r/politics • u/kiyomoris • 10h ago
No Paywall Trump’s CDC sending ‘disease detective’ to Pennsylvania to help fight worst measles outbreak in 35 years
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/pennsylvania-cdc-measles-staff-deaths-trump-b3066871.html73
u/Tyrannical-Botanical Ohio 10h ago
They could, oh I don't know, get vaccinated?
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u/imjustnotready 10h ago
I don't think you need a detective to figure out what's happening here.
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u/Capitan_Typo 10h ago
The detective will prove that the vaccines caused the measles, Trump will sue the pharma companies on behalf of the injured people, demand a percentage off each company, and the people will get nothing but more measels
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u/DefenstratedTwice 10h ago
Thought they were immune from being sued for any reason related to normal vaccine production?
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u/BadgeOfDishonour 7h ago edited 7h ago
It was a Tuesday, the sort of night that makes you wish that whiskey bottles was bottomless, and cigarettes were free. I never could get the hang of Tuesdays.
I was on my third glass, fifth pack, and Nth regret when someone knocked on my door. It sounded like a clump of wet meat wrapped loosely in leather, rasping against the wood every time it pulled away.
"We're closed," I said, and didn't know if I meant tonight, or forever. Tuesdays never landed right with me.
I could hear the wheezing beyond the door, and see the darkened figure through the unwashed yellow pebbled glass, "Private Detective" spelt backwards splashed across the pane. Felt like I was looking at headstone made of glass from the inside.
The knob turned like my stomach, and the door shuddered open. Meant to fix the lock on the damned thing, since the last lug-head thought to open it with his boot. That was ol' Ricky Six. Now he's Ricky Six-feet-under. Not my fault per se, but I ain't exactly blameless neither. Different case, different day. That was probably a Thursday. Lug-heads tend to turn up on Thursdays.
"Ya deaf? We're closed!" I smacked my glass down on the worn felt-topped desk, hard enough to upset the whiskey a bit, but not enough to break anything. If only I was as good at walking the line with my whiskey as I was with my women.
"I hear... you're the man... I need to talk to about a job," he wheezed and stuttered, lurching into the darkened room. The light spilling in from the streetlamp below captured him like a fly trapped in hazy amber. He was tall, leathery like a melting armchair, eyes both shiny blue, yet red-rimmed and rheumy. The man had neck folds that oozed into his too-tight shirt collar, and I could tell those were the sort of sagging skin folds that went all the way down. His suit was both expensive, yet cheap - this was a man who was both buying, yet also for sale.
"Ain't in the business no more," I half-lied around my angry cigarette. The half-lie became true by the end of the month if I didn't make rent.
"I think," he gasped out, like an accordion with a serious smoking habit, played by an idiot. "You'll want in on t-th-th-this one."
I turned in my squeaking, threadbare chair to face him, reaching below my desk for a hidden pistol, inhaling to blaze the glowing red tip of my cigarette like it was lining up to take the shot itself.
"Measles," he gasped stepping forward, out of the amber. He plonked a sweating jar of off-white Raw Milk on my desk, dark bits lazily drifting in and out of view. "It's Measles."
I eyed him for a second, hand still on the pistol. Then I took the cigarette out of my mouth and mashed it into the worn out brass ashtray beside my jilted whiskey and I stared up into his too-wide runny eyes. My hand moved with expert grace - up from the pistol, to a spare glass, which I placed on the desk that has seen too many bad deals gone worse.
"You've got my attention," I said.
Goddamn it, I hate Tuesdays.
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u/Tyrannical-Botanical Ohio 10h ago
I'm just pissed that we're wasting money and resources on it. These people made their choice and should suffer the consequences.
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u/OhGodSoManyQuestions 10h ago edited 9h ago
NO bro! We're sending a guy.
