r/onejoke • • 4d ago

Complete shitshow “I wish I was a turtle”

255 Upvotes

82 comments sorted by

54

u/SquigglesFan 4d ago

Omggg that's meeeeee :D Hi guys!

10

u/RouteAverage3112 4d ago

Why is you username TumorTime?

6

u/SquigglesFan 4d ago

It sounds good, try saying it! Also cause a tumor is a clump of deceased cells and im fat and thats kinda like a tumor ig. At least i think that was my reasoning

7

u/Leigeorain 4d ago

Hi girl! :D

4

u/SquigglesFan 4d ago

Awwn thanks, i wish people like you existed irl

6

u/Leigeorain 4d ago

No problem! Such a shame I am not real and do not exist irl 😔 wanna be friends on the internet though?

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Leigeorain 4d ago edited 4d ago

Reddit is fine but you can add me on discord too, same username!

2

u/SquigglesFan 4d ago

Yeah ill try discord since reddit rn only works if I have a VPN. Ill have to make an account and stuff so it might take a while, see you soon though :)

1

u/Leigeorain 4d ago

See ya! I would probably delete the comment stating your age, will do the same

1

u/SquigglesFan 4d ago

Sent the request im pretty sure

4

u/LesbeGoddess 4d ago

🐢

3

u/SquigglesFan 4d ago

Now that i think about it the guys comment was kinda funny cause my pfp is a turtle frog

2

u/Fabulous-Put8401 4d ago

You wished you were a turtle?

9

u/SquigglesFan 4d ago

Look at my pfp dingus

5

u/Fabulous-Put8401 4d ago

I can't tell. Everything is censored in the post

2

u/SquigglesFan 4d ago

Im the OP on the screenshot

80

u/Budget_Newspaper_489 4d ago

57

u/Soldier_Faerie 4d ago

It's hard to hide gigantic balls

29

u/HatMcHatty 4d ago

I really tried my finger just kept slipping especially the middle one

19

u/Disastrous-Bee123 4d ago

They're just so big

23

u/Kaito_the_egg 4d ago

I really hoped it was like an honest wish. Couse i wish i was a fish that could just mindlessly swim around in the water, even if i could potentially be eaten. But i also am a boy by choice

9

u/hardlybroken1 4d ago

Same lol like when i was a kid and would wish i was a cat because i was jealous that they didn't have to go to church

1

u/Kaito_the_egg 3d ago

I hated going to church too. But as a kid i wanted to be a dog, i didn't like cats couse my dad and grandparents didn't like them and i thought i should. Plus i thought that cats are girl animals and i really didn't want anyone to think im girly. Now i love all animals while they hate me and don't let me pet themself T_T

19

u/WorldRelevant6640 4d ago

I wish I wasn't fat

I wish I wasn't gay

I wish I wasn't black

I wish I was ok

I wish was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller

8

u/Dramatic-Session-741 4d ago

i wish i had a girl who looked good, i would call her

4

u/Happy-Boysenberry175 4d ago

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat

3

u/Dramatic-Session-741 4d ago

and a 64 impala

6

u/RTA-No0120 4d ago edited 4d ago

I wish I was a golden cosmical asian dragon, travelling through realities in search of a place to call home.

4

u/RouteAverage3112 4d ago

Good luck noble beast.

1

u/RTA-No0120 4d ago

I deserve it ! For once I wish to truly be my real self :(

35

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago edited 4d ago

you can't change sex and there are 2 sexes. those statements are both basic biology...

in the same sense that you can't subtract from 0 and that's basic maths; a fucking wrong simplification

edit: I LITERALLY SPECIFIED THEY ARE BOTH WRONG, HOW ILLITERATE ARE YALL

edit 2: sorry for being rude, but i explicitly specified to prevent the downvotes that i knew would otherwise happen

35

u/NukeL3AR 4d ago

I got it after a few reads, but goddamn you really wrote that in a way that muddies your own point as much as possible. To then getting aggressive at people is not the best way to get them on your side.

For those who still don't understand, OP is comparing 2 claims:

1) There are only 2 sexes
2) Negative numbers don't exist

And explains that both are wrong, and that they're both oversimplifications of a more complex topic.

4

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

PRECISELY. I SPECIFIED THEY ARE BOTH WRONG IN THE MESSAGE INITIALLY.

15

u/NukeL3AR 4d ago

Please take a walk outside and take a few deep breaths. I'm with you but there's no need to yell about this, being aggressive towards people will not make them inclined to read your original comment in a good light.

