policy.
So I know I have to end that relationship soon.
the next few months are going to suck because the AuDHD doesn’t like massive change.
But I think it will be for the best?
I hope 😅
I don’t think I am looking for advice.
I just needed to tell it to other people.
I don’t feel overly sad? I think I am emotionally exhausted? Burnt out ?
I had to put one of my two cats down, 2 weeks ago that I was very attached too, because of a post op complication from cancer in his mouth. And even then I feel sad, but mostly numb.
Man I’m just so tired 😅
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
0
u/Least-Specialist-853 13h ago
Todos estos relatos son IA ?
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u/karmicreditplan will talk you to death 13h ago
AI seems unlikely to talk about miss alignment.
Why did you ask this?
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u/AutoModerator 22h ago
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