He's a disease psychic. [ voices offstage ] I mean he's like a disease detective! What? No! He's not a doctor. If he was a doctor, I'd say we were sending a doctor. We have given the doctors their shot for far too long, don't you think? And we've got nothing to show for it but an outbreak.
So we're sending an exorcist. An exorcist who works on horses. It's gonna be clutch.
[ Seems like Hegseth would privately call his own stupid policies clutch ]
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u/underwear11 10h ago
Oh this detectives job is to find a reason that isn't lack of vaccinations. They aren't actually there to help
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u/hookahsmokingladybug 10h ago
We are governed by idiots
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u/Vegetable-Log-9608 6h ago
Just a theory I have that would explain all the idiotic things this regime has done. I think these thumb-sucking morons governing us have been put in power by our adversaries. They can't beat us militarily, but they can weaken us from within. They don't even have to lift a finger. China and Russia are well pleased.
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u/Electrical-Ad6623 10h ago
It works great for them, it creates this types of distracting headlines while they rob the country.
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u/Upinthestars69 10h ago
Sucks for the kids but these parents need to face consequences for being fucking morons.
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u/Kasoni Minnesota 10h ago
I grew up in PA. I do recall having an argument at school. Their side was basically "why do we get vaccinated for measles? I never got sick with measles, no one I know has gotten sick from measles. Its pointless". Trying to explain to them that this just proves the measles vaccine works was like trying to explain color to the blind.
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u/Upinthestars69 9h ago
Right. It’s like any other argument you have with the right wing about things of this nature.
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u/whatproblems 9h ago
why do i need IT all my computers work!
where’s IT all my computers are infected!
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u/Romeo_Glacier 10h ago
It’s the Amish. They don’t care about consequences or social norms. At all.
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u/KiKiKimbro New York 10h ago
The outbreak is mostly happening because of mom’s who’ve bought into the whole “anti vax” propaganda, sadly. Started picking up about Covid times and amped up with RFK Jr the unqualified hack and his unqualified lackies team running the HHS.
We have to remember the Amish have always been here with their beliefs. But not until the MAGA propaganda movement did the measles — that were completely eradicated from our entire country prior to that movement — did the measles return.
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u/Romeo_Glacier 10h ago
Incorrect, the Amish have always had a strong anti-vaccine belief. They are the majority of these current cases. As they were even before RFK. I recall the 1988 outbreak in the same area of PA.
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u/CapnTugg 9h ago
Majority of cases are in Lancaster County so yeah most likely, unfortunately.
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u/Romeo_Glacier 9h ago
This isn’t unfortunate. That would indicate some sort of happenstance that caused these things. When it is purely driven by religious extremism. Much like the 2015 and 2018 outbreaks which were caused by the Orthodox Jewish communities in NYC.
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u/oldcreaker 10h ago edited 10h ago
Umm - you fight measles by vaccinating. There is no other way to fight it.
This was entirely preventable. It is now unstoppable.
Added: Unless they are planning to require a total lock down during the midterms.
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u/oh-shazbot 10h ago
i'm a 'disease detective' that's already on the case and i have reached my final conclusion:
rfk jr and all of his shithead whackadoodles are anti-vax conspiracy theorists who spent years pushing bullshit and now this is the result of that. i will take payment now thank you. maybe in the form of gas.
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u/BadlyTimedFarnsworth 10h ago
I guess the fella they are sending can’t legally be referred to as a doctor or epidemiologist.
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u/hamsterfolly America 10h ago
Coming from RFK Jr, I assume the disease detective is some sort of shaman
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u/DelightfulandDarling 10h ago
We know why the kids have measles and we know who told their parents not to vaccinate those kids.
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u/Terrible_Patience935 10h ago
The official CDC measles death count stands at two this year - four fewer than Pennsylvania’s official count. The CDC says the data will be updated based on new information and “relevant reviews.” (From the article)
So under reporting deaths. This sounds familiar
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u/Infamous-Sky-1874 Illinois 9h ago
They are definitely doing the "Did they die of measles or did they die with measles" horseshit they did with COVID.