8

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

sorry

13

u/TheKingOfDissasster 4d ago

Ngl, seeing a person just saying "sorry", especially on the internet, is a breath of fresh air

16

u/Soldier_Faerie 4d ago

I understood what you meant but you could just clarify, you don't need to sound rude about it 😭

-6

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

i literally specified to avoid the downvotes from misinterperetation. said downvotes still happened.

7

u/Soldier_Faerie 4d ago

Yeah there's a lot of transphobia about so people might be extra cautious/expectant at the moment with everything going on, I just think it might've come across a little better without calling people illiterate lol, like I got it after a few reads but the meaning is a bit mixed in with the words so it sounds bad at a glance

5

u/crumbfused 4d ago

I'm autistic, so understanding your comment was insanely hard (I misread the tone of the first sentence, and the all caps later on didn't really help, I had to reread a couple times to understand you weren't being transphobic). Specially when your edit is insulting anyone who doesn't understand. You could've phrased that edit differently, and technically you still can. I'd recommend something like "edit: I'm not transphobic, I meant that both statements are equally wrong", that gets the point across a lot better imo

2

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

sorry

2

u/crumbfused 4d ago

it's okay bro, it's lwk also on me, I didn't see your profile picture while reading and I feel that could've clarified it a lot

3

u/ZayParolik 4d ago

Who the fuck cares about biological sex though?

3

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

can yall not read? at all? i am comparing two incorrect statements. THE POINT IS THAT YOU CAN CHANGE SEX AND SEX IS BIMODAL

5

u/HoIIowCorpse 4d ago

Redditors can't read. Silly you for assuming smh

1

u/MaddoxLisi20 4d ago

Dont you mean divide by zero?

1

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

no. i said subtract by 0 for a reason.

1

u/MaddoxLisi20 4d ago

“Subtract from 0”

2

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

the point: you can subtract from 0.

1

u/PastLifeGangsta 4d ago

Intersex is a thing. And there are more than 2 genders which is why it's called transgender and not transsexual these days

ETA: in support of your statement

0

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

yall really cant read. THE POINT IS THAT BOTH STATEMENTS ARE WRONG

0

u/murderdronesfan93 4d ago

why the hell are these comments being downvoted? are these transphobes downvoting or is specifying that you can change sex TWICE not enough to make the message clear

5

u/foxtrotgd 4d ago

Wait until they learn about therians

3

u/Khaoie 4d ago

And/or otherkin

4

u/jancl0 4d ago

It's pretty crazy how much bigotry seems to stem from like one bad analogy that someone built a worldview around, and for some reason that is just one of the most impenetrable things in the world

Like someone heard "you don't become a turtle by saying you are a turtle" (or some other noun) and went "yeah that makes sense, guess gender works the same way" and is just genuinely incapable of seeing gender as anything but another noun now. Like a person in that position would probably be astoundingly more open to gender theory if a different analogy just got to them first, and that might literally be the only difference between them and an ally

2

u/Conscious_Reach_1655 4d ago

I love the lazy censoring of the name to make it still clearly readable

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

1

u/EvenPoser 4d ago

I wish I was a bird

2

u/Depressed-Dolphin69 4d ago

I wish I was a dolphin ...

Oh wait

1

u/mnyrtt 4d ago

oh so they're a therian! good to know

1

u/killdyll 4d ago

i wish i was a capybara

1

u/Aspennie 4d ago

You were only capable of censoring your own name, the one you don’t need to censor

1

u/SoftTacos001 4d ago

I wish I were a bird 

(Please someone get this reference-)

1

u/PomLovestheWorld 4d ago

Why did you censor your own name 💔

1

u/HatMcHatty 4d ago

Some subreddits you have to censor all usernames

1

u/Cheeseburgernat 4d ago

"Uh I wish I were a bird"

0

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-11

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/HatMcHatty 4d ago

?? Wtf

-5

u/Bubbly_Alfalfa7285 4d ago

I can't just decide I'm a bartender and become a bartender. I can't just decide I'm a surgeon and become a surgeon. I can't just decide I'm a cat and become a cat.

7

u/Actually-Jules 4d ago

It’s not … relevant tho

2

u/Dream_Ghast 4d ago

I hope you realize that bartending, surgery, and cats aren't the same as sex and gender

-1

u/Bubbly_Alfalfa7285 4d ago

And all of the above can't just be changed with a thought and a perspective. Some things, maybe. You can go to school, you can open a bar, you can practice for years...

But some of those absolutes are absolutes.

10

u/Glad_Republic_6214 4d ago

wrong subreddit buddy

6

u/help_stander 4d ago

ok maybe he meant that he wants to be a turtle, cuz lowk beside the first year the rest of your life is really chill

1

u/YourSapphicBlackbird 4d ago

Turtles are cool, transphobia is not tbh