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u/Wurm42 District Of Columbia 10h ago
Some context:
The CDC has a unit called the Epidemic Intelligence Service (EIS) that tracks outbreaks of contagious disease, trains state & local public health workers to do contact tracing, community outreach, etc, and supports state & local public health officials in other ways during an outbreak.
Pennsylvania applied to EIS for help with this measles outbreak through a program called Epi-Aid, that lets states request short term help during an outbreak. This is routine, most years there are numerous Epi-Aid dispatches. They tend to happen when there's a really big flu outbreak, or when an infectious disease appears that's new to that state.
For example, my state, Virginia, got help from EIS in 2024-25 when the tick-borne disease "Alpha Gal Syndrome" first appeared here. Alpha Gal is nasty; it basically makes you allergic to mammal meat.
The Epi-Aid program was established by Congressional legislation, and the measles outbreak in Pennsylvania is exactly the kind of thing the program was designed for, so there was no way RFK Jr's CDC could weasel out of it. Well, they could try, but Pennsylvania would take them to court (and win!), and that would make for bad headlines right before the election.
The news here isn't that the CDC is sending a disease detective to Pennsylvania, but that the federal government is doing the absolute bare minimum they are legally required to do when a state with a Democratic governor is facing one of the worst measles outbreaks in fifty years.
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u/Made_Human_Music 8h ago
What are the odds that it’s just RFK Jr dressed like an old fashioned boxer and looking for someone with measles to punch the sickness out of?
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u/RosieBaby75 10h ago
I hope it’s RFK Jr.
He will come back and report that measles is from being gay, and/or seeing others naked, which includes yourself too.
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u/eboleyn 7h ago
"It doesn't take a Detective to know what's wrong there". I quoted it because it strikingly mirrors that common-sense aphorism, and in this case absolutely true. The national Republican party is straight-up trying to make people sicker and poorer, and has been doing so for almost 100 years, since the "New Deal".
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u/JeffSteinMusic 10h ago
Not getting vaccinated is a choice.
Plenty of not-rich and minimally-educated folks manage to know better.
You can’t fix stupid, and either free-will means something or it doesn’t. It’s just a shame that the rest of us pay the price for the willful stupidity.
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u/ChaoticLandscapes 10h ago
This was caused by the wholly UNQUALIFIED Secretary of Health and Human Services, RFK Jr
PERIOD
Solved it for you and didn’t even have to go to Pennsylvania
FFS
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u/Brave_Nerve_6871 10h ago
If only there was a simple and effective solution available, like a vaccine
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u/Solonohioperson 10h ago
Bobby Brainworm is delighted at the progress of measles. He killed 83 kids and babies in Samoa and has dreamed of doing it largescale. His dreams are coming true!
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u/Puppyspam 10h ago
Quick someone make a scooby doo cartoon where the ghost was rfk jr the whole time. Great job detective!
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u/Mikethebest78 10h ago
Oh thank goodness with the quality of people the Trump administration attracts you just know it is going to be a highly qualified person that is good at his job.
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u/Competitive-Dot181 10h ago
It’s like that hot dog guy sketch from I Think You Should Leave. We have to figure out who did this!
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u/Radically-Peaceful 8h ago
How many different ways can you say FAFO.
I'll start: play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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u/Dewey081 Canada 7h ago
TIL. The US still has the CDC. I thought Trump binned that organization last year.
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u/linuslion 6h ago
Dear Führer, I think the word you are looking for here is Epidemiologist. Du musst dir nicht danken.
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u/Waste-Time-2440 9h ago
We need to see this for what it is: the CDC "Open Borders Policy." Rather than keeping diseases out, they invote them in; literally tearing down the borders that have worked for generations.
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u/Gibder16 10h ago
I just wish there was a way we could avoid stuff like this.
Oh, wait. Never mind.
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